Sometimes, when you give a bunch of girls lots of wine and peach vodka, you can make them all do this:
Happy Hump Day (Cry Face), kids!
[Posted by Mallory]
everyone deserves music. and ice water.
As Kathleen mentioned, we are very sorry for being so delinquent the past few days. It may not seem like it, but blogging is stressful! Sometimes you just don’t want to blog, but then your millions of fans (or your sister) are all “Heeey why no blogging the past few days?? I’m angry! Write more!”
The reason for my lack of blogging is that I had a visitor this past weekend and was out actually living my life. Exciting, right? (I was extremely proud of myself for not looking at the blog for a full three days…normally I can’t last three minutes). My friend Katie was visiting from Maine, so we were running around doing lots of fun things. Most notably, we attended the Mile High Music Festival, which was absolutely amazing but also absolutely exhausting. Sitting out for hours in 95 degree heat is not exactly relaxing.
The first day of the concert, Kelsey, my sister Maddy, Katie, and I came — we thought — well-prepared, with snacks, flasks hidden under our dresses, and plenty of water. We didn’t consider the fact that water warms up pretty quickly when it has no ice in it, and so by about 2:00 p.m., our water was a few degrees away from boiling. From 3:00 to 4:00, I actually thought I might die. I was sort of limping from stage to stage, clutching my throat, and begging every beer man I saw for some of the ice that was keeping the beers cold. (“Please sir! Can I have some ice?!”)
Though my martyrdom was reaching epic proportions, I was aware that I wasn’t the only one at the concert who was dying of heat. It was very entertaining to see people fighting for the tiniest amounts of shade in the strangest of places: under a large pole, behind a row of porta-potties, beside a trash can, etc. People were getting desperate, man.
Luckily, things cooled off by about 5:00, and then everyone stepped away from the porta-potties, regained their senses, and focused on the music. It was about this time that we were upgraded to VIP tickets, which means we got free beer and wine, free food, a nice cool tent to sit in, and shuttle rides from stage to stage. Baaaaaller. Then we got to see Spoon, which got us all going (read: dancing like crazy, unashamed hippies). It was Michael Franti and Spearhead, however, that made the weekend for me.
Now, I’m not a huge Michael Franti fan. It’s not that I don’t like him; I just don’t know a lot of his stuff. But Katie, being the best fake hippie among us, wanted us all to go, and we obliged. His show was awesome. He had that intangible thing that only a few artists have that makes a concert truly kickass, whether or not you know the music. He had everyone in the crowd dancing like maniacs, and he was clearly having a great time, which makes a huge difference. After his performance, we were all blissfully happy and more or less remained that way for the rest of the weekend.
I won’t go through every single performance we saw over the course of the weekend (that could take a while), but let’s talk about John Mayer for a second.
The entire festival was extremely well-organized, and as part of that, all of the artists were very punctual. They started and ended exactly when they were supposed to, every time. So we’re all lounging around waiting for John Mayer to come on at 6:00 on Sunday, and at 5:30 people start cheering. We stand up and see that some dude has taken the stage and has begun to sing “Start Me Up.” We were confused. Our conversation went a little something like this:
“Wait, that can’t be John Mayer.”
“Yeah, why would he start so early?”
“And why would he be wearing a tank top?”
“And why would he open with a cover?”
“And since when is his entire left arm tattooed?”
“It must just be some random filler guy that they put onstage to kill time.”
“It really sounds like John Mayer, though.”
“Oh my god, is he wearing CAPRIS?”
The stranger onstage was, indeed, John Mayer, and he was, indeed, wearing a tank top, manpris, and black tennis shoes. Ouch. Other than the frightening wardrobe choice (where’s the womanly influence, Jen?), he was looking pretty good. Especially when he took his shirt off for the last song (sure, it was a little unnecessary, but who am I to complain?):
John, have you been working out?
Anyway…the concert was fabulous and you should all come next year. We’ll have a special SWTCTW section, with lots of ice and Coors Light.
Before I wrap this up, I have to recognize the two MVP’s of the concert. First, Mr. Michael Franti for reasons stated above:
Okay one more of him, courtesy of Katie, just because these are cool photos:
The second MVP award goes to Dave Matthews’ drummer, Carter Beauford, for being the jolliest human I have ever seen:
Carter, I dig you.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under adventures, blogging, celebrities, crushes, dance, music
now that’s a fine looking mustache.
Before I say anything at all let me get this out of the way: it’s been awhile since we’ve posted–we know, and now we’re back. Hooray! Alright. Down to business. Because this is important.
One thing that has always puzzled me about men is how they handle the issue of facial hair. To them, it’s a serious matter. I remember after high school graduation (I went to Catholic school, and the boys had to be clean shaven) every boy tried to grow a goatee. Some succeeded, most failed. But they all talked about it, whether it was peach fuzz or a freaking forest.
The goatee seems to be the baby step and primer to the ultimate manly facial hair goal-a nice full beard. Rawr. But what about the mustache? Is that the in between? It is so mysterious. It can be very serious or anything but. There are so many different types- from the handle bar to the Super Mario to the “molestache” to the Tom Selleck. All are intriguing.
So I found this slideshow absolutely delightful! It is a collection of the best sports mustaches. The virile combination of sports and facial hair. It doesn’t get any better than this. Good morning! Oh, and if you can bring any clarity to the facial hair thing, please let me know.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under pop culture, random, sports
baa ram ewe. army be true.
Remember how I said I was a thrice failed vegetarian? Besides burgers (mmm…), the other reason for my failure, and I am not joking in the slightest, is the movie Babe. Remember? The one with the amazingly cute little pig? If not, I suggest you Netflix that right now. Alas, I wish I was going to continue talking about Babe (which I Google Image searched and did not get what I was looking for…until I put “the pig” after it. Eeek! Haha.). Instead, I’m going to rant a tad.
Anyway, if a fictional story about a pig could inspire me to give up meat for over a year, imagine my reaction to this news story: the Army is using pigs as test dummies, shooting at them and then treating their wounds as practice for the field. That’s just cruel! They, of course, say there will be vets around to treat the animals. But they are shooting them with M4 carbines and M16 rifles–I don’t think I could survive that.
But the spokesman for the 25th Infantry Division told us that everything is fine, because the pigs are anesthetized. Oh, that’s great. Make these poor creatures dumb with drugs and then shoot at them. Come on!
One soldier got upset and then anonymously notified PETA. I think that takes a strong person.
Kathy Guillermo, director of PETA’s Laboratory Investigations Department said, “shooting and maiming pigs is outdated as Civil War rifles.” Fact. I do, however, know one Civil War reenactor–and he might take offense to that statement. Sorry!
We can’t condemn other nations for human and animal rights violations and then turn around and do something like this. I recognize the need to make our military as strong as can be, but with all the technology and money in the Department of Defense budget (the highest EVER), don’t you think they could come up with a different method? Apparently there are “hi-tech human simulators” out there. Use them.
You know how Farmer Hoggett says to Babe, “that’ll do, Pig. That’ll do,” at the end of the day? Well, I think “that’ll do, hi-tech human simulator. That’ll do,” flows just as nicely.
And here are a couple of pictures. Just to make your hearts as sappy as my own.
[Posted by Kathleen}
youtube clip of today: run, emily!
Okay, so I usually only post videos that I can put into the post, you know, just to make things easier for you–I’m just that nice. But this video is SO funny, and SO good, that I am willing to overlook the fact that it needs to be linked. I hope you can too.
Click here, NOW.
Yay Emily! Run, girl! If I did this, my parents would be so proud! No joke. Though I do have to wonder, where did she think she was going? If you notice, she never really runs in a straight line. From what I remember from my nature classes as a child (yes, I was nature girl), this is the recommended technique to use when running away from creatures such as alligators. Or scary presidents. Emily, I think you’re really cool.
[Posted by Kathleen]
tales from my morning news stalk.
Good mornnnnnnnnnnning! I have completed my morning news/gossip stalk, and because blogging about each of these would take all day I’m putting it all together in one glorious post. Don’t you judge me.
So now we find out that Jesse Jackson not only threatened the testicles of Saint Barack, he used the N-word too. Ohhh, no you did not! Here is what he said: “See, Barack been, um, talking down to black people on this faith-based – I wanna cut his nuts out. … Barack – he’s talking down to black people — telling n——s how to behave.” Bill O’Reilly, who broke the original story said they didn’t use this part because it was unnecessary. He called the person who leaked this (they don’t know who it is…yet) a “weasel” (that’s the pot calling the kettle black, Billy!) and then put the fear of God in us all but especially the poor sniveling soul that will eventually be homeless and miserable– “I have the waterboard over here. … We’ll find out.” As some of my friends say, “things that are unsurprising.” You can read what I had to say before we learned Jesse dropped the N-bomb here.
But speaking of Barack, he pulled in a mere $52 Million for this quarter. No big deal. The Wonkette headline made me giggle: Hope Rides In On A $52 Million Unicorn. I assume the unicorn reference came from JibJab’s new video, which you can watch if you click here. Thoughts? Not as good as the Bush/Kerry one from 2004. But whatev.
One woman went for 20 years not knowing she had two monstrous tumors. When I say monstrous, I mean it. The tumors were just removed and she is now 140 lbs. lighter. ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY POUNDS. Damn, girl. Maybe there are two tumors where my love handles are? I should get that checked out.
Tonight should be amazing for political dorks who love great American pastimes in DC. It is the yearly Congressional baseball game, where all the politicians look to appear cool and revert back to their high school days. That’s right, the Republican congressmen and the Democratic congressmen, in a rivalry almost as intense as the Red Sox and Yankees, play each other. This is usually humiliating for the Dems, as the Republicans win every year. BUT DEMOCRATS ARE GOOD AT SPORTS TOO, OKAY?!
In TeeVee news, Scrubs is coming back for another season! Hoooray! Katherine Heigl managed to keep her miserable character on Grey’s for another season.
And for movies, The Dark Knight opens soon. Read anything on it, and they tell you that Heath was amazing. HEEEEEEEEEATH. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. I can’t wait. Also, Mal posted about ScarJo’s singing, so I felt this is a little relevant: Defamer made a list of the Top Ten Unlikely Vocal Performances from Non-Singing Actors. Ugh, I HATE Tom Cruise. He deserves to be on no list other than Top Creepiest Person of All Time.
Happy news stalking!
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, movies, music, news, politics, pop culture, random, sports, TV
family feud: the brady bunch style.
Even the most perfect TV family is not so perfect- in real life. Florence Henderson, who played Mrs. Brady, and Christopher Knight, who played Peter Brady, are in a bit of a tiff. For those of you that aren’t VH1 whores like me and my friends, Christopher Knight met “America’s Next Top Model” winner Adrianne Curry (Tyra, girl, you messed that one up.) on “The Surreal LIfe”. They fell in love, apparently. “The Surreal Life”, by the way, is the most disasterous/repulsive of all celebrity reality shows. I’m willing to bet that 5/8 members have had a sex tape released on the internet. Yeah Mini-Me, I’m talking about you. The other beautiful coupling that has been derived from this show was Brigitte Nielsen and Flavor Flav. Give me a second, I need to go vomit.
Anyway, Knight and Curry went on to have their own reality show, “My Fair Brady”. To the genius that thought of the title: ouch. You slay me. And as you can imagine, hilarity, disaster and severe marital dysfunction have ensued.
So Flo told reporters last week that their marriage was a mistake and that they were pressured into it by the reality show, etc. She said, “They didn’t take my advice at all! And as you may have seen, they did get engaged and they did get married. Maybe I will counsel the divorce.” Let the record state that she is a certified hypnotherapist and the terrible twosome had asked for her help.
Naturally, Peter Brady is mad at Mommy. But guess what Peter/Christopher, old Flo (who now does denture commercials) is RIGHT. Adrianne Curry is a mess, and not in the hot Project Runway Christian Siriano way. And here is how you know things are really bad: he responded to his fake mom’s comments via his MYSPACE page. Ugh! Haha.
It is no secret Florence and Adrianne do not see eye to eye. In truth, I can empathize with both sets of views. But….in the struggle I have hoping one day these two women will bridge their generation and philosophical differences, calling my marriage a sham helps so very little.
I put forth the hope that opne day both Adrianne and Florence, both of whom have played an integral role in my life, will find a way to come together in a peaceful and respectful way. In the mean time, the sanctity of my marriage should not be called into question.”
Whatever, dude. You can’t expect to “marry” and reality TV train wreck and not have anybody watch or comment!
I’m anxiously looking forward to the rest of the Brady family getting involved. Man, this would have been a great episode.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, pop culture, random, TV
who has hobbies these days, anyway?!
I recently got an email from my grad school requesting some information for an internal “facebook” that will be passed out to faculty, staff, and other students. It asked for all the basic, easy stuff — undergraduate university, undergraduate major, favorite food — and then it hit me with a doozie: it asked for my hobbies. Uhhh…
I mean, who has hobbies anymore? In a perfect world, I’d be able to write “calligraphy, birdwatching, knitting, table tennis, and volunteering with refugees from Kazakhstan.” But folks, it ain’t a perfect world. If I were to be honest, I’d list “lounging, blogging, watching Jon & Kate Plus 8, drinking outdoors, eating, hanging out with friends, and, uhh, sleeping?” among my hobbies. Those don’t cut it, either. I turned to my sister for advice:
Maddy: Well, you like sitting.
Mallory: Maddy, I KNOW, but that doesn’t count. What about baseball games? I like baseball games! I’m watching one right now!
Maddy: You only like baseball games when you are eating a hot dog and drinking a beer and sitting in the Rockpile, where you don’t even have to watch the game.
Mallory: Touche. Ummmm…I’ve been, uh, running a lot lately…
Maddy: “A lot” might imply that you run marathons. You occasionally run for 20 minutes, and you hate every second of it.
Mallory: Concerts! I like going to concerts!
Maddy: [Rolls eyes.]
You see my dilemma. I settled on the following list of hobbies: reading (I really do like that! It’s generic, but whatever, beggars can’t be choosers); writing (I blog, and email my friends a lot); biking (well, see, I biked tons last summer and I think that if I put air in the tires, I’d actually use my bike a lot!); swimming (I used to be a swimmer in high school; now I enjoy sunbathing); and spending time with my friends (read: eating and drinking. A lot).
Sigh. Maybe my grandma can teach me to needlepoint.
[Posted by Mallory]
maybe he just wanted unlimited breadsticks.
Fueling the belief that Colorado is a place where people ride horses everywhere and still wear bolo ties, yesterday a “young adult black bear” broke into a Circuit City in Colorado Springs. Seriously. (That’s him above, caught on the security camera.)
According to the local ABC affiliate, the bear was lurking around a nearby Fazoli’s (looking for some chicken parm, we can only presume), and when the restaurant’s alarm went off he freaked out and ran over to Circuit City. He then shattered the sliding glass door, hung out for a while and compared prices on flat screen TVs, and ran out. He’s still on the loose. Perhaps he thinks he can get a better deal at Best Buy.
[Posted by Mallory]
youtube clip of today: mmm spaghetti.
When you finish watching this, you’ll likely be wondering if someone slipped a rufie in the bottled water of the person who made this, or something along those lines–it’s very trippy. But then, you think about it, and this clip grows on you. People are so freaking clever. They somehow managed to find quirky, yet relevant, objects from Western (mostly American) culture. I especially love the post-it note butter. I’m hungry.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under pop culture, random, YouTube
six words to change the world. 