This has been bothering me for quite some time:
One word for you, Miley: braces.
UPDATE: Instead of braces, did she maybe just get terrible veneers?
WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?! Anyone?
[Posted by Mallory]
Monthly Archives: August 2008
my complicated relationship with the olympics.
As I’ve said before, I really do love the Olympics. (Kathleen does too.) It’s one of those things that you can’t help but anticipate, even if you’re not a die-hard Olympic fan (which I surely am not). It’s like the Superbowl, or Christmas: whether or not you really care about the event, and even if the event is sort of a letdown because you don’t follow football or your relatives are crazy, it’s still great to look forward to it and then eat lots of appropriately themed foods.
In honor of my excitement for the Opening Ceremonies this Friday, I have proposed a Beer Olympics with my nearest and dearest New Jersey friends. We’ll see if it actually works out. I’ve always wanted to participate in some sort of drinking Olympics, and until now, I’d never gotten the chance. Then again, things like that always sound good in theory, and then are kind of miserable in practice (read: case races). But I digress.
What I wanted to tell you is that things like this MSN slideshow make me even more excited for the Olympics. I mean, who doesn’t get all jazzed about pictures like this:
But then I read articles like Sally Jenkins’ “Partners in Grime” (WashPo), and I get all depressed. In the article, she first talks about the terrible pollution in Beijing, which is so bad that some athletes have even had to drop out of the Games:
Athletes are threatening to skip the Opening Ceremonies because they’re afraid the environment of the host city will sicken them or compromise their medal chances, and distance runner Haile Gebrselassie dropped out of the marathon because the fumes are too heavy for him to run that distance.
How awful is that? Can you imagine waiting FOUR YEARS for your Olympic shot and then not getting to compete because of the polluted air? I would not be happy.
On top of the International Olympic Committee’s disregard for the health of its athletes, it appears the Olympics are just one big money-making scheme, just like everything else in this world. And I guess if I thought about it, I knew that, but it’s so much more fun to pretend that it’s still all about the love of the game (which, hopefully it still is for most of the athletes). Here’s Jenkins’ take:
So what is this Olympics really about? It’s about 12 major corporations and their panting ambitions to tap into China’s 1.3 billion consumers, the world’s third-largest economy. Understand this: The International Olympic Committee is nothing more than a puppet for its corporate “partners,” without whom there would be no Games. These major sponsors pay the IOC’s bills for staging the Olympics to the tune of $7 billion per cycle. Without them, and their designs on the China market, Beijing probably would not have won the right to host the Summer Games.
Plus, there are all sorts of human rights violations going on, with people being jailed unnecessarily and generally treated like crap so that Beijing can “look good” for the Olympics. (And this NY Times article unearths a pretty sad truth: that literal walls are being put up to block homes and shops that aren’t deemed appropriate for Olympic visitors to see.) Depressing, right? It’s upsetting that an event which was supposed to be about a pretty pure thing has become more about politics and business, and has often led to a good amount of protests and violence.
Sigh. Enough Debbie Downer-ing for one day, eh?
[Posted by Mallory]
guess what copper ate this time?
My dog (pictured above, looking saucy) is definitely not a skinny bitch. Well, actually, he’s pretty damn skinny, but he’s not what you might call a “light eater.” For some time now, I’ve been meaning to start regularly posting about the random shit that Copper eats, because man, it’s impressive. In the past, he has eaten half of a huge nutella/white chocolate cake, a jar of honey, a bag of Chex Mix, brownies that were in a Tupperware, a can of Hansen’s soda, a bag of Snickers (wrappers included), a container of rat poison, etc. etc. As you can see, he’s not particularly discriminating in his culinary choices.
Today, Copper ate an entire loaf of banana bread. That we were giving to our friend who has cancer. NICE ONE, Copper.
[Posted by Mallory]
when our work’s done for us.
Walsh, our Chicago-based correspondent, sent us this excellent six-word headline from the Discovery Channel online:
“Tree Shrew Lives on Nature-Brewed Beer.”
Um, awesome! Basically, this one plant in West Malaysia produces a nectar that smells like beer and has a 3.8% alcohol content. A bunch of animals like to toss back a few at nature’s bar, but the tree shrew is the real frat dog in this rainforest:
The researchers conducted video surveillance of visitors to the plant and determined that many species bellied up to the bar-like scene, particularly at night, when the number of visits more than doubled. Nocturnal imbibers included the gray tree rat, the Malayan wood rat, the chestnut rat, the slow loris and the pentailed tree shrew.
The latter two animals spent far more time than the others did moving up and down the palm flowers and licking off the available nectar and pollen. The shrews stayed an average of 138 minutes per night, while the lorises fed for an average of 86 minutes each night.
But don’t worry, the tree shrew isn’t going sob to you about how much he misses his ex-girlfriend or vom in the cab. According to the author of the article about this crazy critter, Frank Wiens, “The [shrews] show no obvious signs of drunkenness when observed from only 9.8 feet away away.” Better than I can say for myself.
[Posted by Mallory]
dear god, am i skinny yet?
Now that I’ve been eating somewhat like a skinny bitch for the past, oh, four days, I’ve started looking pretty good. Take a look at this picture of me, just hanging out poolside:
Not bad, right?
Okay, actually, I’ve successfully not consumed diet pop or meat since whenever I finished Skinny Bitch (a whopping four days ago, OKAY?!). I was feeling really inspired yesterday and decided that I was going to be a vegan until I go to New York on Thursday, but I went to a Mexican restaurant today, and Mexican food without cheese would be a crime against humanity. So I cracked. Also, if we’re getting technical, the skinny bitches said that to be truly healthy, you’re not supposed to have any alcohol besides organic red wine. Yesterday I maybe had a shot of tequila with my family friends at 11:45 a.m. They made me do it.
So my progress is as follows:
- I was a true Skinny Bitch-style vegan for three hours yesterday.
- I was more or less a “vegan” for a little over 24 hours.
- I have been a vegetarian for four days.
In my book, that ain’t bad. Let’s see what happens this weekend when I spend many drunken days/nights with my bacon-and-chicken-nugget-loving friends. Wish me luck.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under animals, celebrities, drinks, food
youtube clip of today: flea market!
Three million people have enjoyed the musical stylings of this advertising guru–so you know it’s something special. And when he looks into your eyes and sings to you, it’s like he’s singing straight into your soul. I hope you’re emotionally ready, suckers.
I will warn you, I have my suspicions that this video actually brainwashes you. Something about the music. For some reason I am feeling as if I need living rooms, bedrooms, dinettes. I don’t know what it is but I just want to go to Flea Market Montgomery. It’s just like, it’s just like, a mini-mall! Hey hey!
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under crushes, music, pop culture, random, YouTube
quick takes on some “news” stories.
When I say news, I’m not taking about world news or current affairs. I’m talking about things I find interesting. You know, quirky news.
- The world’s smallest snake was found in Barbados. Ewwwwwww. It is as wide as a strand of spaghetti and can be up to four inches long. As if I wasn’t afraid of snakes already, now I have to be afraid of snakes that I can’t even see. If I’m ever in Barbados. Oh, and here’s the best. The scientist who discovered it named it Leptotyphlops carlae, after his wife, Carla. Carla is a herpetologist. Hmmm. I’m pretty sure I graduated with a few herpetologists.
- Jen Moss must be loving life right now. On Saturday, dozens, perhaps hundreds of bike riders rode the streets of St. Louis as naked as they dared. The World Naked Bike Ride (careful if you’re at work, there is nudity on the web site) protests the cost of oil. And let’s face it, it’s an excuse to ride around on your bicycle nakey. According to eyewitnesses, lots of boobs and thongs. Good times. Oh, and to make it even better, the 10 mile ride ended at a bar. GOOD PLANNING!
- Lindsay Lohan’s leeeeetle seeeeester, Ali Lohan, “accidentally” auditioned for a horror movie directed by a well-known porn director, Peter Davy. HA! Her rep says Ali didn’t know about his past, which includes “Voodoo Lust” and “Dreams in the Forbidden Zone” (RAWR!), and if she did she would not have auditioned. Question: does Ali Lohan book her own auditions? I’m pretty sure her agents aren’t that dumb. And isn’t it strange that she has a reality show right now? My my, that sounds like such a good plot line!
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under animals, celebrities, news, pop culture, random
what really is in a name?
This story was on CNN a few days ago, but it still fits the Six Words standard of newsworthiness. Because it’s just that ridiculous and good. CNN did a feature on kids with unusual names. And if you think your name qualifies for this because you use an “i” instead of a “y” or “ie” at the end of your name, you are quite mistaken.
For example, take the Jones family of Maryland. The Jones’ welcomed their daughter into this world and named her Indiana, after the state. Or so they say. A likely story.
Okay, naming your daughter Indiana Jones is okay I guess. Don’t get any ideas, Alicia. But what, no, rather HOW, they named their son is the kind of ludicrousness that I live to write about and share with the world.
As for Dow Joseph Jones, there was serious talk of naming him Jack Ryan Jones, to keep the Harrison Ford theme. (Jack Ryan is the character Ford played in a series of action movies.) Instead, her husband named their son Dow on a dare while Jennifer was asleep in the hospital bed after giving birth.
She said she cried when she found out and even thought about having Dow’s name changed.
The bolding, for the record was mine, just so you couldn’t miss the shining jewel of absurdity embedded in the quote. She THOUGHT about having Dow’s name changed? If that was me, I’d have a name change and divorce papers within an hour. That poor kid. Do you call him Dowie? Like Howie, but with D? Weird.
Indiana and Dow have tame names compared to some the story mentioned. Open Weaver Banks, I’m talking about you, girl. Her mother named her Open. Now I’m not an adolescent male and I can come up with 100 nicknames/reasons why I would not want to be named Open. I bet a teenage boy can come up with 1,000.
Or even worse, the 9 year old girl from New Zealand who recently won the right in court to get her name changed. Her name (are you ready for this?) was Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii. Ha! Her parents must have been stoned out of their minds. Former Talula, I hope you changed your name to Jane Smith, or something like that. Bless your little heart.
My friends and I have often wondered how much of an impact your name makes on your personality. Being a Kathleen and not having a nickname, I find that I tend to share my name with the 50+ crowd, rather than other 22 year olds. But it stands out, I suppose. Has it made me different? Do I act like an old woman? Nah, not really. Except for this past weekend, but that’s a different story.
I guess it would be easier to have a weird name if your last name was Jolie-Pitt or Kidman Urban (poor Sunday Rose–I said it before and I’ll say it again. That name sounds like a Yankee Candle scent.)? And celebrities are notorious for saddling their kids with bizarre names. But is it just me, or did Angelina give her twins fantastic names? Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline are really cool.
Anyway, I guess there is really no answering my questions. What do you think? But for the love of God, don’t name your child anything that lends itself to a nickname with a bad sexual innuendo. Yes, I’m talking about Open. Again.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, definitely not politics, pop culture, random
happy birthday future president barack obama!
Happy birthday Barack! Our presumptive Democratic nominee is 47 years old today. And he’s on the campaign trail, doing his thing. I bet I know what his birthday wish will be when he blows out the candles on his cake tonight.
A new grill for the backyard, duh.
But instead of taking today off, Obama is actually giving voters a present. At 11 a.m. today, he will unveil his new energy plan. So look for livestreaming online or flip on your teeevee. Hooray!
A lot of people are taking this opportunity to juxtapose B’s youth with John’s lack of youth. The WSJ has a semi-interactive graphic about the age gap. I’ll admit, I take a few cheap shots about McCain’s age. But the truth is, if my party’s nominee was that age and I felt he was the right person to do the job then it wouldn’t matter. Age has nothing to do with why I think Barack is ready to lead–it’s his positions on the issues. So take that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BARACK! YOU’LL BE A GREAT PRESIDENT.
[Posted by Kathleen]
youtube clip of today: mr. personality.
Oh Alan Gillett. This is pretty painful, dude–yet scarily entertaining. It’s like looking at something terrible. You want to look away, but you just can’t. Because that’s human nature.
My favorite part is literally the first few seconds before the music starts. You can just feel that something good is coming, and Mr. Personality himself does not disappoint! Sure, the looks from the crowd are entertaining, but Alan manages to keep himself the star of this clip. In a way, he brings me back to my childhood: his singing voice sounds like Ernie of the infamous hetero-lifemates Bert and Ernie, and he dances like a three year old at a Raffi concert rocking out to Baby Beluga. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. I bet he won this talent show.
Alan, I appreciate you. And we need more people with your kind of personality to shake things up. And put more good videos on YouTube.
[Posted by Kathleen]
six words to change the world. 
