It’s almost Valentine’s Day and that can only mean ONE thing. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman’s Kay Jeweler commercials are back! Please, find me one person who watches this commerical and DOESN’T think about Jane Seymour as the motor boatee in Wedding Crashers. Here it is:
now try not to think of this:
Happy Friday, everyone!
[Posted by Shannon]
I'm repulsed.
To celebrate the 75th anniversary of Monopoly, the world’s most monotonous and dragged out board game, Hasbro has decided to punish us all by taking away the only thing that made it interesting … the cheating. Goodbye dear, sweet, corrupt banker. Hello micro chip and credit cards! No, I am not making that up.
According to pocket-lint, the new version is round and the coveted role of the banker is played by a soulless electronic console in the middle. Noooooooooo!
No more cold hard cash when you pass Go. No more making it rain a rainbow of dollars to celebrate your minor successes. Devastating! It’s all credit now. So when you do pass Go, you get $200 in credit, which you are supposed to invest in low rent properties? Credit card companies are arguably just as corrupt as banks, if not more so, and HAVE YOU SEEN THE MARKET THESE DAYS? I digress.
It’s not like I was a huge fan of Monopoly– but as I’ve mentioned before, it did show me that I’m bad at math and hate business, so there’s some value to that. It’s more that I hate it when companies try to modernize their most iconic products. I nearly went off the deep end when they changed the game of Clue! Poor Professor Plum is now a nerdy gamer. Alas, the winds of change are blowing and it’s giving me a chill. On the bright side, Miss Scarlett remains skanky.
So for the sake of nostalgia, let’s play the old version before it’s too late.
I’ll be the banker! And I want to be the wheel barrow.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Note: I missed blogging. And the thought of not blogging the Olympics/my love for Apolo Anton Ohno made me depressed. I’m back. Again.
I know I’ve mentioned this before (ah yes, here, here, here, and here, among other places) : I love beards. Love them. If a dude has one, odds are I’m attracted to him, even if he is attractive in no other way, even if he’s 60 years old, etc. etc. Lately, beards have been all over the place!
First, Susnan sent me this song, with the recommendation that I listen to the last five seconds. You should too:
Then KTray sent me an email that included a link to various beard-y crafts on Etsy. My favorite was this one:
If you want to buy it for me, that would be okay.
A few days later, guest blogger Madeline sent me the following video. If you can’t tell me you love beards after watching it, then we probably shouldn’t be friends:
And then I had a dream that I was making out with Jamiroquai, and he had a great beard. This is particularly bizarre because (1) in my waking life I have no clue what Jamiroquai looks like and (2) I thought Jamiroquai was black, which was weird because in my dream he was white. Turns out, he actually is white, which means my subconscious knows things that my conscious doesn’t. (I also thought Winston Churchill was black until I was in high school. But Winston Churchill didn’t have a beard, so let’s not worry about him here.)
Enjoy the snow, DCites!
[Posted by Mallory]
Hello, 2010! A lot of bloggers I know (okay, bloggers whose blogs I read whom I feel like I know even though I totally don’t) have been doing recaps of their years and reminiscing on all that happened, etc. etc. Things like that are really hard for me. Seriously. I have problems with nostalgia. I don’t look at old photos often because then I end up spending hours and hours and hours looking at them and feeling emo and yearning for old times and wondering where the time went and then I probably cry. So don’t expect a recap from me. Unless I find myself with hours and hours and hours of time and an excellent emo soundtrack and wine.
All that said, YAY for a new decade. How crazy is that? I’m not one to go gaga over NYE, but it’s frightening to think how long it’s been since 1999. In 1999 I celebrated New Year’s with my parents and I’m pretty sure I was wearing an unironically hideous wool sweater from The Gap. This year, I celebrated with more than a few cocktails (and cocktail weenies) and about 22 of my favorite people in the Poconos. It was amazing, and I have the beer stains on my pajama pants to prove it.
In honor of the new decade, I have to repost one of the greatest things created between 2000 and 2009. Ladies and gentlemen, Kittens Inspired by Kittens (posted first by Kathleen back in April 2009):
Never. Gets. Old.
(Side note: While attempting to watch that video because, like I said, it never gets old, my computer turned itself off. That happens to me sometimes while I’m watching YouTube videos or Netflix movies. Can someone who’s good at computers MAKE IT STOP?! Please?)
My friend Mouse (along with Ewok, owner of the following cat, and Barbie) did a few recreations of the video, and it’s one of the 14 billion reasons that I adore them:
We are in Hawaii!
We are eating pepper and chips!
We are wiiiine bottles!
Double head!
I'm at work!
Wrestling!
As long as things like this and friends like this stay around, I think the next decade will be faaaantastic.
[Posted by Mallory]
Cheers to 2010! I was pondering today what the nickname for the newest decade would be when I realized something…no one ever came up with a nickname for the past 1o years. Sure, the ’80s, ’90s, etc. kind of wrote themselves, but how is it possible that not one of the six billion of us could think of something to call ’00-’09 collectively? Come on people. Lets do better for the next 10.
On another (much more embarrassing) note, I shamefully admit that I was, yet again, sucked into The Bachelor’s premiere episode tonight. The Bachelor is now on its 14th season, not counting The (far superior) Bachelorette seasons. New Bachelor Jake was surprisingly less douchy than he was last year, but the majority of the 25 female contestants put all women to shame. Who watches this garbage? Oh yeah, me.
can you feel my rolling eyes?
This season promises to have just as much ABC Network-induced drama and fake-by-the-railing emotional breakdowns as any other season, so I’ll probably DVR every episode. Especially because the gossip is a contestant and one of the show’s producers were having an affair while taping was going on. Not even The Bachelor producers take this show seriously!
And one last thing, because Jake is a pilot – the title of this season is “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love.” ABC, FIRE your writers.
[Posted by Shannon]
Filed under celebrities, humor, pictures, pop culture, random, thoughts, TV
Mornin’, world! I’m waiting at my gate ready to head to Philly to stay with my favorite Korean correspondent and her family! While there, I will witness the baptizing of a few demons (yes, that’s right), drink at cheap bars in the suburbs, and eat way too much food. Guest Blogger SWTCTW Shan will be there for a bit, and if you’re lucky, we’ll work in a joint post among all the tomfoolery.
I just went through security, and things were fine — the line goes quickly when you’re, um, reading Texts from Last Night on your phone. But while waiting, I saw an interesting sign that was supposed to be recognizing one of the TSA guys for his hard work. The sign talked about how this guy speaks Turkish, German, and Italian fluently, and to that I say “IMPRESSIVE!” After that, the sign commended this guy for his security screening skills, which were exemplified when he spotted a loaded firearm in the x-ray machine. Now, that’s great. Really. I’d prefer to not have any loaded firearms on my flight. But isn’t that the most basic and essential aspect of his job? Shouldn’t we EXPECT the security dudes to be able to spot LOADED FIREARMS on the security belt? I’m not even a trained TSA official, and I think I might be able to catch that. It might be more commendable — and worthy of a sign — if, say, the employee had spotted two tiny containers of liquid that could be mixed together to blow up a plane. Or something.
I’ll catch you on the East Coast, yippee!
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under adventures, technology, thoughts, travel
Remember how being home is simply lovely and wonderful? Well, I forgot that I get really bored when I don’t have 1,000 things to do. And that I don’t have, um, that many friends left in Denver (KELSEY COME HOME). And my parents just left me to go to a swanky cult-tastic party and have left me at home alone. I helped my mom get ready, like I’m 11 and waiting for the babysitter. I swear guys, I’m not usually this lame. Really.
In the meantime, I need to tell you some things. First, you should begin reading the following two blogs:
Besides these blogs, the only thing that’s pulling me out of this fuck-I’m-lame funk is that Jersey Shore is on tonight. And I have never seen Jersey Shore. I’ve only read about it on 2birds1blog. Miss Meg McBlogger’s recraps have left me dying to watch, and the heavens smiled down upon me and noticed my boredom and offered up the golden gift of this horrible show! At least something is right in the world.
[Posted by Mallory]
It’s that time of the year, folks! The time of the year when you have 14,000 things to do because you’re in grad school and you’re bitter because all you want to do is gorge on cookies and listen to Christmas music. So as a subsitute, you eat whatever free food is given to you, and stand in front of Five Guys for long periods of time because you can hear their Christmas music from outside the restaurant. (No, that didn’t happen. Except one time, maybe it did.)
It’s also the time of year that, apparently, my office goes CAH-razy for the holidays. We have at least three full-size Christmas trees on my floor alone (not to mention the intense lobby decorations), and this morning I walked by the office of a co-worker who appears to have scotch-taped a Christmas dish towel to his door. Also, our office party begins at 11:30. In the morning. And lasts all day. Happy Holidays indeed.
So have you guys heard Lady Gaga’s new “Christmas” song? I’ve heard it once. It goes like this:
Now, I hadn’t heard that song at the time that a stranger sent me the following lyrics via Gchat:
Light me up put me on top lets
Fa la la la la la la la la
Ho ho ho
Under the miseltoe
Yes everybody knows
We will take off our clothes
Yes if you want us to we will (huh) you
Ho ho christmas
My christmas tree is delicious
He was one of those automatic people that got added to my Gchat even though I don’t know him at all (you Gmailers know how that works), and he sent me that awkwardness. And that made me smile, because normally I do the awkward things around here.
UPDATE: My officemate tells me that this isn’t Lady Gaga, and she’s obsessed with Lady Gaga, so I kind of believe her. I feel like a sucker. Can anyone clarify?? Either way, that story is still awkward OKAY?
UPDATE THE SECOND: Wait, maybe it is real?
In conclusion. I know that I make a lot of jokes on this blog, but I’m about to get serious. I really and truly need someone to buy me this for Christmas. In return, I will give you my eternal love and adoration, along with a piping hot cup of coffee (or tea!) and a damn good breakfast sandwich. (Seriously. Not a joke. I’ll send you my mailing address.)
[Posted by Mallory]
This whole possible scandal with Tiger Woods has me scratching my head along with the rest of the world following the story. And yes, I know, none of this is any of my business and the media probably should give the guy and his family their privacy…but I can’t help but be intrigued.
Here’s the story as it’s being reported: Tiger was leaving his Florida estate at about 3:00 AM on Friday night/Saturday morning when he ran into a tree and a fire hydrant on his neighbor’s property. At some point, his wife took a golf club to the back of his SUV, allegedly to rescue him from the car because he was knocked unconscious in the wreck. The airbags of the SUV never deployed. He was then taken to the hospital with lacerations around his mouth and released in good condition.
Ok, let’s start a list of things that are strange about this story.
1. Why is Tiger leaving his home at 3:00 in the morning? While there could be a million logical explanations for this, he hasn’t offered up any so we are left to wonder. I would conclude he is either sneaking out of his house or he got in a fight with his wife and was bailing.
2. Apparently, if car airbags don’t deploy, the car probably isn’t going over 30 or so miles per hour. Do you really think that he would have been knocked unconscious going that slowly? Maybe, but it seems far fetched to me.
3. His wife was supposed to have knocked in the back window to rescue her husband. It seems far more likely to me that she may have been taking out her anger on the back window, especially if the infidelity rumors are true.
4. Tiger had cuts and lacerations around his mouth. Again, I’m not an expert, but how do you sustain those types on injuries from a car accident like this? It makes more sense that those cuts were inflicted by an angry wife.
5. The Woods family has refused to speak to the police or the media about the incident on several occasions. The media I completely understand, but the police? If they have nothing to hide, they’re certainly doing a great job acting like they do.
Tiger’s official statement leaves a lot to be desired for the wondering public. Tiger basically says he will not speak about the incident beyond the fact that he had a single car accident and his wife acted courageously. He says all the rumors are irresponsible and untrue.
I sure wish he would elaborate and I imagine this won’t go away unless he does.
UPDATE:
Tiger apologized for his wrongdoings on his website without going into specifics. So it looks like he’s a filthy cheater after all. Tiger, I expected more from you.
[Posted by Shannon]
Happy Friday, readership!
Oh, hello. Me again. Since the real job is getting in the way of my bloggy job, I’ve condensed a week’s worth of what I liked into one fabulous Friday post. Does that work for you? I sure hope so!
You all know how much I love stories about sci-fi weirdos (apparently the cool way to spell it now is SyFy. Anybody else notice that the Sci-Fi Channel changed its spelling?). Well, here’s a good one! Computational linguistics expert d’Armond Speers spoke only Klingon to his son for the first three years of the boy’s life. Ummm, WHAT? He claims it was an experiment to see if his son would learn it like any normal human language in the early developmental stages.
He just confirmed what every child already knows– you are an experiment, and your parents are trying to corrupt you and make you as uncool as possible.
Here is the best quote from the article:
As for Speers, who still gets nostalgic when he recalls singing the Klingon lullaby “May the Empire Endure” with his son at bedtime, the experiment was a dud. His son is now in high school and doesn’t speak a word of Klingon.
Stay strong, young Speers!
Like any good yuppie bleeding-heart liberal, I have an iPhone. We all know that there is an app for everything, but this new one is so hilarious and wonderful that I have to share it with you. It’s totally politically nerdy, but it’s a bobble head guide to every single member of Congress. Here is my favorite member of Congress:
Best 99 cents I’ve ever spent. Download Bobble Rep.
Speaking of politics, lots of good stuff going on, eh? Lieberman sucks more than ever and the women’s movement took two steps back no thanks to Rep. Stupak.
I also remain perplexed as to how people can manipulate the messages of Christianity in light of healthcare reform. To me, it seems that giving a little extra so our brothers and sisters will be able to be healthy and able to succeed in life is following that message. Yet even the Christian right wing (like my girrrrrrl, Michele Bachman) has condemned it as communism, fascism, Marxism and any other ism you can imagine that probably doesn’t make sense. Grrr.
Hey, speaking of Christianity– I know people are complaining about how early it’s coming, but sweet Jesus I love Christmastime. And I love the new Gap ads! Add being a Gap backup dancer to my bucketlist, right after being a Fanta Girl and a dancing iPod shadow.
Sigh.
In other news, Oprah is ending her show in 2011. I’m not too upset about this. She’s going to have her own TV station in 2011, and she’ll have 25 years of her show in syndication so I really don’t see the big deal. They’ll still be enough of O’s wisdom to go around.
Oh, and just in time for a junky fastfood lunch:
But you know where you should really go? Chipotle.
Okay, I think that’s it for now. Miss me, because I miss you.
[Posted by Kathleen]
six words to change the world. 