I don't know why I picked this picture. I actually HATE cats.
Leave it to Six Words to know that today is National Cupcake Day!
As a DC resident, I love a good yuppy, over-priced cupcake from a store that only makes cupcakes (Georgetown Cupcake, cough cough). I could write an ode to the cupcake, but it would probably end up with me talking about my thighs and then leaving work early to go to the gym a cupcake store. Instead, I’m going to let the masters at one of my favorite blogs, Cake Wrecks, do their magic. Click below for some hilarious pictures.
I should have written about this yesterday, but I didn’t. So that’s that. When I first heard about it, I thought it was a joke. Former Congressman and Majority Leader Tom Delay is going to join the cast of “Dancing with the Stars”. Perhaps the title should be changed to “Dancing with the Fallen Stars”.
Do you all remember Tom “The Hammer” Delay? I’m a huge fan. No, really, I am. Do I disagree with pretty much all of his positions on the issues? You betcha. But I’m really a fan because he gave us one of the most classic and hilarious high profile mugshots EVER. Smile, Hammer!
Stop... Hammer time!
That smile really just lights up a room, doesn’t it? He looks thrilled.
In case you were wondering, he earned the nickname “The Hammer” because he was particularly fierce as the Majority Whip (the person who gets the party to all vote the same way) for the Republicans in 1995. He became the Majority Leader for the House of Reps in 2003. Then, all this stuff started happening. Perhaps there was a little violation of campaign finance laws, perhaps a little perjury. You know, no big deal. Well, actually, he was indicted, but it still hasn’t come to trial yet. Perhaps that will be part of his dramatic DWTS storyline?
So “The Hammer” will grace us with his dancing skillllllz. He says he and his wife love to dance, and his daughter is a professional dancer. When he was in Congress, Tommy was known for his outspoken opposition to the National Endowment for the Arts. Just throwing that out there.
He will be joined by a bunch of other regular people who were once famous. According to People:
The complete cast for Dancing Season Nine
Mya, singer
Melissa Joan Hart, actress
Michael Irvin, former Dallas Cowboy
Ashley Hamilton, actor, comedian, singer-songwriter
Aaron Carter, singer
Kathy Ireland, former supermodel-turned-businesswoman
Debi Mazar, actress
Natalie Coughlin, U.S. Olympic swimmer
Louie Vito, snowboarder
Chuck Liddell, ultimate fighting champ
Donny Osmond, singer
Tom DeLay, former Republican congressman
Macy Gray, singer
Joanna Krupa, model and actress
Mark Dacascos, Iron Chef personality
Kelly Osbourne, reality star
AARON CARTER?! I’m watching this every week. That is a completely serious statement. And just because I can, I’m going to leave you with the a video of my other favorite dancing Hammer:
I don't know what bothers me more, the !!!! or the comic sans font. Whatever, TGIF.
It’s freaky Friday, y’all. While only one of these stories is really freaky, it’s so freaky that it dominates the non-freaky stories. Let’s just get to the point:
Amy Wolfe, a 33-year-old unemployed church organist, loves carnival rides. Well, actually just one. No, she doesn’t just love it. She like LOVE LOVES it. Amy is an objectum sexual, meaning she falls in love with inanimate objects. No joke. And soon, Amy and her love, named the 1001 Nacht, will be machine and wife. She and it are getting married. (I felt weird saying “they”.) She plans on taking the surname Weber, after Nachtie’s manufacturer. I promise you I am not making this up! Read the story the Jezzies have on it, it includes UNBELIEVABLE video.
This falls under the just plain dumb and hilarious column. Dennis Cretton isn’t supposed to drive anymore. After a DWI, his license was revoked. Dennis found what he believed to be the solution to his troubles. He decided to drive his lawnmower to the gas station to get beer. Fortunately for the world (and unfortunately for our friend Dennis), the police got a call reporting a man drunkenly weaving in and out of traffic on a lawnmower. According to the story on MSNBC, he tried speeding away from the cops, and drove up onto his lawn. (I wonder who mowed the rest of it?) He spilled his case of Milwaukee’s Best and ran into his house. Needless to say, he ended up in jail.
If you don’t know about these already, I haven’t been doing my job. And for that, I am sorry. I find these to be HILARIOUS. Here is the seventh installment of Auto-Tune the News. Hopefully you find it half as funny as I do. Oh, and below is the sixth installment, which is by far my favorite (Sarah Palin makes an appearance). The rest can be viewed here!
Trina Thompson, like millions of Americans, is unemployed. But instead of revamping her resume, or going to a job fair, she came up with a different idea. She decided to sue her alma mater, Monroe College, for $70,000. Seventy thousand dollars, by the way, was the cost of her Bachelor’s Degree. In other words, she wants her money back because she doesn’t have a job.
Trina, darling, it’s not the school’s fault you can’t get a job. It probably isn’t your fault either. Times are tough. But wasting taxpayer dollars on a silly court case so you don’t have to continue looking for a job and living off settlement money is just ridiculous.
Recession sucks, but we’re going to get out of it. Until then, Trina, do what the rest of us did– start a blog!
The Prada wearing Pope is now doing what so many young stars are doing today– he’s recording an album. No word yet on whether there will be collaborations with T-Pain, Ne-Yo, Rhianna or Carlos Santana, or if it’s produced by Timbaland, but definitely be ready for some hymns and prayers to the Virgin Mary. From the story on MSNBC:
The pontiff’s as-yet-untitled album also includes eight original pieces of contemporary classical music, Geffen/Universal said.
The pope is accompanied by the Choir of the Philharmonic Academy of Rome, recorded in St. Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican. The original compositions are performed by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, recorded at London’s Abbey Road studios.
So maybe I poked fun at this (all in good fun, I promise), but unlike the musical efforts of Paris Hilton, the proceeds from PB XVI’s album are going to a good cause. They will be used to bring the joy of music to underprivileged children around the world. I can get behind that.
I love the noises the people make as they get body slammed by a mattress. There was one that reminded me of the infamous grape stomper’s “Owww oww oww”. I laughed out loud. All by myself. Happy Friday!
The weekend is within our grasp, friends! Here are some quick and things to look at before you go out for a raging Friday night and Mallory and I roadtrip to New Jersey for a conference with some of our bloggy correspondents (aka our best friends from college…minus a few. You’ll be missed!)
Facebook is turning five years old, and we haven’t gotten tired of it yet. Check out this piece (I may or may not know the journo behind it.) and DEFINITELY watch the video to see a 96-year-old man talk about the single most devastating factor to my college GPA. Click HERE to read the story!
This is weird. All 14-year-old Corby Cowart wanted to do was taste the rainbow. His mother said yes, and he went to grab a bag of Skittles and he found a bag of cocaine in the Skittles box. Yikes. He said he knew what it was because he watches the TV show “COPS”. Dammit, I HATE IT when stupid shows on the teevee actually teach kids stuff. (Please refer to the story about Grayson Wynne) According to Corby and his mama, the manager of the CVS laughed it off. Seriously? The manager disputes the claim. Of course.
Don’t copy that floppy! A hilarious old video to prevent the young folk from copying computer games on the floppy disks. Stunningly bad acting, floppy disks and a Fresh Prince style rapper? Yup, welcome back to the 90s.
Katie Holmes made her much anticipated “So You Think You Can Dance” appearance last night. BORING. Honestly, all she did was walk around and occasionally twirl. And the lip syncing was out of control. Not impressed.
Trina Thompson, like millions of Americans, is unemployed. But instead of revamping her resume, or going to a job fair, she came up with a different idea. She decided to sue her alma mater, Monroe College, for $70,000. Seventy thousand dollars, by the way, was the cost of her Bachelor’s Degree. In other words, she wants her money back because she doesn’t have a job.
six words to change the world. 