Author Archives: K

oh hi, it’s me. i blog?

I’m back.  I’ve come back from an unsuccessful foray into the real world (read:  no place to live or a job…but I might have found a place to live.  But still no job.  That should be interesting.  That’s another post.) and I’m back to the la la land of blogging where I can do what I love and pretend I’m getting paid!  (Barack, could we speed up that fixing the economy business?  I know it’s not going to happen overnight…but I need it to get better so people want to hire me.)

So. Much. To. Talk. About.  So we have a new president.  AWESOME. (If you don’t want to read one more freaking word about inauguration then just skip to the next paragraph.) Yours truly was there in the throws of things.  I got to spend some quality time with Jessica Alba and her husband, Cash Warren.  Cash, by the way, was much nicer than she was and not nearly as much of a jerk as Perez Hilton makes him out to be.  If I had taken a picture with Jessica, I would have posted it, but I was trying to keep my cool and pretend like I didn’t care that she was a celebrity.  Maybe it worked but it was a HUGE mistake on my part, because now I have no actual evidence.  Whatev.  Barack’s speech was perfect.  It was HOPEy, CHANGEy, alluded to our new style of diplomacy, and presented a strong national image and showed he was not going to mess around.  RAWR.  I made it to a couple balls, but never got to see B and Meesh dance.  Wahhh.  We arrived just as Biden did, so they wouldn’t let us in.  They were going to let us in between Joe and Barack, but guess what.  They didn’t.  I stood in the cold for forty minutes waiting.  You know what made it better though?  Walking in and James Taylor was playing.  Niiiiiiiiiice.  Okay, that’s all I’m going to say about the great inaug.  Nope it’s not.  I would wear everything Michelle Obama wears.  Foxy.  Hell, I’d wear Sasha and Malia’s clothes too.  Too cute.  ENOUGH! ENOUGH.

Barack is going to sign the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act today.  It will now be law that women deserve the same pay as men.  I cannot believe it took this long.  If you want to read the stories that prove we need this legislation, read this NYT op-ed.  Hooray!

In other great news, PETA is still batty.  I meant to blog about them wanting to change the word “fish” to “sea kittens” but I didn’t.  So get over it.  Hopefully, you know about that anyway.  If you don’t, here’s the deal.  Fish have feelings, etc.  So when you eat fish, they want you to feel bad about it.  Like REALLY REALLY bad.  They think the best way to do this is to change the name of fish to sea kittens.  I am not making that up.  But that’s not even what I am talking about.  PETA has a vegetable sex ad that got denied for a Superbowl slot.  Vegetable sex.  Yeah, I said it and yeah, I know you pervs want to watch it:

Wowie.  Thank you, PETA, for grossing me out AND making me feel bad about myself at the same time.  And I’d like to see their sources for their information.  How do they KNOW that vegetarians have better sex?

Okay, I’m off to stalk le internets and find more goodness for you to enjoy while you work.  And I do not work.  Really, this is community service.  Right, Mom and Dad?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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mary roach is my american idol.

Today, as many of you know, is the start of the eighth season of American Idol (and there’s a new judge, Kara DioGuardi, who seems saucy!).  Funny, I can only name a couple winners…and a few losers.  (Clay Aiken, I’m talking about you!)  The best part of the show is seeing the auditions.  Remember William Hung?  Yeah, he released a full album.  But my favorite audition of all time has to go to the one and only Mary Roach.  Perhaps someone tonight might top it, but I seriously doubt it.  Enjoy the musical talents of Mary Roach!

Mary Roach, you will always be my American Idol.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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natalie dylan will be a millionaire.

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In September, I wrote about that chick Natalie Dylan, who is auctioning off her virginity “to pay for school”.  Suuuuure.  While I still think she’s cheating herself, she is going to walk away with AT LEAST $3.7 MILLION.  Damn, girl.  Over 10,000 men have bid on her.  Now that sounds like a confidence booster.

She says the original idea came from her sister, who worked as a prostitute for three weeks and paid for school.  What is with these girls and not paying for school the way everyone else does?!  Anyway, Natalie is confident in her decision.

“I think me and the person I do it with will both profit greatly from the deal.”

Well, Natalie, you’ll get your millions.  But I’m not so sure how he’ll profit from this.  I mean, he’ll forever be known as the guy who had to drop a few mil for sex.  Gross.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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joe the plumber, great american journalist.

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As Mallory reported earlier, Joe the Plumber is now Joe the Reporter, reporting from Israel.  For Pajama Media, whatever that is. (I frequently blog from my bed, am I part of Pajama Media?)  Essentially, after watching one of his videos, I would ever-so-kindly, but bluntly, suggest that he stick to plumbing.  Let’s take a look at it, shall we?  Watch Joe the Buffoon give his version of the straight talk to the media (and be a huge horse’s ass) here.  Best part is how he says “I’m not the story”, (as he points to the dude with the Kenny G. hair in a ponytail.  That hair is newsworthy.) but clearly, he is.  And that’s how he likes it.

Somehow, this joker managed to get about two solid weeks of press attention.  The first time was just chance, but every time after that, it was because he wanted it.  Ooh, Joe is going on the campaign trail with McCain!  Ooh, Joe isn’t ruling out a run for Congress in 2010!  Ooh, Joe just got an agent!  Now, if he didn’t want publicity, why would he hire an agent?  After all, he’s just a regular guy!  My favorite Joe moment, up until now though, was after the election when Joe decided to backstab McCain and Palin.  Yup, that got him another 15 minutes of fame.

So here is the transcription of him confronting “The Media”. Dun dun dun…

JOE: The story here is people are being killed and the media’s slanting it and trying to make it Hamas is, uh, as far as, that Israel’s being bad. Do you believe Israel is bad?

Oooh!  Good question, Joe! Has Israel been naughty?

REPORTER: Do I believe it?

JOE: Yeah, do you?!

Do ya, punk?

REPORTER: I’m Israeli, so…

JOE: So answer the question!

Objection!  The reporter is badgering the…reporter!

REPORTER: No, I don’t think Israel is bad.

JOE: Do you think Israel has every right to protect itself?

REPORTER: Yeah.

[pause]

JOE: You do?!

REPORTER: Yeah.

It’s called preparation, Joe.  It’s quite simple.  You see, if you think of questions beforehand, you don’t have to stall and have awkward pauses.

JOE: Have you said that on air?

REPORTER: I’m just a reporter.

Yeah, Joe.  You really nailed this one.

Ahhh, and that is why I cannot be a reporter.  Because being able to have public opinions about things, such as Joe the Plumber, is just too much fun to pass up.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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they heard the taco wedding bells.

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Forget the chapel, Paul and Caragh Brooks of Illinois entered the covenant of marriage sitting in a booth at a Taco Bell on Friday, Jan 9.  The courthouse was booked, and they needed another option.  No, I didn’t make that up.  “Going to the T-Bell and we’re gonna get married, goin’ to the T-Bell and we’re, gonna get married.” Okay, sorry, I had to do that.

Fatties like me customers continued to buy their 4th meal of the day while the ceremony took place.  The employees blew up balloons and displayed taco sauce packets that say “Will you marry me?”.  I didn’t know they made those, but that’s cute.  The bride wore a $15 hot pink dress.  The groom’s mother loved the ceremony.  The reception was held right there, with guests ordering right off the menu.  You know what I have to say about that? YUM!  All in all, the wedding costs the couple $200.

Now of course you want to know the ‘how we met story’.  Well, take a guess how they met.  Okay, now read this.

Caragh Brooks, 21, of Australia, met Paul Brooks, 30, on an Internet dating Web site. They already had the same last name.

The couple wrote back and forth and talked on the phone for nine months before Caragh Brooks moved to the United States.

Yup.

“We have the same brain, just in two bodies,” Paul Brooks said. “We think alike in virtually every manner. We have the same interests, viewpoints.”

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that one of those interests might be Taco Bell.  What do you know?  I’m right!

He proposed on New Year’s Eve and, because they like to spend time at the local Taco Bell, they decided to wed there.

Naturally, of course!

The best part of all?  This happened in a town in Illinois called Normal.  NORMAL.  Isn’t it ironic?  Don’tcha think?

As critical and quick to point out the abnormalities as I may seem,  I’m only kidding and I’m honestly really happy for them.  If you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, I guess it doesn’t really matter how you decide to do it.  These two are eccentric.  Also, they paid $200 for a wedding that I won’t ever forget…and I wasn’t even there.  Imagine spending $30,000 on the most cookie cutter wedding imaginable, and then having people groan about “another wedding” when they get the invitation.

You’ve got to give them some credit for having it their way.  Hold on. “Have it your way” is the BK slogan.  Maybe that would have been more fitting?  That aside, congratulations to Caragh and Paul!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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a celebration of the final week.

Yes kids, it’s the last full week of George Bush’s presidency.  Let’s celebrate!  A big thank you to 23/6 for putting this little video together for us.  LOVE the background music.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Don’t go getting all nostalgic on me now!  Dry your eyes!
[Posted by Kathleen]

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prince harry, harry, he’s quite contrary.

prince_harry

If this was American politics, we’d call it Pakigate.  But it isn’t. It’s British, so I don’t know what to call it other than completely and utterly stupid on the part of Prince Harry.  You know Prince Harry? Yes, as in the now-hotter-than-Prince William-prince.

(True story: When William was at his peak attractiveness–age 16– and I was at my peak boycrazyness–age 13– I had his poster on my wall.  Did I ever have a shot with him?  No.  In fact, there’s a long list of laws that tell you why I cannot.  Being American and Catholic are just the tip of the iceberg.  But I still had hope.  Don’t judge me, fools.  And on second thought, you should never marry someone who had your poster on their wall.  That’s just weird.  Tom and Katie, I’m talking to you.)

Anyway, Harry made an oopsie.  In a video, he called one of his platoon buddies his “little Paki friend”, which of course is not cool, and then he tells another he looks like a “raghead”.  Now, before he gets the title His Royal Highness Prince Harry the Racist and you get your royal britches in a twist, I want to not defend him while defending him…if that makes sense.  Our own American troops use language like that.  It’s not uncommon.  But it’s terrible.  Also, while you think good ‘ole ‘Arry might have his wits about him because HE IS THE PRINCE OF WALES, he’s done some dumb things in the past.  Like that time he wore a Nazi uniform to a Halloween party.  Or how he blatantly smokes pot at parties.  Maybe he isn’t royally brilliant, but that doesn’t make him a  racist.

But watch the video for yourself.  Do you think he’s just a dude, who happens to be a prince,  trying to fit in with his platoon?  Because that’s what it seems like to me.  Also, at the end you’ll feel like you know him a little better than anticipated after one of his buddies asks him a question, and he obliges with the answer.

Here is Harry’s apology:

“Prince Harry fully understands how offensive this term can be, and is extremely sorry for any offense his words might cause,” spokesman Patrick Harrison said in a statement.

“However, on this occasion three years ago, Prince Harry used the term without any malice and as a nickname about a highly popular member of his platoon. There is no question that Prince Harry was in any way seeking to insult his friend.”

No mention of the ginger pubes.

But we learn another fact.  Harry made this video three years ago.  Does that change things?

UPDATED:  The father of the cadet Harry made the remark about is furious and says his apology isn’t enough.  Also, Harry is in even more trouble with one of his own charities.  Click HERE.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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youtube clip of today: hairless cat.

So I found this video on CUTE THINGS FALLING ASLEEP, the blog that makes me feel better even after openly weeping over my GRE math practice test.  (Oh yeah, the real one is going to be a blast.)  This cat is definitely falling asleep, but it only got a cuteness rating of 1 on the 1-5 scale.  Well.  It’s because it’s hairless!  ( Yeah yeah yeah, like Mr. Bigglesworth.)  Discrimination!  Bigots!  Hairists!

Okay, it’s a pretty heinous cat.  And I don’t recommend watching the entire three minutes of it falling asleep.  Seriously, cat people are so weird.  Why would they think the internet wants to watch a cat fall asleep for three minutes?!  Thirty seconds would do just fine.

Regardless, enjoy the hairless cat.

Not cute enough for you?

Or, my personal favorite:

Man, I feel like that some days.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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george the lobster goes back home.

I can’t write something more clever than the NY Daily News lede, so here you go.

A monster lobster scored a one-way ticket out of a Manhattan restaurant Friday – and not on a fork.

After a few years of straight up chilling at the City Crab and Seafood restaurant in New York (and a petition from PETA), George, estimated to be between 80 and 140 years old (yeah, me too…) is being released.  It must be a slow news day, because this is hilarious:

George, unlike certain other celebrities, did not seem perturbed as a crew of photographers shot his picture before his grand exit.

“If he was upset, he’d be slapping his tail. His claws would be up and in a defensive posture,” explained Vaina.

“Can you lift up his butt, if he has a butt?” asked a photographer.

George will be transported to New Hampshire, and then finally released in Maine, where he is for sure bound to be caught by a crazy, old Maine lobsterman and sold for $7 a pound.  Yum.

George, GO BACK FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!  Live longer and prosper, little buddy!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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from macho men to femme: mantyhose.

mantyhose

MSNBC just did a piece on “mantyhose”, or pantyhose for men.  Now I’ve got absolutely no qualms about men wearing pantyhose, I just can’t for the life of me understand why they would want to.  They’re itchy, terribly annoying, and awkward to readjust.  Plus, they are a nuisance when you really have to pee.  But apparently, they’re good for something.  Like keeping you warm, giving you better legs (see above.  RAWR!), the control top, and making you miserable.  Come on ladies, I know I am not alone here.

I’ve never seen a man wear pantyhose.  Actually, I lied.  One Christmas way back, my aunt wrapped a gift and put the wrong tag on it.  My uncle was the proud receiver of a pair of pantyhose with snowflakes on them.  My uncle being who he is, gladly put them on and showed them off for the family.  Wow, I had blocked that memory out until now.  Oh, the horror!

Americans being the strictly socialized, prudish (thanks Puritan ancestors!) and oppressed creatures that we are, some are struggling with the gender roles.

“My wife was really uncomfortable at first — she was nervous about going out with me in public when I had them on,” said Andrews. “But then we went out and she saw that no one noticed or had any adverse reaction.”

Honestly dude, nobody is really going to notice unless you pair it with a skirt and a foxy pair of heels.

The companies that make mantyhose, like Comfilon, are doing their best to keep it manly.  But ya know… Anyway, I just LOVE the tagline from Comfilon.

“This is NOT your mother’s pantyhose.”

Haha, you think?

So add mantyhose to the list of things that belonged solely to women but are now shared with men.  Another example?  The murse, or man purse.  But here is my all time favorite:  The Brozilian.  A Brazilian wax for men.  How do you like dem apples? (The answer to that question is obviously ‘waxed’.)  I could go on and on about that, but let’s save that one for another day.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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