I don't know what bothers me more, the !!!! or the comic sans font. Whatever, TGIF.
It’s freaky Friday, y’all. While only one of these stories is really freaky, it’s so freaky that it dominates the non-freaky stories. Let’s just get to the point:
- Amy Wolfe, a 33-year-old unemployed church organist, loves carnival rides. Well, actually just one. No, she doesn’t just love it. She like LOVE LOVES it. Amy is an objectum sexual, meaning she falls in love with inanimate objects. No joke. And soon, Amy and her love, named the 1001 Nacht, will be machine and wife. She and it are getting married. (I felt weird saying “they”.) She plans on taking the surname Weber, after Nachtie’s manufacturer. I promise you I am not making this up! Read the story the Jezzies have on it, it includes UNBELIEVABLE video.
- This falls under the just plain dumb and hilarious column. Dennis Cretton isn’t supposed to drive anymore. After a DWI, his license was revoked. Dennis found what he believed to be the solution to his troubles. He decided to drive his lawnmower to the gas station to get beer. Fortunately for the world (and unfortunately for our friend Dennis), the police got a call reporting a man drunkenly weaving in and out of traffic on a lawnmower. According to the story on MSNBC, he tried speeding away from the cops, and drove up onto his lawn. (I wonder who mowed the rest of it?) He spilled his case of Milwaukee’s Best and ran into his house. Needless to say, he ended up in jail.
- I think we can all heave a collective “what is this world coming to?!” sigh with this story. Caroline Tagg just got her PhD… in texting. Officially, the philosophy of texting communication. Reading the excessive text messages of 15 year old girls must have been really gripping. Getting a Master’s degree in the Beatles is much cooler.
Have a wonderful weekend everybody! I hope your daily dose of weird was satisfying. More and longer posts next week, I promise. XOXO.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Trina Thompson, like millions of Americans, is unemployed. But instead of revamping her resume, or going to a job fair, she came up with a different idea. She decided to sue her alma mater, Monroe College, for $70,000. Seventy thousand dollars, by the way, was the cost of her Bachelor’s Degree. In other words, she wants her money back because she doesn’t have a job.
A month ago, I wrote about Henry Allingham, who celebrated his 113th birthday, and becoming the world’s oldest man, with a glass of champagne. Henry died this morning at the age of 113.
Are you smarter than an 8th grade spelling whiz? Could you spell the winning word?
six words to change the world. 