let’s see that torso fro, baby.

Upon stalking the internet in search of mindlessness to keep you busy at work (my job is hard, okay?!), I came across a story on TheDailyBeast about the return of chest hair.  I quickly skimmed the story, because I couldn’t justify spending my endless hours of free time actually reading about chest hair.  Okay, so maybe I did read most of it.  And let’s face it, I’ve written about hairy men before.  This stand out quote is stellar :

In these troubled times of war and craptastic financial news, are we yearning once again for leading manly men with comfortingly warm pelts in which to hide our anxious faces?

Haha.  Two things.  First, I cannot accept that craptastic is a word.  Second, does the writer have a legitimate point, as tongue in cheek as it is?

I actually just had a discussion about chest hair with our Argentina correspondent a few days ago over an ice cream.  Her feeling was that it’s unnecessary and gross. I feel that if you have too much of it, you are obligated to manscape.  I  also think it’s more of a personal preference thing than an indirect result of the failed Bush Administration and its policies of war and deregulation.  But hell, I blame Bush for nearly everything.  Why not this too?  Unless, of course, you think it’s a good thing.

But back to the story.  Along with the commentary, the writer provided a visual aid.  Click HERE for the slide show of chest hair.  And OMFG, Chuck Bass has chest hair?!  RAWR.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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santa claus is coming to town!

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I’ve never had any trouble believing in Santa but for the Scrooges out there Larry Silverberg, a professor of mechanical and aerospace engineering at North Carolina State University, has conducted some research to further explain Santa’s magic.  His Christmas-spirit-lacking conclusion?  Advanced nanotechnology and an exploitation of the time space continuum help to explain some of Santa’s powers.

Silverberg says that Santa is exploiting the time space continuum when he makes his Christmas Eve voyage around the world.  A Christmas Eve voyage that actually lasts SIX Santa months.  Pardonnez moi?

“He understands that space stretches, he understands that you can stretch time, compress space and therefore he can, in a sense, actually have six Santa months to deliver the presents,” Silverberg told Reuters.

“In our reference frame it appears as though he does it in the wink of an eye and in fact there have been sightings of Santa, quick sightings, and that’s in our reference frame, but in Santa’s reference frame he really has six months”.

I suppose that makes it a little easier to believe (that is, if you didn’t already) that Santa can visit 200 million homes in just one night.  Silverberg said his research also indicates that Santa doesn’t carry all of the toys in his sleigh.  Instead, he grows the presents under the tree using nanotechnology or, more specifically, he turns irreversible therm0-dynamic properties into reversible ones to turn soot, candy and other natural materials into the presents.  Maybe that’s why we’re supposed to leave cookies for Santa.  Not because he’s so hungry (although now that we know it actually takes him six months the cookies make a little more sense) but because he uses them to grow our presents!

Some of Silverberg’s other research on Santa indicates that to determine whose naughty or nice, Santa uses giant antennas; the sleigh also has a GPS system of sorts and the reindeer are “genetically bred to fly, balance on rooftops and see in the dark.”

I still think Santa’s sleigh is fueled by Christmas Spirit and my biggest question remains, how does Santa eat all of those cookies and still fit through the chimneys?  Also, where does he vacation after Christmas?  I’d like to go there and buy him a drink.

If you’re still not convinced (you lousy non-believer, you) check out this picture from Iwasabducted.com  (a truly reliable source if ever there was one) of an unidentified flying object that looks eerily similar to Santa’s sleigh.

Honestly, do you need more proof than that?

[Posted by Madeline]

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smell it your way with bk.

This is for sure going to be the gift of the season.  The Tickle-Me-Elmo for the fat kids…err…or people that just love food as much as I do.  Now this may or may not be a joke, but it’s ridiculous any way and I’m going write about it.  You can now purchase a cologne from Burger King called Flame.

“The WHOPPER sandwich is America’s Favorite burger.  FLAME by BK captures the essence of that love and gives it to you.  Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”

Ummm.  Rawr?  I do love a good whopper.  In fact, I have many times stated on the blog that burgers were the reason for my failed vegetarianism.  So given that I love burgers, would I love the faint smell of flame-broiled meat on a man? Hmm. [Insert awkward joke about man meat HERE.]

Even if you are totally repulsed by this concept and want to vom, at least check out the Web Site, it’s funny.  http://www.firemeetsdesire.com/

And if you want to seduce me, maybe try wearing FLAME.  But if Wendy’s comes out with their own line, then go with that.  Especially if it smells like the Baconator.  Oh and you need to have a nice set of buns.  Get it?  Buns?  Burgers?  I’m done.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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no cake for you, little adolph.

A bakery in the Dirty Jerz has refused to make a three year old a birthday cake.  That’s terrible, you say. Right?  Well, not as terrible as what I’m going to tell you next.  The three year old’s name is Adolph Hitler.  Yes, as in the worst person ever.  The mini fuhrer’s parents, Heath and Deborah Campbell, named their child Adolph Hitler and then were appalled that the ShopRite bakery refused to write “Happy Birthday Adolph Hitler” on the cake.  I cannot get over this.  How can this be surprising to them?

I wonder if they’ll be surprised when he gets thrown into lockers and beat up in middle school, high school, college, life.

And you think little Adolph has it bad?  He has two sisters…ready?

Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie and JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell.

OUCH.  But back to the bakery and cake in question.

According to the news story,

A spokeswoman for ShopRite said that this was not the bakery department’s first run in with the Campbells – a similar request was denied two years ago when the shop also refused to daub swastikas on baked goods for the family.

Interesting.  But whatever you do, PUHLEASE do NOT call the Campbells racists!  They’re not racists!  Heath Campbell will tell you that Dolphie has black friends AND mixed race friends that even went to his birthday party.  Oooooh, it’s the “I’ve got friends that are x” defense.  Yeah, we’ve heard that one.  It’s like when Sarah Palin defended her hateful anti-gayness by saying she has gay friends.  This defense, we all know, is very weak.

“If we’re so racist, then why would I have them come into my home?” he asked.

I can’t answer that, but rather I ask the question “why would any parent let their child into the Campbells’ home?”

I blame Heath and Deborah completely, so despite having a terrible name, I hope Adolph had a good birthday.  And when he is old enough, I hope he has the desire and courage to change his name.  Maybe to Martin Luther King or something.  That would be awesome.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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and i’m back in the game!

Hello dear readers!

It’s me, Kathleen, your long lost backpacking blogger.  I’m back from South America and I look tan!  Wooohooo!  I went to five countries in 32 days, had “stomach issues” and saw flamingos.  Some other stuff too, I guess.  Now this is going to sound lame, but one of the things I missed most while away was writing for this blog.  Obviously though, M and M held down the fort quite well.  In fact, I’m happy to still have a “job” with this blog.  And a job it will be, because I still do not have a real one.  Haha.

It’s good to be back!

Oh, and just because it’s Wednesday, here is a special edition South American adventure Machu Picchu hump day cry face. (Yes, it was taken with a timer.  What of it?):

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[Posted by Kathleen]

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i’m getting tired, i’m forgetting why.

I first heard The National in The Cellar, my undergrad university’s on-campus bar. I was having a beer there with my friend Heaps, and this song came on. She has some fancy phone where you can play music to the phone, and it can tell you what the song is. (And this was BEFORE the iPhone could do that, I’ll have you know.) The song was “Apartment Story,” and I clearly went home and listened to it on repeat. Be sure to note John Lennon on the drums:

I’ve been listening to some more of The National’s stuff, and I really like all of it. I think it’s because I adore Matt Berninger’s voice. It’s so deliciously deep. Makes me feel like he has a beard, although I’ll settle for the scruff he’s rocking in the video. I’m guessing he could sing some rando song from High School Musical and I’d still be all “ooh, Matt, so scruffy and baritone.” 

Here’s the whole band, just having a cocktail or two at their on-campus bar:

Are you SEEING all that beard-age?

I love music in a way that makes me wish I could express myself through it in some legitimate way. I tried to learn to play the guitar once, but got about as far as “Redemption Song” and then gave up. Maybe I need to try again, or maybe I need to settle for what I have. Which is a great backup singer voice, as long as the music is so loud that you can’t hear me.

[Posted by Mallory]

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baby it’s cold outside. no, seriously.

Today is one of those days where it’s just too cold to be out in public. I was not dressed for the weather and nearly froze to death when I stepped outside to walk home, and that made the decision for me that I will not be going out tonight. I think.

See, the problem is that I don’t really have anything to do if I stay home. My roommate isn’t here and I’m not all that into the book I’m reading and I’m one of those people who gets bored really, really quickly. And when I’m left alone and bored for too many hours, I start to get all emo and watch weird depressing music videos on iTunes and email my best friend asking her if she’ll marry me if I’m still alone at 30. Which is all well and good, except too much emo music makes me go a little nuts and I don’t particularly want to marry a girl. 

Spending time in the real world tends to cure my emo-ness, and thank goodness I was forced out into that real world to work today. (I know! I worked! Like a real grownup!) For a large chunk of the day, I was uploading things to my program’s website, and I got this weird sense of power. Like, I could RUIN LIVES by posting embarrassing things. And then I remembered that I already have my own website, and that I tend to prefer embarrassing myself. 

Besides getting out of your own head or maybe reading about people who have actual problems, this video is a pretty good cure for being a hot emo mess:

I’m sorry, I know. But that video is hilarious. I’m a little bit in love with Andy Samberg:

He wears nerdy glasses, too!

 

Hmm. In my situation, Andy Samberg would probably go out. 

[Posted by Mallory]

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naked people will change the world.

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You know when you’re faced with a really tough problem and you finally realize that the only real solution is to get naked? Preferably somewhere public?  No?  Whatever, if you were French you would know what I was talking about.

Yesterday, more than 20 artists’ models, male and female, stripped naked and braved Paris’ freezing temperatures to protest against a ban on tips and demand better pay and recognition.  The artists decided to protest after Parisian authorities recently made the decision to enforce a ban on artists’ tips or “cornet.”  One artist told Reuters,

“We’re very badly paid and it’s always been that way,” said model Carole Kras, who joined others in the courtyard of a 16th century palace that houses the Paris cultural affairs offices.

“We’ve always had the ‘cornet’ to make up for some of that but now they want to get rid of it,” she said, as shivering colleagues got dressed after briefly disrobing.

The models work for the city of Paris and pose for students and professional artists making an average wage of 10 euros an hour (about $13).  The models are also protesting for greater professional recognition.  Carole Karus described the job saying, “It is a profession, it’s tiring. Because it’s physical, you need a lot of endurance and it’s also expressive,” she said. “We’re performers who play non-speaking roles, that’s the way I always think of it.”

Neither public protests or public nudity are anything new in Paris, I saw quite a lot of both when I lived there so the protest didn’t gain much attention from the public.  However, the cultural affairs office in Paris took notice and a representative said they believe a solution can be found. 

In a city that is itself a work of art, nude models and artists are as important as sidewalk cafes and baguettes.  I have a feeling that an agreement will be reached soon, hopefully before the artists freeze their tatas off (because that would make for some very strange art). 

[Posted by Madeline]

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ny’s governor paterson, snl’s latest buffoon?

This past weekend, SNL’s Weekend Update featured an interview with New York Governor David Paterson during which, Fred Armisen portrayed the legally blind head of state in a less than flattering manner.  I know, that’s hard to imagine for SNL.  Usually, they’re so kind to the politicians whose every character flaw they mercilessly thrust into the spotlight.  Two days later, Paterson’s office is none too happy about the skit which referred to the governor’s blindness in a mocking tone throughout the skit (again, SNL?  mocking?  really!?).

According to the New York Times, “Gov. David A. Paterson’s office criticized a skit on this weekend’s “Saturday Night Live” in which Mr. Paterson, who is legally blind, was portrayed as disoriented and buffoonlike.”  Hold on . . . “disoriented and buffoonlike” . . . I think they’ve done that before . . .

Before we proceed any further, internets, there’s something you should know.  Like Governor Paterson, I am legally blind.  Unlike Governor Paterson, I am only legally blind in one eye and can see almost perfectly out of the other with the help of some very expensive corrective lenses.  Yes, okay, his disability is far more severe and maybe it was a lot harder for him to go to school and maybe unfair accomodations for the visually impaired made him fail the bar exam BUT if I close my right eye I can only see large objects and colors–just like David Paterson.  AND I’ve been wearing glasses since I was four and one half years old and you know what?  Pre-schoolers are MEAN.  So are kindergarteners.  And first graders.  And you know what the only thing is that mean 4-7 year olds love more than a peer in glasses?  A peer with an EYE PATCH.  That’s right, folks.  I was forced to wear an eye patch.  Everyday.  To school.  And maybe three years of humiliation is better than a lifetime with a lazy eye but it STILL SUCKED.  Not only did it make me look silly but it made me walk into things and fall a lot and develop a life-long fear of “the ball.”  Softball, football, kooshball–I don’t care what it is PLEASE DON’T THROW IT IN MY DIRECTION.

Anyway, back to Governor Paterson.  He’s pretty blind and SNL made some jokes about this.  Now, the dude’s office is fahhhh–reaking out.  Which is strange on a few levels.  The first being that the governor is a pretty funny guy and is known for making jokes about his vision problems (I believe that’s called a coping mechanism).  The second being that if you watch the skit (and I’ve kindly allowed you to do so below) you may notice that the jokes are more about Governor Paterson’s cocaine use and hatred of New Jersey than his blindness.  Including my favorite moment when Seth Meyers asks the Governor what he has against NJ and he replies “unfortunately, a southern border.”  That’s funny.  And so are most of the other jokes where SNL pokes fun at Paterson’s inexperience and scandal-ridden career.  Yes, Fred Armisen does squint his right eye and let his left eye wander and yes, he does hold up the graph of unemployment rates upside down.  Will Ferrell does the same thing when he portrays President Bush.   For goodness sake–it’s satire, it’s overdone, live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!!

I think that the bigger problem here is that as the nation’s first legally blind governor, Paterson represents a group of individuals who are affected daily by prejudice and discrimination.  At an event in New York City Sunday night Paterson spoke on the issue without directly addressing the SNL skit saying,

“I run the place that I work in so I don’t have to worry about being discriminated against, I think,” he said. “But the point is that a lot of people who don’t get promotions and don’t get opportunities and don’t even get work are disabled in our society.” 

 That’s very true and I don’t mean to be insensitive but those people aren’t limited to the visually or physically impaired.  There are gays, blacks, latinos, women, etc. who are in the same position . . . and SNL makes fun of all of them.  But, oddly enough, it’s done lovingly and it often progresses the national dialogue.  That being said, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cringe once or twice when watching this skit and I don’t think SNL should be protected by a “but they make fun of everyone” clause.   I understand Governor Paterson’s frustrations (believe me), but at the end of the day he’s just another politician to be ridiculed on SNL.  Ultimately, he wasn’t picked on because he was blind but because he wasn’t supposed to become the governor, because he used to do cocaine and cheat on his wife, because he hates New Jersey, because he’s there.  Maybe years of being called “four eyes” and “Captain Hook” (which didn’t even make sense, I know) have made me impervious to vision-related taunts and I’m not being sensitive enough.  So please, watch and decide for yourself.  Is this more offensive than I’m giving it credit for?

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where carrie bradshaw learned her stuff.

All the way back in 1986, Newsweek magazine, in an article titled “Too Late for Prince Charming?” reported on a study that said single women over the age of 40 were more likely to be killed by a terrorist than get married.  This video is the response to that statistic:

There are so many pieces of wonderfully terrible advice in this video that I really just have to let the video speak for itself (although, a small stuffed animal? Really?!).  Even if you think you have gained enough information to make your head explode halfway through, please make sure to watch the video through to the end; the last piece of advice is undoubtedly the best.

[Posted by Madeline]

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