Forbe’s released their list of the top 400 wealthiest people in the universe yesterday. The list, which says marital status, is like a guidebook for golddiggers! (Though I suppose if you are a real golddigger, you don’t care what their marital status is.) And guess who was on it? Marky Mark Zuckerberg! He is the youngest person on the list–he’s 24–and has a sweet 1.5 billion dollars. Damnnnnn. I wish I had created something as addictive as Facebook from my dorm room too. Most of the time in my dorm room was spent watching Law and Order with our South Korea Correspondent. And it was awesome.
So when I was looking at pictures of MZ (just in case I ever run into him), something struck me about this photo.
See it? Haha.
Rumor has it that Mark has a girlfriend, Priscilla Chan, who also works on Facebook. Oh well. I hate the new Facebook anyway.
Perhaps I can set my sights on Beanie Babies founder Ty Warner. He’s apparently single. Kiddddding.
So I decided I’d be ambitious today and get the Hump Day Cry Face up at a decent hour so that people (okay, it was like one person) stop harassing me about it. As I scanned my Cry Face photos on the new Facebook (which I HATE, by the way. How could you do this to us, Mark?!!), I thought to myself, “Hmmm, which friend do I want to embarrass today? And then I realized I have yet to embarrass my best friend from home, one Shannon “Marie” Cross. Here goes:
You know that here at SWTCTW, we love the bizarre. We practically live for it. So this picture naturally caught my eye. Meet Svetlana Pankratova, the Russian woman with the world’s longest legs. Her legs measure 52 inches long. Um that’s over FOUR FEET LONG. Wowza.
And no, she didn’t just give birth standing up to a tiny well-dressed baby, that’s He Pingping, the world’s smallest man. He is 2 feet and 5.37 inches tall. The odd couple met up at Trafalgar Square for a fairly creepy photoshoot for the 2009 Guinness Book of World Records.
He Pingping runs a restaurant back home in China (or Mongolia, I have conflicting reports) and, as it turns out, is a bit of a romantic. When asked about his gf (she’s regular sized, I know you were dying to know), he said, “I always miss her when I’m not with her.” AWWWWWWWW! He Pingping!
Other records: Britney Spears as the most-searched person on the Internet and “Lost” as the most-downloaded show of all time.
Instead of doing something productive, I’m reading Wonkette and G-Chatting, but it’s okay because I discovered something wonderful. If you go to this site, you can type in your name and find out what your name would be if you were unfortunate enough to be Sarah Palin’s child. Obviously it’s just randomly generated names, but I still think it’s fun.
Mine was a sort of boring Turbine Yukon Palin. I think I’d go by Turby. If I throw in my last name, I’m told I’d be called Skein Chug Palin, which is way more fun.
Kathleen’s is amazing: Mullet Troll Palin. Ha!
Other fun ones…
George Bush: Open Aircraft Palin. I like it.
Barack Obama: Tarp Lazer Palin. I once knew a girl named Rezal, and she used to explain that her name was just like Lazer, except backwards.
My roommate: Froth Moonshine Palin. Appropriate.
Ghandi: Luger Otter Palin. Yeah, I prefer Ghandi.
And if Sarah Palin had gotten to name herself, she’d be Flack Gobbler Palin. Too bad she didn’t get to name herself, because if that had been the case she totally wouldn’t have been McCain’s VP candidate. John and Flack just doesn’t have a presidential ring to it.
It is the end of an era. Really, it is. Total Request Live, MTV’s show aimed at the 12-15 crowd (so that means you start watching when you’re 10, and stop when you’re 14…and occasionally turn it on when you’re 16 or 17…just because it’s on) is ending it’s 10 year run in November. WAHHHHHHH. I feel my post-college depression kicking in yet again. And like last time, when they changed the game of Clue, Cheez-Its will soothe my pain.
So what are we really losing? Here is how TRL is described on the MTV Web site:
At TRL, we bring you the latest, greatest music videos, bangin’ live performances and the hottest celebs. First, we combine your online votes, with the top songs and artists from all the places you go for music — mtv.com, downloads, music charts, ringtones, radio and more — to create the hottest, most all-inclusive music countdown.
Wowie, this is serious. This show is important. People are enfranchised, there are great music videos, hot celebs, and of course we can’t forget the banging’ live performances. And an opportunity for girls to act like this when the Jonas Brothers come to town. Okay, I just love this picture and want to use it all the time.
Here’s the thing–I haven’t watched TRL since the Backstreet Boys (sigh. Why are you such a screw up, Nick Carter? We were supposed to get mawwwied!) but I’m still kind of sad. And Carson Daly hasn’t been on the show mimicking not only the clothing style of whoever his guest was, but also the verbal style, since 2003. Now I’m all sappy and reminiscing. Remember when Carson dated Tara Reid?!
Sick. Oh and another scary thought, Carson is 35 years old now.
I’m just sad that future generations won’t be able to talk about TRL the way my friends and I can. It’s sort of like when we talk about how good MTV’s Undressed was, my brother has no clue what we’re talking about. At least I hope he doesn’t. That show was wayyy inappropriate for him at the time. Me too, I guess.
Anyway, I leave you with a music video, circa 2000, that is the only proper way to end this post and bid farewell to TRL:
Because I have a vagina (just like Sarah Palin!), I watch Gossip Girl. Whatever, we’re addicted to this kind of mindless crap here at SWTCTW. My roommate Sarah and I have been catching up with the new season via iTunes, and today we actually watched an episode in real time. I know, we’re impressive.
Now, it’s not like I expect Gossip Girl to blow my mind with intelligent plots and complex characters, but last season was delightfully scandalous and trashy and fun to watch, while this season is shaping up to be a glorified soap opera. I mean, they included a citywide blackout as part of the plot. As my roomie said, “Oh, right. Because those are SO COMMON.” Basically Chuck is starting to drive me nuts, as is Serena and her inappropriate outfits and inability to act. On the other hand, I’m sort of into the Nate/Vanessa subplot because they would produce the most beautiful offspring EVER. Oh, and also…did Dan not get WAY hotter?
Major emo alert on this next one…
Dan/Penn, call me. We’ll be tortured and emo together. I’m totally into that these days.
Now I didn’t go to business school (woooo liberal arts!) and I don’t know much about money and stocks. But I do know that when people call a random day in September “Black Monday”, and Wall Street firms that I know the names of are in trouble, things are not good.
Still think the economy is fine, McCain? Well, he does. Just this morning he said once again “the fundamentals of our economy are strong.”
If you are like me and need some help understanding what’s going on, here are some links.
six words to change the world. 
