Tag Archives: sex

joe the plumber says he’s “horny”.

As much as I hate to contribute to it by writing about it, I’m always interested when Joe the Plumber manages to extend his 15 minutes of fame– even if only for a millisecond.  How on earth does he do it?!  Well this new JTP blip on the media screen is fairly hilarious.  Thank you WashPo’s The Sleuth for the important news!  Joe recently spoke at the Media Research Center’s “DisHonors Awards”.  I know you’re DYING to know what that is; it sounds gripping!  Apparently all the people who hate democracy get in one room to slam the liberal media.  Doesn’t that sound fun?  Umm…boooooooring.  So good old Joe the Plumber/Journalist gets up there to accept some bogus award about really sticking it to the socialists.  Naturally, the neocons are clapping for this pure paradigm.  He eloquently expresses his humble appreciation:

“God, all this love and everything in the room – I’m horny,” declared Joe, whose real name is Samuel Wurzelbacher.

And cue the chirping crickets.  Rawr?

When you get that special feeling, Joe, you should just go on home, slip into something more comfortable (but really, is there anything more comfortable than the JTP flannel shirt?  I don’t think so!), light some cheap smelling candles, pour yourself a fine glass of boxed wine and run a nice bubbly wubbly bubble bath for yourself.  But for the love of all things holy and sacred, DO NOT tell your sexually oppressed conservative friends how you feel!

I was going to go off on a HUGE multiple-paragraph tangent about the so-called liberal media but I’m going to keep this as short as possible…aka one paragraph.  Guess what, folks?  The liberal media smear is spin concocted to protect the Bush Administration and its followers from the press.  By turning the American people against the press, the news stories– which contained the truth — were seen as biased and became irrelevant.  But reporting on the horrors of war and unveiling the lies of the government is not liberal bias, it’s the job of the press.  Take Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann out of the equation now, please, because they have equal and opposite forces named O’Reilly and Hannity.  We’re talking about the journalists whose names you do not know.  There is an unspoken vow among journalists to bring the truth to the people– a sort of Hippocratic Oath, if you will.  Challenging and questioning a president, Congress, the government, or taking on the rest of the media?  That is their function in society.  If the media were so liberal, we would have had a Democratic president years ago.  Trust me.  I’m appalled that the liberal media excuse and tactic is still being used and people are still buying it.  (McCain lost.  Sarah Palin sucked.  Get over it.  It was their fault.)  Now that Obama is president, the press will do its job to report everything that goes on.  In fact, Obama seems to be losing the media fight when it comes to selling his economic plan, is he not?  Not so liberal afterall…And I’m spent!

Now back to the important stuff.  A most appropriate music video in honor of JTP:

And one last uber-serious thought:  Has Akon ever sang about something other than sexytime?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under blogging, celebrities, humor, news, politics, pop culture, random, sex, the hill, thoughts, Uncategorized, YouTube

a picture is worth 1,000 laughs.

From the newest issue of Vanity Fair:

comedians-0904-pp011

And the original?

cusl12_hollywood0702

I’ll take Seth Rogen anyday. (Especially now that he’s super duper foxy svelte for his role as the Green Hornet and my inexplicable attraction to him pre-toned up is now somewhat justified.) RAWR.

You’re welcome!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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oh hi, it’s me. i blog?

I’m back.  I’ve come back from an unsuccessful foray into the real world (read:  no place to live or a job…but I might have found a place to live.  But still no job.  That should be interesting.  That’s another post.) and I’m back to the la la land of blogging where I can do what I love and pretend I’m getting paid!  (Barack, could we speed up that fixing the economy business?  I know it’s not going to happen overnight…but I need it to get better so people want to hire me.)

So. Much. To. Talk. About.  So we have a new president.  AWESOME. (If you don’t want to read one more freaking word about inauguration then just skip to the next paragraph.) Yours truly was there in the throws of things.  I got to spend some quality time with Jessica Alba and her husband, Cash Warren.  Cash, by the way, was much nicer than she was and not nearly as much of a jerk as Perez Hilton makes him out to be.  If I had taken a picture with Jessica, I would have posted it, but I was trying to keep my cool and pretend like I didn’t care that she was a celebrity.  Maybe it worked but it was a HUGE mistake on my part, because now I have no actual evidence.  Whatev.  Barack’s speech was perfect.  It was HOPEy, CHANGEy, alluded to our new style of diplomacy, and presented a strong national image and showed he was not going to mess around.  RAWR.  I made it to a couple balls, but never got to see B and Meesh dance.  Wahhh.  We arrived just as Biden did, so they wouldn’t let us in.  They were going to let us in between Joe and Barack, but guess what.  They didn’t.  I stood in the cold for forty minutes waiting.  You know what made it better though?  Walking in and James Taylor was playing.  Niiiiiiiiiice.  Okay, that’s all I’m going to say about the great inaug.  Nope it’s not.  I would wear everything Michelle Obama wears.  Foxy.  Hell, I’d wear Sasha and Malia’s clothes too.  Too cute.  ENOUGH! ENOUGH.

Barack is going to sign the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act today.  It will now be law that women deserve the same pay as men.  I cannot believe it took this long.  If you want to read the stories that prove we need this legislation, read this NYT op-ed.  Hooray!

In other great news, PETA is still batty.  I meant to blog about them wanting to change the word “fish” to “sea kittens” but I didn’t.  So get over it.  Hopefully, you know about that anyway.  If you don’t, here’s the deal.  Fish have feelings, etc.  So when you eat fish, they want you to feel bad about it.  Like REALLY REALLY bad.  They think the best way to do this is to change the name of fish to sea kittens.  I am not making that up.  But that’s not even what I am talking about.  PETA has a vegetable sex ad that got denied for a Superbowl slot.  Vegetable sex.  Yeah, I said it and yeah, I know you pervs want to watch it:

Wowie.  Thank you, PETA, for grossing me out AND making me feel bad about myself at the same time.  And I’d like to see their sources for their information.  How do they KNOW that vegetarians have better sex?

Okay, I’m off to stalk le internets and find more goodness for you to enjoy while you work.  And I do not work.  Really, this is community service.  Right, Mom and Dad?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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mariah carey is practically a nun.

Oh huge news!  Mariah Carey has spoken out about her decision to abstain from sex with husband Nick Cannon until marriage.

“It’s not that we had NO intimacy, we just didn’t have complete intimacy. It’s just me, and my feelings.
I definitely don’t want to push it on anybody else. But we both have similar beliefs, and I just thought that it would be so much more special if we waited until after we were married. And it was, and it still is.”

Aww, cute.  Wait a second… didn’t they get married after just two months of dating?

Wow, those two months must have been really hard for them.  Celebrities are so funny!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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she’s back! and still really naked.

Remember Jennifer Moss?  I wrote about her a few months ago.  She was the lady who just wanted to patriotically parade in Oregon on Independence Day riding a bike, sans clothing?  Ahh, now you remember.  Well, she did have a hemp g-string…so she wasn’t totally nakey.  Sheeeeeeeee’s back!  And this time around, her name is being spelled by the press with a G.  So she’s Gennifer Moss.  No word on how that happened.

Anyway, she had a run in with the PoPo after construction workers–yes, construction workers (PRUDES!)–complained about her affinity for nude in-line skating.  Ummm…hello?  Do these men have mutated genetic codes?  I’m totally baffled.

From the Oregonian:

“We confronted her and told her that she couldn’t expose her genitalia,” said police spokeswoman Cathe Kent. “She complied.”

In other words, she whipped out a string bikini bottom and continued on her only slightly less Lady Godiva-like way.

Haha, that a girl, Gen!

The police said most of the calls they received from people other than the prudish construction workers weren’t complaints about her lack of clothing, but rather her personal safety.  Awww!  There is good in this world.

She now also goes by the nickname, Earth Friend Gen.  And she has her own MySpace channel.  Yes, she is naked in some of the videos, you sick group of perverts.  Watch the videos here.  She also posted pictures of herself…yes, naked as well.  One of the captions says, “I love being naked and free!”  No doubt about that, EFG.

Oh, Gennifer!  She’s totally cra-crazy, but you do have to admire her spirit.  Keeping rockin’ out with your boobs out, lady.  Whether that means riding a bike in a hemp g-string leading a group of skaters while blowing on a conch shell (FACT.  She actually wanted to do that) or letting all hang out while you skate around.  You’re kind of cool.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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her virginity’s going, going, almost gone

In case you haven’t heard the absurd news, “Natalie Dylan”, a 22-year-old from California, is  is auctioning off her virginity to pay for her education.  Gut reaction: EWWW.  She uses the name Natalie Dylan as a pseudonym for, as she put it, “safety reasons”.  (But gets interviewed by The Insider–so everyone can see what she looks like.  I think, Natalie, someone is going to know who you are and how to find you…click here to watch the video.)

Safety? SAFETY?!  I think safety was thrown out the window when she decided she’d have consensual sex with the highest bidder.  Umm…have you seen Law and Order: SVU?  There are some serious creep monsters out there.  I don’t want to think about the legal mess that could occur should, God forbid, something bad happen to her.

“Through this process I’m not just looking for the highest bidder,” she said, Us magazine reported. “I’m looking for someone who is a genuine, overall nice person.”

But she also says she’s looking to get at least a million.  Does she think Prince Charming is going to come along and drop a cool mil just to be nice and help her out?  The auction, by the way, is going to be at Nevada’s famous brothel, The Moonlight Bunny Ranch.  Yeah, she’s sure to meet a winner there.  eBay, for the record, said no to the auction.

So there’s the whole safety thing that should make any woman scream no and consider life in a convent instead.  But Natalie calls her decision “empowering”.  I’m not going to go on a feminist rant, because I think the argument can be made against this without even bringing up feminism.

Okay, Natalie, I get that you want to pay for your education.  I have loans too.  And will have more when if I get into grad school (keep your fingers crossed for me).  But here’s the thing.  I would argue that in selling your virginity to pay for your academic education, you are selling yourself short in the life education department.  Here’s what Dennis Hof, owner of The Moonlight Bunny Ranch, thinks:

“I think it’s a tremendous idea. Why lose it to some guy in the backseat of a Toyota when you can pay for your education?”

Tremendous idea, eh, Dennis?  Well you know what?  Sometimes some guy in the back of a car can be really meaningful.  Far more meaningful than sex for money ever will be.

And somehow, I’ll still manage to pay for my education.  Ironically, Natalie wants to pursue her master’s degree in marriage and family therapy–that’s a decent career.  She should make enough money in her lifetime to pay back her loans the old fashioned way.

And here’s the final reason Natalie shouldn’t go through with her plan.  Her mom thinks it’s a bad idea.

What are your thoughts?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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omfg, gossip girl is back. xoxo.

So I quasi-live blogged the show with the hottest cast EVER, quasi-not.

Quick thoughts:

Croquet, pastels and cocktails.  It’s GG.  And it’s on crack–and by crack I mean the Hamptons.  Thirty seconds in and these crazy kids are already getting it on!  God I missed this show.  Rawr.  WHY WAS I NOT THAT HOT AT 16? Or 17.  Or 18.  Or 19…this is getting depressing.  Whatever.

Oooh Dunkin’ Donuts product placement on Rufus’ tour bus.  My New England trained eye could spot a DD logo anywhere.

Drama with Blair and “Chuck Basstard” about a pin. What is this? 1950? LAME.

Speaking of Chuck.  I think they’ve taken this “I’m Chuck Bass” thing a little too far.  Taking good characters from the first time around and putting them on steroids for all subsequent appearances is a common mistake.  I like to call it the Stifler Syndrome.  In the first American Pie movie, Stifler was absurd yet oddly believable.  And kind of funny.  I mean, he does get peed on.  With each AP movie, (AP 2, American Wedding) he became a caricature of himself and utterly obnoxious.  He is practically the star of American Wedding.  Teevee God (aka script writers and producers) help us.  I WANT OLD CHUCK BACK.

Let’s take a second to acknowledge Serena’s hair at the White Party.  She looked like a goddess, for sure.  But the hair was so over the top.  It looked like golden snakes wound in with the Jessica Simpson and Ken Paves lovechild hair extensions.  Her hair = a hot tranny mess.  Despite having hair of the Medusa persuasion, Blake Lively is stunning and I want to be her. (Blake and Penn–never ever ever ever break up.  Ya’ll are the new Seth and Summer/Adam and Rachel.  Don’t fail us like they did.)

I have a friend who believes Blair Waldorf is his soulmate.  Best of luck to you, friend, because a) she’s not real and b) this bitch is back in full force.  (Is it just me or did she look like she got into a nasty brawl with a spray tan booth?  Ummm Blair it was the White Party, not the Orange and White party.) And dating a British lord who pretended to be an American that went to Princeton so that people liked him for his pretentious, rich American elitist self and not his pretentious, rich British elitist self?  My mind is blown.  First of all, this makes me yearn for the days when Prince William was still a dreamboat (sigh).  But really, GG?  You’re going to give us all false hopes that this tomfoolery actually happens?  And that a British Lord wants me to like him for him and not just his title?  Disney already ruined me.  This might break me.

As Kristen Bell’s voice familiarly closed the episode with “You know you love me.  XOXO, Gossip Girl”, I have to say, I don’t think I did love this Gossip Girl.  The scripts were never good, but this was dreadful.  I love me some bad teevee shows and my expectations are wayyyyyy lower than they should be, but I at least expect the dialogue to be tolerable at best.

But the clothes were amazing.  And I’ll still watch next week.  Mission accomplished.

On another note, I am obsessed with the song played in the opening scene.  It is my new favorite summer/end of summer (wahhhhhhh) song and I am embarrassed.  I am embarrassed because one half of the band, Shwayze, is Mischa Barton’s ex-bf.  Remember Cisco Adler?  Yup.  Now he can be known for something other than looking like the younger brother of Weird Al and being the former lovah of the worst character on the OC and a Keds spokeswoman.  Basically this song is the 2008 version of LFO’s “Summer Girls”.  Stop judging me, jerks.

You know you love me.  XOXO,  Kathleen.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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david duchovny’s life imitates his art.

Your SWTCTW bloggers (and beloved friends) love the show ‘Californication’. For those of you who do not know the show, it’s basically Hank Moody (David Duchovny’s character) having sex with anything that walks. That sounds crass, but it’s a really witty, well-written show that actually has a plot. As you can imagine, I’ve been a leeeeeeeeetle preoccupied singing ‘Kumbaya’ with my fellow Democrats and have been neglecting all other news. So I was surprised/unsurprised to read that Duchovny is going into rehab for a sex addiction. Uh oh. That can’t be good. Here is D’s statement to People Magazine:

“I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction. I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family.”

He’s married to Téa Leoni. Shame on you for being a dirty boy, David. And it’s sad that life imitates art. But here’s the difference: Hank would nevah evah go to rehab for a sex addiction to try and get better.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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youtube clip of today: ooh girl.

Courtesy of the Merriman offspring:

You’ve got to appreciate the honesty, eh?

[Posted by Mallory]

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hey, karen? you are the coolest.

Over winter break this year, a few of my friends and I holed up in our friend Doobie’s house for a wonderful few days of what we now call “Camp Nowhere.” His parents were out of town, so we had the house to ourselves and felt as excited as little kids who are accidentally left without supervision. Among other things, during these few days we all got addicted to the Showtime series Californication. Now I’d never so much as heard of the show, but in one day, we all became so addicted that we watched all twelve episodes in a row. The show has sex, drugs, a lot of snarkiness, and even some rock ‘n’ roll. What more could a girl ask for?

Over the past few days, I’ve been forcing Kelsey to watch the show, and I’m proud to say that now that she’s seen the entire season, she’s hooked. Hands down, the best person in the show is Karen, David Duchovny’s character’s ex-“wife” (they were never actually married). She is my new idol, and I think it’s universally accepted that she’s the coolest person ever. She’s got great hair, great clothes, she’s tall (we tall girls have to stick together, you know), and I’ll even concede that her tattoos are cool. Plus, her sunglasses have sent my friend Katie on a quest to find “Karen sunglasses.” Is that creepy? We don’t care. (Speaking of creepy, the lights in the office I’m working in just went off…dun dun dun…) And Karen is the perfect antidote to all of the horrible girls in the show, like Mia (WHORE) and Dani (also a whore).

Let’s look at how cool Karen is:

What up Ktray

Hi Hank

I want to be you

I WANT TO BE HER. Or at least I’d like to have all of her jackets.

Of course, Karen is a real person, and her name is Natascha McElhone, and she seems just as cool in real life as in the show. But in my stalking of Karen/Natascha, I discovered terrible, terrible news. Turns out, Natascha’s 42-year-old husband, plastic surgeon Martin Kelly, randomly dropped dead of a heart attack about a month ago. And to make it worse, Karen is pregnant with their third child. So, at the risk of sounding like one of those creepy fan blogs (although I suppose it’s too late for that…), send your happiest, most sympathetic rays of thought out to the McElhones. So sad!

[Posted by Mallory]

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