Category Archives: celebrities

joe the plumber, great american journalist.

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As Mallory reported earlier, Joe the Plumber is now Joe the Reporter, reporting from Israel.  For Pajama Media, whatever that is. (I frequently blog from my bed, am I part of Pajama Media?)  Essentially, after watching one of his videos, I would ever-so-kindly, but bluntly, suggest that he stick to plumbing.  Let’s take a look at it, shall we?  Watch Joe the Buffoon give his version of the straight talk to the media (and be a huge horse’s ass) here.  Best part is how he says “I’m not the story”, (as he points to the dude with the Kenny G. hair in a ponytail.  That hair is newsworthy.) but clearly, he is.  And that’s how he likes it.

Somehow, this joker managed to get about two solid weeks of press attention.  The first time was just chance, but every time after that, it was because he wanted it.  Ooh, Joe is going on the campaign trail with McCain!  Ooh, Joe isn’t ruling out a run for Congress in 2010!  Ooh, Joe just got an agent!  Now, if he didn’t want publicity, why would he hire an agent?  After all, he’s just a regular guy!  My favorite Joe moment, up until now though, was after the election when Joe decided to backstab McCain and Palin.  Yup, that got him another 15 minutes of fame.

So here is the transcription of him confronting “The Media”. Dun dun dun…

JOE: The story here is people are being killed and the media’s slanting it and trying to make it Hamas is, uh, as far as, that Israel’s being bad. Do you believe Israel is bad?

Oooh!  Good question, Joe! Has Israel been naughty?

REPORTER: Do I believe it?

JOE: Yeah, do you?!

Do ya, punk?

REPORTER: I’m Israeli, so…

JOE: So answer the question!

Objection!  The reporter is badgering the…reporter!

REPORTER: No, I don’t think Israel is bad.

JOE: Do you think Israel has every right to protect itself?

REPORTER: Yeah.

[pause]

JOE: You do?!

REPORTER: Yeah.

It’s called preparation, Joe.  It’s quite simple.  You see, if you think of questions beforehand, you don’t have to stall and have awkward pauses.

JOE: Have you said that on air?

REPORTER: I’m just a reporter.

Yeah, Joe.  You really nailed this one.

Ahhh, and that is why I cannot be a reporter.  Because being able to have public opinions about things, such as Joe the Plumber, is just too much fun to pass up.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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a celebration of the final week.

Yes kids, it’s the last full week of George Bush’s presidency.  Let’s celebrate!  A big thank you to 23/6 for putting this little video together for us.  LOVE the background music.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Don’t go getting all nostalgic on me now!  Dry your eyes!
[Posted by Kathleen]

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prince harry, harry, he’s quite contrary.

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If this was American politics, we’d call it Pakigate.  But it isn’t. It’s British, so I don’t know what to call it other than completely and utterly stupid on the part of Prince Harry.  You know Prince Harry? Yes, as in the now-hotter-than-Prince William-prince.

(True story: When William was at his peak attractiveness–age 16– and I was at my peak boycrazyness–age 13– I had his poster on my wall.  Did I ever have a shot with him?  No.  In fact, there’s a long list of laws that tell you why I cannot.  Being American and Catholic are just the tip of the iceberg.  But I still had hope.  Don’t judge me, fools.  And on second thought, you should never marry someone who had your poster on their wall.  That’s just weird.  Tom and Katie, I’m talking to you.)

Anyway, Harry made an oopsie.  In a video, he called one of his platoon buddies his “little Paki friend”, which of course is not cool, and then he tells another he looks like a “raghead”.  Now, before he gets the title His Royal Highness Prince Harry the Racist and you get your royal britches in a twist, I want to not defend him while defending him…if that makes sense.  Our own American troops use language like that.  It’s not uncommon.  But it’s terrible.  Also, while you think good ‘ole ‘Arry might have his wits about him because HE IS THE PRINCE OF WALES, he’s done some dumb things in the past.  Like that time he wore a Nazi uniform to a Halloween party.  Or how he blatantly smokes pot at parties.  Maybe he isn’t royally brilliant, but that doesn’t make him a  racist.

But watch the video for yourself.  Do you think he’s just a dude, who happens to be a prince,  trying to fit in with his platoon?  Because that’s what it seems like to me.  Also, at the end you’ll feel like you know him a little better than anticipated after one of his buddies asks him a question, and he obliges with the answer.

Here is Harry’s apology:

“Prince Harry fully understands how offensive this term can be, and is extremely sorry for any offense his words might cause,” spokesman Patrick Harrison said in a statement.

“However, on this occasion three years ago, Prince Harry used the term without any malice and as a nickname about a highly popular member of his platoon. There is no question that Prince Harry was in any way seeking to insult his friend.”

No mention of the ginger pubes.

But we learn another fact.  Harry made this video three years ago.  Does that change things?

UPDATED:  The father of the cadet Harry made the remark about is furious and says his apology isn’t enough.  Also, Harry is in even more trouble with one of his own charities.  Click HERE.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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george the lobster goes back home.

I can’t write something more clever than the NY Daily News lede, so here you go.

A monster lobster scored a one-way ticket out of a Manhattan restaurant Friday – and not on a fork.

After a few years of straight up chilling at the City Crab and Seafood restaurant in New York (and a petition from PETA), George, estimated to be between 80 and 140 years old (yeah, me too…) is being released.  It must be a slow news day, because this is hilarious:

George, unlike certain other celebrities, did not seem perturbed as a crew of photographers shot his picture before his grand exit.

“If he was upset, he’d be slapping his tail. His claws would be up and in a defensive posture,” explained Vaina.

“Can you lift up his butt, if he has a butt?” asked a photographer.

George will be transported to New Hampshire, and then finally released in Maine, where he is for sure bound to be caught by a crazy, old Maine lobsterman and sold for $7 a pound.  Yum.

George, GO BACK FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!  Live longer and prosper, little buddy!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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porn industry needs some economic viagra!

Ladies and Gentleman, in case you haven’t heard, we are in a serious economic crisis.  The banks are in trouble, the auto industry is in trouble, the sky is falling, and the once throbbing porn industry is now flaccid.  Hardy har har.

All joking aside (but not really), the porn industry has gone limp.  Now, its two top bananas (good title for a porn king, right?) are going to ask the Congress for a porn pullout put out bailout of $5 billion.  I am not making this up.  FIVE. BILLION. DOLLARS.  A sort of economic viagra, if you will.

Larry Flynt, grandpoohbah of porn and free speech, and Joe Francis, the creepy life ruiner that started Girls Gone Wild, will be going to Washington to petition Congress.  How cute!  Go ahead, laugh.  (Quotes from TMZ, the most trustworthy source of news EVER.)

Francis sees his industry like the big three automakers, only BIGGER: “Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation’s most important businesses; we feel we deserve the same consideration.”

Seems to me that Francis is one of those guys that lies about size.  Size of the porn industry, you sickos.  Get your heads out of the gutter!

“With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind,” Flynt says. “It’s time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America.”

Two things, Larry. Even though the economy is in shambles, people aren’t denying biology.  Secondly, and you can ask any 13 year old boy this, but it’s called the internet.  (Al Gore invented it.)  And usually, it’s free!  THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU DESERVE A BAILOUT.  What it means is that the times, they are a changin’.  You know, get hip, Larry!  Way back, I wrote a post about how people were excited for the new iPhone because it was apparently better for porn.  Gross, I know.  But the post is now the most viewed one every day.  People post links to free sites.  I am shocked and appalled that this sinning happens at our blog, but whatev.

Anyway, this porn bailout plot line is almost as ridiculous as an actual porn plot line.  Cue the cheesy music.

Does anyone else want a bailout?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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bennifer have nameless but beautiful child.

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Jennifer Garner popped out baby numero dos yesterday– a baby girl.  Little Violet is a big sister! Awwwww.  I wish that I could tell you the name of the no doubt bound to be gorgeous spawn of Jen and Ben (RAWR!), but alas, they either don’t have a name or it has not been revealed.  Usually celebrity baby names are great fuel for blogging, but I think these two like to go traditional.  What would you name their child?

UPDATED:  The baby’s name is Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck.  Maybe not as traditional as I expected! I like it!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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behind the mystery lies a truth…

On this fine Sunday, I had the pleasure of seeing one Kathleen Shea Blogger. In fact, it was the first time we’ve been together since we began this here blog. We had brunch with our friends, chatted, had a naked pillow fight, etc. We also went to see The Reader with our friend Norah.

The Reader is the third movie I’ve seen in the past few weeks that I wasn’t originally intending to see. I saw Slumdog Millionaire because I missed Four Christmases, Seven Pounds because The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was sold out, and now The Reader because Milk was sold out. Someone’s really screwing with my movie schedule, but luckily I’ve loved each of these three movies.

I had some vague ideas of what The Reader was about, and I’d heard that it got good reviews. I’m no film buff, but I quite liked it, and I thought Kate Winslet, Ralph Fiennes, and newcomer David Kross were all phenomenal. It’s a twisted, sad movie, but I thought it was original and thought-provoking. 

The questions of justice that the film brings up were most interesting for me. Modern law requires an assignment of guilt or innocence with no real middle ground, and this movie illustrates just how complex and contrived that requirement can be. My inability to come to terms with the whole black-and-white aspect of law is part of the reason I decided not to go to law school. I’m bad at making decisions to begin with, and even if assigned a side, I think I’d struggle to be 100% on that side. (There are exceptions, of course, and I’m oversimplifying our legal system, but you get what I mean. I hope.)

On a lighter, creepier note, I finally understood exactly what my cougar friend means when she looks at a younger guy and says she wants to give him a bath. Not that I don’t still find that statement totally creepy (you heard me, Cougar Friend), but I got a little embarrassed when I formed a huge crush on David Kross, the young Michael in this movie, and then discovered that he is only 18. Here’s the only picture I found of him where he looked as if he’d hit puberty (he’s on the left, clearly):

Yeah he still looks young. I feel dirty. But whatever, suburban moms totally have crushes on the Jonas brothers, right?

And let’s just pause and remember how fabulous Kate Winslet is, even when she’s just hanging around with her kid:

I’ve had a few strangers tell me I look like Kate Winslet, and I every time I see a picture of her or watch one of her movies I try and I try to force myself to see the likeness, and I simply don’t see it. The face is a stretch, and our bodies…well, let’s just say I don’t see it.

Here’s a preview for The Reader:

If you see it, let us know what you think!

[Posted by Mallory]

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my confidence boosting present to you.

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Besides the holiday cheer and all that jazz, one of the things I adore the most about this time of year is the end of year wrap-ups.  It’s true.  I would watch the E! Channel’s “Top 20 Celebrity Haircuts with Bangs of 2008” if it was on.  Really, I would.  But this is far more interesting than celebrity hair cuts with bangs, I hope.  Here is the link to the top 20 mugshots of 2008.  I’ve posted one of my favorites.  Doesn’t it just make you feel better about yourself?  Happy Holidays!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1217081mugyear1.html

Oh, and by the way…YAY SPIDERS FOOTBALL!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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let’s see that torso fro, baby.

Upon stalking the internet in search of mindlessness to keep you busy at work (my job is hard, okay?!), I came across a story on TheDailyBeast about the return of chest hair.  I quickly skimmed the story, because I couldn’t justify spending my endless hours of free time actually reading about chest hair.  Okay, so maybe I did read most of it.  And let’s face it, I’ve written about hairy men before.  This stand out quote is stellar :

In these troubled times of war and craptastic financial news, are we yearning once again for leading manly men with comfortingly warm pelts in which to hide our anxious faces?

Haha.  Two things.  First, I cannot accept that craptastic is a word.  Second, does the writer have a legitimate point, as tongue in cheek as it is?

I actually just had a discussion about chest hair with our Argentina correspondent a few days ago over an ice cream.  Her feeling was that it’s unnecessary and gross. I feel that if you have too much of it, you are obligated to manscape.  I  also think it’s more of a personal preference thing than an indirect result of the failed Bush Administration and its policies of war and deregulation.  But hell, I blame Bush for nearly everything.  Why not this too?  Unless, of course, you think it’s a good thing.

But back to the story.  Along with the commentary, the writer provided a visual aid.  Click HERE for the slide show of chest hair.  And OMFG, Chuck Bass has chest hair?!  RAWR.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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santa claus is coming to town!

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I’ve never had any trouble believing in Santa but for the Scrooges out there Larry Silverberg, a professor of mechanical and aerospace engineering at North Carolina State University, has conducted some research to further explain Santa’s magic.  His Christmas-spirit-lacking conclusion?  Advanced nanotechnology and an exploitation of the time space continuum help to explain some of Santa’s powers.

Silverberg says that Santa is exploiting the time space continuum when he makes his Christmas Eve voyage around the world.  A Christmas Eve voyage that actually lasts SIX Santa months.  Pardonnez moi?

“He understands that space stretches, he understands that you can stretch time, compress space and therefore he can, in a sense, actually have six Santa months to deliver the presents,” Silverberg told Reuters.

“In our reference frame it appears as though he does it in the wink of an eye and in fact there have been sightings of Santa, quick sightings, and that’s in our reference frame, but in Santa’s reference frame he really has six months”.

I suppose that makes it a little easier to believe (that is, if you didn’t already) that Santa can visit 200 million homes in just one night.  Silverberg said his research also indicates that Santa doesn’t carry all of the toys in his sleigh.  Instead, he grows the presents under the tree using nanotechnology or, more specifically, he turns irreversible therm0-dynamic properties into reversible ones to turn soot, candy and other natural materials into the presents.  Maybe that’s why we’re supposed to leave cookies for Santa.  Not because he’s so hungry (although now that we know it actually takes him six months the cookies make a little more sense) but because he uses them to grow our presents!

Some of Silverberg’s other research on Santa indicates that to determine whose naughty or nice, Santa uses giant antennas; the sleigh also has a GPS system of sorts and the reindeer are “genetically bred to fly, balance on rooftops and see in the dark.”

I still think Santa’s sleigh is fueled by Christmas Spirit and my biggest question remains, how does Santa eat all of those cookies and still fit through the chimneys?  Also, where does he vacation after Christmas?  I’d like to go there and buy him a drink.

If you’re still not convinced (you lousy non-believer, you) check out this picture from Iwasabducted.com  (a truly reliable source if ever there was one) of an unidentified flying object that looks eerily similar to Santa’s sleigh.

Honestly, do you need more proof than that?

[Posted by Madeline]

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