a friendly SWTCTW public service announcement.

 

Thanksgiving is tomorrow!  I hope that all of our lovely readers will get to spend it surrounded by friends and family and with yummy, delicious food.  Ready for the guilt trip?  Just like every year, this year there will be many individuals and families whose tables are empty and this year, there will be even more. 

Nationally, demand at local food banks is up 25-40% as more middle class families, who used to be donors, are seeking assistance in this troubled economy.  Donations have either stayed at the same rate or increased slightly but not enough to cover the increased demand.  This will be a continued problem, through 2009, but the Holidays are a great time to start helping.  Please visit Feeding America (formerly Second Harvest of America) to find a food bank near you and see how you can help.  A lot of families rely on their local food bank to put food on their table so please, keep them in mind.  Any donation will be greatly appreciated and will help to feed a family in need. 

So that’s our PSA.  We’ll get back to the snark shortly. 

[Posted by Madeline]

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okay, here’s something to talk about.

I know what you’re thinking: “Six words, you have failed me.”  It’s true, we have.  Not Kathleen though, she has an excuse.  Personally, I blame it on the fact that Gossip Girl was a repeat this week.  WHAT is up with that?  I missed you all terribly, internets, and I promise that this will not happen again. 

Yesterday, I was driving all around Monmouth County, NJ (relishing in the fact that it only cost me TWENTY TWO DOLLARS to fill up my gas tank) and I experienced one of those moments that will make me cringe with embarassment every time I recall it for the next 80 years (I’m optimistic.  And healthy).  Over the years, I’ve entertained many friends while driving.  Whether it be through new and creative ways of using boring old curse words or defying the laws of physics/the road, I think I’ve showed them a good time.  HOWEVER, none of them have had the opportunity to experience what I tend to do when I’m driving by myself immediately after drinking a lot of coffee. 

It is my firm belief that in another life I was a great performer and because in this life I suffer from both stage fright and being tone deaf, the only time I perform is in the car, alone.  I know you’ve all done it too.  However, unlike me you’re probably smart and reserve such performances for long drives on empty roads when few people will see you and not for WHEN YOU’RE STUCK IN TRAFFIC.  I couldn’t help it though, because a really fabulous song came on and, although I fought it, the rhythm got me (DAMN YOU, Gloria!).  I could lie and tell you that it was some really catchy new pop tune like Britneys “Womanizer” or that “Just Dance” song but we’re all about integrity here at SWTCTW so I’m going to come right out and say it:  I was listening to a light radio station.  I was listening to Bonnie Raitt. 

. . . and I was really getting into it.  Singing into my coffee cup, doing a little hair flip, making a fool out of myself and of course, I was busted.  Some dude in the car next to me totally caught me at a particularly croony moment and laughed and laughed and laughed.  I can’t say that I blame him, I looked like an idiot-but that was for my amusement only!  I had to spend the next ten miles driving twenty miles below the speed limit so that my car wouldn’t catch up to his again. 

It was terrible but you know what?  That song is awesome.  I wouldn’t lie to you, internets.  Enjoy.

[Posted by Madeline]

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Filed under adventures, blogging, dance, definitely not politics, music, random

a fun game for your friday.

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz had a beautiful, healthy baby boy. And they named him Bronx Mowgli. Yeah, that Mowgli. I’m all for creative names, but I think parents should consider the mockery factor. Ashlee and Pete didn’t seem to do that. Maybe Ashlee is displacing her anger about the misspelling of her own name onto her infant son. 

Our Southern belle correspondent tipped us off to this wonderful story, and with the help of Marie Claire UK, we came up with a fun game. You know how you can make up your own porn name or soap opera star name? Well, now you can also make up your own Ashlee Simpson baby name. Here’s the formula:

[One slightly shitty U.S. city + One cartoon animal name]

Here are some examples:

Harlem Tarzan

Compton Simba

Watts Baloo

Scranton Shrek

Our fun new game will sweep the nation. Tell us your favorites in the jump.

UPDATE: FINE, due to some complaints from our favorite readers, let’s change this up a bit:

[One location in the U.S. + One cartoon animal name]

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under babies, celebrities, family, humor, music, news, pop culture

when our work’s done for us.

I’m sorry people. I know it’s about time that I stopped ragging on Sarah Palin (not necessarily because she doesn’t deserve it, but because it’s just not worth it anymore), but this video is simply too bizarre to not post. The following footage took place after Palin ceremonially pardoned a turkey. Please note the captions:

Every single caption in that video is priceless. I love that whatever intern was in charge of them seemed to just say, “Aw, fuck it. I’m going for broke.” My favorite caption, of course, is this six-worded gem:

“Turkey-Killing Fowls Palin News Conference”

Someone over at MSNBC totally reads our blog.

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under animals, definitely not politics, humor, YouTube

what the hell was she thinking?

Praise be to the goddesses of pop!  Britney’s back!

It seems that she has finally gained some perspective on her, um . . . hiatus, and she’s ready to explain all in an MTV documentary (also known as the “True Life” to end all “True Lifes”).  The documentary airs on November 30 but you can see the trailer here!

For the sake of her children and pop music as we know it, I’m glad Britty’s back.  I was by no means one of the faithful (holler, Walsh) who thought this day would come but I embrace it.  After all, I slow-danced to “Sometimes” in middle school, “Drive Me Crazy” still makes me covet Adrian Grenier, and “Toxic” got me through AP Bio senior year of high school.  So, welcome back Britney.  We salute you by sharing our favorite Britney moments with our SWTCTW friends and watching more trailers.

She looks so happy!

[Posted by Madeline]

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Filed under celebrities, dance, definitely not politics, music, news, pop culture, Uncategorized, YouTube

random stuff from the ny times.

Did you guys know about this

EDGERTON, Wis. — When a 15-year-old comes into Wile-e’s bar looking for a cold beer, the bartender, Mike Whaley, is happy to serve it up — as long as a parent is there to give permission.

“If they’re 15, 16, 17, it’s fine if they want to sit down and have a few beers,” said Mr. Whaley, who owns the tavern in this small town in southern Wisconsin.

While it might raise some eyebrows in most of America, it is perfectly legal in Wisconsin. Minors can drink alcohol in a bar or restaurant in Wisconsin if they are accompanied by a parent or legal guardian who gives consent. While there is no state law setting a minimum age, bartenders can use their discretion in deciding whom to serve.

Thanks to Katie, our fake hippie correspondent, for the tip. Interesting article.

And phew, Alaskans didn’t re-elect a convicted felon. Congrats to Mark Begich, numero 58.

[Posted by Mallory]

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thai food and brownies, oh my!

Let’s talk about things that make us happy. Like any normal human, I love things like breakfast sandwiches and spooning and compliments and not wearing pants. Not necessarily all at the same time. (Although, now that I think about it…that would be REALLY great.) I also love when the exact thing you need to happen happens. Like you were craving an episode of Project Runway and there’s a marathon on. Or you’re running late and need the bus to be there, and it is. 

Three of these great things happened to me today. First, I was sitting at my desk after staring at my computer screen (and being productive, actually) for hours, and I thought to myself, “I’m hungry. I should call Jill. Maybe she will eat with me.” And AT THAT EXACT MOMENT Jill called and offered to take me out for Thai food. No joke. Then I got to eat green curry, which I would consider bathing in if that wouldn’t be such a waste of delicious curry.

After lunch, I went back to work for a few hours and then headed to class. As I walked, I was thinking “I’m hungry again. I would like something made of chocolate.” AND THEN MY FRIEND MEG HAD BAKED BROWNIES FOR CLASS.

After class, I went to a meeting (where there was free pizza, huzzah!). I was dreading walking to the bus stop in the freezing cold, and my friend Ruth was all, “Hey, you headed home?” I assumed she wanted to walk with me. BUT THEN SHE OFFERED ME A RIDE. IN HER CAR.

I know, I know. Your head is spinning. But sometimes, it really is the little things. A lot of little things can make for one happy day. 

And it doesn’t hurt to come home to an email from your aunt featuring these photographic pieces of joy.

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under food, politics, random, thoughts

domino’s serves up slice of laziness.

Coming to you in thirty minutes or less: a coronary!  Tivo and Domino’s have formed a marriage of consumerism and now, Tivo subscribers will be able to order Dominos using only their remote control.  First of all, congratulations to Domino’s 19-year-old marketing intern, the obvious brain child behind this operation. 

Domino’s plan does make some sense.  When viewers fast forward through a Domino’s commercial, a pop-up ad will appear on their screen, through which they can place their order.  Although I see the point from an advertising perspective, personally, I don’t think I can support this.  I get embarrassed enough when I call Domino’s and, before I give them any information, they ask “Is this Madeline?  Guest-blogger extraordinaire at SWTCTW?”  HOW DO THEY KNOW?  It’s creepy and and a little humiliating and I don’t need them saying to each other “Madeline’s ordering pizza.  And she’s watching Gossip Girl for the third time this week.”  

Yes, I do think people think about my every move that much (duh, I write for a blog). 

Who knows though?  Maybe if I could order a masseur or a manicurist through the teevee I would feel differently.  What would you order?

[Posted by Madeline]

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Filed under definitely not politics, food, random, technology, TV, Uncategorized

madam secretary: bitches get stuff done.

Finally, it’s official!  Hillary Clinton is Barack Obama’s nominee for Secretary of State!  Technically we all “knew” this weeks ago but the journalism major in me couldn’t write about this until it was the real deal.

This is pretty awesome.  First of all, because Hillary is awesome.  Maybe she’s a little coarse but she’s also intelligent, visionary and deeply devoted to serving this country.  Plus, she’s BFF with Madeleine Albright, my idol and all-time favorite person ever.  So, if Hillary ever needs some extra advice she has one of the greatest Secretaries of State in her speed dial. 

Speaking of which, here they are, my two favorite Secretaries of State:0305

As this is, sadly, not a video you can’t tell that here Madeleine Albright is actually saying “you know, I think we should offer that delightful guest-blogger, Madeline, a job.”  And Hillary is saying “That is a wonderful idea!  I will call her right away.” 

Despite the fact that Hillary was the United States’ foremost ambassador during her years in the White House, visiting 60 countries with the mission of promoting American values and policy abroad (hmmm that sounds kind of like what the Secretary of State does . . .), there have been some distubing reactions to her nomination.  According to a Reuter’s article titled “Women see Clinton job as triumph, disappointment,” some women are still pissed that Hillary’s not the prez.  Do I think she would have made a great president?  Absolutely.  BUT LET’S MOVE ON (Hillary has). 

Most disturbing was this quote from Carol Jenkins, president of the Women’s Media Center in New York:

“Secretary of State has become the women’s spot — a safe expected place for women to be. In the ideal world, we’d see woman as Treasury secretary and throughout these ranks (of government).”

HOLD UP.  Now that three of the U.S.’s 67 (including Hillary) Secretaries of State have been women it’s a woman’s spot?  I was a liberal arts major so I could be wrong but I think that math’s a little fuzzy.  And hey, LADY!  You’re the president of the Women’s Media Center so what’s with the bad press?  Secretary of State is the highest cabinet position and fourth in the line of presidential succession.  Why are we insulting the position at all, let alone now that a woman is about to be in charge?  Seeing more women throughout government would be great but we’ll get there; and in the meantime let’s not insult those who are not only filling these positions but working to improve women’s rights around the world. 

And you know what?  If Secretary of State has become “the women’s spot” it’s for one reason and one reason only: bitches get stuff done. 

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Posted by Madeline]

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Filed under history, news, politics, Uncategorized

youtube clip of today: hands free.

Since Kathleen is wearing a backpack in Peru, and Madeline is writing all of the funny articles, maybe I will just start to post the YouTube videos. (Except I never really knew where Kathleen found all the YouTube videos, and although I love to procrastinate, I am above trolling around my inexplicably Spanish version of YouTube for good videos that you clowns can watch. Sorry.)  

Obviously I found this on Dooce. (If you’ve been reading long enough, you’ll know that Dooce, Wonkette, and the New York Times are my only sources.) Enjoy:

I legitimately laughed for all two minutes and 29 seconds of that video the first time I watched it, and I hope you did too.

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under humor, YouTube