Category Archives: adventures

by | November 9, 2008 · 7:08 am

backpacking is not conducive to fashion.

In just a few days, I will be embarking on a crazy adventure to South America.  (Have no fear, dedicated readers. SWTCTW will be getting a guest blogger!)

I can’t wait.

In my mind, I had visions of looking somewhat cute in my pictures.  My rose-colored legit backpacker’s backpack, cute hiking shorts and a tank top, chilling in my Rainbows with a nice tan.  You know…looking like a really cool world traveler in her twenties. Then reality hit me like a case of food poisoning while shopping at EMS today–  I’m going to look absolutely heinous.

This ugly realization happened while perusing the shoe section.  I looked at the hiking running shoes.  Ugh.  All repulsive.  I usually mock people who wear these shoes, but in my defense it’s because they unnecessarily wear them as everyday shoes.  I would actually “need” them.  So I tried on a pair that was less offensive than the rest.  After deciding I could live with them, I asked the guy if they were good for backpacking.  “You will die if you wear those shoes,” he said.  Quite forcefully, too.  DIE?!  I’m scared enough as it is!  I don’t need your fear-mongering on top of my parents’ completely-expected-but-still-a-little-confidence-rattling paranoia, EMS dude.  He then pointed me to a pair of shoes that made my stomach lurch.  Yes, the ones pictured above.  I was panicked.  He told me I was going to die if I didn’t get these shoes!

The truth is that I’m just not that hardcore.  When I say backpacking, I mean exploring the continent with a backpack…not spelunking and scaling mountains.

And I’ve changed the mental picture I have of myself traveling.  I’m not looking to sound or act prissy.  So what if I’m wearing clothes that aren’t the most flattering?  So what if I don’t look my absolute best?  Who am I trying to impress?  I’m just glad I’m going.  I’m going to see the world and I don’t care what I have to look like to get there.

But those shoes?  NO WAY.  My old pair of kicks will just have to do.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | November 6, 2008 · 4:58 pm

maybe barack will do cry face…

I forgot the Hump Day Cry Face! The photo below is not an entire photo of Cry Faces, but I love it anyway. It’s one of those photos where everyone does their own pose, and my dear friend Brenna (fourth from right, sort of in the background) made me so proud by throwing in a good old CF:

brenna cry face

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | October 31, 2008 · 8:02 pm

here’s to sweatin’ to the oldies.

Number of times I engaged in a political debate with my sister in the past 24 hours: 3

Number of fun-size Snickers bars currently in my belly: 300

Number of days (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) until Barack Obama is elected as our next president: 4

Number of beers I plan to drink tonight: 17

Number of days until Halloween: 0!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, MY LITTLE GHOULS AND GOBLINS!

This evening I will be celebrating by dressing up as the one, the only, Richard Simmons. Think afro, tiny neon shorts, and tall white socks. I will obviously be having sex tonight.

So crack open a ice cold Bud Light and a bag of candy corn, pull something wacky out of your costume box (you have one too, right?), and do the Monster Mash.

Make it a good one! 

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | October 30, 2008 · 3:59 am

welcome to the real world. kinda.

Reason number four million and one that I am totally and completely in love with my friends (and cry face):

Seriously. I am in love with these people.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | October 27, 2008 · 9:49 pm

larry david reads my mind, etc.

Helloooo everyone! It’s been a while. I don’t have time to post a lot right now, but I wanted to get a few quick thoughts out since I’ve been MIA the past few days.

I’ve been MIA partly because my computer is still broken ($755 later it should be fixed in a few days…awesome) and I feel sort of awkward blogging in public. Except I just found a secret computer dungeon filled exclusively with nerds, so I don’t feel as embarrassed anymore. The other reason I haven’t been blogging is that I went back to my beloved undergrad university for Homecoming this weekend. (Sadly Kathleeny could not attend.) I may post more about it later, but for now let’s just say it was wonderful, and that a lot of Bloody Mary’s were consumed.

In other news, I’m totally digging the fall weather. It means I get to wear long coats and riding boots, and, even more importantly, that I’m no longer drenched in sweat 99% of the day. See, DC was pretty hot, weather-wise, for a while there, which meant that every time I walked more than three blocks I looked as if I had just run a marathon. I spent a lot of time complaining about how pants are like prisons for your legs and that if it was socially acceptable I would no longer wear them. Ever. (Unfortunately it isn’t socially acceptable, yet, which also means that you ladies out there should not be wearing leggings as pants. BECAUSE LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS. It’s okay if you’ve been working out, or if you are wearing a shirt that more than covers your ass-thigh junction, but other than that leave those leggings at home. Otherwise I will not-so-silently mock you to everyone I see.)

So the point is, I’m loving the crisp fall weather.

My final random thought of the day is that I love Larry David. I feel like I’ve been straight plagiarizing my friend Caroline’s blog, but I simply must post some of Mr. David’s article about waiting for the election:

The one concession I’ve made to maintain some form of sanity is that I’ve taken to censoring my news, just like the old Soviet Union. The citizenry (me) only gets to read and listen to what I deem appropriate for its health and well-being. Sure, there are times when the system breaks down. Michele Bachmann got through my radar this week, right before bedtime. That’s not supposed to happen. That was a lapse in security, and I’ve had to make some adjustments. The debates were particularly challenging for me to monitor. First I tried running in and out of the room so I would only hear my guy. This worked until I knocked over a tray of hors d’oeuvres. “Sit down or get out!” my host demanded. “Okay,” I said, and took a seat, but I was more fidgety than a ten-year-old at temple. I just couldn’t watch without saying anything, and my running commentary, which mostly consisted of “Shut up, you prick!” or “You’re a fucking liar!!!” or “Go to hell, you cocksucker!” was way too distracting for the attendees, and finally I was asked to leave.

It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one screaming “Go to hell, you cocksucker!” at the television on the occasional weeknight.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | October 15, 2008 · 3:27 pm

just cold cry-facin’ at my boyfriend.

It’s Hump Day Cry Face time! So yesterday, my “friend,” we’ll call him “Joe,” tried to tell me that the Cry Face was really a laughing face. And I was all, “Dude, have you ever seen a human laugh? That ain’t a laughing face.” Then he tried to argue with me and I told him that I would KNOW because I am the CREATOR of Cry Face. He then continued to say mean things to me and now I hate him.

(I’m mostly kidding. I mean Joe IS one of our regular readers, and I don’t want to alienate any regular readers. )

But speaking of Cry Face, let me tell you about my friend Selia. I’m using the term friend loosely here, mostly to mean “someone that I have a creepy Cry Face-related connection with even though I’ve never actually met her.” Weird, right? We’re like secret cyberspace heterosexual Cry Face girlfriends. Anyway. Selia is one of the proudest and best Cry Face ambassadors, and she has been dutifully spreading the CF all over the world. She’s here on the right:

Here’s to you, Selia. You deserve one million whore diamonds.

Now I’ll get back to “work,” or checking my email while staring across the room at my Library Boyfriend.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | October 12, 2008 · 1:08 am

tell me are you that somebody?

Things that are not normal: eating a bean burrito and drinking a margarita by yourself while watching The Princess Diaries, by way of a pregame. Is this what being an adult is? Being forced to drink alone if your roommate is out of town and you happen to want to have a drink before you go out? (And your sister teased you with the idea of a margarita and you gave in?) I just choked on my margarita, by the way. 

I guess for the beginning of the night, it’s just me, my marg, and The Kooks. I don’t like this very much. My goal was to be UBER productive this weekend and not go out much at all. Except I already went out last night, and now, after being in the library all day, I am desperate for human contact. Plus, my friends organized a bar crawl. My life is so hard. 

Other random thoughts brought on by three sips of a strong drink on an empty-ish stomach: 

  • I love the bus.
  • I love Georgetown even more. It may be the greatest place on earth. It’s beautiful, has a cool history, and feels neighborhood-y, but it’s right in a really big, wonderful city.
  • The most attractive people in the world are part Asian.
  • Today I walked by what appeared to be a Fraturday, with shirtless dudes getting hammered and singing “Heyyyy, hey baby (hoo, ha!) I wanna knooooow will you be my girl” and I nearly cried because I’m not exactly allowed to do stuff like that anymore.
  • You can’t buy the Aaliyah song “Are You That Somebody?” on iTunes! (I think I still know EVERY word to that song.)
  • I am babysitting two birds this weekend. Isn’t that strange?
Now just watch the Aaliyah video and stop judging me. Take a shot of tequila or something. And try to figure out why someone thought it was a good idea to put the sound of a baby crying in the background of this song.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | October 9, 2008 · 2:53 am

buy me a ticket to europe.

Here is what I have been doing for the past few hours: eating my weight in goat cheese, bread, and pizza; watching trashy TV shows like America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway (totally digging Kenley again, by the way); drinking red wine with my girlfriends; and realizing as I do every day that DC is a pretty baller place to live. Randomly, I just ran into my friend Camille and her new gentleman friend on my street corner, which was wonderful and serendipitous, and in a mere three hours my favorite Asian in the world will be arriving on my doorstep like a gift from God. Basically, I’m pretty damn happy right now. 

Here is what I have been doing for the past three weeks: ignoring the Hump Day Cry Face. See, I started to think that people didn’t really care anymore. And maybe most of you are saying, “Um what is the Hump Day Cry Face and why should we care?” And that’s fine. But two of you — Kathleen and my dear friend Jed — truly care about the good ol’ CF, and I cannot just let it go. (It’s like this voicemail message my family has had for over a decade: it’s me singing a little ditty I made up all by myself when I was like twelve, and most of our friends are so over the message and want us to change it, but every so often someone will call and tell us that the voicemail made their day. So we kept it, because making someone’s day every few months is totally worth it. Cry Face is worth it too.) 

Ahem. Without further ado (or babbling), and in honor of Camille, Walsh, and Western Europe…

And yes, in that third photo, we ARE on top of the Eiffel Tower, thank you for asking.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | October 1, 2008 · 5:26 am

michele is udderly insane. get it?

Michele Allen was just trying to have a normal Saturday night.  So she ended up in a cow suit, chasing children, peeing on porches and getting arrested  Needless to say, she was schwasted.

(Middletown, OH) — Saturday night, people in the 3100 block of Wilbraham Road called police to report a woman wearing a cow costume was chasing kids, and blocking traffic. Michele Allen also allegedly urinated on the porch of one neighbor.
When officers arrived, they told her to go home. But later that night, they found her again, in the 2400 block of Verity, standing in traffic. This time, officers say, Allen smelled of alcohol and swore at them.
She was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.
Allen plead guilty, Monday morning, in Middletown Municipal Court, and sentenced to a month in jail.

This is a true story.  Apparently, she showed up to the hearing still in costume.  Haha!

Many questions come up when one thinks about this story.  Oddly enough, the first thing that came to my mind was how did she pee?  From the udders?  Or did she pop a squat and break character?  DC correspondent Chris raised a couple of other good questions.  Was she drunk before she put on the cow costume?  Or did she get drunk and then decide to frolic about in a cow costume?

I question her judgment either way.

Silly Michele.  If you had only waited until Halloween, you probably could have gotten through the night at least without being arrested.  Hell, scaring children in a cow costume while drunk and peeing on buildings that don’t belong to you might even be considered normal–at least on a college campus.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | September 25, 2008 · 3:49 pm

from the department of hilarious crimes…

As I’ve mentioned, I’m in grad school now and so occasionally I’ll get these safety alerts from my school about crimes that have happened in the area. Mostly the alerts scare the shit out of me and make me afraid to walk alone at night, but this one made me chuckle:

Please be advised that on Sunday, September 21, 2008 at approximately 3:30 a.m., a group of 12-15 white males and females broke into a private residence and stole a bronze bull’s head sculpture worth $25,000.

Ha ha! What is this, Ocean’s Eleven? 12-15 people?! Was this some sort of massive dare? A drinking game gone awry? An extremely ambitious ploy to get listed in the safety alert emails? Either way, it brightened my day a little. And compelled me to put my $25,000 bronze bull’s head sculpture in my vault.

[Posted by Mallory]

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