Category Archives: news

live blogging the vice presidential showdown.

9:01 –  Hi Gwen!  Looking foxy in teal.  We get it, we get it.  Let’s just get to it.

9:03 – Ooooh the bail out.  Joe is on message.  YESSSSSS.  I’m mesmerized by the chart at the bottom of the screen.  The positives soared for Sen. Biden.  Oh, here goes Sarah talking about parents at a soccer game. Do you have kids?  I had no idea!  But I thought you were hockey mom?  GET YOUR STORY STRAIGHT, LADY.  Both candidates went to bat for the top of the ticket right away.  Not surprising.

9:08 – She whipped out the maverick card.  “Git down, to gitting business done.”  Ugh.  She threw in the “all due respect” line, which we all means with no respect at all.  I don’t think that inferring Biden’s been in the Senate for too long is a good approach, Sarah.  Have you met John McCain?  And stop trying to steal the term change from the Change Master.

9:14 – She’s not going to answer the questions the way the moderator wants? If I were Gwen, I would have given her an eye roll and snapped my fingers in her face.  Straight talk, Sarah?  Answer the straight questions.  I’ve got a question for you.  Did dinosaurs and humans exist at the same time?  But we digress.

9:17 – Sarah, government isn’t the problem.  YOU are the problem with government.

9:21 – Biden made a funny about the bridge to nowhere!  And a great rebuttal about the health care system.

9:29 – Yawn.  I want to see them take the gloves off.  Maybe I’ll make myself a glass of chocolate milk.

9:30 – Oh goody!  CLIMATE CHANGE.  Well at least she acknowledges that it exists.  Biden corrects his coal gaffe of last week.  Thatta boy, stick it to them.

9:35 – Palin says the word “rape” and the ticker is showing a drop in favorability among women.

9:41 – Biden is hitting this war question out of the park.  I cannot believe that she just called Barack’s plan a “white flag of surrender”.  The fact that both of these candidates have children in the military and in the Middle East is huge.  It prevents cheap shots, for sure.  I’m staring at Palin’s potentially tatooed lip liner.  I’m kind of freaked out.

9:49 – Ever notice that sometimes Sarah Palin sounds like a leprechaun?  Where is she from again?

9:54 – Yawning again.  But wait!  A question about the Bush administration.  STOP GIVING THE CAMERA SEX EYES PALIN.

9:56 – Every time Biden said “George Bush’s”, I chuckled.  It sounded like George Bushish.  Which, in my mind, was twisted to George Bushit.  Teehee.

10:02 – Come on guys, get spicy.  But right now, Biden talking about helping Darfur is really inspiring.  He’s showing that he really knows what he’s talking about with foreign policy.  This guy knows what’s going on.  I wonder if Sarah Palin could point out Darfur on a map?  Stop talking about Alaska.  Nobody cares.

10:07 – My friend just said Palin is really into these “mom pep talks”.  Well put, sir.  Mom pep talks are not what we need though.  We need ideas.  We need someone who understands what’s going on.  Someone that reads the newspaper, perhaps.

10:17 – Defending Dick Cheney is not a strong position for Sarah Palin.

10:21 – Did Biden just choke up a bit while talking about being a single parent?  Awwww!  Make fun of him for running his mouth all you want, but this guy is genuine.

10:24 – Biden just nailed the Maverick thing.  He pointed out everything that John McCain has voted against.  That’s not being a maverick.  And he tied it back to the issues talked about at the kitchen table, just like Palin was talking about.  BRILLIANT.

10:29 – Palin’s closing statements.  Blah blah blah, Ronald Reagan, blah blah blah, her family.

10:31 – Biden reclaims the word “change” for Obama.  I’m feeling good.  God bless America.

10:40 – Naturally I want to call this for Biden.  And I think issues wise, he won.  He was is the better debater.  And I could tell he was holding himself back from the zingers that he’s so good at.  (On Rudy Guiliani: “There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence — a noun, a verb, and 9/11.”) I sort of wish he had let her have it a little bit more.

But here’s the thing about Palin– she didn’t have any egregious gaffes, which is what we were all wishing for.  Except calingl a U.S. General by the wrong name…and some other minor stuff.  Anyway, the standard was so low for her that all she really had to do was give an answer, use folksy language and bat her eyes.  I wonder what would have happened if she had been forced to do more follow up questions.  She was well-rehearsed, and it showed.  She was, after all, in beauty pageants.  Except that she isn’t really looking for world peace.

What do you think?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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michele is udderly insane. get it?

Michele Allen was just trying to have a normal Saturday night.  So she ended up in a cow suit, chasing children, peeing on porches and getting arrested  Needless to say, she was schwasted.

(Middletown, OH) — Saturday night, people in the 3100 block of Wilbraham Road called police to report a woman wearing a cow costume was chasing kids, and blocking traffic. Michele Allen also allegedly urinated on the porch of one neighbor.
When officers arrived, they told her to go home. But later that night, they found her again, in the 2400 block of Verity, standing in traffic. This time, officers say, Allen smelled of alcohol and swore at them.
She was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.
Allen plead guilty, Monday morning, in Middletown Municipal Court, and sentenced to a month in jail.

This is a true story.  Apparently, she showed up to the hearing still in costume.  Haha!

Many questions come up when one thinks about this story.  Oddly enough, the first thing that came to my mind was how did she pee?  From the udders?  Or did she pop a squat and break character?  DC correspondent Chris raised a couple of other good questions.  Was she drunk before she put on the cow costume?  Or did she get drunk and then decide to frolic about in a cow costume?

I question her judgment either way.

Silly Michele.  If you had only waited until Halloween, you probably could have gotten through the night at least without being arrested.  Hell, scaring children in a cow costume while drunk and peeing on buildings that don’t belong to you might even be considered normal–at least on a college campus.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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things have been kinda crazy lately…

Here is a quick news round up.

  • So that bailout thing everyone was talking about?  Yeah it failed.  And people are screaming about Nancy P’s speech.  McCain and company are saying that’s the reason it failed.  Well.  If any congressman changed their vote because they got mad over of a speech from Nancy Pelosi then they lack the mental clarity to be in Congress.  End of story.   But Congress is going to keep working on this.  Hopefully.  But some good news?  The market shot up 200 points this morning.
  • OH MY GOD, THE SCIENTISTS SAW SNOW FALLING ON MARS.  Are aliens real?
  • Have you ever read about those creepy purity balls?  No?  Click here.  So basically, you go to a ball with your dad, sign a covenant with the big guy to be a good girl, and then your daddy signs something saying he’ll be your protector.  Ugh.  It tells the story of one girl who promised not to kiss until she got married. Wowie.  What if her husband is a face licker?  What if he’s a tongue strangler? Dumb.  The headline of the story? “Virginity Pledges Can Work For Some”.  HAHA.  Not most.  Moving on.
  • And finally, shana tova, Jewish friends!  Happy New Year!  Kind of unfair that you get to have two new years and then eight days of presents instead of one, but I’m over it.  In case you haven’t seen this, here is Sarah Silverman’s video asking Jewish kids to get their grandparents in Florida to vote for Obama.  Kind of hysterical.  Could be offensive.  It’s Sarah Silverman.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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is this just a goldilocks dilemma?

I just read a balanced Newsweek article that’s worth reading, no matter which side of the fence you’re on. Here’s a quick excerpt:

The three tests of recent weeks—the vice presidential nominations, the conflict in Georgia and now the financial crisis—have raised, in a serious way not always evident in presidential politics, the key question: how would each man lead? Our view is that if you are among the 18 percent or so of undecided voters (the current figure in most national polls), we think you now have more than enough on which to decide. McCain and Obama see the world differently, and you can see how; they behave in their own skins differently, and you can see how. The drama of the autumn has served perhaps the noblest end we could hope for, shedding light on how each man would govern. McCain is passionate, sometimes impulsive and unpredictable; Obama is precise, occasionally withdrawn and methodical.

Do you want Mr. Hot or Mr. Cold as your president? It’s our choice, folks.

[Posted by Mallory]

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i’d kill for bigger boobs, mom.

Here’s a good story for you.  Eighteen year old Nikita Lee Weis wanted to kill his mother.  Why?  So he could sell her stuff, and get the money to buy his girlfriend bigger boobs, duh.  Awwww!  How selfless of him!  His mother, Hyun Weis, was attacked with a baseball bat in her house on Thursday.  She spent one night in the hospital, but she’s okay.  But the police have arrested Nikita, the two kids he hired and his flat-chested girlfriend Sophia Nicole Alsept on suspicion of conspiracy to commit first degree murder.

So Nikita is a boobs man?

Really though, let’s take a second to acknowledge the absurdity of this.  This kid wants his girlfriend’s rack to be bigger badly enough that he would kill his mother?  Back in the day, when I used to say that I’d kill for bigger boobs, I didn’t mean it.  It was HYPERBOLE.  And hello, Sophia?  If that man buys your tatas he’s going to think that he owns them. Girrrrrrrrl that’s not good.  Especially if he kills his mama over them.  Just saying…

Children these days.  Geeeeeez.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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actor and philanthropist paul newman dies.

I was really sad to hear today that the legendary Paul Newman has died of lung cancer.  There is an old African saying that says, “every time an old person dies, it is as if a library has burned down.”

Here is what I know about Paul Newman.  He was in over 60 films and was nominated for an Oscar 10 times. He had AMAZING blue eyes.  I love his salad dressing, lemonade and I am popping a bag of Newman’s Own popcorn as I write this.  He was a dedicated Democrat and selfless philanthropist.  All proceeds from Newman’s Own products went to charity.  As of 2006, the amount donated was over $200 million.  Wowie.

He was a known family man.  Here’s a colorful quote he gave after being asked about marital infidelity: “I have steak at home, why go out for hamburger?”

Aww.

You can just tell he was a good guy and a great American.  Read more about his life here, here and here.

Here are some pictures:

Look at those eyes.

RIP Paul Newman.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under celebrities, crushes, movies, news, pop culture, random, RIP

johnny changes mind, decides to debate.

Oh, McCain.  Your political powerplay of supposedly suspending your campaign and trying to weasel out of debating Barack backfired.  Even the Huckster thinks it was a “huge mistake“.

Huckabee said he still backs McCain’s candidacy, but said the Arizona senator should not have put his campaign on hold to deal with the financial crisis on Wall Street. He said a president must be prepared to “deal with the unexpected.”  “You can’t just say, ‘World stop for a moment. I’m going to cancel everything,'” Huckabee said.

You flip-flop on your issue positions, but now you’ve even flip-flopped on the debate itself, John.  But I’m glad you changed your mind, since administrators at Ole Miss said cancelling the debates would have been financially devastating.  Plus, Barack would have showed up (because he can multi-task–an important skill for a president, no?) and done the debate without you.  You better get ready for the ball, Cinderella, because it’s going to be a good one.

I, however, will not be able to watch it live because I will be enjoying the musical stylings of the one and only Mr. Ben Folds.  Somebody TiVo it for me, please?!  The debates are being held at Ole Miss and will be broadcasted at 9 p.m. on pretty much every news network.  WATCH THEM.

UPDATED: Apparently I don’t have to watch the debates, because John McCain has already declared himself the winner.  I am not joking.  The man that tried to get out of the debates ran an ad this morning in the WSJ that he had won the debates!  Click here for the WaPo story.  Here is the ad:

HAHAHAHA.  Somebody’s getting fired today…

[Posted by Kathleen]

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kathleen parker thinks palin really sucks.

As a Democrat, I usually disagree with most everything Republican columnist Kathleen Parker says.  But she’s right about Sarah Palin.  Palin is out of her league here.  Parker admits that it’s hard to give up on a fellow Vagina-American, but Palin must do what’s right and step down.  It’s alright, K.  If Sarah Palin was a man she’d still be unqualified.

Since I do not want to dedicate ANY more of my personal words and energy to Sarah Palin, I am providing a link to this piece.  Plus, it’s good to read the words from a Republican, rather than my obviously biased (but would be AWESOME) summary.  It’s healthy.  Go on, read it.

http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=MDZiMDhjYTU1NmI5Y2MwZjg2MWNiMWMyYTUxZDkwNTE=

Oh, alright.  Here’s the link to the MISERABLE yet enlightening Katie Couric interview:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/09/25/eveningnews/main4479062.shtml

[Posted by Kathleen]

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a friday roundup of random crimes.

Come Monday, you may not have any money and our entire country might be in shambles, but for today, let’s focus on the random “criminal” shit that goes on in our world.

From Mouse, our NYC Correspondent, comes an article titled “Woman ‘tricked into sex’ by penis cream treatment.” Intrigued? Basically, this rando pilot dude convinced a schoolteacher to help him administer ointment to the end of his penis, by having sex with him:

Fadi Sbano, 38, even pretended to know a gynaecologist who advised him on how often to have intercourse with her and whether to thrust “slowly or quickly”. And, on the “doctor’s advice”, he kept a clock on the bedside table to time the sessions.

The teacher put up with the treatment for nine months before telling her doctor.

And also:

[The woman’s lawyer] said the woman found the sessions “Clinical, not at all erotic”. She consented only because she believed it was a proper treatment.

Oh Jesus. Is this lady for real? I mean, the guy is clearly a creep and I guess this qualifies as rape, but maybe the woman can get a life sentence for mind-boggling stupidity.

Then, a little story from West Virginia was brought to my attention by Dooce, my favorite lady blogger:

West Virginia man accused of passing gas and fanning it toward a police officer no longer faces a battery charge. The Kanawha County prosecutor’s office requested that the charge be dropped against 34-year-old Jose Cruz.

According to a criminal complaint, Cruz passed gas and made a fanning motion toward patrolman T.E. Parsons after being taken to thepolice station for a breathalyzer test. Cruz denies fanning the gas and says his request to use a restroom when first arriving at the station was denied.

I don’t even have to comment on that. It’s hilarious and absurd all on its own. And don’t worry: Cruz is probably still going to the slammer for driving drunk, so we should all be safe from his gas-fanning criminal ways.

Finally, from our own Kentucky/West Virginia Correspondent (she claims both states) comes a story out of Lexington about a man who has just been arrested for the 1,000th time. You read that right. Henry Earl, pictured above, has become something of a celebrity for his track record. Most of his arrests have been for nonviolent offenses like public intoxication, and Earl only spends an average of two days out of jail before getting himself back in the big house. For this milestone crime, the judge sentenced ol’ Henry to — you guessed it — 1,000 days in jail.

If we were to get serious about this, we could discuss all of the bad things this says about our criminal justice system, and talk about how sad it is the Earl seems to be totally fine spending most of his life behind bars. But instead, because it’s Friday, let’s just be glad that the Second Great Depression hasn’t officially started yet, and that we can all still pretend to afford overpriced gin and tonics. Sigh. Happy weekend?

[Posted by Mallory]

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just six words and a picture.

John Mccain and Benedict Arnold embrace.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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