Category Archives: humor

by | September 26, 2008 · 3:31 am

“yes.” (that’s what she said. zing!)

SPOILER ALERT!

So after three glasses of wine, a delicious meal that someone else cooked for me, a gourmet cupcake, and 45 minutes of mediocre hilarity, JIM PROPOSED TO PAM! Yeah whatever maybe it was at a rest stop but it was perfect and I cried a little. Take a peek at the expert commentary I shared with my friend Doobie:

daniel: hey mallo bar
me: DOOBIE DID YOU WATCH??!!
daniel: uh, of course!
me: i may have teared up a little
daniel: im sorry, but that proposal was super lame
me: aw see i liked it!
it was spontaneous!
and romantic!
in its own way!
daniel: and totally weak
me: oh whatever.
daniel: girls

The moral of the story is that Jim and Pam are perfect, and Sarah Palin is the worst human alive ever.

UPDATE (or the reason Doobie and I are no longer friends):

me: sir you are now famous because you are on the blog
daniel: hahahah woah, dont bring my future wife into the pictue
i would never propose to palin in that manner
daniel: i would do her up right, and hide a ring in her box of ammunition during our Adirondack hunting expedition. Then, as she took aim at the mammoth polar bear, she would see the glint of the diamond and fall deeply in love with me. (after she took down the bear with a headshot)

Sigh.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | September 25, 2008 · 3:49 pm

from the department of hilarious crimes…

As I’ve mentioned, I’m in grad school now and so occasionally I’ll get these safety alerts from my school about crimes that have happened in the area. Mostly the alerts scare the shit out of me and make me afraid to walk alone at night, but this one made me chuckle:

Please be advised that on Sunday, September 21, 2008 at approximately 3:30 a.m., a group of 12-15 white males and females broke into a private residence and stole a bronze bull’s head sculpture worth $25,000.

Ha ha! What is this, Ocean’s Eleven? 12-15 people?! Was this some sort of massive dare? A drinking game gone awry? An extremely ambitious ploy to get listed in the safety alert emails? Either way, it brightened my day a little. And compelled me to put my $25,000 bronze bull’s head sculpture in my vault.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | September 24, 2008 · 3:30 am

youtube clip of today: dr. mcswimmy.

One word: RAWR.

Jimmy Kimmel strikes again!  Who knew he was so funny?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | September 24, 2008 · 3:28 am

palin meets important people, remains worthless.

Aaaand all of this is actually painful to read.

I’m going to sedate myself with an issue of Real Simple and go to sleep.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | September 19, 2008 · 5:15 am

it’s talk like a pirate day!

Ahoy mateys!  Avast!  Today, September 19, is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. (For the official Web site, click here.)  Though not a Federal holiday, today is special in the salty hearts of many.  Arrrrrrr ye ready fer it?  First, go here to get your new pirate name.  And now, here are some pirate jokes, compliments of piratejokes.net.

Q:  How do pirates know that they are pirates?
A:  They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!
Q:  Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A:  Because they can spend years at C!
Q:  What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare?
A:  A sunken chest with no booty
Haha.  Shiver me timbers, those are bad!  But in that awesomely bad way. Right?
So have a Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day, me hearties.  Here’s some lingo for you.  Easy on the pillaging!
RARRRRR!
[Posted by Kathleen aka Cap’n Ramona Knockboots]

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by | September 18, 2008 · 4:18 pm

the office starts in one week!

To commemorate the return of The Office in just one short week (yay! Jim Halpert!), I am posting this amazing video.  So watch it.  It will make you feel warm and tingly inside…that’s what she said?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | September 18, 2008 · 1:11 pm

hey zuckerberg: facebook me, marry me.

Forbe’s released their list of the top 400 wealthiest people in the universe yesterday.  The list, which says marital status, is like a guidebook for golddiggers!  (Though I suppose if you are a real golddigger, you don’t care what their marital status is.)  And guess who was on it?  Marky Mark Zuckerberg!  He is the youngest person on the list–he’s 24–and has a sweet 1.5 billion dollars.  Damnnnnn.  I wish I had created something as addictive as Facebook from my dorm room too. Most of the time in my dorm room was spent watching Law and Order with our South Korea Correspondent.  And it was awesome.

So when I was looking at pictures of MZ (just in case I ever run into him), something struck me about this photo.

See it? Haha.

Rumor has it that Mark has a girlfriend, Priscilla Chan, who also works on Facebook.  Oh well.  I hate the new Facebook anyway.

Perhaps I can set my sights on Beanie Babies founder Ty Warner.  He’s apparently single.  Kiddddding.

Click here for the Forbes article.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | September 17, 2008 · 1:15 pm

i hate you, shannon cross. (obviously.)

So I decided I’d be ambitious today and get the Hump Day Cry Face up at a decent hour so that people (okay, it was like one person) stop harassing me about it. As I scanned my Cry Face photos on the new Facebook (which I HATE, by the way. How could you do this to us, Mark?!!), I thought to myself, “Hmmm, which friend do I want to embarrass today? And then I realized I have yet to embarrass my best friend from home, one Shannon “Marie” Cross. Here goes:

Ha ha, doesn’t she look like a guppy?

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | September 16, 2008 · 5:55 pm

what would palin have named you?

Instead of doing something productive, I’m reading Wonkette and G-Chatting, but it’s okay because I discovered something wonderful. If you go to this site, you can type in your name and find out what your name would be if you were unfortunate enough to be Sarah Palin’s child. Obviously it’s just randomly generated names, but I still think it’s fun.

Mine was a sort of boring Turbine Yukon Palin. I think I’d go by Turby. If I throw in my last name, I’m told I’d be called Skein Chug Palin, which is way more fun.

Kathleen’s is amazing: Mullet Troll Palin. Ha!

Other fun ones…

George Bush: Open Aircraft Palin. I like it.

Barack Obama: Tarp Lazer Palin. I once knew a girl named Rezal, and she used to explain that her name was just like Lazer, except backwards.

My roommate: Froth Moonshine Palin. Appropriate.

Ghandi: Luger Otter Palin. Yeah, I prefer Ghandi.

And if Sarah Palin had gotten to name herself, she’d be Flack Gobbler Palin. Too bad she didn’t get to name herself, because if that had been the case she totally wouldn’t have been McCain’s VP candidate. John and Flack just doesn’t have a presidential ring to it.

Okay now maybe I’ll do some work. Have fun.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | September 14, 2008 · 11:31 pm

tina fey is palin on snl!

The woman who made wearing glasses sexy is back.  Tina Fey, I love you.  And now she is back on SNL as highly under-qualified Alaska Governor Sarah Palin–and she’s great at it.  Even the obnoxious accent is right.  Enjoy.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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