This video is pretty cool, I suppose, but WHO HAS TIME FOR THIS? I just don’t understand.
[Posted by Mallory]
a friday roundup of random crimes.
Come Monday, you may not have any money and our entire country might be in shambles, but for today, let’s focus on the random “criminal” shit that goes on in our world.
From Mouse, our NYC Correspondent, comes an article titled “Woman ‘tricked into sex’ by penis cream treatment.” Intrigued? Basically, this rando pilot dude convinced a schoolteacher to help him administer ointment to the end of his penis, by having sex with him:
Fadi Sbano, 38, even pretended to know a gynaecologist who advised him on how often to have intercourse with her and whether to thrust “slowly or quickly”. And, on the “doctor’s advice”, he kept a clock on the bedside table to time the sessions.
The teacher put up with the treatment for nine months before telling her doctor.
And also:
[The woman’s lawyer] said the woman found the sessions “Clinical, not at all erotic”. She consented only because she believed it was a proper treatment.
Oh Jesus. Is this lady for real? I mean, the guy is clearly a creep and I guess this qualifies as rape, but maybe the woman can get a life sentence for mind-boggling stupidity.
Then, a little story from West Virginia was brought to my attention by Dooce, my favorite lady blogger:
A West Virginia man accused of passing gas and fanning it toward a police officer no longer faces a battery charge. The Kanawha County prosecutor’s office requested that the charge be dropped against 34-year-old Jose Cruz.
According to a criminal complaint, Cruz passed gas and made a fanning motion toward patrolman T.E. Parsons after being taken to thepolice station for a breathalyzer test. Cruz denies fanning the gas and says his request to use a restroom when first arriving at the station was denied.
I don’t even have to comment on that. It’s hilarious and absurd all on its own. And don’t worry: Cruz is probably still going to the slammer for driving drunk, so we should all be safe from his gas-fanning criminal ways.
Finally, from our own Kentucky/West Virginia Correspondent (she claims both states) comes a story out of Lexington about a man who has just been arrested for the 1,000th time. You read that right. Henry Earl, pictured above, has become something of a celebrity for his track record. Most of his arrests have been for nonviolent offenses like public intoxication, and Earl only spends an average of two days out of jail before getting himself back in the big house. For this milestone crime, the judge sentenced ol’ Henry to — you guessed it — 1,000 days in jail.
If we were to get serious about this, we could discuss all of the bad things this says about our criminal justice system, and talk about how sad it is the Earl seems to be totally fine spending most of his life behind bars. But instead, because it’s Friday, let’s just be glad that the Second Great Depression hasn’t officially started yet, and that we can all still pretend to afford overpriced gin and tonics. Sigh. Happy weekend?
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, drinks, humor, news
“yes.” (that’s what she said. zing!)
SPOILER ALERT!
So after three glasses of wine, a delicious meal that someone else cooked for me, a gourmet cupcake, and 45 minutes of mediocre hilarity, JIM PROPOSED TO PAM! Yeah whatever maybe it was at a rest stop but it was perfect and I cried a little. Take a peek at the expert commentary I shared with my friend Doobie:
daniel: hey mallo bar
me: DOOBIE DID YOU WATCH??!!
daniel: uh, of course!
me: i may have teared up a little
daniel: im sorry, but that proposal was super lame
me: aw see i liked it!
it was spontaneous!
and romantic!
in its own way!
daniel: and totally weak
me: oh whatever.
daniel: girls
The moral of the story is that Jim and Pam are perfect, and Sarah Palin is the worst human alive ever.
UPDATE (or the reason Doobie and I are no longer friends):
me: sir you are now famous because you are on the blog
daniel: hahahah woah, dont bring my future wife into the pictue
i would never propose to palin in that manner
daniel: i would do her up right, and hide a ring in her box of ammunition during our Adirondack hunting expedition. Then, as she took aim at the mammoth polar bear, she would see the glint of the diamond and fall deeply in love with me. (after she took down the bear with a headshot)
Sigh.
[Posted by Mallory]
just six words and a picture.
John Mccain and Benedict Arnold embrace.
[Posted by Kathleen]
from the department of hilarious crimes…
As I’ve mentioned, I’m in grad school now and so occasionally I’ll get these safety alerts from my school about crimes that have happened in the area. Mostly the alerts scare the shit out of me and make me afraid to walk alone at night, but this one made me chuckle:
Please be advised that on Sunday, September 21, 2008 at approximately 3:30 a.m., a group of 12-15 white males and females broke into a private residence and stole a bronze bull’s head sculpture worth $25,000.
Ha ha! What is this, Ocean’s Eleven? 12-15 people?! Was this some sort of massive dare? A drinking game gone awry? An extremely ambitious ploy to get listed in the safety alert emails? Either way, it brightened my day a little. And compelled me to put my $25,000 bronze bull’s head sculpture in my vault.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under adventures, humor, news, religion
the blues, they’re all the same.
As many of you know, I am legit obsessed with the Counting Crows and would accept a job fixing Adam Duritz’s dreads if he would only offer it to me. I thought I had heard every Counting Crows song ever made, but of course this new genius playlist thing from iTunes was all “Ha ha! Look at all these songs you’ve never heard! And you call yourself a fan!” and then I felt inadequate and immediately bought all of the songs. It turned out to be a good idea, because I discovered what is now one of my new favorite songs. It’s actually a cover of a Jackson Frank song, but I really dig the Counting Crows version. Without further ado, please enjoy “The Blues Run the Game”:
Mmm I love them.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under crushes, music, pop culture, technology, YouTube
i’ll see you at the pole.
Because I’m a super nerd, I like to look at Google Trends and see what the kids are Googling these days. Obviously when I saw “see you at the pole” as one of the top terms, I had to check it out. Do you know what immediately came into my head? Stripping and pole dancers. Perhaps “see you at the pole” is used as a challenge for pole dancers–like a walk off…but crazier. Maybe we’re talking about Santa and the North Pole. I don’t know.
See You At The Pole is actually a day each year when Christian students gather at the flag pole and pray before school. Ummm. What a let down.
Two million students are expected to have participated this morning in the See You At The Pole 2008.
This raises questions of the separation between church and state. While this occurs outside of school hours and is student led, should administrators be allowed to participate? Where are the lines drawn? What do you think would happen if I’ll See You At The Pole 2008 was all about devil worship?
Lots of thoughts for your Wednesday morning.
Pole dancing is way more fun to think about, right? But what do you think?
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under news, pop culture, random, religion, thoughts
youtube clip of today: dr. mcswimmy.
One word: RAWR.
Jimmy Kimmel strikes again! Who knew he was so funny?
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, crushes, humor, pop culture, random, sports, TV, YouTube
palin meets important people, remains worthless.
Aaaand all of this is actually painful to read.
I’m going to sedate myself with an issue of Real Simple and go to sleep.
[Posted by Mallory]
mccain lied, i’m tired, the end.
I just had like a million hours of class — with the last class culminating in a raging debate over the format of our final — and then WALKED home so I’m kind of tired. I know, my life is really hard. But thanks to the New York Times News Alerts, I was among the first to read this little ditty, which I will cut and paste for your reading pleasure, because again, I’m tired.
McCain Aide’s Firm Was Paid by Freddie Mac
One of the giant mortgage companies at the heart of the credit crisis paid $15,000 a month to a firm owned by Senator John McCain’s campaign manager from the end of 2005 through last month, according to two people with direct knowledge of the arrangement. The disclosure contradicts a statement Sunday night by Mr. McCain that the campaign manager, Rick Davis, had no involvement with the company for the last several years.
You can read more about the issue here. As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t exactly understand this stuff, but here’s a little more info to help us understand:
Mr. Davis’s firm received the payments from the company, Freddie Mac, until it was taken over by the government this month along with Fannie Mae, the other big mortgage lender whose deteriorating finances helped precipitate the cascading problems on Wall Street, the two people said.
They said they did not recall Mr. Davis’s doing much substantive work for the company in return for the money, other than to speak to a political action committee of high-ranking employees in October 2006 on the approaching midterm Congressional elections. They said Mr. Davis’s firm, Davis Manafort, had been kept on the payroll because of his close ties to Mr. McCain, the Republican presidential nominee, who by 2006 was widely expected to run again for the White House.
Mr. Davis took a leave from Davis Manafort for the presidential campaign, but as an equity holder continues to benefit from its income. No one at Davis Manafort other than Mr. Davis was involved in efforts on Freddie Mac’s behalf, the people familiar with the arrangement said.
And all this is on the heels of the McCain campaign releasing ads tying Obama to Fannie Mae chiefs. Hmm. Nice straight talk there, Maverick. But don’t worry, America: my Belgian friend just assured me that Obama and Biden have it in the bag.
[Posted by Mallory]
six words to change the world. 