Monthly Archives: November 2008

by | November 11, 2008 · 7:50 pm

tuesday afternoon’s snarky gossip girl analysis.

In just a few days, my dear partner Kathleen will be jetting off to South America to trek around the continent in ugly shoes. While she’s gone, we will have a surprise guest blogger take her place. (This probably isn’t a surprise to anyone who cares, but whatever; let us pretend we are important and have guest bloggers like Dooce does.)

This mystery guest blogger and I typically, um, BBM during Gossip Girl each Monday night. For those of you unfortunate souls who still have Razors, and those of you elitists who have iPhones, BBM stands for BlackBerry Messenger, which is Spanish for “The biggest time suck invented since G-Chat.” Unfortunately, last night this mystery guest blogger and I did not get to communicate during the episode, so she sent me an email with her thoughts. Yes, we are aware that we are both pathetic. And no, we don’t care. And yes, candy corn is only 13 cents a bag today at CVS.

Here are our mystery guest blogger’s insightful thoughts about last night’s episode of your favorite guilty pleasure:

I finally watched GG (fuck you, Verizon DVR) and thought I would share some of the thoughts I had with you since we couldn’t bbm: 
 
Aaron?  What’s your name?  Doesn’t matter: creepster.org  (that’s not real link–don’t click it)
 
Times Square?  Right, because downtown hipsters LOVE Times Square.
 
“Plenty of women have been both lover and muse, like Picasso.”  Serena, gramatically you just called Picasso a woman.  And you would use his name since it’s the only artist you’ve ever heard of.  En revanche, Blair’s writers hit it out of the park with their whole cubism line.
 
Dan–you suck at playing it cool.  Way to throw your dad under the bus, asshole.
 
Spotted: lame-o product placement.  Although I’m craving Vitamin Water already.  I hear it goes great with vomit . . .
 
“I’m 18 and it’s a grown-up party.”  PERFECT.  That is exactly what a 17-year-old would say.
 
Yeah, S.  You’re uncomfortable having your picture taken.  I totally believe it.
 
Dan–crack the story?  Kill the story?  Where did you pick up that lingo?
 
“You have a glow, like Chinese lanterns.”  Oh, Dorota. 
 
I heart Blair’s lip color.  And her skin is GLOWING!  How does she make it do that?
 
Um, that huge Construction Work Thug’s e-mail address is LoveLace?  I don’t think so.
 
I want to be on this show just so I can have all of this lingerie.  Because . . . it would look so good on me.
 
Aw, Blair.  Watching her introduce Dorota to Cindy Lauper brought a tear to my eye.  
 
5.19.91.  Dan would use such a lame title
 
HOLY SHIT.  Chuck Bass was born in 1991?!?!
 
“I don’t know how it works in High School . . .”  Excuse me, Aaron but you have three facial hairs.  Shut up.
 
Oh NO!  Rufus is singing!  . . . 3 words.
 
Jenny is wearing Rosary beads as a necklace.  NOT COOL.
 
Don’t die, Bart Bass.  Don’t die!
 
Serena always wanted to live in the 60s?  Right. 

And for more, check out this article by nymag.com.

Somehow, endlessly mocking Gossip Girl seems to make it more acceptable that I watch it. No?

[Posted by Mallory/MYSTERY BLOGGER PERSON]

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by | November 10, 2008 · 2:48 am

steady on, steady on my mind.

I listened to this song a TON two summers ago (holler, Walsh), and I have it going on repeat again these days. It’s just so…true, at least for me, at least right now:

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | November 10, 2008 · 2:21 am

mariah carey is practically a nun.

Oh huge news!  Mariah Carey has spoken out about her decision to abstain from sex with husband Nick Cannon until marriage.

“It’s not that we had NO intimacy, we just didn’t have complete intimacy. It’s just me, and my feelings.
I definitely don’t want to push it on anybody else. But we both have similar beliefs, and I just thought that it would be so much more special if we waited until after we were married. And it was, and it still is.”

Aww, cute.  Wait a second… didn’t they get married after just two months of dating?

Wow, those two months must have been really hard for them.  Celebrities are so funny!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | November 9, 2008 · 6:20 pm

quirky news for a sunday afternoon.

I’m on a blogging rampage.  Here’s the weird stuff I’ve found on Al Gore’s invention today…

  • Let’s talk about squirrels.  Rats with fluffy tails.  True story: I was once attacked my squirrels by the Vietnam Memorial in DC.  They wanted our snack foods and opened our backpacks.  It was terrifying.  Anyway, the science wonder children at UC Davis have found the solution to their squirrel overpopulation problem– birth control for squirrels.  It’s true.

    “This new birth control method may potentially help control squirrels or other species, such as white tailed deer,” said Sara Krause, a doctoral student in ecology who designed the plan.

    “If we can test a birth control method and find it safe and effective, there’s a possibility of it being a breakthrough method in both urban and suburban areas,” she said.

    I’m sure the Christians would rather they train the squirrels about natural family planning.

  • On to the Big O.  Nope not that kind. (Geeeeeez.  Parents read this blog!)  No, not Obama. (Good guess though.) I’m actually talking about Oprah.  The lady’s got it going on.  There are talks that O might not renew her talk show in 2011!  THE HORROR.  That gives us just three short years left with her.  TiVO that shiz now, people.  Or don’t, because it will run more in syndication than the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.  Oprah’s getting her own TV network.  Boringly called the Oprah Winfrey Network, or hilariously and appropriately nicknamed, OWN.  Oprah owns your soul.  One might go so far as to say she PWNS you.
  • This is a good one!  There was a brawl in Jerusalem today.  Sadly, that alone means nothing.  But the devil is in the details.  IT WAS BETWEEN MONKS.  (Get it?  Devil in the details?  Monks? Religion?  Uhh…) Yes, monks.  Rival monks!  The Armenian monks and the Greek monks.  This is better than West Side Story. Snap, snap, snap.  The cops had to come break it up!  Apparently these fights happen a lot.  Oh, and when you go to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, make sure you wear your neutral gang colors.  FYI the Armenians wear pink and red and the Greeks wear black.  From the AP:

    The brawling began during a procession of Armenian clergymen commemorating the 4th-century discovery of the cross believed to have been used to crucify Jesus.

    The Greeks objected to the march without one of their monks present, fearing that otherwise, the procession would subvert their own claim to the Edicule — the ancient structure built on what is believed to be the tomb of Jesus — and give the Armenians a claim to the site.

    The Armenians refused, and when they tried to march the Greek Orthodox monks blocked their way, sparking the brawl.

  • Illinois is hoping for a tourism bump due to Barack’s win.  Really?  Well alright.  Walsh, I’ll see you soon.
  • Ohhh the Onion.  Always makes me chuckle.  I can totally picture this story on Fox though.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | November 9, 2008 · 7:55 am

nicolas cage is one creepy mofo.

If you know me or if you’ve read the About Us page, you should know that Nicolas Cage is on my list of people/things not to be trusted.  Why don’t I trust Nicolas Cage?  Because he gives me the heebie jeebies and I don’t even know what that means.  He’s a creepmaster creep to the extreme.

Upon learning my feelings for the Cage creep, my cousin Sean (heyyyyy cousin!) validated my sentiments by showing me one of the funniest youtube clips I have ever seen.  Why did it take me so long to post?  I don’t know.  But watch this, laugh, and then thank me for saving you the money you would have used to rent The Wickerman.  Now, I present to you, The Best Scenes from The Wickerman, featuring Nicolas Cage.

HAHAHAHHAHAHA.  Amazing.

“Killing me won’t bring back your goddamned honey!”

PRICELESS.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | November 9, 2008 · 7:08 am

backpacking is not conducive to fashion.

In just a few days, I will be embarking on a crazy adventure to South America.  (Have no fear, dedicated readers. SWTCTW will be getting a guest blogger!)

I can’t wait.

In my mind, I had visions of looking somewhat cute in my pictures.  My rose-colored legit backpacker’s backpack, cute hiking shorts and a tank top, chilling in my Rainbows with a nice tan.  You know…looking like a really cool world traveler in her twenties. Then reality hit me like a case of food poisoning while shopping at EMS today–  I’m going to look absolutely heinous.

This ugly realization happened while perusing the shoe section.  I looked at the hiking running shoes.  Ugh.  All repulsive.  I usually mock people who wear these shoes, but in my defense it’s because they unnecessarily wear them as everyday shoes.  I would actually “need” them.  So I tried on a pair that was less offensive than the rest.  After deciding I could live with them, I asked the guy if they were good for backpacking.  “You will die if you wear those shoes,” he said.  Quite forcefully, too.  DIE?!  I’m scared enough as it is!  I don’t need your fear-mongering on top of my parents’ completely-expected-but-still-a-little-confidence-rattling paranoia, EMS dude.  He then pointed me to a pair of shoes that made my stomach lurch.  Yes, the ones pictured above.  I was panicked.  He told me I was going to die if I didn’t get these shoes!

The truth is that I’m just not that hardcore.  When I say backpacking, I mean exploring the continent with a backpack…not spelunking and scaling mountains.

And I’ve changed the mental picture I have of myself traveling.  I’m not looking to sound or act prissy.  So what if I’m wearing clothes that aren’t the most flattering?  So what if I don’t look my absolute best?  Who am I trying to impress?  I’m just glad I’m going.  I’m going to see the world and I don’t care what I have to look like to get there.

But those shoes?  NO WAY.  My old pair of kicks will just have to do.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | November 9, 2008 · 5:13 am

just six words and a picture.

fish-tank-toilets_1107093i

These toilets look a little fishy.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | November 8, 2008 · 6:20 pm

little house on the prairie. rawr?

Let me paint a picture for you.  It’s a lazy Saturday, you’re slothing on a couch in Finland, nursing a hangover with your besties.  You decide that watching an entire television series in one day is crucial to your Saturday plan.  After much discussion, you and your friends unanimously decide on the classic series, LIttle House on the Prairie– based on the classic books by Laura Ingalls Wilder.  So you walk down the streets of Helsinki to the nearest video store.  You check the childrens’ section.  Alas!  NOTHING.  The TV series section.  CURSES!  Then you see the back room…you know the one…the one that has the naughty movies. And there it is…on the shelf.

Yes, it’s true.  If you want to watch Little House on the Prairie in Finland, you have to find it with the suitable for adult viewing only videos.

Why?  Is there something XXX rated that we just never saw?  Nope.  Well, it’s a long series and checking the videos cost over two bucks per minute.  So they decided to bypass that all together.  Good plan, guys.

“Long series can get quite expensive to check, and some use this exemption in the law to their advantage,” said Matti Paloheimo, Director at the Finnish Board of Film Classification.

“Such unchecked material should not be shown to children publicly,” he added.

Publicly as in the reruns that the Finns apparently can’t get enough of?  According to the Reuters story, the show is still popular in Finland and there are reruns every week on one of the state owned TV stations.

I’m going to refrain from making tasteless jokes about what happens in little houses on the prairie, but I think you get the point.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | November 8, 2008 · 5:59 pm

barack’s a mutt, just like me.

In case you didn’t know, Barack Obama is the President Elect! AHHHH.  Anyway, B held his first press conference yesterday to discuss some really important issues…like Malia and Sasha’s new puppy.   Let me just say that I wrote about this awhile ago.  Malia needs a hypoallergenic dog.  The obvious choice here is the Chinese Crested Hairless.  Duh.  Perhaps the Obama family will read my blog post and agree with me. Riiiiight.  But anyway, B made a funny when talking about the dog.

With respect to the dog – this is a major issue. I think it’s generated more interest on our Web site than just about anything. We have two criteria that have to be reconciled. One is that Malia is allergic, so it has to be hypoallergenic. There are a number of breeds that are hypoallergenic. On the other hand, our preference would be to get a shelter dog but obviously a lot of shelter dogs are mutts, like me.

Nothing has ever made me happier.  Because, like President Elect Obama, I am a mutt as well.  But it’s not just about the identity politics.  This comment is exactly what America needs. A little bit of humor.  What I’m saying is lighten up, ya’ll.  Making lighthearted jokes is the best way to disarm the skeptics.

But back to the whole puppy thing.  I read an article on CNN that chronicles White House pets over the years.  Malia and Sasha should have aimed a little higher.  I mean, Calvin Coolidge had a pygmy hippopotamus named Billy.  True story.  Herbert Hoover’s son had a pair of gators that liked to chill on the White House grounds.  Benjamin Harrison had two opossums.  Sick.  A puppy will be cute though.  Especially if it’s a Chinese Crested.

So it’s obvious I’m on cloud nine.  Is there anything higher than cloud nine?  Because the next topic is about to put me over the edge.

If you read this blog every once in a while, you might know that I am obsessed with the best TV show ever, the West Wing.  During the cold years of the Bush administration, I’ve often pined for the Bartlet administration and all of its players.  Well.  I’m coming as close as I can to my West Wing dream.  Barack Obama has named Illinois Congressman Rahm Emanuel as his Chief of Staff.  Emanuel worked in the Clinton White House with West Wing consultant DeeDee Myers, who served as Clinton’s press secretary.  So CJ Cregg is based off of Myers, and…I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP…JOSH LYMAN IS BASED OFF OF RAHM EMANUEL.  Josh Lyman is coming back to the White House.  YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Rahm’s brother is also kind of famous.  Ari Emanuel is the founder of a talent agency and well-known talent agent and is apparently the inspiration for Ari Gold on Entourage.  I know. This is almost too much to handle.

So let’s recap.  Barack is amazing and addresses the race thing perfectly, there’s going to be a perfect puppy in the White House to complement the perfect family, and the West Wing is actually starting to become reality.

This is fantastic.  Now I’ll go back to writing about dumb stuff, I promise.  But I had to get this out.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | November 8, 2008 · 4:22 am

youtube clip of today: star wars.

Oh man, white people love musical comedy.  Now I’m personally not a huge fan of musical comedy, but something about this music and the visual is entertaining. Enjoy.

Given the content of this video, it’s no surprise that the dude, Corey Vidal, is wearing obnoxious t-shirts from ads that tend to interrupt a serious facebook sesh.  And just so the intellectual property is protected, I feel obligated to tell you that Corey isn’t actually singing, but he does a fairly hilarious job pretending to.  The actual a cappella group is a few dudes that call themselves Moosebutter. Cool name?

(Side note: Alicia, I’ve found you a husband! This guy can lip sync the theme songs from all of your favorite movies!)

And ummm…I just remembered how the theme song to Jurassic Park might be one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever. EVAH. Will I pay 99 cents for it on iTunes tonight?  You know it.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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