Phelps Schmelps. Lochte Schmocte. Roker and Lauer are MAGICAL. If you don’t feel like listening to the witty banter (“Why don’t I just do javelin catching?” Haha.), fastforward to 3:34 and watch from there.
Ahhh! You too, Brian Williams? I love you, Brian Williams.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Just when I start to feel down about politics, something like this comes along to brighten my day. Super patriotic American country music hero Toby Keith is a Democrat. WHAT?! (But I thought us Democrats hated America?) We’ve got Toby! We’ve got Toby Keith! And he likes Obama! YES! His voice of truthiness rings out like the Liberty Bell before it was cracked. And it is sweet music to my ears. Seriously, this is the first time I’ve appreciated country music since those crazy liberal ladies, the Dixie Chicks. Rawr.
Where I lived, it seemed as if Toby’s post 9/11 hit, “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)” and “Drops of Jupiter” by Train were the only two songs the radio station owned. And that’s saying something about this song.
If you should choose to ignore all of the hard work that comes with posting a video in the blog and don’t watch it (what I’m saying here is that you SHOULD watch it), here are lyrics from the song that I find particularly humorous:
Now this nation that I love
Has fallen under attack
A sucker punch came flyin’
From somewhere in the back
As soon as we could see clearly
Through our big black eye
Man we lit up your world
Like the fourth of July.And Uncle Sam put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty started shaking her fist
And the Eagle will fly, and it’s gonna to be hell
When you hear Mother Freedom start ringing her bell
And it’ll feel like the whole wide world’s raining down on you.
Brought to you courtesy of the red, white, and blue.Justice will be served
And the battle will rage
This big dog will fight
When you rattle his cage
And you’ll be sorry that you messed with
The US of A
Cuz we’ll put a boot in your ass
It’s the American way
This masterpiece comes from a Democrat. A DEMOCRAT. The Democrats are taking back the country! And country music. Heyyyyyyo!
I joke about “taking back” country music, but in all honesty this brings up something I’ve wanted to talk about for a long time. I cannot stand how certain things, both political and non-political, “belong” to one party or the other. Yes, this next exercise involves some serious stereotyping–but don’t get your bright white political panties in a twist–I’m only making a point. Here are just some things that come to mind:
Republicans: Supporting the troops, pearls, freedom (not to be confused with freedom of expression), tax breaks, Chuck Norris (you can keep him), old people’s votes, Texas, big business and businessmen, oil, quoting the Bible, NASCAR, country clubs, veterans, money, pastel colors, business school, Joe Lieberman (apparently), country music, football, big trucks and other large gas guzzling vehicles.
Democrats: The environment, vegetarians (especially the vegans), DMB (RIP Leroi Moore), health care, females, the West Wing, getting out of Iraq, herbal tea, Apple computers, pointing out the bad economy, earth tones, liberal arts colleges, labor unions, Massachusetts, minorities of any kind (we love you), Hollywood, hope, the Toyota Prius, education, rhymes with smasmorshion, taking care of old people, MTV’s Rock the Vote, Al Gore.
We haven’t painted ourselves red, white and blue like Toby Keith wants us too–we’ve painted each other into separate corners. Seriously, when did these political custody hearings occur? I like pearls! And support the troops!
It’s a shame that being active in an environmental group flags you as a Democrat, or having a yellow “Support the Troops” ribbon sticker on your car makes you a Republican. Because, obviously, we all should care about both. We should care about everything in our great nation. Even NASCAR.
One last thing to add to the Democratic score board: blogging. Count it! And you best not disagree with me there. Because I’ll put a boot in your ass. It’s the American way! Thanks for the rhetoric, Toby!
[Posted by Kathleen]
So I make fun of it all the time, but let me just say I feel as excited as this girl when she gets to sit next to steamy oh so dreamy Joe Jonas. Rawr. (I am OBSESSED with this picture, by the way. Haha.)
THE HILLS IS BACK, YA’LL! Why do I love this show? I really can’t explain it. Perhaps it sends me subliminal messages to make me think I am just as hot as they are or that my life is just as exciting…I don’t know. For the record, my life IS that exciting…right… But the fact remains that I follow their lives like it’s my job. And it’s pathetic. Moving on.
On this season premiere episode, we see just how boring Lo is and how badass Audrina can be. (“We will never be friends” SNNNNNAP! Five points to Gryffindor and Audrina!) Lo left Audrina’s birthday party at her own house to play with her dog upstairs for an hour. UM HELLO. There was a guy with a hot pink mohawk there–the party couldn’t have been that dull. Pink mohawks AND a pool. Why is that not my life?! WHY NOT MEEEEEE. I wonder if dye runs into the water when he swims. And poor Lauren, that girl is trying to hold it all together behind her bug-eyed sunglasses. I’m totally on team Lauren. But you won’t catch me dead or alive in a t-shirt that says so. They make t-shirts that say that and people buy them. I’m not making that up.
Justin Bobby is back in all of his creeptastic glory, and I must admit, he is weirdly sexy. Sexy ugly, perhaps. He’s the kind of guy that I would go out on one strained date with just so he could show me all the trendy L.A. jazz clubs or something weird like that, and then never answer his calls again but go to those clubs with my girlfriends from then on. Make sense?
Spencer, teevee’s least liked villain, is like the Debbie Downer of LIFE and not surprisingly still sucks. Heidi is still dumb, and has a marginally smarter sister on the show now too. Yippee, another cast member’s sibling trying to get airtime (cough Stephanie Pratt cough). If you missed this amazing 24 minutes of television goodness, have no fear–if it were possible MTV would put extra hours in the day just so they could replay the episode even more than they already are going to.
What happened to Heidi? That girl gets trashier looking every time we blink. Here is Heidi pre-rhinoplasty and boob job:
She was so pretty! But then she got kind of popular in her own right (add her to the list of celebrities that are famous for no reason) and went on this feminist rant of how she feels better about herself now that she got her nose and ta-tas done because people used to make fun of her. Heidi, people weren’t making fun of you because you had a big nose, they were making fun of you because you’re a RAGING IDIOT. But she wanted to look like L.A. Barbie.
Sick.
Here is a reason why I am on team Lauren. Lauren looked like L.A. Barbie when The Hills started (a.k.a she was 19 and trying to be hot) and has since matured and looks more natural. Classy, even.
See?
I told you I care too much. MTV you slay me.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, crushes, pop culture, random, TV
Dear readers, let’s take a break from the insanity that is the Olympics (and a breather from our FURY that Natsia Liukin got second in the uneven bars even though she TIED the Chinese child), and focus on the red-headed stepchild of sports: extreme yo-yo.
You heard me right. The wacky little toy that you loved as a child — despite the fact that your tricks were limited to tossing it up and down really fast (or was that just me?) — is back with a vengeance. The 2008 World Yo-Yo Contest was recently held in Orlando, and perhaps because they aren’t owned by NBC, the New York Times was allowed to cover the event. I should warn you that the article on the contest is at times a little too, er, punny, with gems like these:
But any national rivalries are just loose slipknots untangled by the Internet, where tricks are traded and friendships are tied.
“They have the language of the string,” Gregory Cohen, the event’s organizer, said.
They have the language of the string? SERIOUSLY, GREGORY?!
Still, I have to admit that it’s a kind of cool sport (hobby?). There are seven different divisions, and each one is pretty nuts. Just try to imagine this:
In 4A, the off-string division, some competitors cast the string, like a whip or a fishing rod, and wrapped it around the axle of an airborne yo-yo. The string-on-string friction was enough for the string to virtually tie itself and snare the spinning yo-yo. It was like watching a frog’s tongue zap a fly.
At first, my brain honestly could not process that. (An off-string yo-yo competition? Isn’t that an oxymoron?) But this video proves that it is not:
Kid’s got skillz. Who needs Warped Tour and skate parks when you’ve got a yo-yo and hundreds of hours of inspirational YouTube videos?
P.S. If you’re feeling frisky (and by frisky I mean bored), take a look at this Web page about yo-yo trivia.
[Posted by Mallory]
So I was driving in the car today when a certain song came on my iPod. This song has been stuck in my head ever since, and I want to lovingly pass it off to you because that might make me feel better.
You’re welcome. HA! (If you’re too chicken to watch the video, it’s “All the Things She Said” by T.A.T.U.) It’s almost as bad as that M.I.A. “Paper Planes” song. Just as I was getting “Paper Planes” out of my head from hearing it every day towards the end of senior year, they go and put it as the promo song for “The Pineapple Express”. Thanks a lot, marketing geniuses/jerks.
Anyway, where did t.A.T.u., the kind of hot Russian are-they-or-aren’t-they-lesbians go? That whole kissing girls thing was totally their gig. And they made quite a blip on the pop culture scene. Because let’s face it, we were prudier back in 2002 than we are now. Here is how I remember the girls:
Girls kissing isn’t my thing, but rawr.
So imagine my surprise when I came across this:
Whoops! The gig is up, apparently! But that is one ballsy chick. Power to her, she’s rocking that prego belly.
Wikipedia tells me that the girls have a CD coming out in September. So they’re still around. And that they never were lesbians. WHATEVER.
It’s a slow news day people, give me a break.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under music, pop culture, random, the arts, YouTube
Sooo this isn’t a six-word headline, but I’ll allow it:
“Rice, in Georgia, Calls on Russia to Pull Out Now”
That’s what she said?
[Posted by Mallory]
This literally leaves me speechless. But let’s commend Doris Probst for being the first woman ever to win the hog calling contest at the Illinois State Fair. Okay, now that’s out of the way. Wait, I’m STILL speechless.
[Posted by Kathleen]
New Jersey correspondent Madeline has brought a delightful competition to my attention. Every year, San Jose State University holds its Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest–encouraging people to write their most painfully bad first line to an imaginary book. Why is it called Bulwer-Lytton, you ask? Because Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (what a name!) is the literary mastermind behind the 1830 novel “Paul Clifford” that forever burdened us with “It was a dark and stormy night”. Thanks for that, Eddie. Let’s also thank this year’s winner, Garrison Spik, for his contribution to society:
Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped ‘Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.’
Haha, well done sir! You are a gentleman and a scholar. Here is another epic submission. This one comes from Beth Fand Incollingo:
Like a mechanic who forgets to wipe his hands on a shop rag and then goes home, hugs his wife, and gets a grease stain on her favorite sweater — love touches you, and marks you forever.
HAHA.
In my opinion, to win this competition you either have to be an incredibly corny and bad writer (read: a 13 year old girl…or boy) or a really good writer who knows bad writing (read: remembering your own writing when you were a 13 year old girl…or boy). And just for the record, Mr. Spik and Ms. Incollingo, I put you both in the good writer who knows bad writing category.
Feel free to comment with your best/worst first lines. No prizes, just the SWTCTW glory of being witty. Now I’m going to go reread my old journals in search for literary gems of my own.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under definitely not politics, pop culture, random, the arts
This will amaze you. Just watch.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under crushes, dance, pop culture, random, YouTube
six words to change the world. 