Monthly Archives: April 2009

surgery means like daughter, like mother.

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The tree didn’t fall far from the apple.  Like daughter, like mother.  Obviously these are backwards, but they kind of make sense for Janet and Jane Cunliffe.  Janet, the mother (and the one on the left), wanted so much to look like her daughter, that she spent about 15,000 bucks to do so.

The best thing to do with this story is to give you the quotes from the story, which appeared in one of the UK’s prestigious beacons of journalism, The Daily Mail.

‘It might sound barmy that I had cosmetic surgery to look like my daughter, but she’s gorgeous. Who wouldn’t want to look like her?

‘The way I see it is that she got her looks from me in the first place – mine have just faded with age.

‘Seeing how attractive Jane is made me want to get my looks back. Now instead of mum and daughter we look more like twins. I had good genes and good skin, but I needed a helping hand to make me feel better about myself.’

Barmy indeed, Janet.  That’s a pretty expensive helping hand, wouldn’t you say?  Here’s something else that sort of got my attention.  The way she talks, you’d think she just got new boobies and a face lift or something.  Well, I know you’ve been dying to see what her “before” picture looks like.  FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS!

FIERCE!

FIERCE!

Janet’s first foray into plastic surgery was her boobs.  Apparently her husband was not too impressed, and with words worthy of a Pulitzer, The Daily Mail states:

Alas, the new breasts weren’t enough to save her marriage.

Brilliant writing!

So Janet and her husband divorce.  Janet moves to Spain with a lover.  Janet and her lover call it quits, so she has nowhere to go.  She moves in with her daughter, Jane.  She began to party with Jane and Jane’s friends.  The saggy saga continues.

‘Jane and her friends are so glamourous and gorgeous that I stood out like a sore thumb. I felt like an old bag,’ she says. ‘Jane told me not to be so self-critical, but I knew it was true.’

Jane didn’t say it was false…

‘I envied Jane’s crinkle-free eyes, full lips and luscious, long blonde hair,’ says Janet. ‘I was desperate to look more like my daughter, but knew no wrinkle creams could ever wind back the clock that far.’

Janet just had to do something!

‘I had some savings and knew if I wanted to look more like Jane then I’d have to get my eyes done first, and my nose.’

So now, when Janet and Jane go out, people think they look like sisters… or twins.  But I’d say those who call them twins have been drinking too much. Bleached hair and big boobs does not necessarily mean that they are twins.

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Another cute pic of the girls (notice that Jane is wearing the same outfit that Janet is wearing in the picture above!):

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And I’m speechless.

Apparently Jane doesn’t care and thinks her mom looks better than Madonna, but I’m not so sure.  I mean, how would you feel?  Sure, people get plastic surgery– that doesn’t bother me.  If that’s what they need to do to feel better, then alright.  But I think it’s a little bizarre that a mother would get plastic surgery to look like her daughter.  It just seems…odd.  Am I wrong here?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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youtube clip of today: susan boyle.

Today’s clip goes hand in hand with the SWTCTW cliche life lesson of the day (which I just started.  Right now.  And probably won’t continue tomorrow.): never judge a book by its cover.

Watch this video.  The whole thing.

UPDATED:  Here it is again if the first one doesn’t work.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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hate cats, but this is adorable.

Well, I guess they are kittens, not cats.  THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.  Anyway, I was shown this video over the weekend and I’ve been dying to post it.  (Weekend away=no blogging).  “Kittens inspired by kittens” is a masterpiece!  Enjoy!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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nom’s anti gay marriage ad…terrifying.

There’s a new anti-gay marriage ad out there, and it is terrifying.

I’m not scared of the storm.  I’m scared of NOM.  I’m scared of their bad actors (and they are actors.  See their audition reels here.  Thanks, QT!).  I’m scared of their bad writing (ex- “There’s a storm gathering. The clouds are dark, and the wind is strong. And I am afraid.”  You are afraid of weddings?  Seriously?).  But most of all, I’m scared of their message of hate and discrimination.

You know what I think of when I think of NOM?

A lot less scary than  some crap a dark storm and a bunch of lies (click that link and read what HRC says.), don’t you think?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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cobain died 15 years ago today.

Today is the 15 year anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s death.  Being too young, I missed out on the whole grunge thing– but being a pop culture junkie, I appreciate it.  Plus, who doesn’t love a good stick-it-to-the-man attitude?  Thanks for the music, Kurt.

From the Unplugged session with MTV:

And the Smells Like Team Spirit video:

[Posted by Kathleen]

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youtube clip of today: super chameleon!

Sooooo my landlord said I couldn’t have a cat or dog…but he didn’t say anything about chameleons!  HOW DOES IT DO THAT?  (And here is where I answer my own question so that you don’t have to take the time to Google it yourself…click the link)  I also would like to have multiple pairs of Ray-Bans.

Oh and guess what song is stuck in my head now?

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon
You come and go
You come and go
Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dream
Red, gold and green
Red, gold and green…

[Posted by Kathleen]

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want to read some funny quotes?

Good, because I felt like looking up a bunch of Jack Handy and Mitch Hedberg quotes that I love:

“If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting.” [Jack Handy]

“Sometimes I wave to people I don’t know. It’s very dangerous to wave to someone you don’t know because what if they don’t have a hand? They’ll think you’re cocky. ‘Look what I got motherfucker! This thing is useful. I’m gonna go pick something up!'” [Mitch Hedberg] 

      “The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I’ll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn’t get more meat, I’ll just say, ‘Oh, you mean this?’ and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I’ve hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?” [Jack Handy, way better than David Blaine]

“When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it’s busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say ‘Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two.’ And if no one answers they’ll say their name again. ‘Dufresne, party of two, Dufresne, party of two.’ But then if no one answers they’ll just go right on to the next name. ‘Bush, party of three.’ Yeah, what happened to the Dufresnes? No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! You fuckers are selfish. The Dufresnes are in someone’s trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they’re hungry. That’s a double whammy. ‘Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufresnes.'” [Mitch Hedberg]

Genius.

Also, my officemate and I were just discussing food metaphors that don’t make sense. Like “another bite of the apple,” which, according to her, is very common among lawyer types. Who only takes one bite of an apple? It’s your apple. I don’t care what you do with it; go ahead, take another bite! Then there’s “have your cake and eat it too.” What kind of crazy person wouldn’t eat their own cake? If I have some cake, I’m going to eat that cake, and I am not going to be made to feel guilty about such a thing.

Deep thoughts by Mallory and E. Lee.

[Posted by Mallory]

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hey ladies, it’s national cleavage day!

picture-1Stick ’em out and push ’em up, ladies, because it’s National Cleavage Day 2009!  In South Africa.  Haha.  While we don’t officially celebrate the holiday here in the good old US of A, I’m sure some exceptions can be made if it really resonates with you.

Now I know you are thinking that some pervy dude who still lives in his parent’s basement came up with this holiday so that on the one day he actually stops playing video games and watching porn, he can see some real cleavage.  I mean, that’s what I thought.  In fact, it’s sponsored by Wonderbra and Cosmo and some proceeds from the day are dedicated to a good cause.  You think I’m kidding?  Here is the Web site:

http://www.wonderbra.co.za/nationalcleavageday.aspx

And even more reliable, the Wiki.

Wonderbra’s slogan for the day made me laugh out loud. “Firm supporter of the left and the right”.  Five points to Gryffindor!  Errr…or whichever Hogwarts house the creator of that phrase is in.

So do whatever you need to do to make it happen.  And I think it would be extremely appropriate to pour yourself a nice glass of Cleavage Creek wine

Also, since the girls might be exposed today, you should seriously consider purchasing a Tiddy Bear.  What the hell is that, you ask?  A Tiddy Bear is my newest infomercial obsession.  Observe– A Tiddy Bear:

Can you even live without this?  You need to protect your “shoulder”.

Happy Cleavage Day, y’all!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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come stand a little bit closer…

You should know, first of all, that I’m feeling much better today. It took some Kathleen mixed with some wine with a side of chips and salsa and Ben and Jerry’s and POOF, healed. (Well, mentally. The ankle still causes me to go on angry expletive-laden rants in my head as I walk through Union Station: “God damned ankle. You mother fucker. Could you MAYBE stop HURTING you little piece of shit?!” Ahem.) Last night I may have eaten upwards of 200% of the recommended daily value of saturated fat in the form of Peanut Butter Cup ice cream, and Kathleen and I may have been glued to the television for an entire hour-long David Blaine special, straight out of 1997, with Leonardo DiCaprio and his floppy hair hosting. It happens.

I only overslept by a half hour (okay, 50 minutes) this morning, which was an upgrade from the rest of the week, and this morning this song came on my shuffle:

How could my day go badly if it began with that song? I mean…

Any time I need to see your face
I just close my eyes and I am taken
to a place where the crystal mind and
magenta feeling taken shelter in the base
of my spine sweet like a chicka cherry cola

The magenta feeling has definitely taken shelter in the base of my spine. (What?)

HAPPY FRIDAY, KIDDOS!

[Posted by Mallory]

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was it the cure? hope not!

I’m having one of those days. Not one of those days where everything is going terribly wrong, but one of those days where everything is mediocre: I woke up absurdly late today for no real reason. My ankle is still killing me, even though it is most definitely NOT broken or fractured. (I saw the x-rays, so I know that there’s nothing funky going on inside my foot…it’s just skinny little intact bones surrounded by swollen cankle flesh.) I don’t like what I’m wearing, and my shirt smells weird. My boots squeak when I walk. Everything I’ve eaten today has been boring. I have a test in class tonight, even though my professor has assured us that it’s not a test, just a “writing exercise.”

I sound like Debbie Downer-ish martyr, but I’m not actually that upset. I’m just feeling…blah. Feeling blah is almost worse than actually feeling like crap. When you feel like crap, or like crying, you can justifiably skip class or eat a pint of ice cream or watch dozens of old episodes of Arrested Development instead of writing your paper. But when you’re feeling blah, your conscience won’t let you get away with those things. (“Save the Chubby Hubby for when you really need it,” your conscience says.)

I’m not sure why I’m blogging about this. Kathleen and I certainly didn’t set out to be the kind of bloggers who tell you what they ate for breakfast and post pictures of their cats wearing Christmas sweaters, but I’ve somehow gotten into the habit of posting a lot about my life. In my defense, I don’t like cats, and I’m conveniently allergic to them, but you get the point. As my officemate would say, “Blergh.”

That was a fun litany of first-world problems, huh?! Let’s listen to my new favorite waiting-for-the-bus song and forget that any of this ever happened:

There. I feel better already.

[Posted by Mallory]

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