Category Archives: weird

by | May 11, 2010 · 2:03 pm

from the creator of the smize…

Before we begin this post, an important statement from your favorite SWTCTW bloggers: “As of Tuesday, May 11, your fearless bloggers now prefer to be referred to as “intoxibellas”, for so many reasons. We will not answer to anything else. We appreciate your understanding and cooperation.  Thank you.”

The world as we know it changed today with the announcement of Tyra Banks’ new project, appropriately titled Bankable Books.  Professional smizer TyTy, who claims to be an avid fan of fantasy novels and says she shakes when she enters bookstores, has written (read: paid someone to ghost write) a new series of books that will whisk us away in to a magical land. I cannot even begin to explain… it’s better to post what she wrote.

The story happens in a make-believe place called Modelland – every girl in the world wants to go there because it’s where “Intoxibellas” are trained.  Intoxibellas are drop-dead beautiful, kick-butt fierce and, yeah, maybe they have some powers too.  (But I’m confirming NOTHING! Ha. You gotta wait for the book.)  The story follows a teen girl and her friends who find themselves magically transported to Modelland, even though they’re really not supposed to be there. (Okay, now, that’s ALL I’m saying!)

Modelland has always been a part of my mind and my heart.  As you might know, I step into a bookstore and I shake (really!) because I love books so much.  Ever since I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to pick up a new book and see what worlds the writers had created for me. I especially loved books with strong girls and women – you know, girls with guts, smarts and attitude – and then one day it came to me… MODELLAND!   I’m getting it ready for you through my new division called Bankable Books and now I’m shaking for a different reason…  I’m excited that you’ll be able to read about this magical world that’s been living in my dreams for so many years.

Ahem. That explains so much. Clever points for the name… Modelland (in case you were wondering, it’s pronounced like Model Land) must have been a real stretch!  Secondly, “intoxibellas” sounds like it could be Italian for “drunk girls”. Perhaps it is.  Is it, Mal? Gah, I don’t have all day so I’m going to stop before I really get going. Please share your thoughts on this in the comments section.  You owe it to the world.

I just hope the folks on the Nobel panel are taking notice of this literary contribution.

[Posted by Intoxibella]

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by | May 11, 2010 · 12:14 pm

like a dog in your purse…

…this is just…not okay. Coincidentally, this gem was sent to us by our favorite Woodland Creature Correspondent:

Wow. And you thought that these babies, or maybe these ones, were as horrifying as shoes could get. You were so wrong. You know, I once had a hamster named Elvis. He was black and white and adorable, and I got him mostly because we earned extra credit in my middle school science class for keeping pets (which is actually extremely strange now that I think about it). Elvis once went missing for several weeks, and we finally discovered him next door in one of the cabinets in the art classroom. He was alive, and we are convinced that he must have survived by eating paint chips. Or maybe he was just Jesus in hamster form. Either way, this story makes me think that hamsters might be able to survive being tossed around in hideous clear platforms, so long as you take them out and feed them a few paint chips every now and then.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | May 10, 2010 · 2:26 pm

youtube clip of today: super brontës!

Happy Monday, readership! To kick off your work week, here’s a fake TV commercial from 1998.  According to its creators, it was “made in 1998 for a series of educational shorts about action figures based on historical figures. Its educational value was somewhat suspect. It was never aired.” Bummer. Best part? THE BRONTESAURUS! RAWR!

As a side note, I know a girl from Massachusetts that would have given ANYTHING to have these dolls growing up…

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | April 23, 2010 · 2:27 pm

youtube clip of today: youtube’s first.

Hey folks, ever lie in bed at night wondering what the first video EVER to be put on the YouTubes was?  No, really, have you? Well, here is your answer.  Five years ago today, Jawed Karim, one of YouTube’s founders, posted this video of himself at the San Diego Zoo.  Thanks, Jawed, for starting one of the most entertaining outlets for people to publicly embarrass themselves… or, even more likely, embarrass their friends. A tip of the hat to you, sir!  PS- Your video? BOOOOOOOOOOOORING.

Okay. So the video is pretty lame and I try to bring you entertaining yooootoooobs to make the work day go by a little faster. Here’s something cooler:

It’s not a trick, it’s an ILLUSION! Two points if you get the reference.

And on that note, I hope the next 2.5 hours fly by for you all!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | April 9, 2010 · 12:52 pm

crazy shiz going on with tiger.

As you may have heard, here or elsewhere, Tiger Woods did some naughty things and for a while everyone hated him. Now he is trying to get everyone to love him again. There’s a lot of interesting stuff going on related to that, what with Elin Woods being sort of unreadable and Tiger doing weird shit like making a creepy commercial with the hope that people will forgive him. A few comments about that…

First, a Just Six Words and a Picture submittal from loyal reader Susnan:

Riddle me this: zippers for whaaaat?

Fair question, Susnan. Faaair question. I read an interesting article yesterday about the fact that Elin Woods has been pretty impossible to read these days. She’s always wearing her sunglasses, and she hasn’t quite condemned/all-out ditched Tiger, but she’s also not standing by him. Those crazy Swedes…what ARE they thinking?

But the real question of the week is Who thought this commercial was a good idea?!:

Frankly, I don’t understand. Who sat in on that Nike meeting and was like “OOH, I’ve got it. Let’s have Tiger stare at the camera looking all haggard and pathetic, and we’ll have his DEAD DAD do a voiceover that seems to be questioning this whole affair thing. GENIUS!” And it is genius. If by genius they mean creepy as fuck. I think that no matter what Tiger’s publicity team does for him, he will get back in the nation’s good graces to some extent simply because he’s a good golfer. We are great at ignoring the indiscretions of celebrities, and because he’s had his public flogging, I think things would have gone back to normal either way. So…from my expert standpoint, this commercial was unnecessary (as in won’t help Tiger or Nike all that much), except to give people nightmares. Yay!

With boob zippers on our mind and Tiger’s piercing stare in our hearts, I bid you a happy Friday.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | April 1, 2010 · 10:15 am

itunes genius just might be racist.

I’m a big fan of the Genius feature on iTunes, and I’m also a big fan of the country music. For those of you still left without modern technology, Genius is basically like Pandora (is that like using the word to define the word?), but using your own music. You can select a song and the Apple Gods magically find other songs of a similar genre, and voila, a playlist! It’s a great trick, and normally makes me some kickass playlists. But on this country kind of day, I selected a Darius Rucker song as my starting point, and things got a little weird. Here’s the playlist iTunes made for me:

Click to make it bigger.

For those of you who don’t know, Darius Rucker is a country singer these days, and before that he was the lead singer of Hootie & the Blowfish. Still, somehow, iTunes confused my buddy Darius for a mediocre R&B singer from the ’90s/early 2000s. Which is both disappointing and totally racist. Just saying. If this were Pandora, the explanation would have been “To start things off, we’ll play a song that exemplifies the musical style of Darius Rucker, which features…aw shit, never mind, this is just a list of other black dudes singing, with some J.Lo thrown in for good measure.”

But on the bright side, now you guys get a taste of some of the embarrassing music that I never listen to but keep on my iTunes because one day I just might want to have a middle school dance theme party, and that would require a soundtrack filled with Monica and TLC. I’m a girl who likes to be prepared.

In other news, I’m about to head to relive my college days with my little sister, who just turned 21. Wish me luck, and let’s hope I don’t slip into a post-college depression and begin sobbing every other drink. That might ruin the mood.

[Ed. Note: This is SWTCTW’s 800th post! Cwazy! Thanks for sticking with us for this long.]

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | March 21, 2010 · 11:05 pm

sandra bullock and jesse james, NOOOOO!

Sandra Bullock is perfect.  She is a fantastic actress, self-deprecating, hilarious and gorgeous.   Although she seemed to be completely out of her husband’s league, they were so adorable together and seemed so in love, it didn’t matter.

And still, he cheats.

WHY DO GUYS WHO LOOK LIKE THIS:

CHEAT ON WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE THIS:

WITH WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE THIS:

Devastating.

[Posted by Shannon]

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by | March 7, 2010 · 9:56 pm

do you think sjp is ugly?

Nothing sparks debate like watching the red carpet coverage at the Oscars.  Ok, that might not be entirely true, but it does start some interesting conversations.  This year?  How ugly Sarah Jessica Parker is.

Girls love her for the obvious reasons, and apparently guys think she’s hideous.  In fact, I was told that she gets a 3 on a 10 point scale and a 0 on a 1 point scale (1 I would sleep with her, 0 I wouldn’t).

I was also shown this website, sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com

Equal parts terrible and hilarious, so I wanted to share.

[Posted by Shannon]

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by | February 3, 2010 · 1:13 pm

do not pass go! stop cheating!

I'm repulsed.

To celebrate the 75th anniversary of Monopoly, the world’s most monotonous and dragged out board game, Hasbro has decided to punish us all by taking away the only thing that made it interesting … the cheating.  Goodbye dear, sweet, corrupt banker.  Hello micro chip and credit cards! No, I am not making that up.

According to pocket-lint, the new version is round and the coveted role of the banker is played by a soulless electronic console in the middle.  Noooooooooo!

No more cold hard cash when you pass Go. No more making it rain a rainbow of dollars to celebrate your minor successes.  Devastating!  It’s all credit now.  So when you do pass Go, you get $200 in credit, which you are supposed to invest in low rent properties?  Credit card companies are arguably just as corrupt as banks, if not more so, and HAVE YOU SEEN THE MARKET THESE DAYS? I digress.

It’s not like I was a huge fan of Monopoly– but as I’ve mentioned before, it did show me that I’m bad at math and hate business, so there’s some value to that.  It’s more that I hate it when companies try to modernize their most iconic products.  I nearly went off the deep end when they changed the game of Clue!  Poor Professor Plum is now a nerdy gamer. Alas, the winds of change are blowing and it’s giving me a chill.  On the bright side, Miss Scarlett remains skanky.

So for the sake of nostalgia, let’s play the old version before it’s too late.

I’ll be the banker!  And I want to be the wheel barrow.

[Posted by Kathleen]

Note: I missed blogging.  And the thought of not blogging the Olympics/my love for Apolo Anton Ohno made me depressed.  I’m back.  Again.

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by | January 9, 2010 · 8:06 pm

man, i just love stupid criminals.

A man, who had just been released from the hospital for injuries from a domestic dispute (aka his girlfriend hit him with a frying pan and a table leg), stole $50 from her at a local Walmart and attempted to escape on one of their motorized scooters.  He didn’t get away.  The end.

And while looking for an image for this post, I came across this little gem.  It’s called the “CruizinCooler.”  Jackpot.

[Posted by Shannon]

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