That girl did it again! Miley, why haven’t you learned that Disney stars taking naughty pictures never turns out well? Did Vanessa’s super hot pictures to Zac teach you nothing?! Did your first couple of episodes with naughty pictures teach you nothing?! Well, since you all are a bunch of pervs and it’s kind of funny, here they are– the newest scandalous pictures hacked from sweet, innocent Miley. She’s 15. How those hackers do it, I will never know.
Miley, all I have to say is you are no Annie Liebovitz. Come on! The lighting is ALL wrong. And the poses? A little amateur, don’t you think? What would your best friend Leslie say? (Lame joke, sorry). Mallory and I were talking about this too–where exactly is she? A high school locker room, perhaps?
It must suck growing up and making mistakes when you’re in the limelight, but as our genius president, George W. Bush once remarked, “There’s an old saying in Tennessee – I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee – that says, fool me once – shame on – shame on you. You fool me, you can’t get fooled again.”
Readers, here is something for your Monday morning. Enjoy! Even beauty queens have bad days…
As if the world couldn’t think America was any dumber, we were shamed at the Miss Universe pageant, the Olympics of Beauty, for the second year in a row. Here is what the UK’s Times Online had to say (why are Brits so much funnier even in their news ledes?!):
For the second year in succession, the American entrant in the Miss Universe pageant failed to meet the crucial challenge of walking and smiling at the same time.
Crystle Stewart, from Texas, tripped and fell on stage at the global beauty contest today, just as Miss USA did last year. She failed to make the final, which was won by Miss Venezuela, a former kidnap victim.
Failed to meet the crucial challenge of walking and smiling? HAHA. But seriously, don’t sweat it girl, because you weren’t going to beat a kidnap victim anyway. I mean, COME ON, that’s intense and she deserves to win. Here she is. Rawr.
And I know I said America was shamed earlier, but I was being sarcastic (shocker, I know). I can totally relate to Crystle because I take diggers all the time. So Crystle, I know that you are probably curled up on your bed with tons of decorative pillows, eating full bricks of chocolate and watching Pride and Prejudice (the six A&E hour version) with mascara running down your face but I want you to know it’s going to be okay. You’re still incredibly hot and you still probably want world peace, so get out there and do it. We still love you! And probably didn’t know who you were before this.
ABC News has a lot of quality news stories–and plenty of slideshows for those who don’t like to read a lot. Not a lot to say about this (disappointing, I know), but it’s a slideshow of famous actors and when they lost their virginity. Some of them are believable- like Johnny Depp. Rawr! Others…not so much. Flav? Seriously? What was that girl thinking? Happy viewing/reading, you sick group of perverts! Good morning!
According to hubby Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman had her baby today–a girl they named Sunday Rose Kidman Urban. Interesting choice of name. What automatically jumps out at me is the fact that Sunday was born on a Monday–if that doesn’t blow your mind I don’t know what does. Also, is it just me, or does Sunday Rose sound like a Yankee Candle fragrance name? Haha. Anyway, I hope that Sunday Rose and Maddie Briann can become friends and once Angelina has her twins the party will be complete! I wonder if Sunday Rose will be as cool as Shiloh or Suri? And don’t forget little Harlow (Nicole Ritchie’s baby…what a slutty name)! I could go on and on listing the strange names of celebrity babies, but I won’t.
Congratulations to Keith and Nicole on their baby and being SO original by choosing an unusual name!
Here is a Yankee Candle:
And here is Suri Cruise- I’ve been needing some sort of an excuse to post a picture of this beautiful child:
Do you realize that you are marrying Mr. Peepers today? MR. PEEPERS.
xoxo,
SWTCTW
ps- In case you didn’t know, you are a model and Mr. Peepers is not.
Okay, I wish I could have sent that note. Five bucks says at least one of her friends did, probably her parents and the rest of her family too. I just have visions of Chris Kattan going all Mr. Peepers on their wedding cake.
UPDATED: Here is a picture of the new Mrs. Peepers:
Rawr! It has also come to my attention that she should be commended for marrying Mango.
In the Sex and the City movie, Carrie talks about how girls move to New York City to fall in love. (I have plenty of thoughts about SATC, which can be found here.) Anyway, CBS anchor Laura “Lara” Logan went to Baghdad to find love lust. Looks like she got herself into a love triangle with a contractor and a CNN war correspondent! GASP! Umm…isn’t dating a reporter from a competing news station like dating the enemy, Laura? How dramatic.
This sex scandal right now, of course, is overshadowing the actual war itself. Haha, typical. (Wait, there’s a war going on?) And I’d like to commend the New York Post for their brilliant writing:
“Sexy CBS siren Laura Logan spent her days covering the heat of the Iraq war – but that was nothing compared to the heat of her nights.”
Wow, if the person who wrote that doesn’t get a Pulitzer, there is no justice in this world.
Apparently the dudes brawled over her too (she was a swimsuit model!). Laura/Lara, I don’t think anyone blames you for needing a distraction while you are there. It doesn’t seem like a party. Just try not to be a CBSloot. Haaaaa. Oh, and they transferred her back to DC.
Katy Perry kissed a girl, and she liked it! That song is as catchy as “Umbrella” and as tacky as, well, “Umbrella”. I was going to post about how it may be the song of the summer, but upon reading Gawker, I found out some interesting gossip on Katy Perry…or should I say Katy Hudson? GASP! Way more interesting than what I originally had in mind!
Katy Hudson, Katy Perry’s former self, was a Christian rock singer. That’s right, CHRISTIAN rock. Oh sweet irony, you publicity whore! Here is my favorite aspect about the whole thing- she was interviewed by Seventeen Magazine (the magazine for all those under the age of 17 and who wish they were 17. When you are 17, you read Cosmo, duh.) and said some amazing about everyone’s favorite topic–sex.
Katy has a steady boyfriend, but she doesn’t believe in sex before marriage. “I know what it does to people,” she says. “One night my boyfriend and I went a little too far and I felt like I’d fallen so far away from God. I doubted myself and my strength. I was so weak at the time in my relationship with Christ.”
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, that sounds almost as bad as my Catholic guilt! Katy’s steady boyfriend now, by the way, is the lead singer from Gym Class Heroes. I wonder if he feels the same way? He did just give her a promise ring. Please note that a promise ring is not the same as a purity ring, which the Jonas Brothers all wear. Ha, oh Katy! If you repent now, you still could be saved!
Being the good little journalist that I am, I decided to not rely solely on Gawker’s reporting, but do some internet stalking/research of my own. My adventures led me into the world of Christian chat forums (eeeeek!) and even took me to the Web site of the 700 Club (ugggh, I feel dirty and repulsed). Here is what I found though. The Christians are pissed. Sweet, innocent Katy Hudson is now a slootbag! They are disappointed and praying for her. This pastor’s daughter (just like Jessica Simpson! But I bet Katy’s dad doesn’t stare at her boobs) has lost her way. Now, she’s drinking, kissing girls and hanging out with the gays! AHHH!
I feel so torn. My rebellious side wants to applaud her for having a personality and breaking free of the ridiculousness, and the other self-righteous part wants to shun her for being so fake. Dammit, Katy, why do you have to leave us all in purgatory?
Uh oh. I think Christie Brinkley’s soon to be ex-husband is in for way more embarrassment than he bargained for. She wants the divorce hearings with Peter Cook to be open–and he allegedly had an affair with a nineteen year old! The girl’s name is Diana Bianchi. The best part of all? He reportedly met her at a toy store shopping for his kids! I’m going to use restraint and refrain from making a tasteless joke.
I’ve posted this picture of Christie Brinkley because she is just very hot and I think Peter Cook is an idiot. Also, it is the first day of summer and I wanted to commemorate bathing suit season with some inspiration. And a side order of inadequacy, please! I want ice cream right now.
six words to change the world. 