Author Archives: Mallory

from the department of hilarious crimes…

As I’ve mentioned, I’m in grad school now and so occasionally I’ll get these safety alerts from my school about crimes that have happened in the area. Mostly the alerts scare the shit out of me and make me afraid to walk alone at night, but this one made me chuckle:

Please be advised that on Sunday, September 21, 2008 at approximately 3:30 a.m., a group of 12-15 white males and females broke into a private residence and stole a bronze bull’s head sculpture worth $25,000.

Ha ha! What is this, Ocean’s Eleven? 12-15 people?! Was this some sort of massive dare? A drinking game gone awry? An extremely ambitious ploy to get listed in the safety alert emails? Either way, it brightened my day a little. And compelled me to put my $25,000 bronze bull’s head sculpture in my vault.

[Posted by Mallory]

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the blues, they’re all the same.

As many of you know, I am legit obsessed with the Counting Crows and would accept a job fixing Adam Duritz’s dreads if he would only offer it to me. I thought I had heard every Counting Crows song ever made, but of course this new genius playlist thing from iTunes was all “Ha ha! Look at all these songs you’ve never heard! And you call yourself a fan!” and then I felt inadequate and immediately bought all of the songs. It turned out to be a good idea, because I discovered what is now one of my new favorite songs. It’s actually a cover of a Jackson Frank song, but I really dig the Counting Crows version. Without further ado, please enjoy “The Blues Run the Game”:

Mmm I love them.

[Posted by Mallory]

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palin meets important people, remains worthless.

Aaaand all of this is actually painful to read.

I’m going to sedate myself with an issue of Real Simple and go to sleep.

[Posted by Mallory]

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mccain lied, i’m tired, the end.

I just had like a million hours of class — with the last class culminating in a raging debate over the format of our final — and then WALKED home so I’m kind of tired. I know, my life is really hard. But thanks to the New York Times News Alerts, I was among the first to read this little ditty, which I will cut and paste for your reading pleasure, because again, I’m tired.

McCain Aide’s Firm Was Paid by Freddie Mac

One of the giant mortgage companies at the heart of the credit crisis paid $15,000 a month to a firm owned by Senator John McCain’s campaign manager from the end of 2005 through last month, according to two people with direct knowledge of the arrangement. The disclosure contradicts a statement Sunday night by Mr. McCain that the campaign manager, Rick Davis, had no involvement with the company for the last several years.

You can read more about the issue here. As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t exactly understand this stuff, but here’s a little more info to help us understand:

 

Mr. Davis’s firm received the payments from the company, Freddie Mac, until it was taken over by the government this month along with Fannie Mae, the other big mortgage lender whose deteriorating finances helped precipitate the cascading problems on Wall Street, the two people said.

They said they did not recall Mr. Davis’s doing much substantive work for the company in return for the money, other than to speak to a political action committee of high-ranking employees in October 2006 on the approaching midterm Congressional elections. They said Mr. Davis’s firm, Davis Manafort, had been kept on the payroll because of his close ties to Mr. McCain, the Republican presidential nominee, who by 2006 was widely expected to run again for the White House.

Mr. Davis took a leave from Davis Manafort for the presidential campaign, but as an equity holder continues to benefit from its income. No one at Davis Manafort other than Mr. Davis was involved in efforts on Freddie Mac’s behalf, the people familiar with the arrangement said.

 

And all this is on the heels of the McCain campaign releasing ads tying Obama to Fannie Mae chiefs. Hmm. Nice straight talk there, Maverick. But don’t worry, America: my Belgian friend just assured me that Obama and Biden have it in the bag.

[Posted by Mallory]

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gossip girl’s back, with a vengeance.

I mentioned last week that I was starting to get a leetle sick of Gossip Girl. The plot was getting sort of boring — and by boring I mean less deliciously crappy — and I was losing interest. But tonight, folks, my favorite guilty pleasure redeemed itself. There is so much new scandal and I love it! 

Dan had a new girlfriend who sucked a lot and then the girlfriend turned out to be working for the Chuck Basstard! The Lord and the Duchess were hooking up! Jenny’s hair still looks so brittle that I’m worried she might be anorexic in real life! And, most importantly, Serena is eeeevil again. Mwhaha! 

Also, Nate is still prettier than I ever hope to be…

Give me your eyelashes, fool!

In other news, I’m totally loving the new iPod song, “Bruises,” by Chairlift. I’m a sucker for a good song from an Apple commercial (right, KTray?).

Once something newsworthy happens that isn’t financial (because, remember, I just don’t understand that stuff. And I have no money to lose, so it’s hard for me to try to understand…), I promise I’ll stop writing exclusively about Gossip Girl.

[Posted by Mallory]

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she moves in her own way.

I don’t have a lot to write about right now, because the only things going on in the world are the Second Great Depression and Sarah Palin. I don’t understand the economy, and I’m sick of talking about Palin, so I’ve got nothing. And I mean, Kathleen already stole the best story of the day

But I want to post SOMETHING so let’s all listen to my new favorite song, “She Moves In Her Own Way,” by The Kooks. Those of you who know me: picture the song as if it’s about me. Picture me dancing to it, moving in MY own way. Which is to say, extremely awkwardly. Now didn’t that bring a smile to your face?

Also, isn’t the title a great six word memoir? Quick, somebody claim it and make it their own!

[Posted by Mallory]

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happiness in tiny delicious dessert form.

If I could have any job in the world, I would like to own a candy store or a cupcake shop. Maybe an ice cream parlor. Something along those lines.

I’ve thought this for a long time. There is pretty much no happier place in the world than one of these shops. In high school, I used to work in a WONDERFUL candy store during the holiday season, and I loved every second of it. No one is ever pissed off while they’re buying candy. And if you work at a candy store, you get to nibble everything for free. Helloooo heaven.

The reason this comes up today is that my friends and I just discovered our own little piece of heaven in Georgetown: Georgetown Cupcake. Please just look at their website/menu and be jealous. We were wandering towards M Street to get coffee, and then, like a vision, this cupcake store appeared. I’d heard of it before, but I didn’t know that it was AROUND THE CORNER from our program’s headquarters. Which means I will probably go there every day. Which means next time you see me, I’ll have gained 200 pounds but I’ll be a lot happier.

Now everyone go eat a cupcake and get excited that it’s almost Friday.

[Posted by Mallory]

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i hate you, shannon cross. (obviously.)

So I decided I’d be ambitious today and get the Hump Day Cry Face up at a decent hour so that people (okay, it was like one person) stop harassing me about it. As I scanned my Cry Face photos on the new Facebook (which I HATE, by the way. How could you do this to us, Mark?!!), I thought to myself, “Hmmm, which friend do I want to embarrass today? And then I realized I have yet to embarrass my best friend from home, one Shannon “Marie” Cross. Here goes:

Ha ha, doesn’t she look like a guppy?

[Posted by Mallory]

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what would palin have named you?

Instead of doing something productive, I’m reading Wonkette and G-Chatting, but it’s okay because I discovered something wonderful. If you go to this site, you can type in your name and find out what your name would be if you were unfortunate enough to be Sarah Palin’s child. Obviously it’s just randomly generated names, but I still think it’s fun.

Mine was a sort of boring Turbine Yukon Palin. I think I’d go by Turby. If I throw in my last name, I’m told I’d be called Skein Chug Palin, which is way more fun.

Kathleen’s is amazing: Mullet Troll Palin. Ha!

Other fun ones…

George Bush: Open Aircraft Palin. I like it.

Barack Obama: Tarp Lazer Palin. I once knew a girl named Rezal, and she used to explain that her name was just like Lazer, except backwards.

My roommate: Froth Moonshine Palin. Appropriate.

Ghandi: Luger Otter Palin. Yeah, I prefer Ghandi.

And if Sarah Palin had gotten to name herself, she’d be Flack Gobbler Palin. Too bad she didn’t get to name herself, because if that had been the case she totally wouldn’t have been McCain’s VP candidate. John and Flack just doesn’t have a presidential ring to it.

Okay now maybe I’ll do some work. Have fun.

[Posted by Mallory]

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dan humphrey is hot, the end.

Because I have a vagina (just like Sarah Palin!), I watch Gossip Girl. Whatever, we’re addicted to this kind of mindless crap here at SWTCTW. My roommate Sarah and I have been catching up with the new season via iTunes, and today we actually watched an episode in real time. I know, we’re impressive. 

Now, it’s not like I expect Gossip Girl to blow my mind with intelligent plots and complex characters, but last season was delightfully scandalous and trashy and fun to watch, while this season is shaping up to be a glorified soap opera. I mean, they included a citywide blackout as part of the plot. As my roomie said, “Oh, right. Because those are SO COMMON.” Basically Chuck is starting to drive me nuts, as is Serena and her inappropriate outfits and inability to act. On the other hand, I’m sort of into the Nate/Vanessa subplot because they would produce the most beautiful offspring EVER. Oh, and also…did Dan not get WAY hotter?

Major emo alert on this next one…

Dan/Penn, call me. We’ll be tortured and emo together. I’m totally into that these days.

You know you love me.

[Posted by Mallory]

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