Category Archives: weddings

a lifetime movie waiting to happen.

Here is your crazy story for today! (From the AP)

HEBRON, Ind. —  Police say a northern Indiana woman who wasn’t invited to her sister’s wedding reception showed up anyway and attacked the bride, pulling out clumps of her hair.

Twenty-three-year-old Annmarie Bricker of Valparaiso faces a misdemeanor battery charge for last Friday’s attack outside a Porter County home.

The Porter County Sheriff’s Department says a friend was hosting a reception for Nicholas Landry and Lori Kappes — Bricker’s sister — when Bricker attacked Kappes on the front porch.

Police say that after the attack, Kappes had smeared makeup and clumps of hair missing from her head but sought no medical treatment.

Bricker told police she arrived at the home to confront her sister and parents and “just wanted to talk” about family problems. She says she never touched her sister.

She “just wanted to talk”? HA!  Liar, liar, pants on fire!

I sense a Lifetime movie script in the works.  Toss in a stripper, a pregnancy, and we’ve got ourselves a nice little Sunday afternoon.  Maybe Kate Hudson is available?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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they heard the taco wedding bells.

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Forget the chapel, Paul and Caragh Brooks of Illinois entered the covenant of marriage sitting in a booth at a Taco Bell on Friday, Jan 9.  The courthouse was booked, and they needed another option.  No, I didn’t make that up.  “Going to the T-Bell and we’re gonna get married, goin’ to the T-Bell and we’re, gonna get married.” Okay, sorry, I had to do that.

Fatties like me customers continued to buy their 4th meal of the day while the ceremony took place.  The employees blew up balloons and displayed taco sauce packets that say “Will you marry me?”.  I didn’t know they made those, but that’s cute.  The bride wore a $15 hot pink dress.  The groom’s mother loved the ceremony.  The reception was held right there, with guests ordering right off the menu.  You know what I have to say about that? YUM!  All in all, the wedding costs the couple $200.

Now of course you want to know the ‘how we met story’.  Well, take a guess how they met.  Okay, now read this.

Caragh Brooks, 21, of Australia, met Paul Brooks, 30, on an Internet dating Web site. They already had the same last name.

The couple wrote back and forth and talked on the phone for nine months before Caragh Brooks moved to the United States.

Yup.

“We have the same brain, just in two bodies,” Paul Brooks said. “We think alike in virtually every manner. We have the same interests, viewpoints.”

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that one of those interests might be Taco Bell.  What do you know?  I’m right!

He proposed on New Year’s Eve and, because they like to spend time at the local Taco Bell, they decided to wed there.

Naturally, of course!

The best part of all?  This happened in a town in Illinois called Normal.  NORMAL.  Isn’t it ironic?  Don’tcha think?

As critical and quick to point out the abnormalities as I may seem,  I’m only kidding and I’m honestly really happy for them.  If you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, I guess it doesn’t really matter how you decide to do it.  These two are eccentric.  Also, they paid $200 for a wedding that I won’t ever forget…and I wasn’t even there.  Imagine spending $30,000 on the most cookie cutter wedding imaginable, and then having people groan about “another wedding” when they get the invitation.

You’ve got to give them some credit for having it their way.  Hold on. “Have it your way” is the BK slogan.  Maybe that would have been more fitting?  That aside, congratulations to Caragh and Paul!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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mariah carey is practically a nun.

Oh huge news!  Mariah Carey has spoken out about her decision to abstain from sex with husband Nick Cannon until marriage.

“It’s not that we had NO intimacy, we just didn’t have complete intimacy. It’s just me, and my feelings.
I definitely don’t want to push it on anybody else. But we both have similar beliefs, and I just thought that it would be so much more special if we waited until after we were married. And it was, and it still is.”

Aww, cute.  Wait a second… didn’t they get married after just two months of dating?

Wow, those two months must have been really hard for them.  Celebrities are so funny!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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walk me down your broken line.

I believe I’ve mentioned this before, but when I’m bored doing work, I tend to spend a lot of time and money on iTunes. I was just suckered into buying like 300 Joshua Radin songs. I really, really love him. If you haven’t heard the song “The Fear You Won’t Fall,” you should probably find it and buy it right now. There’s not a good video of it online, and I refuse to not do it justice.

As a part of my Joshua binge, I Wikipedia-ed him and discovered that he and Zach Braff are good friends. Apparently Zach is kind of the reason he’s famous, because he got one of his songs to be on Scrubs. Isn’t that adorable? Sort of a Ben Affleck/Matt Damon-type story. Here’s a little photo of Joshua:

Another fun and adorable fact is that Joshua Radin played his song “Today” at Ellen and Portia de Rossi’s wedding. Apparently they turned down George Michael and Justine Timberlake and chose Joshua instead. Not to knock Joshua, but I don’t feel like that’s much of a competition when we’re talking about a wedding. “SexyBack” is not really my dream wedding song.

While I’m rambling, how much do you love Ellen? She is GREAT. I love how unabashedly awkward she is. The other day I was doing my laundry and watching her show, and I was literally glued to the television while holding my laundry basket because she was doing a skit where she went out with Paris Hilton and it was just HI-larious. Anyway.

So Joshua Radin. Love him. Here’s the newest song I’m playing on repeat. And the video was directed by Zach Braff:

Also, THE ELECTION IS TWO DAYS AWAY HOLY SHIIIIIIIT!!!

[Posted by Mallory]

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some humor for your hump day.

Okay, okay.  So it’s no Hump Day Cry Face.  But this video should make you feel a leeeeeeetle better.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

It gets better each time.  I love the “Oh God. NO NO NO!”  Thanks, Collegehumor.com.  Even though I’m no longer in college, my humor has not matured.

If that video didn’t help you out and you’re still Cranky McCrankster, have no fear.  Just tell people that you are participating in National Grouch Day.  Which, according to Sesame Street Magazine, today is.

“A Grouch’s mission in life is to be as miserable and grouchy as possible, and pass that feeling on to everyone else. Only then will a Grouch feel in touch with his or her world and be happy.”

This post is done, OKAY?  GO AWAY.  NOW LEAVE ME ALONE.

I jest.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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“yes.” (that’s what she said. zing!)

SPOILER ALERT!

So after three glasses of wine, a delicious meal that someone else cooked for me, a gourmet cupcake, and 45 minutes of mediocre hilarity, JIM PROPOSED TO PAM! Yeah whatever maybe it was at a rest stop but it was perfect and I cried a little. Take a peek at the expert commentary I shared with my friend Doobie:

daniel: hey mallo bar
me: DOOBIE DID YOU WATCH??!!
daniel: uh, of course!
me: i may have teared up a little
daniel: im sorry, but that proposal was super lame
me: aw see i liked it!
it was spontaneous!
and romantic!
in its own way!
daniel: and totally weak
me: oh whatever.
daniel: girls

The moral of the story is that Jim and Pam are perfect, and Sarah Palin is the worst human alive ever.

UPDATE (or the reason Doobie and I are no longer friends):

me: sir you are now famous because you are on the blog
daniel: hahahah woah, dont bring my future wife into the pictue
i would never propose to palin in that manner
daniel: i would do her up right, and hide a ring in her box of ammunition during our Adirondack hunting expedition. Then, as she took aim at the mammoth polar bear, she would see the glint of the diamond and fall deeply in love with me. (after she took down the bear with a headshot)

Sigh.

[Posted by Mallory]

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just six words and a picture.

Live long and prosper, Mr. Sulu!

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maybe mccain will be the godfather.

In the past few days there have been rumors that Sarah Palin’s youngest son, Trig, was actually her grandson, and liberal bloggers like yours truly were loving it. But now the truth is out. According to the latest news from the New York Times, it looks like Trig really is Palin’s son, but that Palin’s 17-year-old daughter, Bristol, is knocked up:

Bristol Palin, one of Alaska Gov. Palin’s five children with her husband, Todd, is about five months pregnant and is going to keep the child and marry the father, the Palins said in a statement released by the campaign of Republican presidential candidate John McCain.

Bristol Palin made the decision on her own to keep the baby, McCain aides said.

According to the McCain campaign, McCain knew about the pregnancy when he selected Palin as his VP but he had “decid[ed] that it did not disqualify the 44-year-old governor in any way.” I find it hard to believe that McCain knew about this situation and still picked Palin. Sure, it doesn’t “disqualify” her, but it sure as hell complicates things. For a hardcore Christian, morals-focused politician to have a 17-year-old pregnant daughter who clearly dallied in premarital sex — the horror! — is so not good for McCain. Which makes me think he really didn’t research this decision much, and instead just made a last-minute decision to choose Palin so that he could shake things up and look like the maverick he claims to be.

Things are looking better and better for our boy B.

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under babies, blogging, family, news, politics, sex, Uncategorized, weddings

unsurprising separations and other important news.

Because I’m such a DC local now (someone even asked me for directions today! No word on whether they made it to their destination safely, but I’m optimistic…), I read the free little daily newspaper that you pick up on the street. It’s basically a dumbed down, easy-to-digest version of the Washington Post. Today there were some pretty interesting celebrity tidbits, so I thought I’d share those and other pieces of news with you, dear readers:

  • Brace yourselves for this first one, folks: Chris Kattan (or Mr. Peepers to you) has filed for separation from his way hotter model wife. They had been married for a staggering eight weeks. In fact, Kathleen posted about the nuptials back in June, and because she is such a wise, wise blogger, she was already skeptical. [People]
  • Lady rapper Da Brat was sentenced to three years in prison for — wait for it — smashing a hostess over the head with a bottle of rum last Halloween. Yo ho ho, eh? An intergalactic high five to anyone name a song she sang… [Inside Track]
  • So the Olympics are over. Thank goodness we have the DNC to casually watch now so that we don’t have to turn back to watching reruns of The Hills. Kathleen will be reporting live from MY Mile High City, and I’ll be doing world-changing things like going to class and watching the speeches on the teevee. Didn’t love Pelosi’s speech today, and didn’t get to see the Kennedys’ because I was…um…watching Jon & Kate Plus 8.
  • The Brits (the English? When I was abroad my English friends got very angry if we called them British) are the new Americans, at least when it comes to drinking heavily in foreign countries and giving your own country a bad name. Great quote from the mayor of Malia, a popular resort town in Greece: “They scream, they sing, they fall down, they take their clothes off, they cross-dress, they vomit.” Sounds like a normal Thursday to me. [New York Times]
  • So, this is kind of old news, but Tucker Max is making a movie. Now, I used to be one of those people who thought he was HI-larious and I stalked his website and maybe met him once, sober, at a sketchy bar in downtown Richmond. (And I’m ashamed to admit that not one but TWO of my acquaintances have “known” Mr. Max in a different way. I feel dirty just thinking about that.) Now that I’m a super mature college graduate, though, I’m kind of over the Tucker Max thing. I prefer to make my own embarrassing stories. Anyway, according to several people one set, Tucker is miserable to work with. [Gawker]
And just in case you thought this blog didn’t teach you anything, know this: my little sister (who, in her slight defense, has been living under the rock known as sorority rush for the past two weeks), correctly answered an extra credit question in class today because she knew the name of the new Dem VP nominee. The only reason she knew that answer? By reading this here blog. Take THAT, legitimate news sources.

[Posted by Mallory]

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i’ve got moves you’ve never seen.

So the other night (it may have been Saturday because Sarah and I may have spent ALL day carrying the world’s heaviest and largest furniture into our apartment while hungover), my friends and I lounged around and watched a movie. Our DVD player wasn’t working, but luckily, we still have the old standby of the VHS. You almost forgot that existed, didn’t you? Because we were working with videos, our choices were limited to the random movies I’d bought at Goodwill one day while purchasing a tacky Christmas vest, but there was one gem in the collection: My Best Friend’s Wedding

How much did you love that movie? When we were younger, my sister and I would rewind the scene where they sing in the restaurant over and over again until forced to stop. (Remember the waiters waving their lobster hands?) And just the other day, “Wishin’ and Hopin'” came on the radio and Kelsey and I found ourselves separately reminiscing about the awkwardly wonderful karaoke scene (even though “Wishin’ and Hopin'” is not the karaoke song. Weird, right?). 

The movie was still wonderful, a decade-ish later. Julia Roberts was still evil in such a lovable way; Cameron Diaz’s hair was still strangely awful; and Dermot Mulroney was still smokin’ hot:

And was I the only one in the universe who had a raging crush on Michael’s little brother? According to my friends, I was. Here’s a clip of what is arguably one of the best scenes in a movie, ever. Sorry for the crappy quality, but please be sure to notice how adorable Michael’s bro is:

[Posted by Mallory]

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