The informercial madness continues.
WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT USING A REGULAR TOWEL?!
Honestly, people. How come everything needs to have arm holes now? Our blankets, our towels. What’s next? Are we honestly that lazy?
And what would you say to someone if you saw them wearing a towel as a dress/toga in public?
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under blogging, definitely not politics, fashion, humor, pop culture, random, thoughts, TV, Uncategorized, weird, YouTube
Hello, SWTCTW readers! Here is Chris’ weekly SYTYCD update!
Mallory brought up an interesting point – which is that some people may not be familiar with the summertime awesomeness that is SYTYCD. I’m not really sure how this could be the case and I’m too frightened to explore the deep dark world in which this scenario could be possible. So, taking her hypothetical point to heart, I’ve prepared a quick tutorial based on the dancing kid video she posted last week.
During the first weeks of the show, we are entertained with audition footage from various locations around the country. (Please resist any obvious comparisons here to American Idol.) If they were to audition for the show, Mallory’s dancing kids – we will call them Suzy and Steve because Mallory once told me how much she likes those names – would have stood in line at one of the audition spots, awaiting their big break. I think it is clear to all of us that Steve is really the shining star of the pair. Suzy is cut, her SYTYCD career is over. Now for Steve. He has got good musicality, but does he have what it takes to compete? Steve gets put in the choreography group to see if he can learn and perfect a routine with other dancers. He’s good, but I doubt we will be seeing him in Vegas. There’s not much for a 5-year old to do there anyway. That’s basically how the selection process works.
The four hours of SYTYCD we got this week marked the end of this audition process. Tyce Diorio is one of the judges for one of these auditions. Tyce is normally a choreographer for the show, and we saw this week that he is apparently a bitchy queen. You may think this is harsh, so to back myself up, cue bitchy queen montage (at exactly 30 seconds):
But enough about Tyce. One kid in the Los Angeles auditions named Nathan was probably one of the most impressive male auditions of the season. The problem: he is 17 and you have to be 18 to participate. The judges were so taken by his performance they gave him a ticket to Vegas for next season when he is eligible. Nathan was followed by a Stacy who literally danced like she had stuck her finger in an electrical socket. No ticket for Stacy. She should call Suzy to commiserate.
I will leave you all for this week with Sex. No, this isn’t a joke. And he was back this season as well… in a dance-off.
I realize there are no clips of good dancing in tonight’s post. Fret not, readers. We have an entire summer of SYTYCD watching together.
[Posted by Chris, via Kathleen]
If everything goes according to plan, we’re going to have a weekly guest blogger give us a delightfully snarky recap of the night’s episode of So You Think You Can Dance. Meet Chris. He’s alright, I guess. Chris’ interests include interpretive dance, paleontology, a nice boxed wine (red, of course), lounging by his soon-to-be-open pool in his surfer dude shorts and Six Words to Change the World. What an introduction. Anyway, Chris we’ll be keeping us posted on So You Think You Can Dance season 5. And now, his inaugural post:
We’ve all been waiting for summer. Not for the warm weather. Not for the scantily-clad folks we see around town. Not because our apartment complex pool has opened. But because it marks the return of So You Think You Can Dance.
Hello SWTCTW! It’s Chris, your SYTYCD GB (guest blogger). That’s right. For the next however many weeks, I will be joining you on Thursday nights as your SYTYCD watch-party-guest-blogger-buddy, or SYTYCD WPBGB, as we say in the blogging biz.
I’m here for one reason – SYTYCD brings people together. Young and old, and even old and young. Minus Mary’s crazy screaming (there’s really no excuse for that nonsense), SYTYCD puts on TV the talent that we all think we possess at 12:30 a.m. on Saturday nights at the clubs (and P.S. I’ve seen the facebook pictures; we don’t really possess the talent).
I personally can’t wait for the episodes with the real dancing to start. Though I was a little offended by last night’s episode. Some of the moves they made fun of last night, I have spent weeks perfecting at the local bar…
And now, some clips from last season:
[Posted by Chris, via Kathleen]
I have a tendency to get emotionally invested in a competition very, very quickly. I can ask my dad who to root for in a college football game, and by the end I’m crying when the quarterback runs over to hug his mother. I can be watching Dancing With the Stars in French and by the end I’m giddy (and also probably crying) because the cute girl I liked won. I can also not see a single episode of American Idol but still, inexplicably, watch and care about the finale.
I forced my poor friend Jill to watch the singing part of the finale with me two nights ago. (In my slight defense, she DVR-ed it so we fast-forwarded through the cheesy parts or any moment where Ryan Seacrest talked.) Now that Adam guy has a set of pipes, and I was totally impressed by him, despite the creeptastic trench coat and smoke. But Kris Allen won me over. It’s a well-publicized fact that my favorite genre of music is Boys Playing Guitars, and he fits the bill perfectly. He’s just so earnest! And he plays instruments! And he has a cute wife! And anyone else think he sounds a lot like Adam Levine when he’s singing? He also gets an adorable smashed and crooked face when he sings — like John Mayer, but more endearing.
The point is, I teared up any time they showed Kris’s adorable family, then I realized that I would actually buy his CD (as long as “No Boundaries” isn’t on it, good GOD), so I was compelled to vote for him. That’s right, I totally texted in my vote. And he won! HOORAH!
I didn’t watch the results part of the finale, but this picture, courtesy of the NYT, is perfect:
Here’s hoping he doesn’t get famous and starting banging random groupies.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, crushes, definitely not politics, music, pop culture, TV
Some days, the New York Times seems particularly stacked with good articles. It could just be that those are the days I actually focus and read the articles (rather than just skimming the headlines), but for whatever reason, today was a good day. In no particular order, and with quite a range of topics, enjoy:
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, health, money, news, politics, pop culture, TV
Sarah and Ben and I have been watching the reunion of The Real Housewives of New York, and one glass of wine in, I’ve decided I’m going to have to liveblog the premiere of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I’ve watched most of the iterations of this show a couple of times while eating Thai takeout and sipping on some red wine, and I’ve never been that into it. But I think the NJ ladies will be different, and I’ve been eagerly awaiting the premiere of their show. So here goes:
10:58 — Jesus shit’s going down at the end of this NY reunion. Best observation of the night, courtesy of Miss Sarah: Alex looks like a baby horse alien.
11:00 p.m.– I’ve been on that turnpike!
11:00 p.m. — Thick as thieves. Is that a mafia reference?
11:00 p.m. — “Have you ever seen so much orange in one place?” -Miss Sarah
11:01 p.m. — America, meet Dina, Teresa, Caroline, Jacqueline, and Danielle.
11:01 p.m. — So these ones are actually friends? They’ve known each other for 13 years, interesting.
11:02 p.m. — Teresa’s husband Joe…jager bombs, jager bombs, fucking skanks.
11:04 p.m. — Teresa, I pay for everything in Benjamins too!!
11:06 p.m. — Hmmm Dina and Caroline are sisters. Interesting.
11:09 p.m. — Oh, these accents. My my my.
11:09 p.m. — This is not a very exciting liveblog, is it?
No, it’s not exciting, and 1.5 glasses of wine in I’m bored by this and I’m just going to be a quitter, OKAY? I’m a giant giant quitter and I’m okay with it. Liveblogging is better when Wonkette does it, I guess.
11:18 p.m. — BUT WAIT oh good lord can we talk about the crazy exercise one? Engaged 19 times? R U 4 REAL?
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under blogging, celebrities, humor, TV
Yeah yeah yeah. I know. I could have posted it this weekend (or yesterday), but nerd statistics show that nobody reads the blog on the weekend anyway, proving that you all use this while you are being paid by your unsuspecting employers. I love it!
SNL had a really good weekend. Another JT/Andy Samberg song. Oh girl, I love me some JT. And Samberg. RAWR. If you like “Dick in a Box”, you’ll like this one too:
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So that’s what your coworker is singing that you had no idea about. A big SWTCTW you’re welcome! What a beautiful ode to Mother’s Day. Oddly enough though, I won’t be showing that to my mom.
That was funny, now let’s get political and funny. In case you didn’t know, we have the greatest most bestest president in the entire world! He is hilarious! Here is his speech at the annual White House Correspondent’s Dinner:
The best joke in here is a little inside, I know! It’s the one he makes about John Boehner (pronounced like BAINER, not BONER) being a person of color. John Boehner, the House Minority leader, has skin that particular shade of orange that only comes from fake tanning. See?
He’s even oranger in person, if oranger is a word.
Wanda Sykes was also REALLY funny, but I can’t do all the work for you, so you need to look that up yourself.
I’m off to stalk the news and find funny stuff to post! You know you love me. XOXO, i forgot to blog this weekend girl.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under blogging, celebrities, crushes, history, humor, music, news, politics, pop culture, post-college depression, random, sex, the arts, the hill, thoughts, TV, Uncategorized, YouTube
SCROLL DOWN FOR STORY UPDATES
I just read some devastating, but kind of unsurprising, news. Jon Gosselin of “Jon and Kate Plus 8” definitely cheated on Kate. US Weekly has the whole story, which includes pictures. The other woman is Deanna Hummel, a 23-year-old third grade teacher. Her brother, Jason, lives with her and that’s why he can give all the juicy details. And in case you’re wondering, he’s just trying to protect his sister, not get publicity for himself or somehow finagle money out of this. Of course.
In fact, he’s trying to protect her so much that he takes away all of her privacy and any of her dignity with this gem of a quote:
A lot of the time, it was pretty, um, gross listening to her, you know, um — how do I say this? The walls are thin. Let’s just say that. I mean, no one wants to hear his sister having sex, let alone with a married dude who’s, like, almost twice her age and who has eight kids and a maybe-crazy wife. Ick. Nast.
Ick? Nast? Gross. I don’t really want to talk about the content of that quote, but I am obligated to point out that Jon isn’t “like, almost twice her age.” He’s 32, and she’s 23. He’s 14 years short of being twice her age. Just sayin’.
This whole thing is a mess.
Two weeks ago, when pictures surfaced of Jon in a car with “the mystery woman” (it was Deanna) leaving a club, he made this statement.
“I went to Legends to speak to the owner. A friend of mine wanted to check out my car, so I let her drive it to her car,” he says. “Yes, I have female friends — but that is all she is. I’m not going to end my friendships just because I’m on TV.”
Now Jon, that was stupid. Kate is going to hit you extra hard now when you’re sitting in that big chair talking about your day and the lessons you learned. Kate doesn’t like it when the kids lie, I doubt she’ll be very kind to you.
I wonder what TLC is going to do. They said “no comment” on the story last time. It’s all awful, and despite me thinking that Kate is really mean to Jon, there is no justification for his actions. He doesn’t get a pass. He has eight children under the age of seven. What on earth was he thinking? Did he think that nobody would recognize him?
I’m sad for the family, and most of all the children. One of the things the Gosselin’s show was praised for is how “real” it is. And we, their audience, really liked that. Well, the scenes with the kids are real. But the family dynamic is larger than just the day to day silliness of the kids.
Will this change the way you see the show?
Oh, and Aaden, if things get too tough at home, you can come live with me and Mallory. We’ll raise you. And get you a cuter pair of glasses.
UPDATED!
Here are the statements from Deanna Hummel and Jon Gosselin from People magazine:
“My brother is making this all up,” Hummel tells PEOPLE. “He has no credibility … I can’t even stomach the lies he’s saying about me.” Hummel continues to deny any sort of romantic relationship with Gosselin, and the elementary school teacher admits that there’s been bad blood between her and her brother for a while now. “My brother is very shady,” says Hummel. “He has no job. He has a criminal background. He was charged for drug distribution. He’s on probation right now.”
“These allegations are false and just plain hurtful,” Gosselin says in a statement exclusively to PEOPLE. “As I adjust to the attention that comes from being in the public eye, I need to be more careful and aware of who I am associating with and where I am spending my time. But the bottom line is, I did not cheat on Kate.
And the plot thickens!
Here are the pictures. Who do you believe?
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under babies, blogging, celebrities, family, news, pop culture, random, sex, thoughts, TV, Uncategorized, weird
Today’s clip goes hand in hand with the SWTCTW cliche life lesson of the day (which I just started. Right now. And probably won’t continue tomorrow.): never judge a book by its cover.
Watch this video. The whole thing.
UPDATED: Here it is again if the first one doesn’t work.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, crushes, music, pop culture, random, the arts, thoughts, TV, YouTube
“I’m a godmother, that’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that’s cute, I taught her that.”
–From My Point…And I Do Have One
I think I need to buy that book.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, dance, humor, TV
six words to change the world. 