Author Archives: K

tales from my morning news stalk.

Good mornnnnnnnnnnning! I have completed my morning news/gossip stalk, and because blogging about each of these would take all day I’m putting it all together in one glorious post. Don’t you judge me.

So now we find out that Jesse Jackson not only threatened the testicles of Saint Barack, he used the N-word too. Ohhh, no you did not! Here is what he said: “See, Barack been, um, talking down to black people on this faith-based – I wanna cut his nuts out. … Barack – he’s talking down to black people — telling n——s how to behave.” Bill O’Reilly, who broke the original story said they didn’t use this part because it was unnecessary. He called the person who leaked this (they don’t know who it is…yet) a “weasel” (that’s the pot calling the kettle black, Billy!) and then put the fear of God in us all but especially the poor sniveling soul that will eventually be homeless and miserable– “I have the waterboard over here. … We’ll find out.” As some of my friends say, “things that are unsurprising.”  You can read what I had to say before we learned Jesse dropped the N-bomb here.

But speaking of Barack, he pulled in a mere $52 Million for this quarter. No big deal. The Wonkette headline made me giggle: Hope Rides In On A $52 Million Unicorn. I assume the unicorn reference came from JibJab’s new video, which you can watch if you click here. Thoughts? Not as good as the Bush/Kerry one from 2004. But whatev.

One woman went for 20 years not knowing she had two monstrous tumors. When I say monstrous, I mean it. The tumors were just removed and she is now 140 lbs. lighter. ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY POUNDS. Damn, girl. Maybe there are two tumors where my love handles are? I should get that checked out.

Tonight should be amazing for political dorks who love great American pastimes in DC. It is the yearly Congressional baseball game, where all the politicians look to appear cool and revert back to their high school days. That’s right, the Republican congressmen and the Democratic congressmen, in a rivalry almost as intense as the Red Sox and Yankees, play each other. This is usually humiliating for the Dems, as the Republicans win every year. BUT DEMOCRATS ARE GOOD AT SPORTS TOO, OKAY?!

In TeeVee news, Scrubs is coming back for another season! Hoooray! Katherine Heigl managed to keep her miserable character on Grey’s for another season.

And for movies, The Dark Knight opens soon. Read anything on it, and they tell you that Heath was amazing. HEEEEEEEEEATH. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. I can’t wait. Also, Mal posted about ScarJo’s singing, so I felt this is a little relevant: Defamer made a list of the Top Ten Unlikely Vocal Performances from Non-Singing Actors. Ugh, I HATE Tom Cruise. He deserves to be on no list other than Top Creepiest Person of All Time.

Happy news stalking!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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family feud: the brady bunch style.

Even the most perfect TV family is not so perfect- in real life. Florence Henderson, who played Mrs. Brady, and Christopher Knight, who played Peter Brady, are in a bit of a tiff. For those of you that aren’t VH1 whores like me and my friends, Christopher Knight met “America’s Next Top Model” winner Adrianne Curry (Tyra, girl, you messed that one up.) on “The Surreal LIfe”. They fell in love, apparently. “The Surreal Life”, by the way, is the most disasterous/repulsive of all celebrity reality shows. I’m willing to bet that 5/8 members have had a sex tape released on the internet. Yeah Mini-Me, I’m talking about you. The other beautiful coupling that has been derived from this show was Brigitte Nielsen and Flavor Flav. Give me a second, I need to go vomit.

Anyway, Knight and Curry went on to have their own reality show, “My Fair Brady”. To the genius that thought of the title: ouch. You slay me. And as you can imagine, hilarity, disaster and severe marital dysfunction have ensued.

So Flo told reporters last week that their marriage was a mistake and that they were pressured into it by the reality show, etc. She said, “They didn’t take my advice at all! And as you may have seen, they did get engaged and they did get married. Maybe I will counsel the divorce.” Let the record state that she is a certified hypnotherapist and the terrible twosome had asked for her help.

Naturally, Peter Brady is mad at Mommy. But guess what Peter/Christopher, old Flo (who now does denture commercials) is RIGHT. Adrianne Curry is a mess, and not in the hot Project Runway Christian Siriano way. And here is how you know things are really bad: he responded to his fake mom’s comments via his MYSPACE page. Ugh! Haha.

It is no secret Florence and Adrianne do not see eye to eye. In truth, I can empathize with both sets of views. But….in the struggle I have hoping one day these two women will bridge their generation and philosophical differences, calling my marriage a sham helps so very little.

I put forth the hope that opne day both Adrianne and Florence, both of whom have played an integral role in my life, will find a way to come together in a peaceful and respectful way. In the mean time, the sanctity of my marriage should not be called into question.”

Whatever, dude. You can’t expect to “marry” and reality TV train wreck and not have anybody watch or comment!

I’m anxiously looking forward to the rest of the Brady family getting involved. Man, this would have been a great episode.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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youtube clip of today: mmm spaghetti.

When you finish watching this, you’ll likely be wondering if someone slipped a rufie in the bottled water of the person who made this, or something along those lines–it’s very trippy. But then, you think about it, and this clip grows on you. People are so freaking clever. They somehow managed to find quirky, yet relevant, objects from Western (mostly American) culture. I especially love the post-it note butter. I’m hungry.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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confession: i’ve never been to fenway.


Mallory and I are usually on the same side with everything, but alas, I have found a difference between us: she supports the New York Yankees. Being that this blog is 50% mine, I will keep things balanced (but not “fair and balanced” because Fox News and their deceptive slogan makes me sick to my journalistic integrity-loving stomach) and talk about the Boston Red Sox. (Haha I love you, Mal!)

Those who know me know that I’m far more likely to know political scores than baseball scores, but come on, I do live in New England. And my journey to being a Red Sox fan is not a long one, but before you judge me and call me a fair-weather fan, hear me out. I grew up with Cal Ripken, the Orioles and Camden Yards. But upon moving to New Hampshire from Maryland my sophomore year of high school (I had one girl say to me, “New Hampshire? Isn’t that, like, up north somewhere?” Yes hun, it is.), I quickly realized that loving the Red Sox was not just a passion some people have; it is a way of life.

It didn’t come easily, but after awhile, I began to slowly develop affection for the Sox much like Belle for Beast in the Disney classic, “Beauty and the Beast”. Sorry, I had to throw that in. I spent hours watching the games with friends, a pastime I would never have done as an O’s fan. So I started off slow, just watching the games and learning the personalities of the players. Now, I have lived in NH for six years-and because of this I consider myself to be on the same level as a six-year-old child when it comes to my love for the Red Sox. My dad bought me my first Red Sox hat last year! Hooray!

But Mal and I have one thing in common despite our different sides in one of the deepest and longest of rivalries: I have never been to a game at Fenway Park, just as she’s never been to a game at Yankee Stadium. It’s humiliating, but true. I yearn for the day when I can join pretty much every other New Englander and say that I went to Fenway and saw the World Series champions.

So, if anyone wants to help me on my journey, give me a call. Take me out to the ball game. I love hot dogs. And beers.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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idk, my bff bxvi. dear god!

This is not a joke. You, or should I write ‘U’, can now get texts from Pope Bennie 16 (which looks like an AIM screenname, don’t you think?)! This is part of World Youth Day 2008, a huge Catholic festival for people that want to hang out, be cool and “get jiggy” with his mighty papalness. This year’s festival is in Australia- on the opening morning, “G’day Pilgrims!” scrolled across the welcome screen. Haha.

How would you feel if you got a text from Benedict? There’s just something that doesn’t seem right about it. I think I would feel uncomfortable seeing it slammed in between drunk and/or inappropriate text messages from my heathen friends (LOVE YOU GUYS! And I’m just kidding, they are absolute saints). Plus, it definitely puts a whole new meaning to the idea that the Pope is a direct line to God. And the Pope has a direct line to your conscience via cell phone? I couldn’t stand all the Catholic guilt!

Besides the obvious objections to getting text messages from the freaking pope, as someone who is way into copy editing and believes that you should be consistent in your writing, the first thing that struck me was that he didn’t abbreviate ‘people’ to ‘ppl’ and spelled out the word ‘you’ after using the letter ‘u’. On top of that, I am absolutely against text abbreviations. JP II would never have done this! JP, we miss you, buddy.

So the Pope is trying to reach out to young people. That’s cool. I get it. Kind of. I always thought the church liked to kick it old school (as in, not evolve with the times), but maybe BXVI is a little too cool for school. Remember his shoes? Forget the devil, this Pope wears Prada. And sends texties.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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youtube clip of today: mail bunny.

DADDY, I WANT ONE!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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oh she’s just being miley! hmm…

That girl did it again! Miley, why haven’t you learned that Disney stars taking naughty pictures never turns out well? Did Vanessa’s super hot pictures to Zac teach you nothing?! Did your first couple of episodes with naughty pictures teach you nothing?! Well, since you all are a bunch of pervs and it’s kind of funny, here they are– the newest scandalous pictures hacked from sweet, innocent Miley. She’s 15. How those hackers do it, I will never know.

Miley, all I have to say is you are no Annie Liebovitz. Come on! The lighting is ALL wrong. And the poses? A little amateur, don’t you think? What would your best friend Leslie say? (Lame joke, sorry). Mallory and I were talking about this too–where exactly is she? A high school locker room, perhaps?

It must suck growing up and making mistakes when you’re in the limelight, but as our genius president, George W. Bush once remarked, “There’s an old saying in Tennessee – I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee – that says, fool me once – shame on – shame on you. You fool me, you can’t get fooled again.”

That should clear things up for you, M.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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RIP olive riley, world’s oldest blogger.

The “World’s oldest blogger”, 108-year-old Olive Riley, died on Saturday.

I was just perusing her blog and I cannot even believe how cool this woman was. If you want to know what it was like growing up in WWI and WWII, you should read it. She saw a lot in her lifetime. Plus, she was all about singing happy songs and so am I.

Olive, you have totally inspired me. I want to blog until I’m 108 and make you all read what I have to say (and never get a real job! AHHH). But seriously, she was pretty amazing and I wanted to acknowledge that.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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youtube clip of today: feist counts.

Today’s video is brought to you by the number 4! Here is Feist (who I L-O-V-E) on Sesame Street singing a Sesame Street version of 1-2-3-4. I giggled the entire time. I think it’s really cute how in to it she gets. Also, this really struck me because I suffer from post-college depression and yearn for my youth and I was talking about an old Sesame Street video featuring Smokey Robinson with my mom just a few days ago. Kudos if you remember it too. If you don’t, maybe watching it will help you remember and make you nostalgic. Here’s You Really Got a Hold on Me, featuring and brought to you by, you guessed it, the letter U! I am such a child.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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miss usa crystle stewart wipes out.

Readers, here is something for your Monday morning. Enjoy! Even beauty queens have bad days…

As if the world couldn’t think America was any dumber, we were shamed at the Miss Universe pageant, the Olympics of Beauty, for the second year in a row. Here is what the UK’s Times Online had to say (why are Brits so much funnier even in their news ledes?!):

For the second year in succession, the American entrant in the Miss Universe pageant failed to meet the crucial challenge of walking and smiling at the same time.

Crystle Stewart, from Texas, tripped and fell on stage at the global beauty contest today, just as Miss USA did last year. She failed to make the final, which was won by Miss Venezuela, a former kidnap victim.

Failed to meet the crucial challenge of walking and smiling? HAHA. But seriously, don’t sweat it girl, because you weren’t going to beat a kidnap victim anyway. I mean, COME ON, that’s intense and she deserves to win. Here she is. Rawr.

And I know I said America was shamed earlier, but I was being sarcastic (shocker, I know). I can totally relate to Crystle because I take diggers all the time. So Crystle, I know that you are probably curled up on your bed with tons of decorative pillows, eating full bricks of chocolate and watching Pride and Prejudice (the six A&E hour version) with mascara running down your face but I want you to know it’s going to be okay. You’re still incredibly hot and you still probably want world peace, so get out there and do it. We still love you! And probably didn’t know who you were before this.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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