Monthly Archives: July 2008

first, pill-popping pets. now suing simians?

This morning, while poking around the New York Times, I read that “Spain’s parliament recently passed a resolution granting legal rights to apes,” which is good news for Rafael Nadal. The law will allow chimps to be kept in zoos, but they will no longer be allowed to perform in circuses or other performances, and any research that would harm them has been banned.

I’m torn about my thoughts on this news. I’m a big fan of animals — though not to the point where I’ll give up my sausage, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwiches — and in a lot of ways, apes certainly seem deserving of some legal rights. As the author, Adam Cohen, points out,

Great apes are biologically very close to humans; chimps and humans share about 98 percent of their DNA. Apes have complex communication skills and close emotional bonds. They experience loneliness and sorrow. They deserve some respect.

Still, I can also see where the worry about a slippery slope would come in. Sure, it might be easy to agree that because they are so close to humans, apes deserve some protection, but could this open the door to offering legal rights to dogs, cats, even hamsters? Maybe not, but it’s worth thinking about, especially in light of another recent NYT article that Kathleen briefly posted about: “Pill-Popping Pets.”

In the article, James Vlahos visits a German shepherd, Max, who has recently begun taking psychoactive drugs for the treatment of, essentially, doggy OCD. Max’s symptoms sound awfully familiar. For starters, he has separation anxiety. About a decade ago, my family got a dog named Granby, who was sweet and loving and mellow — while we were around. When left alone, he could break free from a kennel that was secured shut with bungee cords, and would, among other things, knock our TV from its shelf and eat the insulation from our pipes. After two months, we had to send Granby away to live on farm, where he had room to run around (I’m still not completely convinced that “farm” doesn’t mean “heaven,” but my mom swears Granby’s fine). If given the opportunity to get Granby to calm down with a little doggy Prozac, we might have jumped at the chance.

On the other hand, our current dog, Copper, is also a bit of a terror, but I don’t think we’d ever consider medicating him (besides “calming pills” that my mom used to give him, three at a time, which had absolutely no effect). Sure, Copper occasionally eats entire cakes or finds a way to shotgun a Hansen’s soda or hides my favorite shoes, but although his behavior is frustrating, we can handle it. 

Along with his love for human food, Copper has a need to always be close to people, like the dog in the article. About Max, Vlahos writes:

For starters, there was his overpowering need to be near people, especially Allan [his male owner]. If they put Max outside, he quickly relieved himself and then rushed back indoors; he raced into rooms that Allan was about to occupy; he rested his head against the bathroom door during his master’s ablutions.

That’s Copper in a nutshell. He’s not content to just be in the same room as me, but he feels the need to actually be on my lap (he’s not a lap dog). Waiting outside while I shower isn’t enough; he needs to sit directly in front of the shower door. And to get super cheesy on you, it’s these qualities that make Copper so endearing. The thought of medicating them away is appalling.

Cohen makes perhaps the most important conclusion we can take from both of these articles. Sure, we are obligated to take care of our animals (in the various ways that can manifest itself), but only so long as we are taking care of our fellow humans first:

American law is becoming increasingly cruel. The Supreme Court recently ruled that states are not obliged to administer lethal injections in ways that avoid unnecessary risk that inmates will suffer great pain. If apes are given the right to humane treatment, it just might become harder to deny that same right to their human cousins.

[Posted by Mallory]

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miss usa crystle stewart wipes out.

Readers, here is something for your Monday morning. Enjoy! Even beauty queens have bad days…

As if the world couldn’t think America was any dumber, we were shamed at the Miss Universe pageant, the Olympics of Beauty, for the second year in a row. Here is what the UK’s Times Online had to say (why are Brits so much funnier even in their news ledes?!):

For the second year in succession, the American entrant in the Miss Universe pageant failed to meet the crucial challenge of walking and smiling at the same time.

Crystle Stewart, from Texas, tripped and fell on stage at the global beauty contest today, just as Miss USA did last year. She failed to make the final, which was won by Miss Venezuela, a former kidnap victim.

Failed to meet the crucial challenge of walking and smiling? HAHA. But seriously, don’t sweat it girl, because you weren’t going to beat a kidnap victim anyway. I mean, COME ON, that’s intense and she deserves to win. Here she is. Rawr.

And I know I said America was shamed earlier, but I was being sarcastic (shocker, I know). I can totally relate to Crystle because I take diggers all the time. So Crystle, I know that you are probably curled up on your bed with tons of decorative pillows, eating full bricks of chocolate and watching Pride and Prejudice (the six A&E hour version) with mascara running down your face but I want you to know it’s going to be okay. You’re still incredibly hot and you still probably want world peace, so get out there and do it. We still love you! And probably didn’t know who you were before this.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under celebrities, news, random, YouTube

words from wolff for your weekend.

Faithful readers, I’m back! I’m home from my annual family vacation up in the mountains, and I’m rested, ready to write, and armed with plenty of stories that I can use to blackmail my cousins one day.

I wrote a couple of posts last week about some interesting things I read in July’s issue of Oprah, and despite my shame at being so intrigued by magazine made for stay-at-home moms, I’m about to continue that trend. There’s one article from the magazine that I’ve been thinking about since I read it, and I wanted to share it with those of you who don’t faithfully read O Magazine (which, I suspect, includes most of you). The story comes from a collection of articles written to tell us all “Why Men Do Stupid Things.” At first glance, that title made me immediately skeptical and annoyed and aware of why I don’t typically read O. That being said, I read the section anyway and was quite impressed. (You can read about half of the articles on Oprah’s website.)

Unfortunately, the best and most thought-provoking article of the bunch is not on the website, and though I considered typing up the whole thing for your reading pleasure, I’m fairly certain that would break a bunch of copyright laws. Instead, I’ll sum up the story and leave you with a choice quote or two.

Oprah tells us that with a brief article, Tobias Wolff is going to tell us silly little women about war stories. Wolff fought in Vietnam, and he writes about an experience he had during the 1980s, when people were finally starting to talk about what happened during the war. He joins a discussion group with Ed, who also fought in Vietnam; Robert, who fought in Korea; and Will, who was a conscientious objector and had “refused the draft and performed alternate service as an orderly in a VA hospital.”

After some initial hesitation, the men begin talking, and they get caught up in their own stories. Wolff writes:

…Robert and Ed and I were topping each other with stories about the meanness of our garrison towns — at Fort Bragg we’d called the citizens of Fayetteville “Fayette Cong” — when I caught Will staring at us in despair.

“You’re doing it again,” he said.

“What?”

“Making it sound like a lark. Like some great adventure. And you guys know better. No wonder kids keep joining up.”

I could see that he felt left out, perhaps at some instinctive level even rued missing the experience that bound us. But he was right. We knew better, yet could not speak of all this, even to deplore it, without giving it a certain glamour, the glamour of blood mystery and exclusive, ultimate fraternity.

I have never forgotten Will’s sadness, its profound ambiguity.

Yes. No wonder kids keep joining up.

To be sure, those are words worth thinking about these days.

[Posted by Mallory]

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a little something for your weekend.

Unfortunately, I won’t be blogging much this weekend. But to get you through, I have compiled a list of links that I most likely would have blogged about or find interesting enough to share, and you’ll have to use your imagination to think of what Mal and/or I would say about them.

This story about siblings torn apart by the Holocaust and being reunited after 66 years made me cry more than watching the video of Christian the Lion. No jokes and nothing snarky to say–there is good in this world.

Here is an interesting piece on Wall-E. The first negative thing I’ve read and it brings up some valid points. Still haven’t seen the movie though. What do you think?

People are over medicated, and our dogs are next. Here is a piece from the NYT Magazine. Since I’m not going to, make all the jokes you want. Make me proud.

There’s going to be a DC version of “The Hills”. I’m pissed, because I wanted to be in it. My idea for a show title was just “The Hill”. Clever, I know. Ha. Shockingly, they went for more party oriented than political party oriented girls…

I love baby names, and I might give someone a candy bar or something to let me name their child. But give up a gas card? HELL NO. Have you seen the price of gas? This story is so wrong on so many levels. I LOVE IT. These people are nutso. Maybe I should do something like this. I bet I could come up with something better than Sunday Rose. Ugh.

And finally, a slideshow of supermodels then and now. Claudia Schiffer is still pretty hot. And girl don’t even get me started on Tyra.

Dunzo. Enjoy. Comment. Have adventures. Miss me. XOXO.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under blogging, celebrities, definitely not politics, family, fashion, movies, news, politics, random, the arts, the hill, TV

i’ll smell you later, patches wegmann.

Oooh, I like this story. Patches Wegmann (SUPERB name, by the way. Take that, Sunday Rose Kidman Urban!) was arrested yesterday because she was knocking men out with her scent. Wait, what? Yeah, Patches was selling cologne (that’s legit), waved a sample in some dude’s face, and he got sick. She’s done this a couple of times, apparently. Here is what the news story says about Patches’ first chump after she tickled his olfactory organ with her man-eating cologne:

The victim returned to work, where he passed out, investigators said. His symptoms included dizziness, shortness of breath, and numbness in his extremities.

His extremities? Hmm. Anyway, a month later she did it again. And this time the police got her and booked her on charges of second-degree battery and unlawful solicitation. Damn, girl. I know you want to see what she looks like–

There you go.

They haven’t tested Patches’ cologne yet (or released what it really was), but I’m willing to put money on it being from Abercrombie & Fitch or Hollister (essentially the same thing). Ever walk past one of those stores? With the combination of bad techno, bad lighting and a horrific odor, it makes you want to have a seizure. My brother used to wear Abercrombie cologne, bless his little heart. I would rather him come back from a basketball game smelling like sweat and not shower for two days than deal with the redolence (SAT word!) of Abercrombie on a daily basis again. Seriously, my extremities go numb and I want to vomit whenever I smell it.

One last thing. They didn’t report what the motive behind Patches’ puzzling actions was. Any guesses? Maybe she’s just craaaazy.

And this is completely gratuitous, but (in my expert opinion) here is a sample of the only good that comes from Abercrombie:

Rawr!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under definitely not politics, news, random, Uncategorized

big gulps, huh? see you later!

Here is a public service announcement from Six Words:

It’s free Slurpee Day at 7-11! Get some!

Sadly, there are no 7-11s where I live.  And in the town where I used to live, that’s where you went to watch the drug deals go down.  But whatev.  Enjoy!

And I KNOW that the Big Gulp isn’t the same as the Slurpee, but I will never give up a chance to make a Dumb and Dumber reference. And I thought the title was somewhat clever.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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just six words and a picture.

They make a fairly cute family.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under babies, celebrities, family, six word memoirs

a nation of whiners, you say?

Here’s a little rant. One of John McCain’s top advisers, former Senator Phil Gramm, has called the recession a “mental recession” and our United States of America a “nation of whiners”. Well, alright. But last time I checked, sharing your experiences and concerns with presidential candidates didn’t make you a whiner, it shows you are an engaged patriot.

Also, I’m going to guess that Gramm has enough money to avoid feeling the stresses of recession. But some people can’t even afford pizza on the weekends. And that’s not right. Oh, and just a quick fact for you, Phil. Your job might be set, but millions of Americans are rapidly losing jobs. During the month of May, the US unemployment rate jumped to 5.5%–the biggest one-month increase in over 20 years. June wasn’t much better. It is estimated that 8.5 million Americans are currently unemployed. And maybe more because people have given up and stopped looking and after a few months are no longer factored in to the unemployment number. Wake up, Phil.

In McCain’s defense, he said he disagreed with Phil. And he made a funny! When asked if Gramm would have a place in a McCain administration, he said he would consider making him ambassador to Belarus. Oh, Johnny. But you were one-upped by Saint Barack, who quipped: “America already has one Dr. Phil. We don’t need another one when it comes to the economy.” Love you, B.

Oh, and just because I’m feeling frisky/had a lovely day at the lake and I’m in an excellent mood, here is a fun video of McCain looking more awkward than a 7th grader in sex-ed when asked about Viagra and birth control. His response is boring, but his response time? Priceless. Haha! Enjoy!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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youtube clip of today: mirror, mirror.

This video is so goofy.  I love it.  And I wish so badly that I had a twin, because I would do stuff like this ALL THE TIME.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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