Readers, your favorite multiracial blogger (Kathleen) is on her way to Denver today, while I get to sit in bo-ring Washington DC and watch the action from afar. Sigh.
Looks like things are already off to a heated start in my beloved hometown. Take a look at this Fox News video, courtesy of Wonkette, which may be the greatest news clip in the history of the news:
Did you notice Griff stumbling backwards at the beginning of the clip? How about when he said “We got ahead of this marching…er, thing…”? And Griff’s general inability to get any sort of noteworthy information out of the crowd, because they all hate America and don’t believe in freedom of speech? Perhaps my favorite part is the title of this YouTube clip: “Anti-War Protesters Meance Intrepid Fox News Reporter!” Nice spelling, Fox fans. And intrepid? Really? For entering a crowd of stoned peace-loving college students and shouting “What’s your name?!” at them?
Oh Johnny. It was only a simple question. Politico reporters Jonathan Martin and Mike Allen asked how many houses you have. McCain’s answer is priceless.
“I think — I’ll have my staff get to you. It’s condominiums where — I’ll have them get to you.”
What was that, buddy? You don’t know how many houses you and Cindy own? Well that can’t be good. Now I’m not good at math, but I’m pretty sure I can answer that question for myself. (Um, zero. Oh the joys of living in your parents’ house.)
Okay, so he doesn’t know how many houses he has, but here are some other basic addition questions that I hope John can answer without needing his staff to bail him out:
How old are you?
How many children do you have?
How many days are in a week?
How many states are in the union?
Hopefully those are elementary, my dear Watson.
So what did B have to say about the whole thing?
“If you don’t know how many houses you have, then it’s not surprising that you might think the economy is fundamentally strong.”
Zing! Well put. Most of us, John, can count our houses on one hand. Well, one finger. Your choice which finger you use when counting.
Politico did some digging around (apparently the staff didn’t get to them on that?) and discovered the number is at least eight. Johnny obviously wouldn’t be able to handle adding one more (say, the White House). So let’s do Senator John McCain a huuuuuge favor and make sure we don’t rock the boat by changing the number from at least eight to at least nine. It’s the kind thing to do.
And on a sidenote: Barack, I’ve been clinging to my cell phone for dear life waiting for that text message. Please, just let me know!
Update: WashPo does a McCain house(s) tour. Check it out. It’s like MTV Cribs.
Another celebrity baby is born, another crazy name. Yawn. Kidddddddding. Kind of. Another boy for Gwen Stefani! World, get ready for Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. Interesting choice. But I do have to say that Gwen and Gavin sure know how to ensure their kids are badass. Rock as your middle name? Rock on.
Due to my post-college depression, I don’t like change. Except when it comes with a healthy dose of hope and a large helping of Barack Obama. Haha. But you know what I mean. I feel myself especially threatened emotionally when staples from my younger years are changed. When I learned that Hasbro is totally changing the game of Clue, I immediately found myself drowning my sorrows in a box of Cheez-Its while whining “I’m so olddddddd” to my poor dog. I not crazy, I swear.
Clue is very near and dear to my heart! It was one of the few board games that I could actually win as a child. Monopoly taught me at a young age that I was miserable at math and business, but Clue, ah Clue– Clue made me feel as if I could one day work for the C.I.A. I was just THAT GOOD at finding out who killed Mr. Boddy in what room with what weapon.
According to the AP, the new Clue is updated to fit in with “tabloid culture”. I love me some tabloids, but geeez louise, keep it out of my board games.
The six characters’ last names remain the same, but their first names and bios have been updated. For example, Miss Scarlet is now Kasandra Scarlet, a famous actress often featured in tabloids. And Mr. Green is now Jacob Green, an African-American “with all the ins.”
HAHA oh man. “With all the ins”. What does that possibly mean? Hmmm. I wonder if he makes his final accusations in ebonics? One of my favorites, Colonel Mustard is now Jack Mustard, an ex-football player. Professor Plum is now a video game designer. I’m not making that up. How are we supposed to feel smart playing this game if our characters have gotten dumber?! And here is the greatest part of all, each character now has a special power to help them solve clues. LIke superhero powers? WHAT ABOUT MY SHARP AND NIMBLE MIND?! Ahh this is too much to handle. But wait, there’s more. No more revolver, lead pipe or wrench–instead we have a dumbbell, trophy or poison. Poison? Ehh, alright. Giving us Chuck Norris’ right leg would have been more practical than a dumbbell. Now there’s a weapon.
Clue has even gotten nouveau riche on us. There’s now a spa, theater and a guest house. Mr. Boddy’s classy, beautiful mansion wasn’t good enough. They made it a McMansion!
They are taking the original Clue off the shelves this fall. Go get it now, or forever be burdened with this travesty.
RIP Colonel Mustard. You will be missed. Here he is, in all his glory.
Rawr.
I can think of only one positive thing to say about this whole ordeal. Perhaps with this new version Miss Scarlett will finally be the slootbag we all knew she was/wanted her to be. Perhaps.
Just when I start to feel down about politics, something like this comes along to brighten my day. Super patriotic American country music hero Toby Keith is a Democrat. WHAT?! (But I thought us Democrats hated America?) We’ve got Toby! We’ve got Toby Keith! And he likes Obama! YES! His voice of truthiness rings out like the Liberty Bell before it was cracked. And it is sweet music to my ears. Seriously, this is the first time I’ve appreciated country music since those crazy liberal ladies, the Dixie Chicks. Rawr.
Where I lived, it seemed as if Toby’s post 9/11 hit, “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)” and “Drops of Jupiter” by Train were the only two songs the radio station owned. And that’s saying something about this song.
If you should choose to ignore all of the hard work that comes with posting a video in the blog and don’t watch it (what I’m saying here is that you SHOULD watch it), here are lyrics from the song that I find particularly humorous:
Now this nation that I love
Has fallen under attack
A sucker punch came flyin’
From somewhere in the back
As soon as we could see clearly
Through our big black eye
Man we lit up your world
Like the fourth of July.
And Uncle Sam put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty started shaking her fist
And the Eagle will fly, and it’s gonna to be hell
When you hear Mother Freedom start ringing her bell
And it’ll feel like the whole wide world’s raining down on you.
Brought to you courtesy of the red, white, and blue.
Justice will be served
And the battle will rage
This big dog will fight
When you rattle his cage
And you’ll be sorry that you messed with
The US of A
Cuz we’ll put a boot in your ass
It’s the American way
This masterpiece comes from a Democrat. A DEMOCRAT. The Democrats are taking back the country! And country music. Heyyyyyyo!
I joke about “taking back” country music, but in all honesty this brings up something I’ve wanted to talk about for a long time. I cannot stand how certain things, both political and non-political, “belong” to one party or the other. Yes, this next exercise involves some serious stereotyping–but don’t get your bright white political panties in a twist–I’m only making a point. Here are just some things that come to mind:
Republicans: Supporting the troops, pearls, freedom (not to be confused with freedom of expression), tax breaks, Chuck Norris (you can keep him), old people’s votes, Texas, big business and businessmen, oil, quoting the Bible, NASCAR, country clubs, veterans, money, pastel colors, business school, Joe Lieberman (apparently), country music, football, big trucks and other large gas guzzling vehicles.
Democrats: The environment, vegetarians (especially the vegans), DMB (RIP Leroi Moore), health care, females, the West Wing, getting out of Iraq, herbal tea, Apple computers, pointing out the bad economy, earth tones, liberal arts colleges, labor unions, Massachusetts, minorities of any kind (we love you), Hollywood, hope, the Toyota Prius, education, rhymes with smasmorshion, taking care of old people, MTV’s Rock the Vote, Al Gore.
We haven’t painted ourselves red, white and blue like Toby Keith wants us too–we’ve painted each other into separate corners. Seriously, when did these political custody hearings occur? I like pearls! And support the troops!
It’s a shame that being active in an environmental group flags you as a Democrat, or having a yellow “Support the Troops” ribbon sticker on your car makes you a Republican. Because, obviously, we all should care about both. We should care about everything in our great nation. Even NASCAR.
One last thing to add to the Democratic score board: blogging. Count it! And you best not disagree with me there. Because I’ll put a boot in your ass. It’s the American way! Thanks for the rhetoric, Toby!
Dave Matthews Band saxophonist LeRoi Moore died Tuesday from complications due to an ATV accident he had on June 30. Not many details about the cause of death have been released, but we do know that Moore had recently returned home to L.A. to start physical therapy. To me, that fact makes it a lot sadder; I hate the idea that he seemed to be doing well and that his friends and family probably got their hopes up that he would make it.
Moore had been with the band from the start. At a concert on Tuesday, Dave told the crowd about Moore’s death, acknowledging that “It’s always easier to leave than be left.” Wise words, bud.
As I’ve mentioned, I saw Dave live this summer at the Mile High Music Festival, and I remember my friend Katie was really bummed that Moore was not playing with the band that day, because he was her favorite of the band members. And we just realized that my roommate saw DMB live on June 28, which means she may have been among the last lucky ones to get to see Moore play.
For me, the thought of boxed wine brings to mind frat slaps (and subsequently the worst night of my entire college career) and the general lack of classiness that goes hand in hand with drinking in college: cheap beer shotgunned in a dorm shower; shots of Aristocrat chased by vending machine Diet Coke; shady water bottles smuggled into any and every event. Ah, don’t you miss it?
During my senior year of college, my roommates and I gravitated toward the super classy glass jug of Livingston Farms Blush Chablis, but I am no stranger to boxed wine. According to this New York Times article, boxed wine is becoming more common and more popular, partly because it is a heck of a lot better for the environment:
More than 90 percent of American wine production occurs on the West Coast, but because the majority of consumers live east of the Mississippi, a large part of carbon-dioxide emissions associated with wine comes from simply trucking it from the vineyard to tables on the East Coast. A standard wine bottle holds 750 milliliters of wine and generates about 5.2 pounds of carbon-dioxide emissions when it travels from a vineyard in California to a store in New York. A 3-liter box generates about half the emissions per 750 milliliters. Switching to wine in a box for the 97 percent of wines that are made to be consumed within a year would reduce greenhouse gas emissions by about two million tons, or the equivalent of retiring 400,000 cars.
Pretty cool, right? Of course, there are plenty of people who would never resort to boxed wine (the horror!), like one dude who commented on the article and wrote: “Utter lunacy. I’ll buy wine in a box on the Tenth of Never.” Oh calm down sir! It’s not as if we’re asking you to do an ice luge in a tuxedo. Perhaps because I’m sort of poor and still drink like a college student, I think this is all pretty great. A decent boxed wine gets you more bang for your buck, is better for the environment, and has a longer shelf life. And now that boxed wine is getting sort of trendy and necessary, nicer wines are starting to become available in boxed form. Maybe you don’t want to be served from a box at a restaurant (…resisting immature joke), but why not pass around the plastic bag at a casual dinner party with friends?
Anyway, next time you’re spinning in circles chugging directly from a bag of Franzia while your friends cheer you on, remember this: you’re not just blacking out; you’re saving the environment.
Here is the Chinese Gymnastics team is totally underage edition. (Note: Olympic gymnasts must be at least 16 in the year of the Olympics. Click here to read how China cheated) Below is all the evidence I needed. Haha :
six words to change the world. 