Category Archives: blogging

by | May 21, 2009 · 4:08 pm

meaty business cards for carnivorous people.

Let me preface this by saying this was passed on to me by one of the manliest men I know.  RAWR!  Okay, now we can begin.

Meat lovers, rejoice!  Now you can integrate your carnivorous ways into the business world.  How, you ask?  BUSINESS CARDS MADE OUT OF BEEF JERKY.

I’m not making that up.

Here is a picture from their Web site, www.meatcards.com:

meatcardsHilarious and brilliant!  Here’s more from the Web site:

Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients:
MEAT AND LASERS.

Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards.

MEAT CARDS do not fit in a Rolodex, because their deliciousness CANNOT BE CONTAINED in a Rolodex.

Now if only they could make business cards out of bacon…

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | May 12, 2009 · 10:59 pm

liveblogging real housewives of nj premiere.

Sarah and Ben and I have been watching the reunion of The Real Housewives of New York, and one glass of wine in, I’ve decided I’m going to have to liveblog the premiere of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I’ve watched most of the iterations of this show a couple of times while eating Thai takeout and sipping on some red wine, and I’ve never been that into it. But I think the NJ ladies will be different, and I’ve been eagerly awaiting the premiere of their show. So here goes:

10:58 — Jesus shit’s going down at the end of this NY reunion. Best observation of the night, courtesy of Miss Sarah: Alex looks like a baby horse alien.

11:00 p.m.– I’ve been on that turnpike!

11:00 p.m. — Thick as thieves. Is that a mafia reference?

11:00 p.m. — “Have you ever seen so much orange in one place?” -Miss Sarah

11:01 p.m. — America, meet Dina, Teresa, Caroline, Jacqueline, and Danielle.

11:01 p.m. — So these ones are actually friends? They’ve known each other for 13 years, interesting.

11:02 p.m. — Teresa’s husband Joe…jager bombs, jager bombs, fucking skanks.

11:04 p.m. — Teresa, I pay for everything in Benjamins too!!

11:06 p.m. — Hmmm Dina and Caroline are sisters. Interesting.

11:09 p.m. — Oh, these accents. My my my.

11:09 p.m. — This is not a very exciting liveblog, is it?

No, it’s not exciting, and 1.5 glasses of wine in I’m bored by this and I’m just going to be a quitter, OKAY? I’m a giant giant quitter and I’m okay with it. Liveblogging is better when Wonkette does it, I guess.

11:18 p.m. — BUT WAIT oh good lord can we talk about the crazy exercise one? Engaged 19 times? R U 4 REAL?

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | May 12, 2009 · 10:29 pm

the inexplicable appeal of rock band.

So, I haven’t been posting on account of the fact that I’ve been writing 1,000 pages of final papers instead. I know that I should be getting back into the meaty posts about celebrities and strange news stories, but for now, I need to make a very important statement/pose a very important question:

What on EARTH is the appeal of Rock Band? I get that you love it, and that your roommates love it, and that you sometimes play it for days at a time. But why, why, WHY is it fun to sit around playing fake instruments badly and listening to someone sing badly? I’ve never liked Rock Band, and I’ve never gotten the point, and tonight I brought this fact up in a house of four boys who were playing Rock Band. They were all “Ohmygod just wait we’ll convince you.” And then for ten minutes I’ll never get back, I listened to fake music and watched cartoon singers on a screen while four boys played fake instruments. Give me wine and a Pandora station any day. 

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | May 12, 2009 · 12:15 pm

tyler frost gets suspended for dancing.

tylerfrostOf all the ridiculous things I’ve read today, this trumps them all.

Poor Tyler Frost.  All the senior in high school wanted to do was escort his lady love to her sinful, pagan public school prom and maybe move in sync to the musical stylings of Taylor Swift, and whatever Godless slow-jam-last-dance song those high school kids are listening to these days.  And his school suspended him.

That’s because Tyler’s school, Heritage Christian School in Ohio, forbids dancing, rock music, and fun.  IT’S JUST LIKE THE MOVIE FOOTLOOSE!  It doesn’t specifically say fun, but whatev.  Might as well.  But you know, there are other reasons as well.  Here is part of the statement from the school’s principal, Tim England:

In the Old Testament, Joseph was in a place of temptation and he fled. Unlike this situation, he didn’t put himself in that place. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life.” II Timothy 2:22 says, “Flee also youthful lusts but follow after righteousness faith charity and peace with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” When the school committee, many years before I became the principal, set up the policy regarding dancing, I am confident that they had the principle of fleeing lustful situations in mind. The question as I see it is, should a Christian place themselves at an event where young ladies will have low cut dresses and be dancing in them? Isn’t it contrary to the example of Joseph and the verses that I stated?

I did some research and came across Friendlyatheist.com, which fights Bible fire with Bible fire.  Thanks for providing us with the verse, FriendlyAtheist!

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 (King James Version)

1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

All sassiness aside, I think there’s something deeper here.  Dance, whether Mr. England chooses to acknowledge it or not, is embedded in the history of humanity.  As cliche as it is, people use dance to express themselves.  People dance at weddings– Christian weddings– to celebrate and show joy.  Little children dance (read= jump up and down and wave their arms) when they’re happy, and they just don’t know why.  In fact, there’s a budding genre of dance called Liturgical dance.  It’s a prayer in the form of dance.  Some people find dance so beautiful and spiritual that they use it as a way to praise the Lord.

Taking away dance is denying an important act of humanity.  Not that I, nor anyone else, should speak for the big guy upstairs, but I don’t think punishing someone for being human is what was intended.

Tyler and his stepfather, Stephan Johnson, went on CBS’ “The Early Show” this morning.  Watch that.  He said he doesn’t regret going to the prom.  I sure hope not.  I hope that he is allowed to walk at his graduation this year.  And when he does, I hope he dances on stage.

And now, a song that I dedicate to dear Tyler. I hope you dance, dude.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | May 12, 2009 · 8:29 am

things i should have posted earlier.

Yeah yeah yeah.  I know.  I could have posted it this weekend (or yesterday), but nerd statistics show that nobody reads the blog on the weekend anyway, proving that you all use this while you are being paid by your unsuspecting employers. I love it!

SNL had a really good weekend.  Another JT/Andy Samberg song.  Oh girl, I love me some JT.   And Samberg.  RAWR.  If you like “Dick in a Box”, you’ll like this one too:

[clearspring_widget title=”SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE – Digital Short: Motherlover” wid=”4727a250e66f9723″ pid=”4a096ba17ff67505″ width=”384″ height=”283″ domain=”widgets.nbc.com”]

So that’s what your coworker is singing that you had no idea about.  A big SWTCTW you’re welcome!  What a beautiful ode to Mother’s Day.  Oddly enough though, I won’t be showing that to my mom.

That was funny, now let’s get political and funny.  In case you didn’t know, we have the greatest most bestest president in the entire world!  He is hilarious!  Here is his speech at the annual White House Correspondent’s Dinner:

The best joke in here is a little inside, I know!  It’s the one he makes about John Boehner (pronounced like BAINER, not BONER) being a person of color.  John Boehner, the House Minority leader, has skin that particular shade of orange that only comes from fake tanning.  See?

He’s even oranger in person, if oranger is a word.

Wanda Sykes was also REALLY funny, but I can’t do all the work for you, so you need to look that up yourself.

I’m off to stalk the news and find funny stuff to post!  You know you love me.  XOXO, i forgot to blog this weekend girl.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | May 7, 2009 · 9:20 am

youtube clip of today: rap chop.

Remember Vince Offer?  The ShamWow! hooker puncher?  (His real name is actually Vince Schlomi.  Teehee.)  Well, here is remixed video of his Slap Chop infomercial, appropriately titled the “Rap Chop”.  The person who made this ABSOLUTELY has too much time on their hands, but it is funny.  Best part?  “You’re gonna love my nuts”.  Oh, Vince.  How the mighty infomercial spokesman have fallen.  And just for funsies, here is his mugshot.

vince-offers-mugshot-2830-1238188403-5

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | May 6, 2009 · 10:31 am

jon, minus kate and 8, cheats.

jon-and-kate-gosselinSCROLL DOWN FOR STORY UPDATES

I just read some devastating, but kind of unsurprising, news.  Jon Gosselin of “Jon and Kate Plus 8” definitely cheated on Kate.  US Weekly has the whole story, which includes pictures.  The other woman is Deanna Hummel, a 23-year-old third grade teacher.  Her brother, Jason, lives with her and that’s why he can give all the juicy details.  And in case you’re wondering, he’s just trying to protect his sister, not get publicity for himself or somehow finagle money out of this.  Of course.

In fact, he’s trying to protect her so much that he takes away all of her privacy and any of her dignity with this gem of a quote:

A lot of the time, it was pretty, um, gross listening to her, you know, um — how do I say this? The walls are thin. Let’s just say that. I mean, no one wants to hear his sister having sex, let alone with a married dude who’s, like, almost twice her age and who has eight kids and a maybe-crazy wife. Ick. Nast.

Ick? Nast?  Gross.  I don’t really want to talk about the content of that quote, but I am obligated to point out that Jon isn’t “like, almost twice her age.”  He’s 32, and she’s 23.  He’s 14 years short of being twice her age.  Just sayin’.

This whole thing is a mess.

Two weeks ago, when pictures surfaced of Jon in a car with “the mystery woman” (it was Deanna) leaving a club, he made this statement.

“I went to Legends to speak to the owner.  A friend of mine wanted to check out my car, so I let her drive it to her car,” he says. “Yes, I have female friends — but that is all she is. I’m not going to end my friendships just because I’m on TV.”

Now Jon, that was stupid.  Kate is going to hit you extra hard now when you’re sitting in that big chair talking about your day and the lessons you learned.  Kate doesn’t like it when the kids lie, I doubt she’ll be very kind to you.

I wonder what TLC is going to do.  They said “no comment” on the story last time.   It’s all awful, and despite me thinking that Kate is really mean to Jon, there is no justification for his actions.  He doesn’t get a pass.  He has eight children under the age of seven.  What on earth was he thinking?  Did he think that nobody would recognize him?

I’m sad for the family, and most of all the children.  One of the things the Gosselin’s show was praised for is how “real” it is.  And we, their audience, really liked that.  Well, the scenes with the kids are real.  But the family dynamic is larger than just the day to day silliness of the kids.

Will this change the way you see the show?

Oh, and Aaden, if things get too tough at home, you can come live with me and Mallory.  We’ll raise you.  And get you a cuter pair of glasses.

UPDATED!

Here are the statements from Deanna Hummel and Jon Gosselin from People magazine:

“My brother is making this all up,” Hummel tells PEOPLE. “He has no credibility … I can’t even stomach the lies he’s saying about me.”  Hummel continues to deny any sort of romantic relationship with Gosselin, and the elementary school teacher admits that there’s been bad blood between her and her brother for a while now. “My brother is very shady,” says Hummel. “He has no job. He has a criminal background. He was charged for drug distribution. He’s on probation right now.”

“These allegations are false and just plain hurtful,” Gosselin says in a statement exclusively to PEOPLE. “As I adjust to the attention that comes from being in the public eye, I need to be more careful and aware of who I am associating with and where I am spending my time. But the bottom line is, I did not cheat on Kate.

And the plot thickens!

Here are the pictures.  Who do you believe?

gosselin_01

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | May 6, 2009 · 8:55 am

youtube clip of today: hey jude.

If you want to feel happy, just watch this video.

Watch 13,500 people in Trafalgar Square, all singing Hey Jude.  PINK, by the way, is leading them in song.  Honestly, why does this have to be a viral video for T-Mobile?  Why can’t stuff like this just happen all the time?  Life would be so much more fun.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | April 28, 2009 · 5:32 pm

specter sees the light, joins dems.

arlenspectorRepublican Senator Arlen Specter, a well-known moderate, has announced he is joining the Democratic party and he will run as a Democrat in 2010.  This is not a huge surprise.  He has consistently voted with the Democrats since Obama has been elected.  Apparently though, our Veep, Mr. Biden is the one that convinced him.  Way to go, Joe!

Obviously as a Democrat, I am happy that we have one more crucial vote in the Senate.  (Now if they would just get that pesky Minnesota seat settled and swear in Al Franken…)  But let’s look at the larger picture here.

I always like to give credit where credit is due.  I am, after all, a first born child and I LOVE to be recognized when I’m right or when do a good job.  (Do you think they’ll give me gold star stickers for a job well done in the real world?)  The Republican party, over the past ten years, has done a fantastic job at messaging.  Ex- It didn’t matter that he wasn’t smart, America just needed a president you can sit down and have a beer with.  This, of course, turned out to be an EPIC FAIL.  But the American people bought it in 2000 and 2004.  Here’s another good one:  All Democrats are socialists who want to take away your guns and hard earned money, abort your babies and let the terrorists win while turning the US of A into a godless nation.  A slight exaggeration, but I can only hope that you get my point.

But while the GOP was painting moderate Democrats and the actual socialists with the same brush, they neglected the fact that their own party has its moderates.  And maybe, just maybe, the party’s message was excluding them.

It’s weird, but I think Meghan McCain is the most logical spokesperson the GOP has right now.  Naturally, I will disagree with her on some points, but at least she’s says things that make sense.  And if they are looking for the youth vote, I’m pretty sure MM will have a better chance at reaching out to young people then Rush Limbaugh.  Or that wretched Ann Coulter.  Ugh.

I don’t really feel like analyzing how the GOP can fix its problems when I think there are bigger problems to solve… like the economy.  I’ll let you know when I figure that one out.  In the mean time, my trust is in B.

But welcome to the real party, Sen. Specter.  Time to get down to business.  There’s work to be done.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | April 28, 2009 · 10:21 am

the worst band EVER reunites. joy.

scott-stapp-looking-stupid-as-usual

Here is a quick piece of music news/a warning.  Remember Creed?  I’ll give you a moment while you cringe… are you okay?  Yeah, those guys.  Well, prepare for the second coming of the world’s worst faux-Christian rock band.  (Second coming.  Ha!  Get it?  Like Jesus?)

In an interview with Rolling Stone, Scott Stapp, the lead d-bag singer, calls the reunion a “a renewing and a rebirth”.  I would venture to say it’s more of “a remistake and a reterrible”.

There are going to be plenty of tour dates…if you really care.

The guys already have demos and are looking to all the money making producers to scrounge up a hit single for them.  Could we possibly see a Creed song featuring Timbaland?  Maybe?

But what about Scotty’s solo CD?!  He answers the most important question:

“It would be irresponsible for me to think about anything but Creed. This band is my first love and a first love that’s stood the test of time. It’s not hard to step away from any kind of personal agenda when you are totally fulfilled.”

A first love that stood the test of time… except when your band broke up for five years.  Now, call me crazy, but it seems like perhaps Mr. Stapp realized a reunion tour might be his only chance to make lots of dollars.  Maybe that’s what he means when he says totally fulfilled.

Some of you may wonder where all of this strong dislike for Creed comes from.  Well first of all, the music sucks.  But I think my real battle (if you couldn’t tell) is with Scott Stapp.  Rolling Stone forgets to mention a few things.  Creed broke up because Scott Stapp is a jerk.  And it was all downhill from there.  In 2006, he was arrested for public intoxication on the night of his wedding.  His 6 year old son was the best man.  Way to set a good example, Scott.  Then, he was arrested for domestic abuse in 2007.  Oh, and did you know he has a creepy sex tape with Kid Rock and a bunch of groupies on a bus?

KID ROCK.

Kid Rock and sex tape should not be in the same sentence.  Ever.

So there you have it.  You have been warned.  Now please excuse me, I’m going to go listen to some Taylor Swift.  THAT is music.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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