Category Archives: crushes

the baseball game that took for-ev-eeer.

Wow, what an All-Star game! Since Kathleen and I are practically professional MLB commentators, we have a lot of insight on the game. Because we like you, we’ll let you see some of the wisdom we passed back and forth while we watched:

Kathleen: this allstar game is absurd
Mallory: im glad youre watching! its nuts!
Kathleen: seriously!
Mallory: that uggla guy is a huge fuckup
Kathleen: haha never in a million years would i have pegged myself as the kind of girl to watch a baseball game all by herself at 1 a.m., but here i am

And then Kathleen blew me away with this one:

Kathleen: i love jd drew right now

Then we got extremely sophisticated in our analysis. If you don’t know a TON about baseball, you may not be able to follow this:

Kathleen: francona was really cute…did you see him freak out?
Mallory: yes that was adorable! i love baseball!
Kathleen: i feel so american
Me: im not even sad…theyre all so cute!
i like that shaggy one on the rangers
kinsler?
something like that
hes cute

And just so you know, Kinsler IS cute. Which is probably the adjective he strives for. See:

Soooo anyway, in case you live on the east coast and maybe have a job that prevents you from staying up until 1:45 a.m. watching baseball, I’ll fill you in. After a grueling 15 innings and almost five hours, the American League won this year’s All-Star game, 4-3. It was so intense that Kathleen and I both stayed up and watched until the end! That’s impressive! Besides Dan Uggla committing like 300 errors, everyone played really well, and I don’t actually know what I’m talking about so I’ll stop here. Good job everyone! Go America! Goodnight!

[Posted by Mallory]

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how about a little celebrity gossip?

It seems like there’s a lot of good celebrity gossip out there right now, so let’s do a little roundup of the most interesting tidbits:

  • Khloe Kardashian is going to jail for violating the terms of her probation for a DUI she got last year. I really don’t know anything about the Kardashians, except that their parents cruelly spelled all of their names with K’s. Surely Kriminal Khloe won’t actually go to jail for that long, but maybe she’ll have to wear one of those ankle bracelet tracker things! (I saw a guy a Target wearing one, and I was scared of him, but then he was really nice to his wife/girlfriend so I decided he was okay.) [The Superficial]
  • Sienna Miller was caught kissing a married actor named Balthazar Getty! And she was naked! [AOL News]
  • Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman broke up after five years together. So first Ryan and Reese break up (I saw a picture of Ryan with that homewrecker nanny the other day and it still caught me off guard), then Heath dies, and now America’s favorite funny couple have called it quits. Sigh. [People]
  • Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone has lots of scandalous things to say about her in his book coming out this week, Life With My Sister Madonna. Notable among the life-ruining claims he makes: “Madonna hangs an 8-by-12-foot photo of herself in S&M gear and lying on a bed with dead animals in her home – in full view of the kids.” Um, ew. [New York Post]
  • Okay I’m starting to wish I hadn’t started this post because I’m finding out lots of things that I just wish I didn’t know. Like Drew Barrymore and that cute, nerdy Justin Long guy from Dodgeball broke up. They seemed so wacky and fun! CAN’T ANYONE STAY TOGETHER??! [People]
  • While I’m being a downer, can I mention that I’m still really upset about Anne Hathaway’s boyfriend turning out to be a huge sleazeball? Anne Hathaway is my number one Hollywood girl crush, perhaps because we look so much alike, and I not-so-secretly wish I was her character in The Devil Wears Prada, minus the horrible job but plus the scruffy boyfriend who makes me grilled cheese. Hang in there, Anne.
  • Let’s end on a happy note, shall we? Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie had their twins! Yay for babies! Apparently the boy and the girl are healthy and everything’s great, except that their names are Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. Eek. That makes for what, 27 children for the Jolie-Pitts? [People]

[Posted by Mallory]

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monkey boy prevails over roger federer.

You’re so getting the wrong idea about Kathleen and me with all this sports coverage, but hey, exciting stuff is on TV, and it is our duty as bloggers to watch and report. I’ve been casually following Wimbledon, so as a follow-up to Kathleen’s post about the wonderful Williams sisters, let’s talk about the men.

When I watch any sort of sporting event, I need to choose a team/person to cheer for in order to get invested in watching. For tennis, I like to select the more attractive player and then enthusiastically root for him. So when Roger Federer was playing against Marat Safin, I rooted for Safin:

In retrospect, I think I may have made the wrong decision, considering that my Google image search turned up a lot of these douchey model-like photos of Safin. Anyway, in the Federer-Nadal championship match, there was no question which player I’d cheer for. Sure, I’d rooted against Federer a few days before, but a moderately good-looking human (which Federer is) will always prevail over an actual monkey:

Monkey

And yeah, that might be an unflattering photo of Nadal, but dude looks like a monkey. He even eats bananas as a mid-match snack. So for this match, Roger was my man. My sister and I watched the match from the gym, feeling kind of lame as we struggled to run for more than ten minutes while ol’ Roger and Rafa battled away for nearly five hours. After watching Federer come back from two sets down to tie things up and get into a fifth set, we thought that the match would be postponed until the next day because of the rain. We thought it was safe to step away from the TV and go to the pool, but no! As we were ordering lunch, we noticed that the match was still on, so it was back into the locker room to watch the rest.

Man, that thing was intense. Federer and Nadal have played each other in the past five Wimbledons, and even though Federer won each time (beating Nadal in the championship just last year), this sixth meeting was insanely evenly matched. The two went game for game until the bitter end, when Nadal finally broke Federer’s serve and went on to win. (And that’s no easy serve to break.) After about four and a half hours of play, the final score was a crazy 6-4, 6-4, 6-7 (5), 6-7 (8), 9-7. My sister and I were glued to the TV, chatting excitedly with all of the old ladies that came into the locker room to watch with us.

As much as I was rooting for Federer, I’m quite impressed by Nadal. The guy is only 22 years old, and he’s already played in six Wimbledons (not six finals — thanks to commenters Sinead and Em for correcting me on those facts). Sure, he looks like a primate, but I can’t even say anything snarky about that record. What have I done in my two decades of life? And I can’t do anything for four and a half hours, let alone bust my ass running around a tennis court. (I also have to admit that it was pretty cute when Nadal monkey-climbed his way through the stands to hug his parents…that got a tear or two out of me.)

When Federer put a cable knit sweater on over his sweaty tennis clothes about 10 seconds after the match ended, I forgot about Nadal and decided I was actually in love with Roger. Then I noticed that the sweater was monogrammed with his own little logo that was on the hats all of his supporters were wearing. Is that pretentious? I’m still undecided. Also, I discovered that he and his cute longtime girlfriend/fiancée/wife (I can’t figure it out) had a photo shoot with Annie Leibowitz featuring photos like this:

I’m sorry, but seriously, Roger? (See more of the slideshow here.) And then in my Wikipedia research, I discovered two more disturbing facts: he launched his own FRAGRANCE back in 2003, and he’s good friends with Tiger Woods. Sigh. Now I’m all conflicted. Anyone have any insights on Roger? Or Monkey Boy, for that matter? I’m just going to lie down and have a cold beverage.

[Posted by Mallory]

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we’re talking brunettes, not fighter jets.

Beards and Glasses

My Australian friend Kate, whom I studied abroad with in Italy, recently wrote on my Facebook wall (when I am too old to not drop things like “Oh, she wrote that on my wall” in everyday conversation?) that I should keep myself entertained “with some good old kiwi (New Zealand) humour.” (She also says fun things like “bub” and “mad blog,” which I love.) Of course, she was talking about Flight of the Conchords, the musical comedy band that most of you have probably heard of. According to Wikipedia, they bill themselves as “formerly New Zealand’s fourth most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo.”

As Christian Landers points out, because I am a white person, I like musical comedy: “This style of humor involves a person or group singing a song but rather than singing about something serious, it has funny lyrics. It’s not any more complicated than that, but white people can’t get enough of it.” Landers cites Flight of the Conchords as a perfect example of musical comedy that white people like. And to anyone hoping to make friends with a white person, he offers the following sage advice:

If you find yourself at a corporate retreat where you have to put on a skit for the other employees in your office, it’s always a good idea to suggest doing a funny song. The rest of your group will get very excited and start work immediately on some clever lyrics. Do not worry about the music part, if you have more than two white males on your team, it is certain that one of them can play the guitar.

Wise man, that Christian Landers.

Anyway, on Kate’s recommendation, I started playing on YouTube watching various Flight of the Conchords videos, and naturally, in the process, I formed crushes on the two singers. (A bearded man and a nerdy guy with glasses? Who both can sing and play the guitar? Sign me up.) All of the videos are entertaining, although sometimes I feel like I’m just not getting the joke (wrong hemisphere, maybe?). The wannabe-peace-loving-hippie-with-a-sense-of-humor in me quite liked this one:

When I become president, this is going to be the foundation of my national security strategy: “If every soldier in the world put down his weapon, picked up a woman, what a peaceful world this world would be.”

I also love this one, “The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room”:

I’d like to think that I’m in the top three most beautiful girls on the street. Depending on the street.

[Posted by Mallory]

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just six words and a picture.

Here is Coldplay singer Chris Martin (looking a little too dirrrrrty for my liking but that is easily overlooked…rawr!) during the Today Show yesterday.

I need my bra back, Chris.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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hey, karen? you are the coolest.

Over winter break this year, a few of my friends and I holed up in our friend Doobie’s house for a wonderful few days of what we now call “Camp Nowhere.” His parents were out of town, so we had the house to ourselves and felt as excited as little kids who are accidentally left without supervision. Among other things, during these few days we all got addicted to the Showtime series Californication. Now I’d never so much as heard of the show, but in one day, we all became so addicted that we watched all twelve episodes in a row. The show has sex, drugs, a lot of snarkiness, and even some rock ‘n’ roll. What more could a girl ask for?

Over the past few days, I’ve been forcing Kelsey to watch the show, and I’m proud to say that now that she’s seen the entire season, she’s hooked. Hands down, the best person in the show is Karen, David Duchovny’s character’s ex-“wife” (they were never actually married). She is my new idol, and I think it’s universally accepted that she’s the coolest person ever. She’s got great hair, great clothes, she’s tall (we tall girls have to stick together, you know), and I’ll even concede that her tattoos are cool. Plus, her sunglasses have sent my friend Katie on a quest to find “Karen sunglasses.” Is that creepy? We don’t care. (Speaking of creepy, the lights in the office I’m working in just went off…dun dun dun…) And Karen is the perfect antidote to all of the horrible girls in the show, like Mia (WHORE) and Dani (also a whore).

Let’s look at how cool Karen is:

What up Ktray

Hi Hank

I want to be you

I WANT TO BE HER. Or at least I’d like to have all of her jackets.

Of course, Karen is a real person, and her name is Natascha McElhone, and she seems just as cool in real life as in the show. But in my stalking of Karen/Natascha, I discovered terrible, terrible news. Turns out, Natascha’s 42-year-old husband, plastic surgeon Martin Kelly, randomly dropped dead of a heart attack about a month ago. And to make it worse, Karen is pregnant with their third child. So, at the risk of sounding like one of those creepy fan blogs (although I suppose it’s too late for that…), send your happiest, most sympathetic rays of thought out to the McElhones. So sad!

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under celebrities, crushes, fashion, RIP, TV

cover shot: barack and rolling stone.

Well, folks, looks like our favorite hopeful candidate is gracing the cover of Rolling Stone this week (his second cover). And I must say, he’s looking good. Apparently, it’s a pretty big deal that the cover is headline-less. (The other famous wordless cover is that weird one of a naked John Lennon death-gripping Yoko with his thighs, which I’ve always found pretty creepy, even though a lot of people seem to like it.) So hey, congrats, Barack!

Rolling Stone doesn’t post the full article online, but I’ve been able to browse through some snippets of the interview with Obama, and I’m particularly excited to see that we Barack out to similar music: Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Elton John, the Rolling Stones. Not too shabby.

In the piece I watched about this cover on The Today Show (and yes, this morning I also suffered through the awkward Today Show wedding), some analysts thought that a cover like this makes it too easy for Obama to be pigeonholed. But the Rolling Stone has always been openly political (and liberal), and has featured Bill Clinton, Al Gore, Howard Dean, and John Kerry on its covers throughout the years (along with Richard Nixon and W, but for slightly different reasons), so I don’t think Obama is making some kind of radical statement that people need to get freaked out about.

What I find a little more…unusual…than the Stones cover is the fact that Donatella Versace came out with a fashion line dedicated to and inspired by Hopey. Here’s what blog Highbrid Nation had to say:

In a move that has shocked both the political and fashion arenas, Donatella Versaceannounced that her Spring/Summer 2009 collection, which she presented in Milan on Saturday is dedicated entirely to presidential hopeful Barack Obama.  Versace said he the line represents “a relaxed man who doesn’t need to flex muscles to show he has power.” Needless to say this has NEVER happened before…big pimpin’….

Bizarre, but pretty freakin’ cool, too. I don’t anticipate a McCain-inspired line of hair pieces, hearing aids, and Stepford wife arm accessories to be coming out anytime soon, so Obama’s got a leg up there. Take a look at the Donatella’s Baracouture:

Yellow mandals? Ouch.

[Posted by Mallory]

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youtube clip of today. dance, matt!

I’m in love, I’m in love, and I don’t care who knows it! This is today’s top watched video (but you know, being the amazing person that I am, I had already seen it. I’m SO ahead of the curve).

Enjoy. I’m so smitten I don’t even have anything snarky to say.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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what happened to you, hal sparks?

As an enthusiastic (if not particularly committed) fan of VH1’s Best Week Ever and I Love the [Insert Decade Here], I was very happy to stumble upon the 2003 edition of I Love the New Millennium that’s on this week. I was looking forward to seeing Hal Sparks, one of my favorite commentators, rocking his snarky adorable nerdiness of yesteryear. In my memory, he looked something like this:

Hal

Totally crushable, no?

Let’s look at another:

Eee

Cute, clean-cut, white teeth…nice.

So imagine my surprise when he shows up on the set of I Love the New Millennium looking like THIS:

NO!

Hal, NOOOO! What happened to you? The patchy beard plus molestache? The earring? That tie?? And Hal, if you’re going to allow your hair to grow out like that, at least brush it, for god’s sake. Some scholarly research tells me that he has a CD now (not very new, apparently), so maybe he’s misguidedly trying to channel some sort of rocker vibe? Hal, on I Love the 2010’s, I’ll be expecting more of you.

At least he’s still witty.

[Posted by Mallory]

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something good this way comes, indeed.

Why hello

I love Bob Dylan. I can’t say I love him that much more than the average person, because, you know, everyone loves Bob Dylan. I had the chance to see him in concert last summer at Red Rocks with my friend Walsh, and it was the experience of a lifetime. Sure, his singing was so unintelligible that we didn’t know which song he was singing until about halfway through each, but I’m still glad I got to see him perform while he can still form something approaching real words.

But as much as I love good ol’ Bobby D., I just might love his son more. I’ve always thought that the Wallflowers were a little underrated, or at least underappreciated. They won two Grammys for “One Headlight,” and they certainly had a good run, but they didn’t last as long as I would have liked. I’m thrilled to see that Jakob (yep, we’re on a first name basis) has come out with an impressive first solo album. I’m kind of obsessed with “Something Good This Way Comes.” That voice…I think I’m in love. And Wikipedia just told me that Jakob has been married to the same woman for over 15 years, and they have four children whose privacy he works really hard to protect (he works so hard at this that Wikipedia doesn’t even list the names of two of his children. And if Wikipedia doesn’t have it, I don’t think even the Census Bureau does).

I’d been trying to put off writing about Jakob until some sort of official video for “Something Good” was released, but I couldn’t take it anymore, so we’ll have to settle for a bootleg clip from Bonnaroo:

While we’re at it, let’s watch a little old school Wallflowers to complete our fix:

Is there anything better than a Dylan with an acoustic guitar? Anyone want to give me their ticket to Rothbury?

[Posted by Mallory] 

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