Oh dear God, take a look at this. According to a Billboard article (and last night’s episode of “I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!”), the male half of the media whore team known as Speidi just came out with a rap single. Yeah. The video is worse than you imagined:
In the Billboard article, Spencer waxes eloquent about his rap skillz, and on the fact that he is like totally the best white rapper ever:
“Honestly, I used to be the biggest Eminem fan on the planet, but the difference now is that he’s so paid. My hustle is the same as his was when he was 25, coming out with his first flow.” And he continues his harsh criticism of [Asher] Roth, whom he recently referred to as a “nerd” in an interview with MTV News. “I want to be the antithesis to Roth,” explains Pratt. “If he’s the good guy right now, I’ll be the villain. I’m more hated than Eminem ever was, so why can’t I be the hated rapper?”
Spencer, I don’t think you’ve ever had “hustle”. And “so paid”? Okay, Kanye West. (I obviously had to look that up…but I understand that “Gold Digger” line now!)
Spencer Pratt, please go away. Take your wife with you. WE DO NOT CARE.
P.S. If you insist on staying around, at least make your wife dye her hair a normal human color.
My little sister was in town this weekend, and we were both up early so that I could get off to work and she could get to the airport. We were ready ahead of schedule and had the fortune of watching some of “The Today Show” — and of being reminded why watching the news can be really depressing. Today’s headlines include:
George Tiller, a pretty infamous late-term abortion doctor from Kansas, was murdered yesterdayIN HIS CHURCH. Where his wife sang in the choir and he was an usher. As Barry said, abortion (particularly late-term) is an incredibly divisive issue and the two sides may not be reconcilable, but this takes it way too freaking far.
GM officially filed for bankruptcy. I won’t even pretend to be able to explain the real economic impact this might have, but all those people on the teevee say this is a really big deal.
An Air France flight from Rio de Janeiro to Paris went missing. The plane, which had 228 people on board, went off the radar about three hours after taking off, and that’s not normal. Here’s hoping the plane was full of beautiful people and it will land on a remote island and everyone can live “Lost”-style until we find them and save them. UPDATE: The AP reports that debris presumed to be from the plane has been found in the Atlantic Ocean. So sad.
Celebrity news wasn’t quite as depressing, but there’s a lot going on there as well:
“The Hills” finale was on last night, and LC is OUT. Maybe I’m just naive, but I think it’s remarkable that she seemed to stay so normal throughout the show, and I’m glad that she’s getting out before she totally ruins her life. Via BBM (and Cosmo), my sister informed me that Lauren apparently got angry that the producers were taking over her life a leetle too much. In a world where cute people like Susan Boyle and seemingly perfect families like the Gosselins are ruined by reality teevee, it’s nice to see someone say (albeit after a few years), “No thanks. I’m done.” Oh and also Kristin Cavallari showed up.
Shit got crazyat last night’s MTV Movie Awards! Call me lovestruck, but I think Andy Samberg did a pretty good job hosting. But that nonsense with Eminem getting smothered by Bruno and storming away…and Kristen Stewart seemingly being blazed out of her mind…and Megan Fox managing to make herself look ugly…and I didn’t even watch the whole show!
Let’s hope the week calms down a little after this…
I have a tendency to get emotionally invested in a competition very, very quickly. I can ask my dad who to root for in a college football game, and by the end I’m crying when the quarterback runs over to hug his mother. I can be watching Dancing With the Stars in French and by the end I’m giddy (and also probably crying) because the cute girl I liked won. I can also not see a single episode of American Idol but still, inexplicably, watch and care about the finale.
I forced my poor friend Jill to watch the singing part of the finale with me two nights ago. (In my slight defense, she DVR-ed it so we fast-forwarded through the cheesy parts or any moment where Ryan Seacrest talked.) Now that Adam guy has a set of pipes, and I was totally impressed by him, despite the creeptastic trench coat and smoke. But Kris Allen won me over. It’s a well-publicized fact that my favorite genre of music is Boys Playing Guitars, and he fits the bill perfectly. He’s just so earnest! And he plays instruments! And he has a cute wife! And anyone else think he sounds a lot like Adam Levine when he’s singing? He also gets an adorable smashed and crooked face when he sings — like John Mayer, but more endearing.
The point is, I teared up any time they showed Kris’s adorable family, then I realized that I would actually buy his CD (as long as “No Boundaries” isn’t on it, good GOD), so I was compelled to vote for him. That’s right, I totally texted in my vote. And he won! HOORAH!
I didn’t watch the results part of the finale, but this picture, courtesy of the NYT, is perfect:
Here’s hoping he doesn’t get famous and starting banging random groupies.
So, I haven’t been posting on account of the fact that I’ve been writing 1,000 pages of final papers instead. I know that I should be getting back into the meaty posts about celebrities and strange news stories, but for now, I need to make a very important statement/pose a very important question:
What on EARTH is the appeal of Rock Band? I get that you love it, and that your roommates love it, and that you sometimes play it for days at a time. But why, why, WHY is it fun to sit around playing fake instruments badly and listening to someone sing badly? I’ve never liked Rock Band, and I’ve never gotten the point, and tonight I brought this fact up in a house of four boys who were playing Rock Band. They were all “Ohmygod just wait we’ll convince you.” And then for ten minutes I’ll never get back, I listened to fake music and watched cartoon singers on a screen while four boys played fake instruments. Give me wine and a Pandora station any day.
Of all the ridiculous things I’ve read today, this trumps them all.
Poor Tyler Frost. All the senior in high school wanted to do was escort his lady love to her sinful, pagan public school prom and maybe move in sync to the musical stylings of Taylor Swift, and whatever Godless slow-jam-last-dance song those high school kids are listening to these days. And his school suspended him.
That’s because Tyler’s school, Heritage Christian School in Ohio, forbids dancing, rock music, and fun. IT’S JUST LIKE THE MOVIE FOOTLOOSE! It doesn’t specifically say fun, but whatev. Might as well. But you know, there are other reasons as well. Here is part of the statement from the school’s principal, Tim England:
In the Old Testament, Joseph was in a place of temptation and he fled. Unlike this situation, he didn’t put himself in that place. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life.” II Timothy 2:22 says, “Flee also youthful lusts but follow after righteousness faith charity and peace with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” When the school committee, many years before I became the principal, set up the policy regarding dancing, I am confident that they had the principle of fleeing lustful situations in mind. The question as I see it is, should a Christian place themselves at an event where young ladies will have low cut dresses and be dancing in them? Isn’t it contrary to the example of Joseph and the verses that I stated?
I did some research and came across Friendlyatheist.com, which fights Bible fire with Bible fire. Thanks for providing us with the verse, FriendlyAtheist!
Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 (King James Version)
1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
All sassiness aside, I think there’s something deeper here. Dance, whether Mr. England chooses to acknowledge it or not, is embedded in the history of humanity. As cliche as it is, people use dance to express themselves. People dance at weddings– Christian weddings– to celebrate and show joy. Little children dance (read= jump up and down and wave their arms) when they’re happy, and they just don’t know why. In fact, there’s a budding genre of dance called Liturgical dance. It’s a prayer in the form of dance. Some people find dance so beautiful and spiritual that they use it as a way to praise the Lord.
Taking away dance is denying an important act of humanity. Not that I, nor anyone else, should speak for the big guy upstairs, but I don’t think punishing someone for being human is what was intended.
Tyler and his stepfather, Stephan Johnson, went on CBS’ “The Early Show” this morning. Watch that. He said he doesn’t regret going to the prom. I sure hope not. I hope that he is allowed to walk at his graduation this year. And when he does, I hope he dances on stage.
And now, a song that I dedicate to dear Tyler. I hope you dance, dude.
Yeah yeah yeah. I know. I could have posted it this weekend (or yesterday), but nerd statistics show that nobody reads the blog on the weekend anyway, proving that you all use this while you are being paid by your unsuspecting employers. I love it!
SNL had a really good weekend. Another JT/Andy Samberg song. Oh girl, I love me some JT. And Samberg. RAWR. If you like “Dick in a Box”, you’ll like this one too:
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So that’s what your coworker is singing that you had no idea about. A big SWTCTW you’re welcome! What a beautiful ode to Mother’s Day. Oddly enough though, I won’t be showing that to my mom.
That was funny, now let’s get political and funny. In case you didn’t know, we have the greatest most bestest president in the entire world! He is hilarious! Here is his speech at the annual White House Correspondent’s Dinner:
The best joke in here is a little inside, I know! It’s the one he makes about John Boehner (pronounced like BAINER, not BONER) being a person of color. John Boehner, the House Minority leader, has skin that particular shade of orange that only comes from fake tanning. See?
He’s even oranger in person, if oranger is a word.
Wanda Sykes was also REALLY funny, but I can’t do all the work for you, so you need to look that up yourself.
I’m off to stalk the news and find funny stuff to post! You know you love me. XOXO, i forgot to blog this weekend girl.
Watch 13,500 people in Trafalgar Square, all singing Hey Jude. PINK, by the way, is leading them in song. Honestly, why does this have to be a viral video for T-Mobile? Why can’t stuff like this just happen all the time? Life would be so much more fun.
Here is a quick piece of music news/a warning. Remember Creed? I’ll give you a moment while you cringe… are you okay? Yeah, those guys. Well, prepare for the second coming of the world’s worst faux-Christian rock band. (Second coming. Ha! Get it? Like Jesus?)
In an interview with Rolling Stone, Scott Stapp, the lead d-bag singer, calls the reunion a “a renewing and a rebirth”. I would venture to say it’s more of “a remistake and a reterrible”.
There are going to be plenty of tour dates…if you really care.
The guys already have demos and are looking to all the money making producers to scrounge up a hit single for them. Could we possibly see a Creed song featuring Timbaland? Maybe?
But what about Scotty’s solo CD?! He answers the most important question:
“It would be irresponsible for me to think about anything but Creed. This band is my first love and a first love that’s stood the test of time. It’s not hard to step away from any kind of personal agenda when you are totally fulfilled.”
A first love that stood the test of time… except when your band broke up for five years. Now, call me crazy, but it seems like perhaps Mr. Stapp realized a reunion tour might be his only chance to make lots of dollars. Maybe that’s what he means when he says totally fulfilled.
Some of you may wonder where all of this strong dislike for Creed comes from. Well first of all, the music sucks. But I think my real battle (if you couldn’t tell) is with Scott Stapp. Rolling Stone forgets to mention a few things. Creed broke up because Scott Stapp is a jerk. And it was all downhill from there. In 2006, he was arrested for public intoxication on the night of his wedding. His 6 year old son was the best man. Way to set a good example, Scott. Then, he was arrested for domestic abuse in 2007. Oh, and did you know he has a creepy sex tape with Kid Rock and a bunch of groupies on a bus?
KID ROCK.
Kid Rock and sex tape should not be in the same sentence. Ever.
So there you have it. You have been warned. Now please excuse me, I’m going to go listen to some Taylor Swift. THAT is music.
Of all the ridiculous things I’ve read today, this trumps them all.
six words to change the world. 