Tag Archives: politics

by | July 30, 2008 · 5:41 am

kerry’s not just a democratic partier.

Our former Democratic presidential nominee, Sen. John Kerry is also a real partier. Or so these pictures, dug up by TMZ, would suggest. But here’s the thing–I don’t believe what the pictures suggest.

Because let’s face it, if you’re black out drunk and you run into anyone, and I mean ANYONE you know, you’re going to make them take pictures with you. And they, by default, will appear plastered as well. If you don’t believe me, please refer to Mallory’s cry face photos. I don’t know how to put this delicately, but John Kerry also has a permanent case of the drunk eyes. It’s not his fault. So basically, I believe the statement from his office:

“As Sen. Kerry and two friends left dinner at the Straight Warf restaurant on Nantucket and walked down the dock, a large group on a boat recognized Senator Kerry and asked if they could have a photo taken. The group came off the boat and onto the dock, took a photo with Sen. Kerry and his friends, and then Sen. Kerry and his two friends immediately walked away. End of story.”

These biddies, according to TMZ, are sophomores and juniors in college. But they’re also constituents! And, it has been reported, one of them was drinking out of a (gasp!) penis straw. Sophomores and juniors, you say? Yeah, that sounds about right.

So here are some of the pictures. What do you think?

The girl in the green dress has made a spectacular collegiate showing in these photos. I’d personally like to extend my congratulations and sheer appreciation that she wisely chose to wear underwear that night. I’d also like to send my condolences to you, dear girl, because now everybody that goes on the internet knows you’re a sloppy drunk/the annoying girl that makes dumb faces in EVERY FREAKING PHOTO. (You all know the kind of girl I’m talking about.)

So despite thinking the photos aren’t that big of a deal, please, make all the jokes you want, because John Kerry looks like real Democratic, um, donkey. (Read: he looks like a huge ass.) These pict-chas are hysterical. If this was me and my girrrrrrls, helllllz yeah, I wouldn’t just Facebook ’em, I’d tag ’em too! Which means I’m serious.

And here is my final thought. Even if he is partying with a bunch of college sluts like a huge douche, whatever. At least he’s partying. Because we all know the Republican party is neither a republic, nor a party. Discuss amongst yourselves.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 28, 2008 · 11:35 pm

department of things that are unsurprising.

This just in: our Department of Justice has been compromised. By terrorists? Nope. By political corruption and the antithesis of justice–discrimination. As Stephen Colbert would say, a wag of my finger to you, DOJ. Watch out, folks, I’m about to launch into a political tirade. But what I’m talking about is important and every American should be upset.

A report released by the DOJ’s inspector general and internal ethics office confirms what has been known for quite awhile–that top aides under Alberto Gonzales broke the law by using illegal hiring tactics and discriminating against those deemed to be too left leaning. Basically, if you disagreed with the current administration, you couldn’t get a job. Damn, that sucks, because roughly 70% of America disagrees with Bush right now.

Anyway, Monica Goodling, a top aide, was apparently the mastermind behind this project. She would ask leading questions in interviews to gage the political leanings of potential employees. And if they were not in line with George W. Bush and his cronies, they were not hired. This, of course, resulted in the hiring of some less than qualified candidates. Good job, Monica! That’s exactly what this country needs! Perfect, just perfect. You can read the horror stories for yourself here and here.

In my perfect world, our president would be Jed Bartlet (who is from New Hampshire! Heyyyyy), and the White House would be run by Sam Seaborn, Josh Lyman, CJ Cregg, Leo McGarry, and Toby Ziegler. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, please NetFlix the West Wing seasons 1-4 right now. The other seasons are okay, but those are the glory days (WHY OH WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE, SORKIN?). Anyway, even in my perfect/fictional world run by Democratic politics, Republicans were hired. Because that’s the right thing to do. I’m talking about Ainsley Hayes, kids.

Monica Goodling may seem like Ainsley Hayes–a blonde, Republican lawyer. Except Ainsley Hayes was awesome. And had ethics.

Here is Monica (oh, the irony of this pose):

Here is Ainsley:

I’m obviously idealistic about government, because I’ve witnessed grassroots politics (power from the people) and believe that the intentions of many politicians are good. But this is a let down, and I don’t like it. No matter who has control of the White House and Congress, the Department of Justice should be freed of this shameful politicization. We as Americans–we as the United States–depend on it.

And now, friends, I’m going to go eat my emotions and watch six straight hours of the West Wing on my MacBook. And then, I’m going to do something to work for change.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 25, 2008 · 5:19 pm

bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb iran.

Courtesy of my boyfriend Annie, our NYC correspondent, take a look at this Politico article about McCain’s off-color humor (which we’ve discussed a lot at SWTCTW…here and here and here). Here’s an excerpt:

McCain’s humor, by contrast, makes him the political counterpart of the radio host Don Imus (whom he has defended): It’s sharp, unrehearsed and, at times, way, way over the line. This cycle, he’s drawn winces, and worse, for everything from a joking reference to domestic violence to a now-notorious little ditty about bombing Iran. Earlier in his political career, the Arizona press reported that he’d cracked a rape joke that would now probably end any politician’s career, a joke his aides then and now say he doesn’t recall making.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | July 25, 2008 · 3:37 pm

colorado’s got mountains, mccain, and ME!

In case you hadn’t heard amidst the news of the Barackstar hanging out in Germany, John McCain will be in the great state of Colorado today. Woo hoo! While driving to work this morning, I passed the Grand Hyatt where McCain will speak to a group of veterans, and I was relieved, for his sake, to see that there were actually reporters there. (We’re clearly not huge fans of Johnny here at SWTCTW, but I’m starting to almost pity the old guy. Did you hear about how he watched Obama’s speech to four billion Germans from a German restaurant in Ohio? Oh, John.)

I wanted to liveblog McCain’s speech today, but then I realized that a) I’m not a veteran and thus wouldn’t be allowed into the event, b) I have to work today, and c) even if those other two things weren’t true, my laptop is so fragile and close to death that it cannot leave the house. So, no liveblogging.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | July 24, 2008 · 4:25 pm

richard simmons: sweatin’ to the congress?

Here is a delightful thought for your Thursday afternoon! Fitness master and supreme god of the tacky workout videos Richard Simmons alluded to his dreams of someday being a member of the US Congress. He’s already at the Capitol–today he testified to the House Education and Labor Committee about childhood obesity. Here is what went down. This, of course, comes from CNN’s Political Ticker.

In a half-serious, half-jocular tone, Simmons described his approach to the hearing, saying, “I want to have the respect of a congressman, I want to talk like a congressman, and maybe, someday, I’ll be a congressman.”

But you already have our respect RS! People don’t respect congressmen and women that much. In fact, they are the least liked branch of government! I bet more people watch your workout videos (god love them) than C-SPAN. Then, he cited Jesse Ventura as an example of celebrity-gone-politician. Just me, but if I was going to make a case for that, I don’t think I would use “The Body” as my example. Maybe Ronald Reagan? Whatev. He continued,

“After this congressional hearing, I will go home,” Simmons said, “I will talk with my Dalmatian dogs, I will pray to God and then I’ll see what else I can do to help.”

He would have dalmatians. And he would talk to them.

I personally think it would be kind of fun to have him in the House, as long as he’s right on with his policy and votes the way I want him to. Haha. I mean, this man has made millions of middle-aged people get off the couch and sweat to oldies, all while prancing around saying “I’m a pony! I’m a pony!” in short shorts. If elected, do you think he would wear a suit? The idea of Richard Simmons in anything other than shorts shorts just seems…unethical. That aside, just think of all the things he could inspire his fellow members of Congress to do! To prove how Richie can move mountains, I found a youtube video of his epic workout tapes, but somebody updated it and put it to the greatest song ever recorded–“Walk It Out” by DJ Unk. Haha. Anyway, enjoy. And in the great words of JFK, ask not what your country can do for you, but what Richard Simmons can do for your country.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 10, 2008 · 10:36 pm

a nation of whiners, you say?

Here’s a little rant. One of John McCain’s top advisers, former Senator Phil Gramm, has called the recession a “mental recession” and our United States of America a “nation of whiners”. Well, alright. But last time I checked, sharing your experiences and concerns with presidential candidates didn’t make you a whiner, it shows you are an engaged patriot.

Also, I’m going to guess that Gramm has enough money to avoid feeling the stresses of recession. But some people can’t even afford pizza on the weekends. And that’s not right. Oh, and just a quick fact for you, Phil. Your job might be set, but millions of Americans are rapidly losing jobs. During the month of May, the US unemployment rate jumped to 5.5%–the biggest one-month increase in over 20 years. June wasn’t much better. It is estimated that 8.5 million Americans are currently unemployed. And maybe more because people have given up and stopped looking and after a few months are no longer factored in to the unemployment number. Wake up, Phil.

In McCain’s defense, he said he disagreed with Phil. And he made a funny! When asked if Gramm would have a place in a McCain administration, he said he would consider making him ambassador to Belarus. Oh, Johnny. But you were one-upped by Saint Barack, who quipped: “America already has one Dr. Phil. We don’t need another one when it comes to the economy.” Love you, B.

Oh, and just because I’m feeling frisky/had a lovely day at the lake and I’m in an excellent mood, here is a fun video of McCain looking more awkward than a 7th grader in sex-ed when asked about Viagra and birth control. His response is boring, but his response time? Priceless. Haha! Enjoy!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 10, 2008 · 4:15 pm

jesse jackson: that’s not cool, dude.

So as some of you might have heard, Jesse Jackson messed up. On Fox News, of all places! He said something not so nice about my boy, Barack Obama. And like my mommy (and everyone else’s) says, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all–especially when you there is a microphone attached to your body. He was getting ready to address B’s speeches to black people and said “I wanna cut his nuts out.” Ouch? Bad move, Jesse! I’m feeling very protective of my presumptive Democratic nominee (and his you know whats), and I might hold a grudge.

But who would say “I want to cut his nuts out”? Wouldn’t the phrase be “I want to cut his nuts OFF”? The good reverend is getting a little too graphic for my taste and mixing up his idioms. Plus, they only do stuff like that in Louisiana, under Gov. Bobby Jindal. Jindal signed a bill allowing chemical castration for sex offenders…but that’s a different story. And he’s on the short list for McCain’s veep spot. Ahem.

Anyway, of course Jackson apologized with some BS statement, and of course, Saint Barack was gracious and accepted the apology. What troubles me the most about this is the lack of unity that’s going on. Rev. Jesse Jackson and Sen. Barack Obama might not be on the same page about everything, but they are on most things. It’s like women who say they won’t vote for Barack because Hillary lost. So what, you’re going to vote for McCain now? The McCain that voted against ensuring equal pay rights to women? The McCain that voted against funding for victims of domestic violence? The McCain that is wrong about women’s health issues. And finally, the McCain that called his wife a cunt? Haha, I LOVE to bring that one up. Small differences (like in the case of jilted Hillary voters, a chromosome) aren’t enough of a reason to give up on the overall vision.

Right now, and I’m sad that Jesse Jackson can’t see this, the election is not about black and white. Not to sound corny, but it’s about all of America. Rev. Al Sharpton agrees with me. Barack “is running for president of all Americans, not just African-Americans,” he said. We “must be careful not to segregate Senator Obama and impose some litmus test that is unfair and unproductive.” Well put, sir.

I don’t think that B would ever talk down to black people, and I don’t think that he’s trying to “talk white” (as Ralph Nader accused him of. Shut up, Ralphie, you silly boy). It’s just not in his nature. He walks on water and saves the free world in his free time! Come on, people!

So I’m sorry Rev. Jackson! Oooh! Barack is FOR REAL. (My apologies, that was wretched but I couldn’t help it.)

Here is the video, I know you wanted to see it.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 6, 2008 · 6:18 pm

sunday morning politicking is my favorite.

In my family, Sunday mornings are for discussing politics, watching CNN, Meet the Press (I MISS YOU, TIM) and other political talk shows. Actually, that’s every day. But Sunday mornings are particularly special. I am currently blogging from my bed and have no intentions of moving, so here is my commentary on a few things I found on the world wide web:

Those who know me know that I get serious birthday depression every year. I wonder how President Bush feels today, on his 62nd birthday. According to White House Press Secretary Dana Perino (oh girl, you are no C.J. Cregg), Bush “dutifully pretended to be surprised” when he was greeted with a chorus of “happy birthday” on Airforce One. I wonder if he “dutifully pretended to be surprised” when they found out there were no weapons of mass destruction, or any other one of the cover-ups that were proven to be deceptive…anyway, everyone deserves to feel free of all the havoc they cause the world on their birthday. So happy birthday to you, W!

The New York Times had a piece today about John McCain that I loved. In fact, the title was a six word memoir, and if I had no journalistic integrity, I would have just taken it for myself. But here it is:

McCain Battles a Nemesis, the Teleprompter.

Haha, how fantastic is that? Here are some of the highlights:

“He managed to limit the mechanical hand chops and weirdly timed smiles that can often punctuate his speeches.”

“I have set before the American people an energy plan, the Lex-eegton Project,” Mr. McCain said, drawing a quick breath and correcting himself. “The Lex-ing-ton Proj-ect,” he said slowly. “The Lexington Project,” he repeated. “Remember that name.”

In a town meeting in Cincinnati the next day, Mr. McCain would again slip up on the name of the Massachusetts town, where, he noted, “Americans asserted their independence once before.” He called it “the Lexiggdon Project” and twice tried to fix his error before flipping the name (“Project Lexington”) in subsequent references.

Oh, NYT, I love you so. Best of luck to you, Johnny. Should you be elected, which you will not be, what will you do during the State of the Union Address? We want Barack’s eloquence-which is exactly what we need as we try to reclaim respect from around the world.

Speaking of Barack, one thing that has been hitting the news circuit is Obama’s policy on religion and the White House. I am going to make no jokes about this because it’s no laughing matter-my boy B and I disagree on this. He wants to have an office of faith based initiatives, and my separation of church and state heathen pagan soul is screaming. Not because I think B will mess things up (he’s a saint), but just because I’m scared the people after him might. I’m all for faith based groups-they do amazing work for our country. But they’ve been doing a good job without having a major role in the executive branch thus far and can continue to do God’s work without one.

Slate.com, which I love, has a new fun function for all the political nerds out there- “Choose your own running mate“. I think I ended up with Evan Bayh. What are your thoughts?

Hmm…what else? Economy still sucks, gas prices are still incredibly high (my graduation money has been depleted. Wahhh.) and we are still at war. Not much to say about that.

Instead of ending on that depressing note, here is a picture to make you feel good:

They are perfect.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 7:12 pm

dead guy over you? that sucks.

So a village in Romania re-elected their dead mayor over a new guy. By a landslide of 23 decisive votes. Really not much to say about that, except that the loser must feel like the friggin’ village idiot.

“I know he died, but I don’t want change,” one astute voter said. You and me both, buddy. People are calling for a re-vote with a new (hopefully conscious and, at the very least, breathing) candidate. Watch out for the hanging chads, people! We all know what happened here in America! For all you political nerds out there, don’t lose track of this race, it’s shaping up to be a good one.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 17, 2008 · 12:57 am

john mccain, you silly old man.

McCain

So that I actually feel informed on the seemingly overwhelming world of politics, I have a couple of daily briefings emailed to me. One of these is MSNBC’s First Read. In their afternoon email today, a particular issue caught my eye. McCain (who, according to the above photo, is also an irritating fist-pumper) had scheduled a fundraiser at the home of Texas oil man Clayton Williams, the man who in 1990 said about rape, “It’s like the weather, if it’s inevitable, relax and enjoy it.” Um, yeah. Well even though this was a HUGE issue back in 1990, made national news, and essentially killed Williams’ campaign for governor of Texas, McCain claims that he and his staffers didn’t know about the controversial comment. (More on that here; I’m not the expert, these guys are.) Also, according to MSNBC, “the word ‘rape’ is in the title of the third link that comes up in a ‘Clayton Williams’ Google search.” In McCain’s defense, he’s like 300 years old and is probably still figuring out how to send an email.

[Posted by Mallory]

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