Category Archives: food

by | July 29, 2008 · 5:54 pm

have a nice, cold pickle pop.

You know how there was always that weird kid that drank the pickle juice? Maybe it was you, maybe it was me, I don’t know (I was homeschooled, OKAY?!). But God knows I love pickles. Probably as much as pregnant women. No, I’m not prego.

So here’s a theory: if you take something you really love, and turn it into something else you really love, like a popsicle, it’s sure to be a success right? I mean, the beer pops sure are. So watch out eager world, here comes the treat we’ve been waiting for–Bob’s Pickle Pops. Gut reaction? Bleh. That’s right, frozen pickle juice that comes in packaging like pop-ice (the pesky little plastic ones that are so freaking hard to open). Imagine having pickle pops thrown into a cooler of pop-ices. “Oooh! Oooh! I want the green one!” Seconds later, gagging and vomiting ensue. Check out the Web site for the frozen pickle juice–it’s quite tacky and entertaining. Mal, the font on the Web site might beat out Comic Sans for the worst font of all time. Plus, I think it was once the font for my AIM when I was like 13.

And here’s something kind of funny. These were originally named Pickle Sickles (GROSS), and the mascot (is that what you would call it? Animated spokesman?) was named Pickle Sickle Tex. Now, my selective dyslexia (essentially, I read what I want to read) read that as Pickle Tickle Sex. Hmm. Interesting. I have a sick mind, get over it. And don’t act like you weren’t thinking the same things.

If you try these pickle treats, which are currently being promoted at public schools everywhere, let me know. Because the weird kid that drinks pickle juice that is still in there deep down is dying to know.

[Posted by Kathleen]

2 Comments

Filed under food, pop culture, random

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

by | July 29, 2008 · 1:16 am

thoughts on bourbon, blogging, and SAHMs.

Confession: I have a new girl crush/idol in the world of bloggy women. Her name is Heather B. Armstrong, and she is snarky and wonderful. On her blog, Dooce, she describes herself as a “Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) or a Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker.” (And really, she’s not exactly a stay at home mom, because that implies that she doesn’t work. Really, her blog is so successful that both Heather and her husband work full time on keeping the blog witty and awesome and, you know, functioning.) Plus Heather says that she “love[s] bourbon, chips and salsa, Britpop, and television that excels at being really awful.” Hellooo, kindred spirit. She even looks cool and witty and like the kind of girl you’d want to go have drinks with then maybe dance on a table and meet some strangers and have a late-night breakfast burrito from 7-Eleven:

I’ve decided that I want to be just like Heather when I grow up. I would like to be snarky and fun and irreverent and have a cute husband, perfect daughter, and a job that lets me hang out in my PJs all day, presumably drinking bourbon and eating chips and salsa as the wit escapes my brain through my fingertips. Not such a bad thing to aspire to, eh?

Here’s an excellent excerpt from Heather’s FAQ:

“I’m surprised you haven’t been reported to child welfare with how public you are about some of the things you think and do regarding your daughter. Paper towels are very dangerous for your daughter to chew on. She could suffocate. don’t let her be alone with them. I’m amazed at how foolish you can be sometimes.”

When you call DCFS, please get the story straight. Not only do I leave her alone with paper towels, I set her in the middle of a flea-infested floor and surround her with sharp objects and porn. Then I turn on a wood-burning stove in the corner of the room and seal all the windows. Before I leave the room and lock the door, I stick a bottle full of vodka in her mouth, to muffle the screaming.

Heather, I dig you. I also hope that one day Kathleen and I will actually be important enough to have an FAQ section. I don’t think we’ve received any questions, unless you count the marriage pleas from the millions of attractive bachelors. Okay now go read Dooce and be happy.

[Posted by Mallory]

1 Comment

Filed under blogging, crushes, drinks, family, food

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

by | July 24, 2008 · 11:53 pm

stop this giant from mocking god!

 

I’m pretty open about the fact that I’m obsessed with the snarky political commentary site Wonkette. Recently, I’ve been loving their mockery of the American Family Association’s efforts to Boycott McDonald’s. (Background on Wonkette’s mockery here; link to the Boycott McDonald’s website here.) Basically, McDonald’s donated some money to the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, a bunch of self-righteous, intolerant people got angry, and these people decided to clog their arteries at another establishment. They are encouraging their fellow Christians to boycott America’s favorite fast food restaurant with persuasive, well-written comments like these:

“I`m sorry that you have made the decision that heterosexul folks such as i are not welcome in your resturants any longer. i will not argue your decision. By giving your resturants sapport to the homosexual groups you have told me my believes and lifestyle are not yours and i`m not welcome in your resturants anylonger.”

The group’s latest — and by far, most hilarious — weapon is this gem of a video:

Eh, we were always Wendy’s girls here at SWTCTW.  Mmm, Baconator.

[Posted by Mallory]

4 Comments

Filed under family, food, news, YouTube

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , ,

by | July 16, 2008 · 7:57 pm

who has hobbies these days, anyway?!

I recently got an email from my grad school requesting some information for an internal “facebook” that will be passed out to faculty, staff, and other students. It asked for all the basic, easy stuff — undergraduate university, undergraduate major, favorite food — and then it hit me with a doozie: it asked for my hobbies. Uhhh…

I mean, who has hobbies anymore? In a perfect world, I’d be able to write “calligraphy, birdwatching, knitting, table tennis, and volunteering with refugees from Kazakhstan.” But folks, it ain’t a perfect world. If I were to be honest, I’d list “lounging, blogging, watching Jon & Kate Plus 8, drinking outdoors, eating, hanging out with friends, and, uhh, sleeping?” among my hobbies. Those don’t cut it, either. I turned to my sister for advice:

Maddy: Well, you like sitting.

Mallory: Maddy, I KNOW, but that doesn’t count. What about baseball games? I like baseball games! I’m watching one right now!

Maddy: You only like baseball games when you are eating a hot dog and drinking a beer and sitting in the Rockpile, where you don’t even have to watch the game.

Mallory: Touche. Ummmm…I’ve been, uh, running a lot lately…

Maddy: “A lot” might imply that you run marathons. You occasionally run for 20 minutes, and you hate every second of it.

Mallory: Concerts! I like going to concerts!

Maddy: [Rolls eyes.]

You see my dilemma. I settled on the following list of hobbies: reading (I really do like that! It’s generic, but whatever, beggars can’t be choosers); writing (I blog, and email my friends a lot); biking (well, see, I biked tons last summer and I think that if I put air in the tires, I’d actually use my bike a lot!); swimming (I used to be a swimmer in high school; now I enjoy sunbathing); and spending time with my friends (read: eating and drinking. A lot).

Sigh. Maybe my grandma can teach me to needlepoint.

[Posted by Mallory]

1 Comment

Filed under blogging, drinks, family, food, music, random, sports, TV

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

by | July 16, 2008 · 7:24 pm

maybe he just wanted unlimited breadsticks.

Fueling the belief that Colorado is a place where people ride horses everywhere and still wear bolo ties, yesterday a “young adult black bear” broke into a Circuit City in Colorado Springs. Seriously. (That’s him above, caught on the security camera.)

According to the local ABC affiliate, the bear was lurking around a nearby Fazoli’s (looking for some chicken parm, we can only presume), and when the restaurant’s alarm went off he freaked out and ran over to Circuit City. He then shattered the sliding glass door, hung out for a while and compared prices on flat screen TVs, and ran out. He’s still on the loose. Perhaps he thinks he can get a better deal at Best Buy.

[Posted by Mallory]

Leave a comment

Filed under animals, food, news

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

by | July 3, 2008 · 11:58 pm

to baseball, beer, and barack obama.

Hot Diggity Dogz

Hey kids, tomorrow is America’s birthday! Toss a little Wild Turkey in your Coke and enjoy Fourth of July the patriotic way, by eating too much and drinking too much and generally being a little too loud.

And, dear readers, we apologize for our less-than-regular postings this week. Kathleen’s been otherwise occupied (down with Connecticut!), and I’ve been, uh, prematurely excited for the three-day weekend? We’ll be back in full force next week, armed with plenty of snark. Until then, cheers!

[Posted by Mallory]

1 Comment

Filed under blogging, drinks, food, history, random

Tagged as , , , , ,

by | July 1, 2008 · 10:40 pm

a starbucks every other corner, now.

Drip drip

I’m not one of those people who’s addicted to coffee. In fact, I don’t even like the stuff. The only caffeine that really affects me is Diet Coke on an empty stomach, and all coffee does is make me feel jittery and leave a bad taste in my mouth. Still, if I had to choose whether I’m for or against Starbucks, I’d have to say I’m for it. My mom and sister are chronically addicted to the stuff, and I actually had to go to Starbucks with my mother about 15 minutes ago so that she could get her fix. I love their teas, and it was the Venti Zen Tea that got me through many a night at my school’s library. (Did I mention that there’s a Starbucks in our library? Where you can buy coffee and bagels and scones on your meal plan?) And although globalization certainly has its drawbacks, I was thrilled to find a Starbucks in Vienna where I could get a large tea and wander the streets of Austria blissfully clutching a red holiday cup.  Plus, on a broader level, I’ve read that Starbucks exemplifies servant leadership, and they seem to be making concerted efforts to do good things for the world.

I can understand the other side of the argument, though. A unique, local coffee shop is a great place to spend a few hours, and it’s a shame that with Starbucks popping up two per block, many of the local stores can’t survive. So I was quite surprised to read that Starbucks is closing 600 stores nationwide. (And that’s a link to a Washington Post article, not NYT. See, I’m branching out!) According to the article, these store closings are a sign that Starbucks is still suffering from the country’s faltering economy. I’m no economist (and in fact, econ makes my brain hurt to the point that if someone forced me to major in the subject, I’d have to drop out of school and work at the mall), but if Starbucks is suffering, that’s gotta be a bad sign.

[Posted by Mallory]

1 Comment

Filed under food, news

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

by | July 1, 2008 · 12:08 am

coleslaw and some pumpkin pie, anyone?

Killer Tofu

In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a big fan of the New York Times, and in between important receptionisty phone calls, I like to peruse the website in an effort to make myself feel smarter. Because I’m a huge health nut (HAH!), I was drawn to this article on “The 11 Best Foods You Aren’t Eating Yet.” Let’s play a little free association game with the list:

  1. Beets: Whatever happened to Doug Funny? That was a great show. In the spring, a band came to my school and played a cover of one of The Beets’ songs, and that really made me happy. Also, did you know that there are people who go on Wikipedia and list all of the characters from a given TV show? Take a look at the list for Doug here.
  2. Cabbage: Mmm coleslaw and fish tacos. Cabbage and mayonnaise (hah, speaking of Doug) are the new peanut butter and jelly. No?
  3. Swiss chard: I haven’t the faintest idea what this is, but it makes me think of swiss cheese, which makes me think of my roommates, which makes me miss college.
  4. Cinnamon: The other day I found a bowl of atomic fireballs at work, and since my day had been so un-challenging in general, I decide to challenge myself to eat a fireball. Good god that think was hot! I barely finished it, but because I’m a dedicated eater who hates to lose any kind of contest, I prevailed.
  5. Pomegranate juice: I like this stuff. But did you know you can get a pomegranate martini these days? If you ever catch me drinking any kind of flavored -tini, smack me and pour the drink in my face, then order me a beer.
  6. Dried plums: Ha ha, see what they did there? They’re trying to trick you into eating PRUNES! Don’t be fooled!
  7. Pumpkin seeds: For some reason, I ate a lot of these when I was in Italy. I would get them at one of those adorable street stands, or at the massive totally American grocery store in my apartment building. I would eat them until my lips burned from all the salt (YUM) and the seeds had to be forcibly removed from my grip.
  8. Sardines: This is making me think of Popeye, but I think he just ate spinach. Hmm.
  9. Turmeric: Come again?
  10. Frozen blueberries: I know people say that frozen fruit is a delicious, healthy snack, but I like to keep my frozen desserts filled with chocolate and high in saturated fat.
  11. Canned pumpkin: “When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if not…mmmmm, boy!” I love Jack Handy.

That was fun, but now I’m hungry.

[Posted by Mallory]

Leave a comment

Filed under drinks, food

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

by | June 20, 2008 · 5:26 pm

excuse me? did you say cookies?

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new diet fad. The cookie, that’s right, COOKIE diet. Obviously I got a little too excited when I first read about it and had such high expectations. The man who came up with it (a MAN came up with a cookie diet?) is named Dr. Sanford Siegal.

Apparently all you eat is cookies! Brilliant! Except for the fact that they need to be Siegal’s cookies and not snickerdoodles, chocolate chips, thin mints, tagalongs, sugar cookies or anything else that tastes delicious. You slay me, Dr. Siegal. Also, with the cookie diet you take in a mere 800 calories a day. I like my cookies to be about 800 calories each.

Listen, Sanford– it’s not me, it’s you. I just don’t see things working out between us.

[Posted by Kathleen]

4 Comments

Filed under definitely not politics, food, random

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

by | June 19, 2008 · 10:04 pm

but how much are the fries?

I love meat. I can’t even help it. I am a thrice failed vegetarian. I can blame it on whatever I want (the weather? George Bush, perhaps? Ugh, probably global warming), but the real reason for my failure is burgers. As a first born child I HATE to admit and accept failure. I’ve got to make Mom and Dad proud! But there is no denying this.

First born child complex aside, when I go to fast food places, I usually pay with change found on the floor of the Corolla. But a Burger King in London has a $200 burger. That’s right. TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. Obviously people are upset because you can feed a million people in Africa for that much.

CBS lists the ingredients as “Premium, prohibitively priced, Japanese-style Wagyu, flame-grilled, garnished with Italian truffles, Spanish cured ham, aged balsamic vinegar, Champagne onions and popped onto a saffron- and truffle-dusted bun.”

Sounds alright, I guess. Or as one friend of mine would eloquently put it, sexual chocolate. (Don’t ask me the exact definition, I’m not entirely sure but I know it works in this situation). My big question is this, is it still greasy? Because if it isn’t, they’ve got huge problems. And also, how much does it cost to make it a “biggie”? (BK’s version of supersizing)

The idea of this burger is an absolute contradiction and my bleeding liberal heart is emo and weeping. Yes, they are donating the proceeds to charity. But wouldn’t it be better if it went straight to the source of the problem?

I’ve always been more of a Wendy’s girl anyway.

[Posted by Kathleen]

Leave a comment

Filed under food, random

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,