Author Archives: K

by | May 19, 2010 · 4:41 pm

newest olympic mascots will haunt dreams.

I don’t know why, but people get super excited about the Olympic mascots.  I’ve written about them before— and here I am again. So move over, 1996 Atlanta mascot Izzy.  Move over, Fuwa, the  2008 Beijing mascots. Ladies and Gentlemen, the new Olympic gold medal winners of fug: Wenlock and Mandeville, the official mascots of the 2012 London Olympic games. Feast your eyes on these!

Somebody PLEASE make the first openly gay Olympic mascots joke, so I don't have to.

Yikes! You might be asking yourself, “What the friggity frig are those?” The article from the Guardian does its best to explain:

The pair are based on a short story by children’s author Michael Morpurgo that tells how they were fashioned from droplets of the steel used to build the Olympic stadium.

Droplets of steel, you say? Well, alright. How… abstract.

Maybe it’s because I’m 24 now (wahhhh) and an old lady, but I don’t really understand the necessity for these new-fangled Olympic mascots.  Is the torch not enough for us?  If you think I’m wrong, please let me know.  Maybe I’m the only one that fails to see the value in a duo of one-eyed, flippered, Nickelodeon-show-reject, don’t-look-if-you-have-epilepsy monstrosities.

Consider your dreams haunted, readership! You’re welcome!

In other news, guess what? Today is Wednesday, which means tomorrow is Thursday, and that’s the day before Friday! Huzzah!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | May 12, 2010 · 11:06 am

youtube clip of today: boy gaga.

I came across this video while creeping around the internet late last night and I was more than impressed.  I’m not the only one, our delightful friend over at Art of the Record thought so too. Don’t be fooled by his Bieber hair, this kid is AWESOME. He’s better than the Biebs. His Youtube name is greyson97 (wait… was he born in 1997?! Oh my god.). Somebody get this kid a record contract!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | May 11, 2010 · 2:03 pm

from the creator of the smize…

Before we begin this post, an important statement from your favorite SWTCTW bloggers: “As of Tuesday, May 11, your fearless bloggers now prefer to be referred to as “intoxibellas”, for so many reasons. We will not answer to anything else. We appreciate your understanding and cooperation.  Thank you.”

The world as we know it changed today with the announcement of Tyra Banks’ new project, appropriately titled Bankable Books.  Professional smizer TyTy, who claims to be an avid fan of fantasy novels and says she shakes when she enters bookstores, has written (read: paid someone to ghost write) a new series of books that will whisk us away in to a magical land. I cannot even begin to explain… it’s better to post what she wrote.

The story happens in a make-believe place called Modelland – every girl in the world wants to go there because it’s where “Intoxibellas” are trained.  Intoxibellas are drop-dead beautiful, kick-butt fierce and, yeah, maybe they have some powers too.  (But I’m confirming NOTHING! Ha. You gotta wait for the book.)  The story follows a teen girl and her friends who find themselves magically transported to Modelland, even though they’re really not supposed to be there. (Okay, now, that’s ALL I’m saying!)

Modelland has always been a part of my mind and my heart.  As you might know, I step into a bookstore and I shake (really!) because I love books so much.  Ever since I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to pick up a new book and see what worlds the writers had created for me. I especially loved books with strong girls and women – you know, girls with guts, smarts and attitude – and then one day it came to me… MODELLAND!   I’m getting it ready for you through my new division called Bankable Books and now I’m shaking for a different reason…  I’m excited that you’ll be able to read about this magical world that’s been living in my dreams for so many years.

Ahem. That explains so much. Clever points for the name… Modelland (in case you were wondering, it’s pronounced like Model Land) must have been a real stretch!  Secondly, “intoxibellas” sounds like it could be Italian for “drunk girls”. Perhaps it is.  Is it, Mal? Gah, I don’t have all day so I’m going to stop before I really get going. Please share your thoughts on this in the comments section.  You owe it to the world.

I just hope the folks on the Nobel panel are taking notice of this literary contribution.

[Posted by Intoxibella]

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by | May 10, 2010 · 2:26 pm

youtube clip of today: super brontës!

Happy Monday, readership! To kick off your work week, here’s a fake TV commercial from 1998.  According to its creators, it was “made in 1998 for a series of educational shorts about action figures based on historical figures. Its educational value was somewhat suspect. It was never aired.” Bummer. Best part? THE BRONTESAURUS! RAWR!

As a side note, I know a girl from Massachusetts that would have given ANYTHING to have these dolls growing up…

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | April 23, 2010 · 2:27 pm

youtube clip of today: youtube’s first.

Hey folks, ever lie in bed at night wondering what the first video EVER to be put on the YouTubes was?  No, really, have you? Well, here is your answer.  Five years ago today, Jawed Karim, one of YouTube’s founders, posted this video of himself at the San Diego Zoo.  Thanks, Jawed, for starting one of the most entertaining outlets for people to publicly embarrass themselves… or, even more likely, embarrass their friends. A tip of the hat to you, sir!  PS- Your video? BOOOOOOOOOOOORING.

Okay. So the video is pretty lame and I try to bring you entertaining yooootoooobs to make the work day go by a little faster. Here’s something cooler:

It’s not a trick, it’s an ILLUSION! Two points if you get the reference.

And on that note, I hope the next 2.5 hours fly by for you all!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | April 21, 2010 · 10:54 am

some friendly advice for tiger woods.

During my morning news perusal, I came across a story on the HuffPo about Tiger Woods. First of all, I am SO OVER the Tiger Woods story, but this headline caught my eye: Tiger Woods Parties at Nickelback Concert in Orlando.

Which made me actually exclaim out loud, “does that man have a publicist?!”

Tiger, here’s a little free advice.  If you want to rehab your image and not look like a huge d-bag, going to a Nickelback concert is not the way to go about it. It’s like Jon Gosselin wearing Ed Hardy and trying to rock a faux-hawk. You. Look. Bad.

Take your kids to a Wiggles concert. Move back to your hometown to “rediscover your roots”. Open up a golf course specifically for underprivileged children.

But please, Tiger, stay away from Nickelback. It’s for your own good. Trust me.

xoxo,

k

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | April 2, 2010 · 12:36 pm

youtube clip of today: single ladies.

Lots of wisdom in this video: you can be a single lady if you want. Also, lots of therapy in this baby’s future.  But he’s so cute!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | March 24, 2010 · 2:21 pm

youtube clip of today: a BFD.

Oh FINE.  Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve seen it (and certainly heard it) by now, but here is everyone’s Uncle Joe dropping the F bomb on live TV.

I think he’s the greatest.  He’s just so lovably inappropriate!  You know he was sitting there thinking to himself, “What powerful words can I say to B that he will remember for the rest of his life?” Well, he certainly found the words to say. Perhaps he just forgot that there were 250 hot mics around.  Regardless, I’m glad it happened, and here’s why: it’s been lightening up the health care debate and people have been having some fun with it.

Yup.  School House Rock got BFD’d.

But back to Biden. As Press Secretary Robert Gibbs tweeted, “And yes, Mr. Vice President, you’re right“. Because he is.  It IS a big deal.  And it’s long overdue.

PS- Here is a great tool to see how the health care legislation will affect you.  Super easy– just put in your marital status, if/how you have health care and what you make.  Click here.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | March 23, 2010 · 4:14 pm

just six words and a picture.

A note left by Rep. Patrick Kennedy on his father’s grave (Ted Kennedy). Warning: if you have a bleeding liberal heart, this may make you weep. This picture comes from the White House’s Flickr stream.

“Dad, the unfinished business is done.”

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | February 3, 2010 · 1:13 pm

do not pass go! stop cheating!

I'm repulsed.

To celebrate the 75th anniversary of Monopoly, the world’s most monotonous and dragged out board game, Hasbro has decided to punish us all by taking away the only thing that made it interesting … the cheating.  Goodbye dear, sweet, corrupt banker.  Hello micro chip and credit cards! No, I am not making that up.

According to pocket-lint, the new version is round and the coveted role of the banker is played by a soulless electronic console in the middle.  Noooooooooo!

No more cold hard cash when you pass Go. No more making it rain a rainbow of dollars to celebrate your minor successes.  Devastating!  It’s all credit now.  So when you do pass Go, you get $200 in credit, which you are supposed to invest in low rent properties?  Credit card companies are arguably just as corrupt as banks, if not more so, and HAVE YOU SEEN THE MARKET THESE DAYS? I digress.

It’s not like I was a huge fan of Monopoly– but as I’ve mentioned before, it did show me that I’m bad at math and hate business, so there’s some value to that.  It’s more that I hate it when companies try to modernize their most iconic products.  I nearly went off the deep end when they changed the game of Clue!  Poor Professor Plum is now a nerdy gamer. Alas, the winds of change are blowing and it’s giving me a chill.  On the bright side, Miss Scarlett remains skanky.

So for the sake of nostalgia, let’s play the old version before it’s too late.

I’ll be the banker!  And I want to be the wheel barrow.

[Posted by Kathleen]

Note: I missed blogging.  And the thought of not blogging the Olympics/my love for Apolo Anton Ohno made me depressed.  I’m back.  Again.

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