I’m on a blogging rampage. Here’s the weird stuff I’ve found on Al Gore’s invention today…
Let’s talk about squirrels. Rats with fluffy tails. True story: I was once attacked my squirrels by the Vietnam Memorial in DC. They wanted our snack foods and opened our backpacks. It was terrifying. Anyway, the science wonder children at UC Davis have found the solution to their squirrel overpopulation problem– birth control for squirrels. It’s true.
“This new birth control method may potentially help control squirrels or other species, such as white tailed deer,” said Sara Krause, a doctoral student in ecology who designed the plan.
“If we can test a birth control method and find it safe and effective, there’s a possibility of it being a breakthrough method in both urban and suburban areas,” she said.
I’m sure the Christians would rather they train the squirrels about natural family planning.
On to the Big O. Nope not that kind. (Geeeeeez. Parents read this blog!) No, not Obama. (Good guess though.) I’m actually talking about Oprah. The lady’s got it going on. There are talks that O might not renew her talk show in 2011! THE HORROR. That gives us just three short years left with her. TiVO that shiz now, people. Or don’t, because it will run more in syndication than the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Oprah’s getting her own TV network. Boringly called the Oprah Winfrey Network, or hilariously and appropriately nicknamed, OWN. Oprah owns your soul. One might go so far as to say she PWNS you.
This is a good one! There was a brawl in Jerusalem today. Sadly, that alone means nothing. But the devil is in the details. IT WAS BETWEEN MONKS. (Get it? Devil in the details? Monks? Religion? Uhh…) Yes, monks. Rival monks! The Armenian monks and the Greek monks. This is better than West Side Story. Snap, snap, snap. The cops had to come break it up! Apparently these fights happen a lot. Oh, and when you go to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, make sure you wear your neutral gang colors. FYI the Armenians wear pink and red and the Greeks wear black. From the AP:
The brawling began during a procession of Armenian clergymen commemorating the 4th-century discovery of the cross believed to have been used to crucify Jesus.
The Greeks objected to the march without one of their monks present, fearing that otherwise, the procession would subvert their own claim to the Edicule — the ancient structure built on what is believed to be the tomb of Jesus — and give the Armenians a claim to the site.
The Armenians refused, and when they tried to march the Greek Orthodox monks blocked their way, sparking the brawl.
Illinois is hoping for a tourism bump due to Barack’s win. Really? Well alright. Walsh, I’ll see you soon.
Ohhh the Onion. Always makes me chuckle. I can totally picture this story on Fox though.
No, this is not something I overheard at a table of 8th graders. (Do I even know any 8th graders?) This is legitimate, scientific fact. Deborah Anderson of Boston University Medical Center and her colleagues discovered that Coca-Cola makes the defenseless little spermies explode. Seriously.
In honor of their epic discovery, Anderson and her colleagues were awarded an Ig Nobel prize. Not to be confused with the Nobel prize, the Ig Nobel prizes reward research with some snark and humor. So naturally, SWTCTW is impressed.
Because the Reuters news story describes some of the other winners better, here are the best parts:
The Ig Nobel committee made up a “nutrition prize” to go to Massimiliano Zampini of the University of Trento, Italy and Charles Spence of Britain’s Oxford University, who tricked people into thinking they were eating fresh potato chips by playing them loud, crunching sounds when they bit one.
The biology prize goes to a French team that found dog fleas can jump higher than cat fleas, while the medicine prize was awarded to a team at Duke University in North Carolina who showed that high-priced placebos work better than cheap fake medicine.
Dorian Raymer of the Scripps Institution in San Diego and a colleague won the physics prize for demonstrating mathematically why hair or a ball of string will inevitably tangle itself in knots.
How smart do you feel, knowing that dog fleas can jump higher than cat fleas? I’m feeling good. I also learned from this year’s economics winner that professional lap dancers make more when they’re most fertile. So ladies, take note. More useless knowledge that people spent lots of money on to study:
Past winners include the creator of the plastic pink flamingo, a researcher who recorded a mallard duck sodomizing a dead drake and a doctor who cured hiccups by applying digital rectal massage.
I guarantee you that when the big time Nobel prizes are announced, they won’t be nearly as entertaining as the Ig Nobels.
And guys, Coca-Cola has been proven ineffectual as a method of birth control. Don’t get any weird ideas.
Here’s a little rant. One of John McCain’s top advisers, former Senator Phil Gramm, has called the recession a “mental recession” and our United States of America a “nation of whiners”. Well, alright. But last time I checked, sharing your experiences and concerns with presidential candidates didn’t make you a whiner, it shows you are an engaged patriot.
Also, I’m going to guess that Gramm has enough money to avoid feeling the stresses of recession. But some people can’t even afford pizza on the weekends. And that’s not right. Oh, and just a quick fact for you, Phil. Your job might be set, but millions of Americans are rapidly losing jobs. During the month of May, the US unemployment rate jumped to 5.5%–the biggest one-month increase in over 20 years. June wasn’t much better. It is estimated that 8.5 million Americans are currently unemployed. And maybe more because people have given up and stopped looking and after a few months are no longer factored in to the unemployment number. Wake up, Phil.
In McCain’s defense, he said he disagreed with Phil. And he made a funny! When asked if Gramm would have a place in a McCain administration, he said he would consider making him ambassador to Belarus. Oh, Johnny. But you were one-upped by Saint Barack, who quipped: “America already has one Dr. Phil. We don’t need another one when it comes to the economy.” Love you, B.
Oh, and just because I’m feeling frisky/had a lovely day at the lake and I’m in an excellent mood, here is a fun video of McCain looking more awkward than a 7th grader in sex-ed when asked about Viagra and birth control. His response is boring, but his response time? Priceless. Haha! Enjoy!
Today is all about teen pregnancy! Woooo! First, Jamie Lynn. And by now I’m sure many of you have heard about the 17 Junos at Gloucester High School in Massachusetts. That’s wicked weird! (That was a Massachusetts joke- though I have been known to drop ‘wicked’ every now and then). The craziest part of all is that they WANTED to be preggers! Apparently these baby geniuses made a pact and are excited for their baby showers and to raise their children together.