I should have posted this last week, but Thanksgiving kind of got in the way. I present to you the Christian Side Hug rap. This is not a joke. I promise.
I personally have huge problems with side hugs. They seem so insincere. So if you hug me, make it a full frontal. How naughty!
[Posted by Kathleen]
Happy Monday, y’all! I hope you all had gluttonous and drunken Thanksgivings, just as the Pilgrims intended.
On Saturday night after falling asleep circa 10 p.m. while attempting to research for a paper (RAGEEEEE), I had a really disturbing dream. There’s this newsletter that I’m supposed to be writing for one of my internships, and it’s been hanging over my head for months and stressing me out on a regular basis. I needed to get it done, oh, in September, so every time I think about it I get heart palpitations and feel like a bad person. Such a bad person, I guess, that in my dream I hired SARAH PALIN to help me finish the newsletter. SARAH. PALIN. I know what you’re thinking: “Mallory, she was a journalism major, and she did just write a book, in only a few months. The talent!” To which I counter with a very serious “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.” The only good part about this dream was that I got to boss Palin around while she furiously took notes.
In other much, much better news, my mom sent me a really cute video the other day. I’m going to preface the video by telling you that you should not be expecting Beyonce-esque choreography here. The reason I love this video (and why I cried so much) is that it’s just a bunch of normal people having a ton of fun for a really good cause. How great is that?
Speaking of crying, I saw The Blind Side on Thanksgiving. I haven’t cried that hard in a movie since probably a few weeks ago, but guys it was BAD. I was with Kelsey and her fabulous roommate A.J., and Kelsey and I were legitimately making a scene. This means I’ve now seen at least four movies that made me cry so hard that strangers in the theater stared and made comments. Awesome. (UPDATE: This local DC blog has a pretty good guest post discussing The Blind Side and Precious. I saw Precious last Friday and holy jeebus, it was depressing. Good movie, but honestly such a bummer that I’m not sure I’d recommend it to many people.)
And to continue the stream-of-consciousness: A.J. is a really good dancer. One time, he did almost the whole Single Ladies dance while I awkwardly jumped around nearby. The other day, I asked him how long it took him to learn that dance, and he was all, “Oh, that? What do you mean? I didn’t ever really try to learn it. I was just having fun!” Sigh. Don’t you just hate some people?
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under adventures, dance, definitely not politics, food, pop culture, YouTube
Happy Friday, readership!
Oh, hello. Me again. Since the real job is getting in the way of my bloggy job, I’ve condensed a week’s worth of what I liked into one fabulous Friday post. Does that work for you? I sure hope so!
You all know how much I love stories about sci-fi weirdos (apparently the cool way to spell it now is SyFy. Anybody else notice that the Sci-Fi Channel changed its spelling?). Well, here’s a good one! Computational linguistics expert d’Armond Speers spoke only Klingon to his son for the first three years of the boy’s life. Ummm, WHAT? He claims it was an experiment to see if his son would learn it like any normal human language in the early developmental stages.
He just confirmed what every child already knows– you are an experiment, and your parents are trying to corrupt you and make you as uncool as possible.
Here is the best quote from the article:
As for Speers, who still gets nostalgic when he recalls singing the Klingon lullaby “May the Empire Endure” with his son at bedtime, the experiment was a dud. His son is now in high school and doesn’t speak a word of Klingon.
Stay strong, young Speers!
Like any good yuppie bleeding-heart liberal, I have an iPhone. We all know that there is an app for everything, but this new one is so hilarious and wonderful that I have to share it with you. It’s totally politically nerdy, but it’s a bobble head guide to every single member of Congress. Here is my favorite member of Congress:
Best 99 cents I’ve ever spent. Download Bobble Rep.
Speaking of politics, lots of good stuff going on, eh? Lieberman sucks more than ever and the women’s movement took two steps back no thanks to Rep. Stupak.
I also remain perplexed as to how people can manipulate the messages of Christianity in light of healthcare reform. To me, it seems that giving a little extra so our brothers and sisters will be able to be healthy and able to succeed in life is following that message. Yet even the Christian right wing (like my girrrrrrl, Michele Bachman) has condemned it as communism, fascism, Marxism and any other ism you can imagine that probably doesn’t make sense. Grrr.
Hey, speaking of Christianity– I know people are complaining about how early it’s coming, but sweet Jesus I love Christmastime. And I love the new Gap ads! Add being a Gap backup dancer to my bucketlist, right after being a Fanta Girl and a dancing iPod shadow.
Sigh.
In other news, Oprah is ending her show in 2011. I’m not too upset about this. She’s going to have her own TV station in 2011, and she’ll have 25 years of her show in syndication so I really don’t see the big deal. They’ll still be enough of O’s wisdom to go around.
Oh, and just in time for a junky fastfood lunch:
But you know where you should really go? Chipotle.
Okay, I think that’s it for now. Miss me, because I miss you.
[Posted by Kathleen]
I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to watch a movie more than once (in my lifetime), unless I really like it. Movies that I’ve actually watched and enjoyed multiple times include Good Will Hunting, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Lizzie McGuire Movie…you know, the classics. Then this one time, back over a winter break in college when all I had to do was lie on my couch at home and get yelled at for eating too many pretzels (as opposed to now, when I go home for winter break and get yelled at for eating too many pretzels AND using too much profanity on my blog), I rented a movie called Once. I probably intended to watch it with my mom, and she probably fell asleep reading a magazine four minutes into the credits. The next day, when everyone was “at work,” and I was, you know, “figuring out what I wanted to do with my life,” I watched Once. And then I watched it again. And then I watched it a third time, this time with actor commentary.
As someone who doesn’t like to watch movies more than once, this was HUGE. I mean I watched the thing three times in a row! And it’s sort of kind of a musical, which is even huger because I almost always hate musicals! I promptly emailed all of my friends and insisted that they see this movie immediately.
Long story short, I really love Once, and the movie made me love Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. Tonight, I finally got to see them in concert, and they were spectacular, which is to say that both the performance and Glen’s beard were top notch. I mean, who doesn’t love a great ginger beard?
Exactly.
Anyway, tonight was lovely and I got to dress like a faux hipster (though SOME of my friends claim that maybe I looked like a full hipster, if one were to assume that my flowery J.Crew headband was ironic) and you guys should listen to this, because they played it well tonight:
To quote the Clancy Brothers, goodnight and joy be with you all.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under movies, music, pop culture
Today’s Google Holiday: 40th Anniversary of Sesame Street. What a fun one, right?! My two tipsters were both all “AHHH such a cute Google Holiday today!” And it is a cute Google Holiday! Big Bird, people! Who was your favorite Sesame Street character? Mine was Snuffaluffagus:
Though my mom claims my favorite was Grover:
But come on, what do moms know?
Also, speaking of Sesame Street, several of my friends — including Worthless Guest Blogger Shannon — worked as the characters at Sesame Street in high school. As in they wore things like full Elmo costumes and danced around. True story.
What I was Googling: IPPE
I have lots of other things to write about, but Top Chef is on soon. Let’s just say I had a bizarro day, which has culminated in my drinking red wine and (you guessed it!) wearing my flannel nightgown.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under history, news, pop culture
Read this. Just do it. It’s about Kevin Gillespie/David the Gnome/Beardo (obviously).
If you don’t have a Halloween costume yet, dressing up as Kevin could be fun. Although finding fake beards online is a LOT harder than you’d think. I’m being Bob Ross, so I know these things.
Thanks for the tip about Kevin, Lanster, and hey, everyone? Have a haaappy little Halloween, a happy little day.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under adventures, crushes, pop culture
If you are fed up with federal politics and just need some new faith in government (or want to see something clever and aesthetically pleasing), read this:
Out of many, one.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Our dear friend — let’s call her Corporate Barbie — had the most ridonk, legit Anne-Hathaway-in-The-Devil-Wears-Prada job ever. She survived a year and got promoted, and luckily her sense of humor emerged unscathed. Because this here blog is the quickest way to fame — of any kind, really — she penned this little number and asked that we share it with the masses. And I DO mean masses (hi masses! thanks for reading!). As Corporate Barbie explained, “I thought you might enjoy a piece I wrote earlier today. It is inspired by my life”:
Earlier today I mentioned to some friends that we should go to the movies tonight. I was under the influence of a “Mid-Friday Crisis” (MFC). Allow me to elaborate.
The MFC typically occurs between 11am and 1pm on Fridays after a Thursday night out, although it can happen at anytime. You know you are having an MFC when you look at your clock and think to your self, “Crap, I have to start being more responsible. It’s only 10:59 and I can’t order lunch yet because I just ate an egg sandwich. The day is not even close to over and I have so much to do that I inevitably will not accomplish.”
Once this thought enters your head, ideas such as “staying in on Thursdays” and “going to the movies on Fridays” immediately follow. And you are actually able to think they are good ideas.
Then you order a grilled cheese/chicken parm sandwich, someone mentions a cover band and the clock turns 2:45. The end of the day is in sight. The Black Eyed Peas “I Gotta Feeling” becomes the theme song to the soundtrack of your life and you can already taste the bad decisions and terrible dance moves you will be pairing with Yuengling and whiskey tonight.
It is safe to say that our resilience when faced with an MFC is the direct cause to why we are such messes.
I wish you all fun Fridays. I’ll be at the Whiskey Bar in Hoboken if any of you care to join!
[Posted by Mallory, but written by Corporate Barbie. (Maybe you think Corporate Barbie is meant to be offensive. It’s not, don’t worry. Corporate Barbie just has a tendency to look exactly like a Barbie in photos.)]
Filed under adventures, drinks, food, humor, pop culture, post-college depression
Happy almost Halloween everyone! I’m enjoying Halloween more and more every year as I get older. I love the creative costumes and the ghoulish goodies.
This year is a bonus because we actually have plans ahead of time…quite out of the ordinary. Pictures to follow on November 1st.
Arguably, my favorite Halloween tradition is carving pumpkins, but I must admit that my own personal pumpkins rarely extend past triangle eyes, a triangle nose and triangle fangs.
Here are some of my favorite, slightly more impressive, carved pumpkins.
Dwight Schrute
Cannibal pumpkin
Wall-E and Eve
Hungover Pumpkins
Have a great Halloween!
[Posted by Shannon]
Filed under humor, pictures, pop culture, random
He’s Beardo to the Gawker live bloggers, David the Gnome to my roommate, and number one in my heart. (Yeah, I totally went there.) Ladies and gentlemen, let’s all take a few moments to appreciate the snuggly wonder that is Kevin from Top Chef:
Um hi ginger beard.
But he’s not just snuggly! He’s tough too!
Just kidding! Still snuggly! Kevin, c’mere and give me a hug!
Seriously, though. I love Kevin. This is a weird season of Top Chef (as in four people are awesome and the rest suck and it’s just matter of time before the show gets to where we all knew it was going from Day One), and Kevin is the only one who consistently delivers and makes me happy (it’s like Blair on Gossip Girl, always making up for the other characters). Jennifer is painfully insecure about her cooking; Hipster Douche lives with his parents and is just plain irritating; something’s off about Robin; Douche Brother needs to learn to talk with his chin up and stop being a sore loser; Nice Brother is blah; and Jersey Douche makes me embarrassed to have liked his restaurant. But Kevin is perfect.
Speaking of perfect, hey Natalie Portman? Wanna be friends? Yer funny.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, crushes, food, pop culture, TV
six words to change the world. 