Monthly Archives: September 2008

things have been kinda crazy lately…

Here is a quick news round up.

  • So that bailout thing everyone was talking about?  Yeah it failed.  And people are screaming about Nancy P’s speech.  McCain and company are saying that’s the reason it failed.  Well.  If any congressman changed their vote because they got mad over of a speech from Nancy Pelosi then they lack the mental clarity to be in Congress.  End of story.   But Congress is going to keep working on this.  Hopefully.  But some good news?  The market shot up 200 points this morning.
  • OH MY GOD, THE SCIENTISTS SAW SNOW FALLING ON MARS.  Are aliens real?
  • Have you ever read about those creepy purity balls?  No?  Click here.  So basically, you go to a ball with your dad, sign a covenant with the big guy to be a good girl, and then your daddy signs something saying he’ll be your protector.  Ugh.  It tells the story of one girl who promised not to kiss until she got married. Wowie.  What if her husband is a face licker?  What if he’s a tongue strangler? Dumb.  The headline of the story? “Virginity Pledges Can Work For Some”.  HAHA.  Not most.  Moving on.
  • And finally, shana tova, Jewish friends!  Happy New Year!  Kind of unfair that you get to have two new years and then eight days of presents instead of one, but I’m over it.  In case you haven’t seen this, here is Sarah Silverman’s video asking Jewish kids to get their grandparents in Florida to vote for Obama.  Kind of hysterical.  Could be offensive.  It’s Sarah Silverman.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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is this just a goldilocks dilemma?

I just read a balanced Newsweek article that’s worth reading, no matter which side of the fence you’re on. Here’s a quick excerpt:

The three tests of recent weeks—the vice presidential nominations, the conflict in Georgia and now the financial crisis—have raised, in a serious way not always evident in presidential politics, the key question: how would each man lead? Our view is that if you are among the 18 percent or so of undecided voters (the current figure in most national polls), we think you now have more than enough on which to decide. McCain and Obama see the world differently, and you can see how; they behave in their own skins differently, and you can see how. The drama of the autumn has served perhaps the noblest end we could hope for, shedding light on how each man would govern. McCain is passionate, sometimes impulsive and unpredictable; Obama is precise, occasionally withdrawn and methodical.

Do you want Mr. Hot or Mr. Cold as your president? It’s our choice, folks.

[Posted by Mallory]

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youtube clip of today: ninja cat.

This cat haunts my dreams.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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i’d kill for bigger boobs, mom.

Here’s a good story for you.  Eighteen year old Nikita Lee Weis wanted to kill his mother.  Why?  So he could sell her stuff, and get the money to buy his girlfriend bigger boobs, duh.  Awwww!  How selfless of him!  His mother, Hyun Weis, was attacked with a baseball bat in her house on Thursday.  She spent one night in the hospital, but she’s okay.  But the police have arrested Nikita, the two kids he hired and his flat-chested girlfriend Sophia Nicole Alsept on suspicion of conspiracy to commit first degree murder.

So Nikita is a boobs man?

Really though, let’s take a second to acknowledge the absurdity of this.  This kid wants his girlfriend’s rack to be bigger badly enough that he would kill his mother?  Back in the day, when I used to say that I’d kill for bigger boobs, I didn’t mean it.  It was HYPERBOLE.  And hello, Sophia?  If that man buys your tatas he’s going to think that he owns them. Girrrrrrrrl that’s not good.  Especially if he kills his mama over them.  Just saying…

Children these days.  Geeeeeez.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under blogging, definitely not politics, family, news, pop culture, random

actor and philanthropist paul newman dies.

I was really sad to hear today that the legendary Paul Newman has died of lung cancer.  There is an old African saying that says, “every time an old person dies, it is as if a library has burned down.”

Here is what I know about Paul Newman.  He was in over 60 films and was nominated for an Oscar 10 times. He had AMAZING blue eyes.  I love his salad dressing, lemonade and I am popping a bag of Newman’s Own popcorn as I write this.  He was a dedicated Democrat and selfless philanthropist.  All proceeds from Newman’s Own products went to charity.  As of 2006, the amount donated was over $200 million.  Wowie.

He was a known family man.  Here’s a colorful quote he gave after being asked about marital infidelity: “I have steak at home, why go out for hamburger?”

Aww.

You can just tell he was a good guy and a great American.  Read more about his life here, here and here.

Here are some pictures:

Look at those eyes.

RIP Paul Newman.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under celebrities, crushes, movies, news, pop culture, random, RIP

johnny changes mind, decides to debate.

Oh, McCain.  Your political powerplay of supposedly suspending your campaign and trying to weasel out of debating Barack backfired.  Even the Huckster thinks it was a “huge mistake“.

Huckabee said he still backs McCain’s candidacy, but said the Arizona senator should not have put his campaign on hold to deal with the financial crisis on Wall Street. He said a president must be prepared to “deal with the unexpected.”  “You can’t just say, ‘World stop for a moment. I’m going to cancel everything,’” Huckabee said.

You flip-flop on your issue positions, but now you’ve even flip-flopped on the debate itself, John.  But I’m glad you changed your mind, since administrators at Ole Miss said cancelling the debates would have been financially devastating.  Plus, Barack would have showed up (because he can multi-task–an important skill for a president, no?) and done the debate without you.  You better get ready for the ball, Cinderella, because it’s going to be a good one.

I, however, will not be able to watch it live because I will be enjoying the musical stylings of the one and only Mr. Ben Folds.  Somebody TiVo it for me, please?!  The debates are being held at Ole Miss and will be broadcasted at 9 p.m. on pretty much every news network.  WATCH THEM.

UPDATED: Apparently I don’t have to watch the debates, because John McCain has already declared himself the winner.  I am not joking.  The man that tried to get out of the debates ran an ad this morning in the WSJ that he had won the debates!  Click here for the WaPo story.  Here is the ad:

HAHAHAHA.  Somebody’s getting fired today…

[Posted by Kathleen]

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kathleen parker thinks palin really sucks.

As a Democrat, I usually disagree with most everything Republican columnist Kathleen Parker says.  But she’s right about Sarah Palin.  Palin is out of her league here.  Parker admits that it’s hard to give up on a fellow Vagina-American, but Palin must do what’s right and step down.  It’s alright, K.  If Sarah Palin was a man she’d still be unqualified.

Since I do not want to dedicate ANY more of my personal words and energy to Sarah Palin, I am providing a link to this piece.  Plus, it’s good to read the words from a Republican, rather than my obviously biased (but would be AWESOME) summary.  It’s healthy.  Go on, read it.

http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=MDZiMDhjYTU1NmI5Y2MwZjg2MWNiMWMyYTUxZDkwNTE=

Oh, alright.  Here’s the link to the MISERABLE yet enlightening Katie Couric interview:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/09/25/eveningnews/main4479062.shtml

[Posted by Kathleen]

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youtube clip of today: lego bruce.

This video is pretty cool, I suppose, but WHO HAS TIME FOR THIS? I just don’t understand.

[Posted by Mallory]

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a friday roundup of random crimes.

Come Monday, you may not have any money and our entire country might be in shambles, but for today, let’s focus on the random “criminal” shit that goes on in our world.

From Mouse, our NYC Correspondent, comes an article titled “Woman ‘tricked into sex’ by penis cream treatment.” Intrigued? Basically, this rando pilot dude convinced a schoolteacher to help him administer ointment to the end of his penis, by having sex with him:

Fadi Sbano, 38, even pretended to know a gynaecologist who advised him on how often to have intercourse with her and whether to thrust “slowly or quickly”. And, on the “doctor’s advice”, he kept a clock on the bedside table to time the sessions.

The teacher put up with the treatment for nine months before telling her doctor.

And also:

[The woman's lawyer] said the woman found the sessions “Clinical, not at all erotic”. She consented only because she believed it was a proper treatment.

Oh Jesus. Is this lady for real? I mean, the guy is clearly a creep and I guess this qualifies as rape, but maybe the woman can get a life sentence for mind-boggling stupidity.

Then, a little story from West Virginia was brought to my attention by Dooce, my favorite lady blogger:

West Virginia man accused of passing gas and fanning it toward a police officer no longer faces a battery charge. The Kanawha County prosecutor’s office requested that the charge be dropped against 34-year-old Jose Cruz.

According to a criminal complaint, Cruz passed gas and made a fanning motion toward patrolman T.E. Parsons after being taken to thepolice station for a breathalyzer test. Cruz denies fanning the gas and says his request to use a restroom when first arriving at the station was denied.

I don’t even have to comment on that. It’s hilarious and absurd all on its own. And don’t worry: Cruz is probably still going to the slammer for driving drunk, so we should all be safe from his gas-fanning criminal ways.

Finally, from our own Kentucky/West Virginia Correspondent (she claims both states) comes a story out of Lexington about a man who has just been arrested for the 1,000th time. You read that right. Henry Earl, pictured above, has become something of a celebrity for his track record. Most of his arrests have been for nonviolent offenses like public intoxication, and Earl only spends an average of two days out of jail before getting himself back in the big house. For this milestone crime, the judge sentenced ol’ Henry to — you guessed it — 1,000 days in jail.

If we were to get serious about this, we could discuss all of the bad things this says about our criminal justice system, and talk about how sad it is the Earl seems to be totally fine spending most of his life behind bars. But instead, because it’s Friday, let’s just be glad that the Second Great Depression hasn’t officially started yet, and that we can all still pretend to afford overpriced gin and tonics. Sigh. Happy weekend?

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under celebrities, drinks, humor, news

“yes.” (that’s what she said. zing!)

SPOILER ALERT!

So after three glasses of wine, a delicious meal that someone else cooked for me, a gourmet cupcake, and 45 minutes of mediocre hilarity, JIM PROPOSED TO PAM! Yeah whatever maybe it was at a rest stop but it was perfect and I cried a little. Take a peek at the expert commentary I shared with my friend Doobie:

daniel: hey mallo bar
me: DOOBIE DID YOU WATCH??!!
daniel: uh, of course!
me: i may have teared up a little
daniel: im sorry, but that proposal was super lame
me: aw see i liked it!
it was spontaneous!
and romantic!
in its own way!
daniel: and totally weak
me: oh whatever.
daniel: girls

The moral of the story is that Jim and Pam are perfect, and Sarah Palin is the worst human alive ever.

UPDATE (or the reason Doobie and I are no longer friends):

me: sir you are now famous because you are on the blog
daniel: hahahah woah, dont bring my future wife into the pictue
i would never propose to palin in that manner
daniel: i would do her up right, and hide a ring in her box of ammunition during our Adirondack hunting expedition. Then, as she took aim at the mammoth polar bear, she would see the glint of the diamond and fall deeply in love with me. (after she took down the bear with a headshot)

Sigh.

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under crushes, humor, TV, weddings