Phelps Schmelps. Lochte Schmocte. Roker and Lauer are MAGICAL. If you don’t feel like listening to the witty banter (“Why don’t I just do javelin catching?” Haha.), fastforward to 3:34 and watch from there.
Ahhh! You too, Brian Williams? I love you, Brian Williams.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Just when I start to feel down about politics, something like this comes along to brighten my day. Super patriotic American country music hero Toby Keith is a Democrat. WHAT?! (But I thought us Democrats hated America?) We’ve got Toby! We’ve got Toby Keith! And he likes Obama! YES! His voice of truthiness rings out like the Liberty Bell before it was cracked. And it is sweet music to my ears. Seriously, this is the first time I’ve appreciated country music since those crazy liberal ladies, the Dixie Chicks. Rawr.
Where I lived, it seemed as if Toby’s post 9/11 hit, “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)” and “Drops of Jupiter” by Train were the only two songs the radio station owned. And that’s saying something about this song.
If you should choose to ignore all of the hard work that comes with posting a video in the blog and don’t watch it (what I’m saying here is that you SHOULD watch it), here are lyrics from the song that I find particularly humorous:
Now this nation that I love
Has fallen under attack
A sucker punch came flyin’
From somewhere in the back
As soon as we could see clearly
Through our big black eye
Man we lit up your world
Like the fourth of July.And Uncle Sam put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty started shaking her fist
And the Eagle will fly, and it’s gonna to be hell
When you hear Mother Freedom start ringing her bell
And it’ll feel like the whole wide world’s raining down on you.
Brought to you courtesy of the red, white, and blue.Justice will be served
And the battle will rage
This big dog will fight
When you rattle his cage
And you’ll be sorry that you messed with
The US of A
Cuz we’ll put a boot in your ass
It’s the American way
This masterpiece comes from a Democrat. A DEMOCRAT. The Democrats are taking back the country! And country music. Heyyyyyyo!
I joke about “taking back” country music, but in all honesty this brings up something I’ve wanted to talk about for a long time. I cannot stand how certain things, both political and non-political, “belong” to one party or the other. Yes, this next exercise involves some serious stereotyping–but don’t get your bright white political panties in a twist–I’m only making a point. Here are just some things that come to mind:
Republicans: Supporting the troops, pearls, freedom (not to be confused with freedom of expression), tax breaks, Chuck Norris (you can keep him), old people’s votes, Texas, big business and businessmen, oil, quoting the Bible, NASCAR, country clubs, veterans, money, pastel colors, business school, Joe Lieberman (apparently), country music, football, big trucks and other large gas guzzling vehicles.
Democrats: The environment, vegetarians (especially the vegans), DMB (RIP Leroi Moore), health care, females, the West Wing, getting out of Iraq, herbal tea, Apple computers, pointing out the bad economy, earth tones, liberal arts colleges, labor unions, Massachusetts, minorities of any kind (we love you), Hollywood, hope, the Toyota Prius, education, rhymes with smasmorshion, taking care of old people, MTV’s Rock the Vote, Al Gore.
We haven’t painted ourselves red, white and blue like Toby Keith wants us too–we’ve painted each other into separate corners. Seriously, when did these political custody hearings occur? I like pearls! And support the troops!
It’s a shame that being active in an environmental group flags you as a Democrat, or having a yellow “Support the Troops” ribbon sticker on your car makes you a Republican. Because, obviously, we all should care about both. We should care about everything in our great nation. Even NASCAR.
One last thing to add to the Democratic score board: blogging. Count it! And you best not disagree with me there. Because I’ll put a boot in your ass. It’s the American way! Thanks for the rhetoric, Toby!
[Posted by Kathleen]
Dave Matthews Band saxophonist LeRoi Moore died Tuesday from complications due to an ATV accident he had on June 30. Not many details about the cause of death have been released, but we do know that Moore had recently returned home to L.A. to start physical therapy. To me, that fact makes it a lot sadder; I hate the idea that he seemed to be doing well and that his friends and family probably got their hopes up that he would make it.
Moore had been with the band from the start. At a concert on Tuesday, Dave told the crowd about Moore’s death, acknowledging that “It’s always easier to leave than be left.” Wise words, bud.
As I’ve mentioned, I saw Dave live this summer at the Mile High Music Festival, and I remember my friend Katie was really bummed that Moore was not playing with the band that day, because he was her favorite of the band members. And we just realized that my roommate saw DMB live on June 28, which means she may have been among the last lucky ones to get to see Moore play.
Here’s a New York Times article about Moore’s death, and DMB’s website has a nice tribute page up right now.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, music, news, RIP
Apparently, the International Olympic Committee has been hiding them in the diving well. And frankly, I think that’s unfair. Let me present my evidence.
Exhibit A, Alexandre Despatie from Canada:
Don’t know why this says radical gay on the top, but ignore that:
Exbibit B, Chris Colwill from the U S of A:
Anyone else see a little Kevin Bacon in him?
And Exhibit C, Troy Dumais, who is also American:
I rest my case.
Of all the summer Olympic sports, I can’t say diving is my favorite. There’s a skeptical little voice inside my head that thinks, “Isn’t diving just a cop-out, less-hard version of gymnastics?” Not that I can so much as jump correctly off a diving board. Still, it’s fun to watch, even though the Chinese keep winning EVERY DIVING EVENT.
[Posted by Mallory]
It’s a long four years between Olympic swimming competitions, but here’s a little something to get you through the barren months:
Somehow, I’m not even noticing Michael’s screwy teeth…
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, crushes, sex, sports
For me, the thought of boxed wine brings to mind frat slaps (and subsequently the worst night of my entire college career) and the general lack of classiness that goes hand in hand with drinking in college: cheap beer shotgunned in a dorm shower; shots of Aristocrat chased by vending machine Diet Coke; shady water bottles smuggled into any and every event. Ah, don’t you miss it?
During my senior year of college, my roommates and I gravitated toward the super classy glass jug of Livingston Farms Blush Chablis, but I am no stranger to boxed wine. According to this New York Times article, boxed wine is becoming more common and more popular, partly because it is a heck of a lot better for the environment:
More than 90 percent of American wine production occurs on the West Coast, but because the majority of consumers live east of the Mississippi, a large part of carbon-dioxide emissions associated with wine comes from simply trucking it from the vineyard to tables on the East Coast. A standard wine bottle holds 750 milliliters of wine and generates about 5.2 pounds of carbon-dioxide emissions when it travels from a vineyard in California to a store in New York. A 3-liter box generates about half the emissions per 750 milliliters. Switching to wine in a box for the 97 percent of wines that are made to be consumed within a year would reduce greenhouse gas emissions by about two million tons, or the equivalent of retiring 400,000 cars.
Pretty cool, right? Of course, there are plenty of people who would never resort to boxed wine (the horror!), like one dude who commented on the article and wrote: “Utter lunacy. I’ll buy wine in a box on the Tenth of Never.” Oh calm down sir! It’s not as if we’re asking you to do an ice luge in a tuxedo. Perhaps because I’m sort of poor and still drink like a college student, I think this is all pretty great. A decent boxed wine gets you more bang for your buck, is better for the environment, and has a longer shelf life. And now that boxed wine is getting sort of trendy and necessary, nicer wines are starting to become available in boxed form. Maybe you don’t want to be served from a box at a restaurant (…resisting immature joke), but why not pass around the plastic bag at a casual dinner party with friends?
Anyway, next time you’re spinning in circles chugging directly from a bag of Franzia while your friends cheer you on, remember this: you’re not just blacking out; you’re saving the environment.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under drinks, news, post-college depression
Here at SWTCTW, we’re obligated to report on everything that delights us in the world of croc-hating. Ergo, I must share with you another great Overheard in New York, courtesy of McKorea:
Ten-year-old tourist girl wearing pink Crocs: Smoking is bad for you!
Smoking queer: Crocs are for retarded kids who can’t tie their own shoes.
Perhaps a little harsh, but remember people: CROCS NOT OKAY UNLESS YOU ARE DOING YARD WORK OR ARE UNDER THE AGE OF FOUR.
[Posted by Mallory]
So the other night (it may have been Saturday because Sarah and I may have spent ALL day carrying the world’s heaviest and largest furniture into our apartment while hungover), my friends and I lounged around and watched a movie. Our DVD player wasn’t working, but luckily, we still have the old standby of the VHS. You almost forgot that existed, didn’t you? Because we were working with videos, our choices were limited to the random movies I’d bought at Goodwill one day while purchasing a tacky Christmas vest, but there was one gem in the collection: My Best Friend’s Wedding.
How much did you love that movie? When we were younger, my sister and I would rewind the scene where they sing in the restaurant over and over again until forced to stop. (Remember the waiters waving their lobster hands?) And just the other day, “Wishin’ and Hopin'” came on the radio and Kelsey and I found ourselves separately reminiscing about the awkwardly wonderful karaoke scene (even though “Wishin’ and Hopin'” is not the karaoke song. Weird, right?).
The movie was still wonderful, a decade-ish later. Julia Roberts was still evil in such a lovable way; Cameron Diaz’s hair was still strangely awful; and Dermot Mulroney was still smokin’ hot:
And was I the only one in the universe who had a raging crush on Michael’s little brother? According to my friends, I was. Here’s a clip of what is arguably one of the best scenes in a movie, ever. Sorry for the crappy quality, but please be sure to notice how adorable Michael’s bro is:
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, crushes, movies, music, weddings
So I make fun of it all the time, but let me just say I feel as excited as this girl when she gets to sit next to steamy oh so dreamy Joe Jonas. Rawr. (I am OBSESSED with this picture, by the way. Haha.)
THE HILLS IS BACK, YA’LL! Why do I love this show? I really can’t explain it. Perhaps it sends me subliminal messages to make me think I am just as hot as they are or that my life is just as exciting…I don’t know. For the record, my life IS that exciting…right… But the fact remains that I follow their lives like it’s my job. And it’s pathetic. Moving on.
On this season premiere episode, we see just how boring Lo is and how badass Audrina can be. (“We will never be friends” SNNNNNAP! Five points to Gryffindor and Audrina!) Lo left Audrina’s birthday party at her own house to play with her dog upstairs for an hour. UM HELLO. There was a guy with a hot pink mohawk there–the party couldn’t have been that dull. Pink mohawks AND a pool. Why is that not my life?! WHY NOT MEEEEEE. I wonder if dye runs into the water when he swims. And poor Lauren, that girl is trying to hold it all together behind her bug-eyed sunglasses. I’m totally on team Lauren. But you won’t catch me dead or alive in a t-shirt that says so. They make t-shirts that say that and people buy them. I’m not making that up.
Justin Bobby is back in all of his creeptastic glory, and I must admit, he is weirdly sexy. Sexy ugly, perhaps. He’s the kind of guy that I would go out on one strained date with just so he could show me all the trendy L.A. jazz clubs or something weird like that, and then never answer his calls again but go to those clubs with my girlfriends from then on. Make sense?
Spencer, teevee’s least liked villain, is like the Debbie Downer of LIFE and not surprisingly still sucks. Heidi is still dumb, and has a marginally smarter sister on the show now too. Yippee, another cast member’s sibling trying to get airtime (cough Stephanie Pratt cough). If you missed this amazing 24 minutes of television goodness, have no fear–if it were possible MTV would put extra hours in the day just so they could replay the episode even more than they already are going to.
What happened to Heidi? That girl gets trashier looking every time we blink. Here is Heidi pre-rhinoplasty and boob job:
She was so pretty! But then she got kind of popular in her own right (add her to the list of celebrities that are famous for no reason) and went on this feminist rant of how she feels better about herself now that she got her nose and ta-tas done because people used to make fun of her. Heidi, people weren’t making fun of you because you had a big nose, they were making fun of you because you’re a RAGING IDIOT. But she wanted to look like L.A. Barbie.
Sick.
Here is a reason why I am on team Lauren. Lauren looked like L.A. Barbie when The Hills started (a.k.a she was 19 and trying to be hot) and has since matured and looks more natural. Classy, even.
See?
I told you I care too much. MTV you slay me.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, crushes, pop culture, random, TV
six words to change the world. 