Category Archives: news

baa ram ewe. army be true.

Remember how I said I was a thrice failed vegetarian? Besides burgers (mmm…), the other reason for my failure, and I am not joking in the slightest, is the movie Babe. Remember? The one with the amazingly cute little pig? If not, I suggest you Netflix that right now. Alas, I wish I was going to continue talking about Babe (which I Google Image searched and did not get what I was looking for…until I put “the pig” after it. Eeek! Haha.). Instead, I’m going to rant a tad.

Anyway, if a fictional story about a pig could inspire me to give up meat for over a year, imagine my reaction to this news story: the Army is using pigs as test dummies, shooting at them and then treating their wounds as practice for the field. That’s just cruel! They, of course, say there will be vets around to treat the animals. But they are shooting them with M4 carbines and M16 rifles–I don’t think I could survive that.

But the spokesman for the 25th Infantry Division told us that everything is fine, because the pigs are anesthetized. Oh, that’s great. Make these poor creatures dumb with drugs and then shoot at them. Come on!

One soldier got upset and then anonymously notified PETA. I think that takes a strong person.

Kathy Guillermo, director of PETA’s Laboratory Investigations Department said, “shooting and maiming pigs is outdated as Civil War rifles.” Fact. I do, however, know one Civil War reenactor–and he might take offense to that statement. Sorry!

We can’t condemn other nations for human and animal rights violations and then turn around and do something like this. I recognize the need to make our military as strong as can be, but with all the technology and money in the Department of Defense budget (the highest EVER), don’t you think they could come up with a different method? Apparently there are “hi-tech human simulators” out there. Use them.

You know how Farmer Hoggett says to Babe, “that’ll do, Pig. That’ll do,” at the end of the day? Well, I think “that’ll do, hi-tech human simulator. That’ll do,” flows just as nicely.

And here are a couple of pictures. Just to make your hearts as sappy as my own.

[Posted by Kathleen}

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youtube clip of today: run, emily!

Okay, so I usually only post videos that I can put into the post, you know, just to make things easier for you–I’m just that nice. But this video is SO funny, and SO good, that I am willing to overlook the fact that it needs to be linked. I hope you can too.

Click here, NOW.

Yay Emily! Run, girl! If I did this, my parents would be so proud! No joke. Though I do have to wonder, where did she think she was going? If you notice, she never really runs in a straight line. From what I remember from my nature classes as a child (yes, I was nature girl), this is the recommended technique to use when running away from creatures such as alligators. Or scary presidents. Emily, I think you’re really cool.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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tales from my morning news stalk.

Good mornnnnnnnnnnning! I have completed my morning news/gossip stalk, and because blogging about each of these would take all day I’m putting it all together in one glorious post. Don’t you judge me.

So now we find out that Jesse Jackson not only threatened the testicles of Saint Barack, he used the N-word too. Ohhh, no you did not! Here is what he said: “See, Barack been, um, talking down to black people on this faith-based – I wanna cut his nuts out. … Barack – he’s talking down to black people — telling n——s how to behave.” Bill O’Reilly, who broke the original story said they didn’t use this part because it was unnecessary. He called the person who leaked this (they don’t know who it is…yet) a “weasel” (that’s the pot calling the kettle black, Billy!) and then put the fear of God in us all but especially the poor sniveling soul that will eventually be homeless and miserable– “I have the waterboard over here. … We’ll find out.” As some of my friends say, “things that are unsurprising.”  You can read what I had to say before we learned Jesse dropped the N-bomb here.

But speaking of Barack, he pulled in a mere $52 Million for this quarter. No big deal. The Wonkette headline made me giggle: Hope Rides In On A $52 Million Unicorn. I assume the unicorn reference came from JibJab’s new video, which you can watch if you click here. Thoughts? Not as good as the Bush/Kerry one from 2004. But whatev.

One woman went for 20 years not knowing she had two monstrous tumors. When I say monstrous, I mean it. The tumors were just removed and she is now 140 lbs. lighter. ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY POUNDS. Damn, girl. Maybe there are two tumors where my love handles are? I should get that checked out.

Tonight should be amazing for political dorks who love great American pastimes in DC. It is the yearly Congressional baseball game, where all the politicians look to appear cool and revert back to their high school days. That’s right, the Republican congressmen and the Democratic congressmen, in a rivalry almost as intense as the Red Sox and Yankees, play each other. This is usually humiliating for the Dems, as the Republicans win every year. BUT DEMOCRATS ARE GOOD AT SPORTS TOO, OKAY?!

In TeeVee news, Scrubs is coming back for another season! Hoooray! Katherine Heigl managed to keep her miserable character on Grey’s for another season.

And for movies, The Dark Knight opens soon. Read anything on it, and they tell you that Heath was amazing. HEEEEEEEEEATH. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. I can’t wait. Also, Mal posted about ScarJo’s singing, so I felt this is a little relevant: Defamer made a list of the Top Ten Unlikely Vocal Performances from Non-Singing Actors. Ugh, I HATE Tom Cruise. He deserves to be on no list other than Top Creepiest Person of All Time.

Happy news stalking!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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maybe he just wanted unlimited breadsticks.

Fueling the belief that Colorado is a place where people ride horses everywhere and still wear bolo ties, yesterday a “young adult black bear” broke into a Circuit City in Colorado Springs. Seriously. (That’s him above, caught on the security camera.)

According to the local ABC affiliate, the bear was lurking around a nearby Fazoli’s (looking for some chicken parm, we can only presume), and when the restaurant’s alarm went off he freaked out and ran over to Circuit City. He then shattered the sliding glass door, hung out for a while and compared prices on flat screen TVs, and ran out. He’s still on the loose. Perhaps he thinks he can get a better deal at Best Buy.

[Posted by Mallory]

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idk, my bff bxvi. dear god!

This is not a joke. You, or should I write ‘U’, can now get texts from Pope Bennie 16 (which looks like an AIM screenname, don’t you think?)! This is part of World Youth Day 2008, a huge Catholic festival for people that want to hang out, be cool and “get jiggy” with his mighty papalness. This year’s festival is in Australia- on the opening morning, “G’day Pilgrims!” scrolled across the welcome screen. Haha.

How would you feel if you got a text from Benedict? There’s just something that doesn’t seem right about it. I think I would feel uncomfortable seeing it slammed in between drunk and/or inappropriate text messages from my heathen friends (LOVE YOU GUYS! And I’m just kidding, they are absolute saints). Plus, it definitely puts a whole new meaning to the idea that the Pope is a direct line to God. And the Pope has a direct line to your conscience via cell phone? I couldn’t stand all the Catholic guilt!

Besides the obvious objections to getting text messages from the freaking pope, as someone who is way into copy editing and believes that you should be consistent in your writing, the first thing that struck me was that he didn’t abbreviate ‘people’ to ‘ppl’ and spelled out the word ‘you’ after using the letter ‘u’. On top of that, I am absolutely against text abbreviations. JP II would never have done this! JP, we miss you, buddy.

So the Pope is trying to reach out to young people. That’s cool. I get it. Kind of. I always thought the church liked to kick it old school (as in, not evolve with the times), but maybe BXVI is a little too cool for school. Remember his shoes? Forget the devil, this Pope wears Prada. And sends texties.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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how about a little celebrity gossip?

It seems like there’s a lot of good celebrity gossip out there right now, so let’s do a little roundup of the most interesting tidbits:

  • Khloe Kardashian is going to jail for violating the terms of her probation for a DUI she got last year. I really don’t know anything about the Kardashians, except that their parents cruelly spelled all of their names with K’s. Surely Kriminal Khloe won’t actually go to jail for that long, but maybe she’ll have to wear one of those ankle bracelet tracker things! (I saw a guy a Target wearing one, and I was scared of him, but then he was really nice to his wife/girlfriend so I decided he was okay.) [The Superficial]
  • Sienna Miller was caught kissing a married actor named Balthazar Getty! And she was naked! [AOL News]
  • Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman broke up after five years together. So first Ryan and Reese break up (I saw a picture of Ryan with that homewrecker nanny the other day and it still caught me off guard), then Heath dies, and now America’s favorite funny couple have called it quits. Sigh. [People]
  • Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone has lots of scandalous things to say about her in his book coming out this week, Life With My Sister Madonna. Notable among the life-ruining claims he makes: “Madonna hangs an 8-by-12-foot photo of herself in S&M gear and lying on a bed with dead animals in her home – in full view of the kids.” Um, ew. [New York Post]
  • Okay I’m starting to wish I hadn’t started this post because I’m finding out lots of things that I just wish I didn’t know. Like Drew Barrymore and that cute, nerdy Justin Long guy from Dodgeball broke up. They seemed so wacky and fun! CAN’T ANYONE STAY TOGETHER??! [People]
  • While I’m being a downer, can I mention that I’m still really upset about Anne Hathaway’s boyfriend turning out to be a huge sleazeball? Anne Hathaway is my number one Hollywood girl crush, perhaps because we look so much alike, and I not-so-secretly wish I was her character in The Devil Wears Prada, minus the horrible job but plus the scruffy boyfriend who makes me grilled cheese. Hang in there, Anne.
  • Let’s end on a happy note, shall we? Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie had their twins! Yay for babies! Apparently the boy and the girl are healthy and everything’s great, except that their names are Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. Eek. That makes for what, 27 children for the Jolie-Pitts? [People]

[Posted by Mallory]

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first, pill-popping pets. now suing simians?

This morning, while poking around the New York Times, I read that “Spain’s parliament recently passed a resolution granting legal rights to apes,” which is good news for Rafael Nadal. The law will allow chimps to be kept in zoos, but they will no longer be allowed to perform in circuses or other performances, and any research that would harm them has been banned.

I’m torn about my thoughts on this news. I’m a big fan of animals — though not to the point where I’ll give up my sausage, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwiches — and in a lot of ways, apes certainly seem deserving of some legal rights. As the author, Adam Cohen, points out,

Great apes are biologically very close to humans; chimps and humans share about 98 percent of their DNA. Apes have complex communication skills and close emotional bonds. They experience loneliness and sorrow. They deserve some respect.

Still, I can also see where the worry about a slippery slope would come in. Sure, it might be easy to agree that because they are so close to humans, apes deserve some protection, but could this open the door to offering legal rights to dogs, cats, even hamsters? Maybe not, but it’s worth thinking about, especially in light of another recent NYT article that Kathleen briefly posted about: “Pill-Popping Pets.”

In the article, James Vlahos visits a German shepherd, Max, who has recently begun taking psychoactive drugs for the treatment of, essentially, doggy OCD. Max’s symptoms sound awfully familiar. For starters, he has separation anxiety. About a decade ago, my family got a dog named Granby, who was sweet and loving and mellow — while we were around. When left alone, he could break free from a kennel that was secured shut with bungee cords, and would, among other things, knock our TV from its shelf and eat the insulation from our pipes. After two months, we had to send Granby away to live on farm, where he had room to run around (I’m still not completely convinced that “farm” doesn’t mean “heaven,” but my mom swears Granby’s fine). If given the opportunity to get Granby to calm down with a little doggy Prozac, we might have jumped at the chance.

On the other hand, our current dog, Copper, is also a bit of a terror, but I don’t think we’d ever consider medicating him (besides “calming pills” that my mom used to give him, three at a time, which had absolutely no effect). Sure, Copper occasionally eats entire cakes or finds a way to shotgun a Hansen’s soda or hides my favorite shoes, but although his behavior is frustrating, we can handle it. 

Along with his love for human food, Copper has a need to always be close to people, like the dog in the article. About Max, Vlahos writes:

For starters, there was his overpowering need to be near people, especially Allan [his male owner]. If they put Max outside, he quickly relieved himself and then rushed back indoors; he raced into rooms that Allan was about to occupy; he rested his head against the bathroom door during his master’s ablutions.

That’s Copper in a nutshell. He’s not content to just be in the same room as me, but he feels the need to actually be on my lap (he’s not a lap dog). Waiting outside while I shower isn’t enough; he needs to sit directly in front of the shower door. And to get super cheesy on you, it’s these qualities that make Copper so endearing. The thought of medicating them away is appalling.

Cohen makes perhaps the most important conclusion we can take from both of these articles. Sure, we are obligated to take care of our animals (in the various ways that can manifest itself), but only so long as we are taking care of our fellow humans first:

American law is becoming increasingly cruel. The Supreme Court recently ruled that states are not obliged to administer lethal injections in ways that avoid unnecessary risk that inmates will suffer great pain. If apes are given the right to humane treatment, it just might become harder to deny that same right to their human cousins.

[Posted by Mallory]

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miss usa crystle stewart wipes out.

Readers, here is something for your Monday morning. Enjoy! Even beauty queens have bad days…

As if the world couldn’t think America was any dumber, we were shamed at the Miss Universe pageant, the Olympics of Beauty, for the second year in a row. Here is what the UK’s Times Online had to say (why are Brits so much funnier even in their news ledes?!):

For the second year in succession, the American entrant in the Miss Universe pageant failed to meet the crucial challenge of walking and smiling at the same time.

Crystle Stewart, from Texas, tripped and fell on stage at the global beauty contest today, just as Miss USA did last year. She failed to make the final, which was won by Miss Venezuela, a former kidnap victim.

Failed to meet the crucial challenge of walking and smiling? HAHA. But seriously, don’t sweat it girl, because you weren’t going to beat a kidnap victim anyway. I mean, COME ON, that’s intense and she deserves to win. Here she is. Rawr.

And I know I said America was shamed earlier, but I was being sarcastic (shocker, I know). I can totally relate to Crystle because I take diggers all the time. So Crystle, I know that you are probably curled up on your bed with tons of decorative pillows, eating full bricks of chocolate and watching Pride and Prejudice (the six A&E hour version) with mascara running down your face but I want you to know it’s going to be okay. You’re still incredibly hot and you still probably want world peace, so get out there and do it. We still love you! And probably didn’t know who you were before this.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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a little something for your weekend.

Unfortunately, I won’t be blogging much this weekend. But to get you through, I have compiled a list of links that I most likely would have blogged about or find interesting enough to share, and you’ll have to use your imagination to think of what Mal and/or I would say about them.

This story about siblings torn apart by the Holocaust and being reunited after 66 years made me cry more than watching the video of Christian the Lion. No jokes and nothing snarky to say–there is good in this world.

Here is an interesting piece on Wall-E. The first negative thing I’ve read and it brings up some valid points. Still haven’t seen the movie though. What do you think?

People are over medicated, and our dogs are next. Here is a piece from the NYT Magazine. Since I’m not going to, make all the jokes you want. Make me proud.

There’s going to be a DC version of “The Hills”. I’m pissed, because I wanted to be in it. My idea for a show title was just “The Hill”. Clever, I know. Ha. Shockingly, they went for more party oriented than political party oriented girls…

I love baby names, and I might give someone a candy bar or something to let me name their child. But give up a gas card? HELL NO. Have you seen the price of gas? This story is so wrong on so many levels. I LOVE IT. These people are nutso. Maybe I should do something like this. I bet I could come up with something better than Sunday Rose. Ugh.

And finally, a slideshow of supermodels then and now. Claudia Schiffer is still pretty hot. And girl don’t even get me started on Tyra.

Dunzo. Enjoy. Comment. Have adventures. Miss me. XOXO.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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i’ll smell you later, patches wegmann.

Oooh, I like this story. Patches Wegmann (SUPERB name, by the way. Take that, Sunday Rose Kidman Urban!) was arrested yesterday because she was knocking men out with her scent. Wait, what? Yeah, Patches was selling cologne (that’s legit), waved a sample in some dude’s face, and he got sick. She’s done this a couple of times, apparently. Here is what the news story says about Patches’ first chump after she tickled his olfactory organ with her man-eating cologne:

The victim returned to work, where he passed out, investigators said. His symptoms included dizziness, shortness of breath, and numbness in his extremities.

His extremities? Hmm. Anyway, a month later she did it again. And this time the police got her and booked her on charges of second-degree battery and unlawful solicitation. Damn, girl. I know you want to see what she looks like–

There you go.

They haven’t tested Patches’ cologne yet (or released what it really was), but I’m willing to put money on it being from Abercrombie & Fitch or Hollister (essentially the same thing). Ever walk past one of those stores? With the combination of bad techno, bad lighting and a horrific odor, it makes you want to have a seizure. My brother used to wear Abercrombie cologne, bless his little heart. I would rather him come back from a basketball game smelling like sweat and not shower for two days than deal with the redolence (SAT word!) of Abercrombie on a daily basis again. Seriously, my extremities go numb and I want to vomit whenever I smell it.

One last thing. They didn’t report what the motive behind Patches’ puzzling actions was. Any guesses? Maybe she’s just craaaazy.

And this is completely gratuitous, but (in my expert opinion) here is a sample of the only good that comes from Abercrombie:

Rawr!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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