Category Archives: TV

baby it’s cold outside. no, seriously.

Today is one of those days where it’s just too cold to be out in public. I was not dressed for the weather and nearly froze to death when I stepped outside to walk home, and that made the decision for me that I will not be going out tonight. I think.

See, the problem is that I don’t really have anything to do if I stay home. My roommate isn’t here and I’m not all that into the book I’m reading and I’m one of those people who gets bored really, really quickly. And when I’m left alone and bored for too many hours, I start to get all emo and watch weird depressing music videos on iTunes and email my best friend asking her if she’ll marry me if I’m still alone at 30. Which is all well and good, except too much emo music makes me go a little nuts and I don’t particularly want to marry a girl. 

Spending time in the real world tends to cure my emo-ness, and thank goodness I was forced out into that real world to work today. (I know! I worked! Like a real grownup!) For a large chunk of the day, I was uploading things to my program’s website, and I got this weird sense of power. Like, I could RUIN LIVES by posting embarrassing things. And then I remembered that I already have my own website, and that I tend to prefer embarrassing myself. 

Besides getting out of your own head or maybe reading about people who have actual problems, this video is a pretty good cure for being a hot emo mess:

I’m sorry, I know. But that video is hilarious. I’m a little bit in love with Andy Samberg:

He wears nerdy glasses, too!

 

Hmm. In my situation, Andy Samberg would probably go out. 

[Posted by Mallory]

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ny’s governor paterson, snl’s latest buffoon?

This past weekend, SNL’s Weekend Update featured an interview with New York Governor David Paterson during which, Fred Armisen portrayed the legally blind head of state in a less than flattering manner.  I know, that’s hard to imagine for SNL.  Usually, they’re so kind to the politicians whose every character flaw they mercilessly thrust into the spotlight.  Two days later, Paterson’s office is none too happy about the skit which referred to the governor’s blindness in a mocking tone throughout the skit (again, SNL?  mocking?  really!?).

According to the New York Times, “Gov. David A. Paterson’s office criticized a skit on this weekend’s “Saturday Night Live” in which Mr. Paterson, who is legally blind, was portrayed as disoriented and buffoonlike.”  Hold on . . . “disoriented and buffoonlike” . . . I think they’ve done that before . . .

Before we proceed any further, internets, there’s something you should know.  Like Governor Paterson, I am legally blind.  Unlike Governor Paterson, I am only legally blind in one eye and can see almost perfectly out of the other with the help of some very expensive corrective lenses.  Yes, okay, his disability is far more severe and maybe it was a lot harder for him to go to school and maybe unfair accomodations for the visually impaired made him fail the bar exam BUT if I close my right eye I can only see large objects and colors–just like David Paterson.  AND I’ve been wearing glasses since I was four and one half years old and you know what?  Pre-schoolers are MEAN.  So are kindergarteners.  And first graders.  And you know what the only thing is that mean 4-7 year olds love more than a peer in glasses?  A peer with an EYE PATCH.  That’s right, folks.  I was forced to wear an eye patch.  Everyday.  To school.  And maybe three years of humiliation is better than a lifetime with a lazy eye but it STILL SUCKED.  Not only did it make me look silly but it made me walk into things and fall a lot and develop a life-long fear of “the ball.”  Softball, football, kooshball–I don’t care what it is PLEASE DON’T THROW IT IN MY DIRECTION.

Anyway, back to Governor Paterson.  He’s pretty blind and SNL made some jokes about this.  Now, the dude’s office is fahhhh–reaking out.  Which is strange on a few levels.  The first being that the governor is a pretty funny guy and is known for making jokes about his vision problems (I believe that’s called a coping mechanism).  The second being that if you watch the skit (and I’ve kindly allowed you to do so below) you may notice that the jokes are more about Governor Paterson’s cocaine use and hatred of New Jersey than his blindness.  Including my favorite moment when Seth Meyers asks the Governor what he has against NJ and he replies “unfortunately, a southern border.”  That’s funny.  And so are most of the other jokes where SNL pokes fun at Paterson’s inexperience and scandal-ridden career.  Yes, Fred Armisen does squint his right eye and let his left eye wander and yes, he does hold up the graph of unemployment rates upside down.  Will Ferrell does the same thing when he portrays President Bush.   For goodness sake–it’s satire, it’s overdone, live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!!

I think that the bigger problem here is that as the nation’s first legally blind governor, Paterson represents a group of individuals who are affected daily by prejudice and discrimination.  At an event in New York City Sunday night Paterson spoke on the issue without directly addressing the SNL skit saying,

“I run the place that I work in so I don’t have to worry about being discriminated against, I think,” he said. “But the point is that a lot of people who don’t get promotions and don’t get opportunities and don’t even get work are disabled in our society.” 

 That’s very true and I don’t mean to be insensitive but those people aren’t limited to the visually or physically impaired.  There are gays, blacks, latinos, women, etc. who are in the same position . . . and SNL makes fun of all of them.  But, oddly enough, it’s done lovingly and it often progresses the national dialogue.  That being said, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cringe once or twice when watching this skit and I don’t think SNL should be protected by a “but they make fun of everyone” clause.   I understand Governor Paterson’s frustrations (believe me), but at the end of the day he’s just another politician to be ridiculed on SNL.  Ultimately, he wasn’t picked on because he was blind but because he wasn’t supposed to become the governor, because he used to do cocaine and cheat on his wife, because he hates New Jersey, because he’s there.  Maybe years of being called “four eyes” and “Captain Hook” (which didn’t even make sense, I know) have made me impervious to vision-related taunts and I’m not being sensitive enough.  So please, watch and decide for yourself.  Is this more offensive than I’m giving it credit for?

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cut. it. out. full house lives?

Have mercy!  John Stamos, also known as “Uncle Jesse,” has approached a few of his Full House co-stars about doing a “semi-remake” of everyone’s favorite sickeningly sweet family show, “Full House.”  Candace Cameron Bure told OK! Magazine that the show “would involve me and Jodie Sweetin. We would revive our characters, but today as young women.”

Interesting.  Will Uncle Jesse still be living in the attic with Aunt Becky and the twins?  Will DJ and Stephanie still be there with their own families?  Who will keep that place clean with Danny Tanner gone?  Whatever happened to Kimmy Gibbler, the biggest geekburger of them all?  There are so many questions . . . and I don’t think I need the answers.  “Full House” was a memorable part of my childhood and I’m okay with leaving it that way. 

There’s no word yet on whether any network is interested in this “semi-remake” or if any cast members other than DJ and Stephanie are interested in reviving their roles.  Something tells me the Olsen twins are screening their calls this week.  How rude!

[Posted by Madeline]

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domino’s serves up slice of laziness.

Coming to you in thirty minutes or less: a coronary!  Tivo and Domino’s have formed a marriage of consumerism and now, Tivo subscribers will be able to order Dominos using only their remote control.  First of all, congratulations to Domino’s 19-year-old marketing intern, the obvious brain child behind this operation. 

Domino’s plan does make some sense.  When viewers fast forward through a Domino’s commercial, a pop-up ad will appear on their screen, through which they can place their order.  Although I see the point from an advertising perspective, personally, I don’t think I can support this.  I get embarrassed enough when I call Domino’s and, before I give them any information, they ask “Is this Madeline?  Guest-blogger extraordinaire at SWTCTW?”  HOW DO THEY KNOW?  It’s creepy and and a little humiliating and I don’t need them saying to each other “Madeline’s ordering pizza.  And she’s watching Gossip Girl for the third time this week.”  

Yes, I do think people think about my every move that much (duh, I write for a blog). 

Who knows though?  Maybe if I could order a masseur or a manicurist through the teevee I would feel differently.  What would you order?

[Posted by Madeline]

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it might be a quarter-life crisis.

Or maybe just a bold career move.  Either way, TMZ.com (the real “gotcha” journalists) is reporting that John Mayer will be hosting a weekly variety show on CBS, maybe as early as January 2009.

The show will be “a music, variety and sketch show in the ’60s mold,” according to TMZ.  I’m sure there were a few successful variety and sketch shows in the ’60s but my mind goes right to “The Brady Bunch Hour.”  Technically, that was a show of the 70s but that’s what I’m picturing and I just don’t know what to make of the thought of deliciously-jeans-and-teeshirted John Mayer in one of these outfits:

There’s no word yet from John Mayer’s people about a variety show but Johnny did have this to say on his blog (yes, he has a blog; yes, I read it sometimes; yes, it would have been much cooler if he was the mystery guest blogger):

Hi out there…
thought I’d check in to let you all know what’s up in my world…

I’m working on the next CD, which I’m sure you will immediately hate until you eventually love. I’m basing out of LA because I’m working on a side project that is extremely cool. (I’ll tell you about it soon.)

A side project that is extremely cool?  Is that singer/songwriter/celebrity blogger code for “musical variety show of the 60s mold?!”  Probably.  John Mayer’s a pretty funny dude and I certainly wouldn’t object to seeing more of him but I’m just not sure how I feel about this.  Then again, I have an aversion to most change. 

What are your thoughts?  Can he pull it off?  Is it Rock ‘n’ Roll?  Will you watch?

While you debate, let’s take a trip back to where it all started:

[Posted by Madeline]

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tuesday afternoon’s snarky gossip girl analysis.

In just a few days, my dear partner Kathleen will be jetting off to South America to trek around the continent in ugly shoes. While she’s gone, we will have a surprise guest blogger take her place. (This probably isn’t a surprise to anyone who cares, but whatever; let us pretend we are important and have guest bloggers like Dooce does.)

This mystery guest blogger and I typically, um, BBM during Gossip Girl each Monday night. For those of you unfortunate souls who still have Razors, and those of you elitists who have iPhones, BBM stands for BlackBerry Messenger, which is Spanish for “The biggest time suck invented since G-Chat.” Unfortunately, last night this mystery guest blogger and I did not get to communicate during the episode, so she sent me an email with her thoughts. Yes, we are aware that we are both pathetic. And no, we don’t care. And yes, candy corn is only 13 cents a bag today at CVS.

Here are our mystery guest blogger’s insightful thoughts about last night’s episode of your favorite guilty pleasure:

I finally watched GG (fuck you, Verizon DVR) and thought I would share some of the thoughts I had with you since we couldn’t bbm: 
 
Aaron?  What’s your name?  Doesn’t matter: creepster.org  (that’s not real link–don’t click it)
 
Times Square?  Right, because downtown hipsters LOVE Times Square.
 
“Plenty of women have been both lover and muse, like Picasso.”  Serena, gramatically you just called Picasso a woman.  And you would use his name since it’s the only artist you’ve ever heard of.  En revanche, Blair’s writers hit it out of the park with their whole cubism line.
 
Dan–you suck at playing it cool.  Way to throw your dad under the bus, asshole.
 
Spotted: lame-o product placement.  Although I’m craving Vitamin Water already.  I hear it goes great with vomit . . .
 
“I’m 18 and it’s a grown-up party.”  PERFECT.  That is exactly what a 17-year-old would say.
 
Yeah, S.  You’re uncomfortable having your picture taken.  I totally believe it.
 
Dan–crack the story?  Kill the story?  Where did you pick up that lingo?
 
“You have a glow, like Chinese lanterns.”  Oh, Dorota. 
 
I heart Blair’s lip color.  And her skin is GLOWING!  How does she make it do that?
 
Um, that huge Construction Work Thug’s e-mail address is LoveLace?  I don’t think so.
 
I want to be on this show just so I can have all of this lingerie.  Because . . . it would look so good on me.
 
Aw, Blair.  Watching her introduce Dorota to Cindy Lauper brought a tear to my eye.  
 
5.19.91.  Dan would use such a lame title
 
HOLY SHIT.  Chuck Bass was born in 1991?!?!
 
“I don’t know how it works in High School . . .”  Excuse me, Aaron but you have three facial hairs.  Shut up.
 
Oh NO!  Rufus is singing!  . . . 3 words.
 
Jenny is wearing Rosary beads as a necklace.  NOT COOL.
 
Don’t die, Bart Bass.  Don’t die!
 
Serena always wanted to live in the 60s?  Right. 

And for more, check out this article by nymag.com.

Somehow, endlessly mocking Gossip Girl seems to make it more acceptable that I watch it. No?

[Posted by Mallory/MYSTERY BLOGGER PERSON]

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quirky news for a sunday afternoon.

I’m on a blogging rampage.  Here’s the weird stuff I’ve found on Al Gore’s invention today…

  • Let’s talk about squirrels.  Rats with fluffy tails.  True story: I was once attacked my squirrels by the Vietnam Memorial in DC.  They wanted our snack foods and opened our backpacks.  It was terrifying.  Anyway, the science wonder children at UC Davis have found the solution to their squirrel overpopulation problem– birth control for squirrels.  It’s true.

    “This new birth control method may potentially help control squirrels or other species, such as white tailed deer,” said Sara Krause, a doctoral student in ecology who designed the plan.

    “If we can test a birth control method and find it safe and effective, there’s a possibility of it being a breakthrough method in both urban and suburban areas,” she said.

    I’m sure the Christians would rather they train the squirrels about natural family planning.

  • On to the Big O.  Nope not that kind. (Geeeeeez.  Parents read this blog!)  No, not Obama. (Good guess though.) I’m actually talking about Oprah.  The lady’s got it going on.  There are talks that O might not renew her talk show in 2011!  THE HORROR.  That gives us just three short years left with her.  TiVO that shiz now, people.  Or don’t, because it will run more in syndication than the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.  Oprah’s getting her own TV network.  Boringly called the Oprah Winfrey Network, or hilariously and appropriately nicknamed, OWN.  Oprah owns your soul.  One might go so far as to say she PWNS you.
  • This is a good one!  There was a brawl in Jerusalem today.  Sadly, that alone means nothing.  But the devil is in the details.  IT WAS BETWEEN MONKS.  (Get it?  Devil in the details?  Monks? Religion?  Uhh…) Yes, monks.  Rival monks!  The Armenian monks and the Greek monks.  This is better than West Side Story. Snap, snap, snap.  The cops had to come break it up!  Apparently these fights happen a lot.  Oh, and when you go to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, make sure you wear your neutral gang colors.  FYI the Armenians wear pink and red and the Greeks wear black.  From the AP:

    The brawling began during a procession of Armenian clergymen commemorating the 4th-century discovery of the cross believed to have been used to crucify Jesus.

    The Greeks objected to the march without one of their monks present, fearing that otherwise, the procession would subvert their own claim to the Edicule — the ancient structure built on what is believed to be the tomb of Jesus — and give the Armenians a claim to the site.

    The Armenians refused, and when they tried to march the Greek Orthodox monks blocked their way, sparking the brawl.

  • Illinois is hoping for a tourism bump due to Barack’s win.  Really?  Well alright.  Walsh, I’ll see you soon.
  • Ohhh the Onion.  Always makes me chuckle.  I can totally picture this story on Fox though.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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little house on the prairie. rawr?

Let me paint a picture for you.  It’s a lazy Saturday, you’re slothing on a couch in Finland, nursing a hangover with your besties.  You decide that watching an entire television series in one day is crucial to your Saturday plan.  After much discussion, you and your friends unanimously decide on the classic series, LIttle House on the Prairie– based on the classic books by Laura Ingalls Wilder.  So you walk down the streets of Helsinki to the nearest video store.  You check the childrens’ section.  Alas!  NOTHING.  The TV series section.  CURSES!  Then you see the back room…you know the one…the one that has the naughty movies. And there it is…on the shelf.

Yes, it’s true.  If you want to watch Little House on the Prairie in Finland, you have to find it with the suitable for adult viewing only videos.

Why?  Is there something XXX rated that we just never saw?  Nope.  Well, it’s a long series and checking the videos cost over two bucks per minute.  So they decided to bypass that all together.  Good plan, guys.

“Long series can get quite expensive to check, and some use this exemption in the law to their advantage,” said Matti Paloheimo, Director at the Finnish Board of Film Classification.

“Such unchecked material should not be shown to children publicly,” he added.

Publicly as in the reruns that the Finns apparently can’t get enough of?  According to the Reuters story, the show is still popular in Finland and there are reruns every week on one of the state owned TV stations.

I’m going to refrain from making tasteless jokes about what happens in little houses on the prairie, but I think you get the point.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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barack’s a mutt, just like me.

In case you didn’t know, Barack Obama is the President Elect! AHHHH.  Anyway, B held his first press conference yesterday to discuss some really important issues…like Malia and Sasha’s new puppy.   Let me just say that I wrote about this awhile ago.  Malia needs a hypoallergenic dog.  The obvious choice here is the Chinese Crested Hairless.  Duh.  Perhaps the Obama family will read my blog post and agree with me. Riiiiight.  But anyway, B made a funny when talking about the dog.

With respect to the dog – this is a major issue. I think it’s generated more interest on our Web site than just about anything. We have two criteria that have to be reconciled. One is that Malia is allergic, so it has to be hypoallergenic. There are a number of breeds that are hypoallergenic. On the other hand, our preference would be to get a shelter dog but obviously a lot of shelter dogs are mutts, like me.

Nothing has ever made me happier.  Because, like President Elect Obama, I am a mutt as well.  But it’s not just about the identity politics.  This comment is exactly what America needs. A little bit of humor.  What I’m saying is lighten up, ya’ll.  Making lighthearted jokes is the best way to disarm the skeptics.

But back to the whole puppy thing.  I read an article on CNN that chronicles White House pets over the years.  Malia and Sasha should have aimed a little higher.  I mean, Calvin Coolidge had a pygmy hippopotamus named Billy.  True story.  Herbert Hoover’s son had a pair of gators that liked to chill on the White House grounds.  Benjamin Harrison had two opossums.  Sick.  A puppy will be cute though.  Especially if it’s a Chinese Crested.

So it’s obvious I’m on cloud nine.  Is there anything higher than cloud nine?  Because the next topic is about to put me over the edge.

If you read this blog every once in a while, you might know that I am obsessed with the best TV show ever, the West Wing.  During the cold years of the Bush administration, I’ve often pined for the Bartlet administration and all of its players.  Well.  I’m coming as close as I can to my West Wing dream.  Barack Obama has named Illinois Congressman Rahm Emanuel as his Chief of Staff.  Emanuel worked in the Clinton White House with West Wing consultant DeeDee Myers, who served as Clinton’s press secretary.  So CJ Cregg is based off of Myers, and…I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP…JOSH LYMAN IS BASED OFF OF RAHM EMANUEL.  Josh Lyman is coming back to the White House.  YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Rahm’s brother is also kind of famous.  Ari Emanuel is the founder of a talent agency and well-known talent agent and is apparently the inspiration for Ari Gold on Entourage.  I know. This is almost too much to handle.

So let’s recap.  Barack is amazing and addresses the race thing perfectly, there’s going to be a perfect puppy in the White House to complement the perfect family, and the West Wing is actually starting to become reality.

This is fantastic.  Now I’ll go back to writing about dumb stuff, I promise.  But I had to get this out.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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and now you’ve ruined my pants.

I have a confession to make: I sort of love Blair and Chuck together. I often hate them on their own, but when they get together and tell each other to just “say those three little words,” those two evil Upper East Siders sort of melt my heart. I know. I’m embarrassed too.

Also, what the hell are you doing Little J? Whoring around with that model and the sketchball photographer? How do you go from innocent 15-year-old to black-eyeliner-wearing whore sexpot with bangs in ONE WEEK? Oh, that’s right. This is Gossip Girl. Plotlines can be inconsistent and absurd, and I’ll still watch. At least Nate’s still beautiful:

And now, because they’ve added a little poll feature to my blogging toolbox, let’s try a poll:

[Posted by Mallory]

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