Ohhh Britney. (Sorry, Walsh) Ohhh John McCain. If given the choice though, I’d put Brit Brit at the top of the ticket.
Teehee, this video is sillly.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Category Archives: politics
we just can’t quit you, hillary.
As you might expect, there’s some news floating around in cyberspace today, so for you, dear readers, I have compiled a roundup:
- Hillary Clinton’s name will be placed on the nomination at the DNC in Denver. Now, Obama’s okay with this (because he’s a perfect gentleman, duh), but it just doesn’t seem like a good idea to me. Sure, it is nice to “honor” Clinton’s campaign and all of her hard work, but might it be better to present a united front and “honor” the actual presumptive nominee? [Washington Post]
- “According to an analysis of campaign contributions by the nonpartisan Center for Responsive Politics, Democrat Barack Obama has received nearly six times as much money from troops deployed overseas at the time of their contributions than has Republican John McCain, and the fiercely anti-war Ron Paul, though he suspended his campaign for the Republican nomination months ago, has received more than four times McCain’s haul.” Make your own conclusions, kids. [A bunch of other sources via Wonkette]
- Streetcars are taking over the country, which is great, because they are good for the environment and make more people move downtown. Downtown Denver already has a free mall ride along 16th Street, and it’s basically a streetcar, and it’s pretty cool. Plus, it feeds my laziness. (Although I do still prefer pedicabs.) [NYTimes]
- Jared Polis, an openly gay Boulder-ite, won the Democratic primary in Colorado to fill Representative Mark Udall’s Congress seat. “If Mr. Polis is elected to replace [Udall] in November, he would become the third openly gay or lesbian member of Congress.” Hooray for Colorado! You go, Jared! [NYTimes]
- Last week, some crazo (who calls himself “Mr. Unstable”) took a bath in the utility sink at Burger King. To celebrate his birthday. I’m all for, er, cleanliness, but I tend to put a slightly different spin on the whole birthday celebration thing. Anyway, today the crazo apologized. Luckily, as I’ve mentioned before, I prefer Wendy’s. [AOL]
- Apparently the latest trend in eating disorders is “pregorexia,” in which women diet and exercise so much while pregnant that they actually put their baby’s health at risk. Seriously, people?! When I’m pregnant, you can expect to find me immobile on a couch eating as much Ben & Jerry’s and bacon as I can get my hands on. [AOL]
In other news, I’ve become addicted to Craigslist furniture sales. Just thought you should know.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under ben and jerry's, food, news, politics, pop culture
obama: more perfect than we thought.
Look at these pictures, then tell me how anyone could possibly want to vote for John McCain.
[Posted by Mallory]
happy birthday future president barack obama!
Happy birthday Barack! Our presumptive Democratic nominee is 47 years old today. And he’s on the campaign trail, doing his thing. I bet I know what his birthday wish will be when he blows out the candles on his cake tonight.
A new grill for the backyard, duh.
But instead of taking today off, Obama is actually giving voters a present. At 11 a.m. today, he will unveil his new energy plan. So look for livestreaming online or flip on your teeevee. Hooray!
A lot of people are taking this opportunity to juxtapose B’s youth with John’s lack of youth. The WSJ has a semi-interactive graphic about the age gap. I’ll admit, I take a few cheap shots about McCain’s age. But the truth is, if my party’s nominee was that age and I felt he was the right person to do the job then it wouldn’t matter. Age has nothing to do with why I think Barack is ready to lead–it’s his positions on the issues. So take that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BARACK! YOU’LL BE A GREAT PRESIDENT.
[Posted by Kathleen]
i’m afraid that’s really his best.
Instead of, I don’t know, talking about the issues, our friend Johnny McCain has stooped to a new low–and purely out of jealousy. He newest campaign ad compares Barack to Britney and Paris. And John, I know it sucks to not be the most popular kid in school–but the reason Barack is so popular is not because he parties a lot and is famous for no reason other than being rich, or is a talented singer/dancer but a tragic trainwreck (sorry, Britty) that people just can’t stop caring about.
It’s because he’s on to something really special. Something that you, John, can’t deliver. And people want change. One last thing, he was the editor of the Harvard Law Review and used to teach Constitutional law. He’s not dumb. I, in no way, am inferring that Paris and Britney are dumb. And I’m SURE that wasn’t McCain’s intent either. Right?
And this just in! The Hilton family donated the maximum amount possible to McCain’s campaign! Haha OUCH. So they’re probably not happy that he compared Barack to Paris in a negative light… Thanks to Jon Stewart for doing that research for me! Watching Jon Stewart and blogging at the same time is divine. You should try it sometime. I can only hope Jon’s (not the John previously mentioned) wit will rub off on me. Mmm, a girl can dream.
Here is the ridiculously dumb, immature and ineffective campaign ad:
And here is what Saint B had to say about it:
“Given the seriousness of the issues, you’d think we could have a serious debate. But so far, all we’ve been hearing about is Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. I mean, I do have to ask my opponent, is that the best you can come up with? Is that really what this election is about? Is that what is worthy of the American people?”
Well done, Mr. Obama. You are a gentleman and a scholar. Now go kick McCain’s ass.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, politics, pop culture, YouTube
kerry’s not just a democratic partier.
Our former Democratic presidential nominee, Sen. John Kerry is also a real partier. Or so these pictures, dug up by TMZ, would suggest. But here’s the thing–I don’t believe what the pictures suggest.
Because let’s face it, if you’re black out drunk and you run into anyone, and I mean ANYONE you know, you’re going to make them take pictures with you. And they, by default, will appear plastered as well. If you don’t believe me, please refer to Mallory’s cry face photos. I don’t know how to put this delicately, but John Kerry also has a permanent case of the drunk eyes. It’s not his fault. So basically, I believe the statement from his office:
“As Sen. Kerry and two friends left dinner at the Straight Warf restaurant on Nantucket and walked down the dock, a large group on a boat recognized Senator Kerry and asked if they could have a photo taken. The group came off the boat and onto the dock, took a photo with Sen. Kerry and his friends, and then Sen. Kerry and his two friends immediately walked away. End of story.”
These biddies, according to TMZ, are sophomores and juniors in college. But they’re also constituents! And, it has been reported, one of them was drinking out of a (gasp!) penis straw. Sophomores and juniors, you say? Yeah, that sounds about right.
So here are some of the pictures. What do you think?
The girl in the green dress has made a spectacular collegiate showing in these photos. I’d personally like to extend my congratulations and sheer appreciation that she wisely chose to wear underwear that night. I’d also like to send my condolences to you, dear girl, because now everybody that goes on the internet knows you’re a sloppy drunk/the annoying girl that makes dumb faces in EVERY FREAKING PHOTO. (You all know the kind of girl I’m talking about.)
So despite thinking the photos aren’t that big of a deal, please, make all the jokes you want, because John Kerry looks like real Democratic, um, donkey. (Read: he looks like a huge ass.) These pict-chas are hysterical. If this was me and my girrrrrrls, helllllz yeah, I wouldn’t just Facebook ’em, I’d tag ’em too! Which means I’m serious.
And here is my final thought. Even if he is partying with a bunch of college sluts like a huge douche, whatever. At least he’s partying. Because we all know the Republican party is neither a republic, nor a party. Discuss amongst yourselves.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, politics, random
a random roundup of recent news.
Hello, faithful readers! Let’s take a look at what’s going on in the world in brief, easy-to-digest tidbits. In no particular order…
- Bono has been named the godfather of Brangelina’s new babies. Which is exciting, except that godparents don’t really do anything. [Rediff]
- Wikipedia will soon be obsolete because Google just introduced their own, more legit online encyclopedia thinger: Google Knol. (I must say, they really dropped the ball on the name.) Now, when you want to avoid sifting though microfiches or — gasp! — books, you can get info about Joseph Stalin from an actual historian, instead of from that stoned kid in Oregon who got bored and decided to add facts like “He was a phenomenal dancer” to Stalin’s Wikipedia page. [ZDNet]
- According to the folks over at book publisher Hachette, the cassette tape is officially dead. (They had a funeral for the tape. Seriously.) But how can it be dead when I still have a humongous radio in my room with not one but TWO cassette decks so that I can get all fancy and record from one to the other? HUH?! I will never give up my Ace of Base tapes. Never. [New York Times]
- LifeStyles Condoms reportedly offered Miley Cyrus $1 million to be their rep. Poor Miley just can’t get a break. [AOL News]
- Senator Ted Stevens was indicted today on “seven counts of failing to disclose thousands of dollars in services he received from a company that helped renovate his home.” Sometimes a guy just needs a wraparound deck and a new grill. [MSNBC]
- Barack Obama and potential veep Governor Tim Kaine, of Virginia, are getting all hot and heavy, but in a secret way. [CNN]
- Online game Scrabulous has been shut down “in the face of a lawsuit contending the game infringed on Hasbro’s copyrighted Scrabble game.” Uh oh. I never played Scrabulous, but I know a bunch of people who were obsessed and will be quite upset by this news. Back to Minesweeper, I guess. [The Mercury News]
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under babies, celebrities, news, politics, pop culture, random
department of things that are unsurprising.
This just in: our Department of Justice has been compromised. By terrorists? Nope. By political corruption and the antithesis of justice–discrimination. As Stephen Colbert would say, a wag of my finger to you, DOJ. Watch out, folks, I’m about to launch into a political tirade. But what I’m talking about is important and every American should be upset.
A report released by the DOJ’s inspector general and internal ethics office confirms what has been known for quite awhile–that top aides under Alberto Gonzales broke the law by using illegal hiring tactics and discriminating against those deemed to be too left leaning. Basically, if you disagreed with the current administration, you couldn’t get a job. Damn, that sucks, because roughly 70% of America disagrees with Bush right now.
Anyway, Monica Goodling, a top aide, was apparently the mastermind behind this project. She would ask leading questions in interviews to gage the political leanings of potential employees. And if they were not in line with George W. Bush and his cronies, they were not hired. This, of course, resulted in the hiring of some less than qualified candidates. Good job, Monica! That’s exactly what this country needs! Perfect, just perfect. You can read the horror stories for yourself here and here.
In my perfect world, our president would be Jed Bartlet (who is from New Hampshire! Heyyyyy), and the White House would be run by Sam Seaborn, Josh Lyman, CJ Cregg, Leo McGarry, and Toby Ziegler. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, please NetFlix the West Wing seasons 1-4 right now. The other seasons are okay, but those are the glory days (WHY OH WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE, SORKIN?). Anyway, even in my perfect/fictional world run by Democratic politics, Republicans were hired. Because that’s the right thing to do. I’m talking about Ainsley Hayes, kids.
Monica Goodling may seem like Ainsley Hayes–a blonde, Republican lawyer. Except Ainsley Hayes was awesome. And had ethics.
Here is Monica (oh, the irony of this pose):
Here is Ainsley:
I’m obviously idealistic about government, because I’ve witnessed grassroots politics (power from the people) and believe that the intentions of many politicians are good. But this is a let down, and I don’t like it. No matter who has control of the White House and Congress, the Department of Justice should be freed of this shameful politicization. We as Americans–we as the United States–depend on it.
And now, friends, I’m going to go eat my emotions and watch six straight hours of the West Wing on my MacBook. And then, I’m going to do something to work for change.
[Posted by Kathleen]
hillary put baby in a corner.
So I’m clearly bored at work an have been stalking Wonkette even more intensely than usual. In the comments of one of the posts (yeah, maybe I read all the comments. I also read magazines cover to cover, and maybe take pills for that), I found a GENIUS website: www.hillaryismomjeans.com.
Now, I’m not one of those people who hates Hillary Clinton. In fact, I think she’s pretty great. But this shit is hilarious. (Think of Chuck Norris jokes, but in reverse.) Feel free to substitute “Mallory” for “Hillary” if that makes you feel better. Here are some of my favorites:
Hillary gave Jessie the caffeine pills.
Hillary ate all the bugles.
Hillary likes glitter.
Hillary wants less cowbell.
Hillary sings the FreeCreditReport.com jingle.
Hillary yells “Freebird” at your concert.
Okay sorry it was hard to stop. But here’s the best one:
HILLARY WRITES EVERYTHING IN COMIC SANS.
(Walsh, I cannot wait until you see that.)
[Posted by Mallory]
six words to change the world. 