Category Archives: definitely not politics

by | July 15, 2008 · 4:55 pm

how about a little celebrity gossip?

It seems like there’s a lot of good celebrity gossip out there right now, so let’s do a little roundup of the most interesting tidbits:

  • Khloe Kardashian is going to jail for violating the terms of her probation for a DUI she got last year. I really don’t know anything about the Kardashians, except that their parents cruelly spelled all of their names with K’s. Surely Kriminal Khloe won’t actually go to jail for that long, but maybe she’ll have to wear one of those ankle bracelet tracker things! (I saw a guy a Target wearing one, and I was scared of him, but then he was really nice to his wife/girlfriend so I decided he was okay.) [The Superficial]
  • Sienna Miller was caught kissing a married actor named Balthazar Getty! And she was naked! [AOL News]
  • Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman broke up after five years together. So first Ryan and Reese break up (I saw a picture of Ryan with that homewrecker nanny the other day and it still caught me off guard), then Heath dies, and now America’s favorite funny couple have called it quits. Sigh. [People]
  • Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone has lots of scandalous things to say about her in his book coming out this week, Life With My Sister Madonna. Notable among the life-ruining claims he makes: “Madonna hangs an 8-by-12-foot photo of herself in S&M gear and lying on a bed with dead animals in her home – in full view of the kids.” Um, ew. [New York Post]
  • Okay I’m starting to wish I hadn’t started this post because I’m finding out lots of things that I just wish I didn’t know. Like Drew Barrymore and that cute, nerdy Justin Long guy from Dodgeball broke up. They seemed so wacky and fun! CAN’T ANYONE STAY TOGETHER??! [People]
  • While I’m being a downer, can I mention that I’m still really upset about Anne Hathaway’s boyfriend turning out to be a huge sleazeball? Anne Hathaway is my number one Hollywood girl crush, perhaps because we look so much alike, and I not-so-secretly wish I was her character in The Devil Wears Prada, minus the horrible job but plus the scruffy boyfriend who makes me grilled cheese. Hang in there, Anne.
  • Let’s end on a happy note, shall we? Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie had their twins! Yay for babies! Apparently the boy and the girl are healthy and everything’s great, except that their names are Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. Eek. That makes for what, 27 children for the Jolie-Pitts? [People]

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | July 12, 2008 · 5:30 am

a little something for your weekend.

Unfortunately, I won’t be blogging much this weekend. But to get you through, I have compiled a list of links that I most likely would have blogged about or find interesting enough to share, and you’ll have to use your imagination to think of what Mal and/or I would say about them.

This story about siblings torn apart by the Holocaust and being reunited after 66 years made me cry more than watching the video of Christian the Lion. No jokes and nothing snarky to say–there is good in this world.

Here is an interesting piece on Wall-E. The first negative thing I’ve read and it brings up some valid points. Still haven’t seen the movie though. What do you think?

People are over medicated, and our dogs are next. Here is a piece from the NYT Magazine. Since I’m not going to, make all the jokes you want. Make me proud.

There’s going to be a DC version of “The Hills”. I’m pissed, because I wanted to be in it. My idea for a show title was just “The Hill”. Clever, I know. Ha. Shockingly, they went for more party oriented than political party oriented girls…

I love baby names, and I might give someone a candy bar or something to let me name their child. But give up a gas card? HELL NO. Have you seen the price of gas? This story is so wrong on so many levels. I LOVE IT. These people are nutso. Maybe I should do something like this. I bet I could come up with something better than Sunday Rose. Ugh.

And finally, a slideshow of supermodels then and now. Claudia Schiffer is still pretty hot. And girl don’t even get me started on Tyra.

Dunzo. Enjoy. Comment. Have adventures. Miss me. XOXO.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 11, 2008 · 10:43 pm

i’ll smell you later, patches wegmann.

Oooh, I like this story. Patches Wegmann (SUPERB name, by the way. Take that, Sunday Rose Kidman Urban!) was arrested yesterday because she was knocking men out with her scent. Wait, what? Yeah, Patches was selling cologne (that’s legit), waved a sample in some dude’s face, and he got sick. She’s done this a couple of times, apparently. Here is what the news story says about Patches’ first chump after she tickled his olfactory organ with her man-eating cologne:

The victim returned to work, where he passed out, investigators said. His symptoms included dizziness, shortness of breath, and numbness in his extremities.

His extremities? Hmm. Anyway, a month later she did it again. And this time the police got her and booked her on charges of second-degree battery and unlawful solicitation. Damn, girl. I know you want to see what she looks like–

There you go.

They haven’t tested Patches’ cologne yet (or released what it really was), but I’m willing to put money on it being from Abercrombie & Fitch or Hollister (essentially the same thing). Ever walk past one of those stores? With the combination of bad techno, bad lighting and a horrific odor, it makes you want to have a seizure. My brother used to wear Abercrombie cologne, bless his little heart. I would rather him come back from a basketball game smelling like sweat and not shower for two days than deal with the redolence (SAT word!) of Abercrombie on a daily basis again. Seriously, my extremities go numb and I want to vomit whenever I smell it.

One last thing. They didn’t report what the motive behind Patches’ puzzling actions was. Any guesses? Maybe she’s just craaaazy.

And this is completely gratuitous, but (in my expert opinion) here is a sample of the only good that comes from Abercrombie:

Rawr!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 11, 2008 · 9:27 pm

big gulps, huh? see you later!

Here is a public service announcement from Six Words:

It’s free Slurpee Day at 7-11! Get some!

Sadly, there are no 7-11s where I live.  And in the town where I used to live, that’s where you went to watch the drug deals go down.  But whatev.  Enjoy!

And I KNOW that the Big Gulp isn’t the same as the Slurpee, but I will never give up a chance to make a Dumb and Dumber reference. And I thought the title was somewhat clever.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 28, 2008 · 3:05 pm

another glass of cleavage creek, please.

During my semester abroad in Greece, I learned a little bit about wine…as in it’s cheap and tastes better than beer. Fortunately for me, my friends all learned the same thing. Now, instead of looking like frat rats, we get to sit down and have a glass of wine (or four) together. Because we’re just that classy.

When reading the news this morning, I found a headline mentioning Cleavage Creek wine. Clearly, I had to read about this. It’s about wine and cleavage! (Two things I know about). I don’t know exactly what I was expecting, but what I read was not it.

Budge Brown owns a ranch and small vineyard in Pope Valley, California and created the wine as a tribute to his wife, Arlene, who died of breast cancer. Some of the proceeds to go to research to fight cancer. One of the more amazing things, however, is that on each label is a woman currently fighting breast cancer. Pretty powerful.

I learned an importantly lesson today-don’t judge the wine by its label. Sadly, I was looking for a story about some gross dude that named his wine after boobs. Instead, I found something that I would like to be a part of and I’ll feel proud for supporting it.

So there is your morning glass of feel-good! Good morning!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 27, 2008 · 4:22 pm

geez louise, jennifer, please slow down!

I don’t really like driving in the car with my mother. When she reminds me to “slow DOWN, Kathleen” or “there’s a stop sign 50 feet ahead”, I remind her that I have been driving since 2002. SO THERE! Now that VH1 has ‘I Love the New Milennium” (why, Hal Sparks, why?!), I feel as if my age has been validated and 2002 is just as far off as “I Love the 80s”. Anyway, my mother always calls me out on speeding. Today, I will be victorious when I show her this!

Jennifer Bitton, you speed demon! She was caught speeding 22 times within a 45 day period by a camera in Scottsdale, Arizona. With speeds going up to 92 MPH! GASP! Umm…has anyone driven in New Jersey? It practically says 92 MPH on the speed limit signs. Anyway, Jennifer is in a wee bit of trouble because of this. I doubt if she had been pulled over by real cops she would have this many tickets. Because, you know, as her mugshot shows, she is fairly cute? By the way, she lives in Las Vegas. Draw your own conclusions.

But right now she’s in jail, and will most likely have to serve some mandatory jail time and pay fees. That sucks.

Here is what bothers me the most–none of the news stories answer the question WHY she was speeding. Was she late for work every day? (Understandable.) Was she late for some sort of class? (Pretty understandable.) Was she just having uncontrollable cravings for the Baconator at Wendy’s? (Absolutely understandable.)

I need answers! Tell us, Jennifer! The world needs to know!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 25, 2008 · 3:19 pm

will he wear clothes in court?

This is the question on my mind (hopefully everyone else’s too so I don’t feel like a weirdo) after the Naked Cowboy, aka Robert Burck, won the right to go to court and sue the Blue M&M for using his identity. Congratulations to Mr. Naked for being the only person not to think it’s cool to be turned into an M&M! They even have a Web site for it. Yes, I’ve done this more than once.

Anyway, the Blue M&M was dressed like him in an ad in front of the Mars Candy store in Times Square. That’s the Naked Cowboy’s turf–and has been since 1998. So I get that he doesn’t like the competition. But the blue M&M is so much…cuter. Here’s what the Naked Cowboy had to say for himself:

“Sounds like I’ve got $4 million coming my way.”

WHAT? You mean you care about the money? You mean you didn’t make a mockery out of yourself every day just bring a smile to people’s faces and make them slightly uncomfortable as you stood there in cowboy boots and tighty whities? This whole thing was a gimmick, just to make money?! Shame on you, Naked, for fooling us all!

But on the other hand, power to him. I hang out naked and get made into an M&M and I’m still unemployed. I mean, I’m a writer.

Oh and FYI, this is not Naked’s first time to court. Here is his mugshot. I just stumbled across it. I figured it would just make everyone feel better about themselves.

RAWR!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 24, 2008 · 6:15 pm

repent, katy perry! hellfire’s gonna suck.

Katy Perry kissed a girl, and she liked it! That song is as catchy as “Umbrella” and as tacky as, well, “Umbrella”. I was going to post about how it may be the song of the summer, but upon reading Gawker, I found out some interesting gossip on Katy Perry…or should I say Katy Hudson? GASP! Way more interesting than what I originally had in mind!

Katy Hudson, Katy Perry’s former self, was a Christian rock singer. That’s right, CHRISTIAN rock. Oh sweet irony, you publicity whore! Here is my favorite aspect about the whole thing- she was interviewed by Seventeen Magazine (the magazine for all those under the age of 17 and who wish they were 17. When you are 17, you read Cosmo, duh.) and said some amazing about everyone’s favorite topic–sex.

Katy has a steady boyfriend, but she doesn’t believe in sex before marriage. “I know what it does to people,” she says. “One night my boyfriend and I went a little too far and I felt like I’d fallen so far away from God. I doubted myself and my strength. I was so weak at the time in my relationship with Christ.”

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, that sounds almost as bad as my Catholic guilt! Katy’s steady boyfriend now, by the way, is the lead singer from Gym Class Heroes. I wonder if he feels the same way? He did just give her a promise ring. Please note that a promise ring is not the same as a purity ring, which the Jonas Brothers all wear. Ha, oh Katy! If you repent now, you still could be saved!

Being the good little journalist that I am, I decided to not rely solely on Gawker’s reporting, but do some internet stalking/research of my own. My adventures led me into the world of Christian chat forums (eeeeek!) and even took me to the Web site of the 700 Club (ugggh, I feel dirty and repulsed). Here is what I found though. The Christians are pissed. Sweet, innocent Katy Hudson is now a slootbag! They are disappointed and praying for her. This pastor’s daughter (just like Jessica Simpson! But I bet Katy’s dad doesn’t stare at her boobs) has lost her way. Now, she’s drinking, kissing girls and hanging out with the gays! AHHH!

I feel so torn. My rebellious side wants to applaud her for having a personality and breaking free of the ridiculousness, and the other self-righteous part wants to shun her for being so fake. Dammit, Katy, why do you have to leave us all in purgatory?

Here is Katy before (bland):

Here is Katy now (rawr!):

I Kissed a Girl

Ur So Gay

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 24, 2008 · 4:02 am

over the shoulder boulder holder saves.

I always knew bras were good for something other than keeping the girls down. I personally have yet to discover what else, but Jessica Bruinsma’s bra saved her life. Bruinsma, who is from Colorado (hey, Mal!), had been stranded in the Bavarian Alps in southern Germany for three days before being rescued. According to the AP, “she attracted the attention of lumberjacks by attaching her sports bra to a cable used to move timber down the mountain”. Wowie.

She’s a smart lady. If you hang a bra from somewhere, men are going to find it. Sorry, I had to make some sort of joke. Just think of all the puns I could have made but didn’t.

But honestly, it’s good to hear she’s alright. Her story could have ended tragically, but she was resourceful. This just goes to show that bras really can change the world. Maybe somebody should pass this along to Jen Moss?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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