Ooh boy, I’ve been worthless the past few days. Kathleen should fire me, but I bet lonely blogging is a pretty miserable experience. And if I was fired I’d just come on the site and comment all sorts of crazy shit on the posts because I’d have nothing better to do.
So yeah, I maybe forgot the Cry Face last week. And I maybe haven’t posted in a few days. But here you go:
Those of you who ever spent time in North Court 237 will enjoy looking at the background of the photo.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under cry face
I have found probably the most entertaining Web site since Cake Wrecks. Seriously. www.yearbookyourself.com is so funny, that you pass it on to everyone you know. And I am passing this internet gem on to you.
Enjoy.
Looking fiiiiiiiine in 1964.
Super cute in 1976.
Ummm…1986…I look like…NOOOOOOO.
And as if my self confidence needed one more final blow, here I am, in 1996.
Saucy.
Send your best yearbook pictures to sixwordstochangetheworld@gmail.com.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under definitely not politics, humor, pop culture, random, Uncategorized
According to a recent study, I could place the blame on Law and Order and all 17 of its spin-offs for the fact that I eat a lot. I’m not kidding. Law and Order, and other crime shows, apparently makes us eat a lot. I am an avid Law and Order fan–uh oh.
In the study, titled “The Sweet Escape,” researchers conducted four experiments revealing that “consumers who have been recently reminded of their own impending mortality” spend more on groceries — and actually eat more of those groceries.
Oooh, clever title. Anyway, Law and Order and others are the catalysts for reminding us of our own impending mortality? What? Whatev.
“We found that when people think about the fact that they’re going to die someday — not now, but someday — they want to consume more of everything,” says Naomi Mandel, co-author of the study and an associate professor of marketing at Arizona State University. “We find this with snacks and drinks but also all kinds of different foods: frozen foods, meats, vegetables, everything.”
And they connect this to Law and Order. I can’t believe they spent money on this study. I have, in my opinion, a better theory to explain the connection between snacking and Law and Order. None of this “impending death” mumbo jumbo.
Let’s look back to the experiments of scientist Ivan Pavlov. He is known for his work with dogs, making them salivate at the sound of a bell. Basically, it has to do with mental association. He would ring a bell and give the dogs food. Eventually, they would salivate at the sound of the bell with or without food present.
People like to snack when watching TV, right? So swap out a bell for the signature Law and Order gavel DunDun noise and take away the food…voila! We have been trained liked Pavlov’s dogs to feel hungry while watching Law and Order. And being that Law and Order is on 22 out of the 24 hours in a day, this training does not take long to do. Really, all it takes is one week of being sick and watching TV all day every day, or just a few weeks of watching one or two episodes a night.
That, my friends, is why we eat when we watch Law and Order. That is why Law and Order makes us fat.
Just for fun, here is Sesame Street’s parody of Law and Order: SVU, Law and Order: Special Letters Unit.
Oh, and just because The Office is the BEST SHOW EVER and Jim is dreamy, dreamy, oh so steamy and smart, here is his Pavlov’s dogs trick on Dwight:
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under animals, definitely not politics, food, humor, news, pop culture, random, TV, Uncategorized, YouTube
Oh wooohoooo. Now you can buy a Superhero Sarah Palin doll. Umm, that’s great. Since this election is no longer about issues and rather that Palin is a Vagina-American and is hot in the Tina Fey way, let’s be superficial for a minute. Who wants a supposedly feminine doll with G.I. Joe man thighs? Come on guys, Barbie’s got better legs for sure.
See?
Intimidated by the Thunder Thighs Palin doll? (Yeah, me too) Try this one–naughty school girl Sarah Palin.
Yet again, I’d choose Barbie. Or better yet, the one responsible for bringing back the naughty school girl image–the one and only, Britney Spears doll.
Yup, she’s better than Palin too.
Here is the final Sarah Palin doll the company, http://www.herobulder.com, offers. Vice Presidential Sarah Palin:
Well, Barbie one-upped Sarah Palin in two ways here. First, Barbie is running for Prez and second, Barbie looks FABULOUS.
That was fun, but let’s take it back to the issues. I bet Barbie would stand up for the rights of women more than Palin. I bet Barbie would support birth control and a woman’s privacy, I bet Barbie wouldn’t make women pay for their own rape kits, I bet Barbie wouldn’t make Skipper have the baby even if she was raped, I bet Barbie wouldn’t be on a ticket with Ken if he didn’t support equal pay for women…okay…you get my point.
Really, I’d take Barbie over Sarah Palin.
Oh, and one more thing. These dolls are on sale.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under humor, politics, pop culture, random, Uncategorized
Do you sometimes watch Spoon videos on YouTube because you’re too full of Chinese food and too unmotivated to do your homework?
Yeah, me too.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under food, music, post-college depression, YouTube
Breathe deep, friends. I have some shocking news. The unthinkable has happened.
The 99 Cents Only Store, hailed by everyone themselves as “the oldest single-price point retail chain in the United States” (lots of competition for that title, I’m sure) is now making a mockery out of its name. And by a mockery, I mean that prices are going up and not all items in the store will be 99 cents. WHAT? EXCUSE ME? This is, for sure, a tragedy. What, or rather who, is to blame? Let’s examine the usual suspects… The bad economy? George Bush? Global warming? Nope.
Shoplifters.
So let me get this straight. You shop at a 99 Cents Only Store because you are cheap. But because the cheapest of the cheap are stealing from the store for the cheap, those of us who are just cheap (but still have integrity) must suffer? Eek! My brain hurts.
What are they going to do now? Become ‘The Store Formerly Known As The 99 Cents Only Store’? That maketing strategy worked for Prince. Having every item in the store under a dollar is their best marketing strategy. And as annoying (and impractical) as pennies are, there is a certain gratification when you get change back at a 99 cents store.
The world will never be the same. Or you could just go to Dollar Tree.
PS- Like the beautiful graphic I created to go along with this post? I worked on it for hours…
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under humor, money, news, pop culture, random, Uncategorized
Courtesy of our AC, our New England correspondent, please check out this wonderful clip from The Daily Show. Jon Stewart 2016!
[Posted by Mallory]
This is a lovely song, introduced to me by my friend Katie, who introduces me to all the best music:
So my life anthem right now.
[Posted by Mallory]
Piper, girrrrrrrrrrrl I know how you feel. I play with hair when I’m listening to boring speeches too. But I typically do not use spit. Whatev.
Watching this video, you kind of have to say “awwww”. It’s really not those poor Palin children’s fault that their mother is an embarrassment to politics.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Since Kathleen is off doing actually important things, you’re stuck with me for liveblogging. You can expect me to have an extremely unsophisticated analysis. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
10:00 — Football is still on. NBC doesn’t care about the Republicans.
10:01 — Ah, there we go. Shot of Palin and Cindy. They’re both wearing shiny suits. Today I had several anxiety attacks thinking about what would happen if John McCain was elected president and then died.
10:05 — Here we go with the video. Ha ha he’s a momma’s boy.
10:06 — Everyone is John McCain’s family was in a war. Had you heard that McCain fought in Vietnam? And he almost died? But he was DESTINED TO BE PRESIDENT. Oh also, he was tortured.
10:07 — Okay, sure, John McCain was once sort of attractive. He spent years in HELL…nice dramatic rhetoric, there.
10:09 — Cindy really does look like an alien. Ha, he’s not in this to support any political party…then why didn’t he act like a real maverick and pick Lieberman?
10:10 — Pictures of babies and old women. He has seven children? I did not know that. Oh wait, I do remember that blonde girl who writes the terrible blog.
10:11 — “The stars are aligned…”? Really? He’s stealing Barry’s “change” word.
10:11 — Wait, did they MENTION that McCain was tortured? In Vietnam? He lived in a BOX, PEOPLE. Ha ha, box. He will keep other people from enduring that box. Sexist!
10:13 — Here he comes. They set aside seven minutes for applause. Hmm. He is wearing a gold tie, which means he hates America.
10:14 — It’s sort of sad that Barry filled Invesco and what ever small St. Paul place this speech is in isn’t even full.
10:14 — Weird, someone in the crowd has a disposable camera.
10:15 — Ha, three minutes and he’s already talking. GREEN SCREEN ALERT. Or wait, is that a lawn?
10:16 — “USA! USA! USA!”
10:16 — Surprise surprise, he accepts the nomination.
10:16 — Reference to Bush, but he quickly ties it to 9/11. Good save, Johnny.
10:17 — His signs so aren’t as cool as Barry’s.
10:18 — “I’m indebted to my robot wife Cindy, whom I selected once my other wife got crippled.”
10:18 — Cindy ALMOST looks like she might cry. She has really thin lips.
10:19 — McCain’s mom is sort of adorable. I like her big blue earrings.
10:21 — Says some nice things about Barry. Can they PLEASE stop chanting USA?
10:22 — McCain holds his shoulders awkwardly as he promises to win the election.
10:23 — AH A CRAZY WOMAN JUST RUSHED THE STAGE! No one knows what to do! This is amazing! Wait is that a Code Pinker? McCain calms them down with his creepy laugh. I think there are two crazy women. One in a suit, one in a weird pink satin shirt with writing on it. Hmm.
10:24 — He seems to be annoyed that they keep chanting “USA.” He could use some Crest White Strips. They’re only like $17 now.
10:25 — Everyone loves Sarah Palin. Did he just pronounce her name wrong?
10:25 — “I want to thank everyone in American for ignoring Sarah’s lack of experience and instead focusing on the fact that she’s sort of hot.”
10:26 — Shot of the Palin kids. Ah, there’s Bristol. Where’s hot hot baby daddy Levi?
10:27 — He can’t wait to introduce Palin to Washington because SHE’S BASICALLY NEVER BEEN THERE BEFORE.
10:27 — “Change is coming.” Seriously dude, that’s basically plagarism.
10:29 — “Heh heh. Did I mention I’ve been called a maverick?” Ha, someone’s McCain-Palin sign is upside-down.
10:31 — I still get email updates about concerts coming to Denver, and I get really angry when there are good people coming when I’m not there. Anyone want to fly me out to Denver on October 16 to see Conor Oberst?
10:32 — THE Georgetown bar is “hoppin,” according to my roommate. I wish I was liveblogging this from a bar.
10:33 — Okay, so he talked about Iraq for a while, but so far this speech seems kind of fluffy.
10:33 — Ooh here come the personal sob stories. Aw, a dad is crying.
10:34 — McCain wears a bracelet of a young man who died in Iraq. The kid’s parents look so sad.
10:36 — He promises to get back to basics. Shot of a kid with a phallic elephant hat on his head.
10:36 — American Dream rhetoric. “We’re all God’s children, and we’re all Americans.”
10:37 — Rattles off the romantic reasons that people like my dad are Republicans. Too bad that’s quite far from reality.
10:38 — He’ll give us a government that doesn’t make our choices for us, but rather lets us make more choices for ourselves. They’re booing Obama. WATCH IT PEOPLE WE LOVE BARRY.
10:39 — I wonder who all those people in the straw hats are.
10:41 — Do I want to go watch this speech at my roommate’s boyfriend’s house and eat ice cream? Hmmm.
10:42 — “Something related to education is the civil rights movement of this century.” Interesting analogy. I might have said that the GLBT movement is the most important civil rights issue right now. Not that education’s not important, but you know…
10:44 — People are yawning. I am too.
10:45 — Did Palin get new glasses?
10:45 — “We will drill off-shore and we will drill NOW!” Someone is holding up an “Environmentalists for McCain” sign. Really? Did they notice that Palin doesn’t believe humans are responsible for global warming?
10:46 — Stop making fun of Barry; we all know off-shore drilling isn’t a long-term option.
10:47 — “We must see the threats to peace and liberty in our time clearly.” True, let’s do that.
10:48 — “Iran is evil. So is Russia.” But I don’t understand…I have a REALLY adorable teacher from Iran. He wears bow ties.
10:49 — “I’m not afraid; I’m prepared. I know how the military works…yada yada.”
10:50 — My roommate just left. She took the ice cream. Now I’m bored and lonely again with no one but McCain to keep me company.
10:51 — Okay, he spoke sort of eloquently there about war and peace and keeping us safe.
10:52 — I don’t think I’m very good at liveblogging. I’m exceptionally bored and don’t have anything insightful to say. I wish I had something delicious to snack on. Let’s see what Wonkette just liveblogged: “He’s like, I will not send Young People To Die for no good reason. And yet… just… and yet.” Dear Wonkette, I love you.
10:53 — “I WAS IN A WAR, REMEMBER? THAT BLACK GUY WASN’T.”
10:54 — Girl with yellow eyeshadow cries.
10:55 — Ooh valuable life lesson time. Oh, shocker, it’s about how he was in the war. “Vietnam Vietnam…torture torture torture…I was a maverick…I was shot down…and remember, I was tortured!!!” Two other soldiers he was with took care of him and saved his life. That does make me feel sort of warm and fuzzy inside.
11:02 — “We’ve gotta fight for our right to party.” Okay he didn’t really say that. Now he’s talking like a robot through the cheers of the crowd. Ha, they, they worked in a shot of a guy wearing a yarmulke and a black woman right at the end. Republicans are so diverse!
11:05 — Phew, it’s over. What is that music at the end? Oh, it’s really bad, tacky country music, that’s what.
11:07 — The balloons just dropped, awkwardly late. What is this, THE PROM?! (Zing!)
Okay I’m finished with this. Hopefully Kathleen will be back tomorrow with some legitimate commentary.
[Posted by Mallory]
six words to change the world. 