Monthly Archives: June 2008

by | June 20, 2008 · 6:11 pm

who would cheat on christie brinkley?

Uh oh. I think Christie Brinkley’s soon to be ex-husband is in for way more embarrassment than he bargained for. She wants the divorce hearings with Peter Cook to be open–and he allegedly had an affair with a nineteen year old! The girl’s name is Diana Bianchi. The best part of all? He reportedly met her at a toy store shopping for his kids! I’m going to use restraint and refrain from making a tasteless joke.

I’ve posted this picture of Christie Brinkley because she is just very hot and I think Peter Cook is an idiot. Also, it is the first day of summer and I wanted to commemorate bathing suit season with some inspiration.  And a side order of inadequacy, please! I want ice cream right now.

Happy summer!

XOXO, gossip girl.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 20, 2008 · 5:59 pm

ahem. dunder mifflin, this is pam.

God

As I’ve mentioned, this summer I have been putting my college degree to good use by temping as a receptionist. Things can get pretty boring when the phones aren’t ringing and no one’s on gchat, so I have had to find more creative ways to keep myself occupied (mostly just by lowering my standards of things I find entertaining). My favorite activity is imagining that my office is actually as fun as Dunder Mifflin’s Scranton branch, complete with all of the characters. As a receptionist-temp, I’m a Pam-Ryan hybrid, minus Pam’s Jim (bummer, I know), and Ryan’s douchebagginess. This week my boss is kind of a Toby, a friendly low-talker. I really wish we had a Creed around here to keep things interesting.
 
Along with mastering Pam’s friendly, perky phone voice, I’ve learned a lot from my work as a receptionist. For starters, that I’m never supposed to actually call myself a receptionist. I am the all-important “Office Manager.” Maybe I’ll get business cards. I also finally learned how to work a fax machine, which is huge, and my rate of accidentally hanging up on people when using the fancy office phones has dramatically decreased. (Speaking of office technology, did you know that there’s a machine that folds letters in thirds for you? How great is that?!) I’ve learned how to say goodbye in secretary language: “Mmm buh-bye.” And that people have some really great names: I’ve spoken to a man with the last name of McCool, a dentist named Dr. Wyte (I have money on the fact that he made that up), a technician named James Bond, a fellow receptionist named Echo, and my friend got an email from my favorite so far, a Dr. Booger. Isn’t it fun being so immature?

One more thing:

Yummy

YUM.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 20, 2008 · 5:26 pm

excuse me? did you say cookies?

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new diet fad. The cookie, that’s right, COOKIE diet. Obviously I got a little too excited when I first read about it and had such high expectations. The man who came up with it (a MAN came up with a cookie diet?) is named Dr. Sanford Siegal.

Apparently all you eat is cookies! Brilliant! Except for the fact that they need to be Siegal’s cookies and not snickerdoodles, chocolate chips, thin mints, tagalongs, sugar cookies or anything else that tastes delicious. You slay me, Dr. Siegal. Also, with the cookie diet you take in a mere 800 calories a day. I like my cookies to be about 800 calories each.

Listen, Sanford– it’s not me, it’s you. I just don’t see things working out between us.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 20, 2008 · 3:25 pm

ice cream trucks should sell these.

Looks like it’s consumer reports day here at Six Words To Change the World. Wonkette reported today that a chef in Alexandria invented a beer popsicle, or “brew pop.” Intriguing, no? Of course, there are all sorts of questions about how on earth these suckers could actually taste good, along with the whole alcohol-doesn’t-freeze thing (although, if you are studying abroad in Italy and buy some sort of cheap peach vodka because your roommates are pussies who can’t drink beer, then that will freeze. Just saying…). But apparently Jeff Morales, the executive chef at Rustico in Alexandria, found a way to make it work, and then Senator Patsy Ticer of Virginia worked very hard to pass a bill making sure these things are legal. I have to hope that if I was a chef, or a senator, I would spend my days toiling away to bring beer popsicles to the masses.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 20, 2008 · 2:27 pm

posh would never wear these things.

Now I’m aware that the fashion gods decided that platform shoes are in again. I also must acknowledge that I tend to love Free People, as it is a brand that enables my not-so-secret desire to be a hippie. (A fake, well-dressed hippie, of course.) But those shoes! Look at those things! I don’t think the Spice Girls would have even worn them back in the ’90s. And according to their description, they have a terrifying four-and-a-half inch heel. As a 5’11” girl with a general dislike for heels, height like that is enough to make me woozy. (The image that just popped into my brain as I pictured myself wearing the monstrosities: a just-born foal with its wobbly little legs, stumbling all over the place.) So uh, anyway, these shoes are hideous, happy Friday, and will someone please bring me a breakfast sandwich?

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 20, 2008 · 12:26 am

seventeen illegitimate buns in the oven.

Today is all about teen pregnancy! Woooo! First, Jamie Lynn. And by now I’m sure many of you have heard about the 17 Junos at Gloucester High School in Massachusetts. That’s wicked weird! (That was a Massachusetts joke- though I have been known to drop ‘wicked’ every now and then). The craziest part of all is that they WANTED to be preggers! Apparently these baby geniuses made a pact and are excited for their baby showers and to raise their children together.

What ever happened to friendship necklaces?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 10:04 pm

but how much are the fries?

I love meat. I can’t even help it. I am a thrice failed vegetarian. I can blame it on whatever I want (the weather? George Bush, perhaps? Ugh, probably global warming), but the real reason for my failure is burgers. As a first born child I HATE to admit and accept failure. I’ve got to make Mom and Dad proud! But there is no denying this.

First born child complex aside, when I go to fast food places, I usually pay with change found on the floor of the Corolla. But a Burger King in London has a $200 burger. That’s right. TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. Obviously people are upset because you can feed a million people in Africa for that much.

CBS lists the ingredients as “Premium, prohibitively priced, Japanese-style Wagyu, flame-grilled, garnished with Italian truffles, Spanish cured ham, aged balsamic vinegar, Champagne onions and popped onto a saffron- and truffle-dusted bun.”

Sounds alright, I guess. Or as one friend of mine would eloquently put it, sexual chocolate. (Don’t ask me the exact definition, I’m not entirely sure but I know it works in this situation). My big question is this, is it still greasy? Because if it isn’t, they’ve got huge problems. And also, how much does it cost to make it a “biggie”? (BK’s version of supersizing)

The idea of this burger is an absolute contradiction and my bleeding liberal heart is emo and weeping. Yes, they are donating the proceeds to charity. But wouldn’t it be better if it went straight to the source of the problem?

I’ve always been more of a Wendy’s girl anyway.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 7:12 pm

dead guy over you? that sucks.

So a village in Romania re-elected their dead mayor over a new guy. By a landslide of 23 decisive votes. Really not much to say about that, except that the loser must feel like the friggin’ village idiot.

“I know he died, but I don’t want change,” one astute voter said. You and me both, buddy. People are calling for a re-vote with a new (hopefully conscious and, at the very least, breathing) candidate. Watch out for the hanging chads, people! We all know what happened here in America! For all you political nerds out there, don’t lose track of this race, it’s shaping up to be a good one.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 5:29 pm

jamie lynn is officially a mother.

Jamie Lynn

There’s going to be a new famous tot on the playground: this morning Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth to a baby girl, whom she named Maddie Briann. (Excellent spelling there.) You know what this means, don’t you? Britty is an aunt.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 19, 2008 · 5:16 pm

the devil is in the details.

This morning, as I watched our country’s most legitimate television news show, The Today Show, Meredith Viera told me about a legal case that puts the McDonald’s hot coffee case of 1994 to shame. Fifty-two-year-old traffic cop Macrida Patterson is suing Victoria’s Secret over an injury she received FROM HER THONG. Her thong. Apparently, the rhinestone heart attached to Ms. Patterson’s “undergarment,” as her lawyer called it on the show, was attached by two staples. As Ms. Patterson was putting the thong on, one of these staples flew off and hit her in the eye, leaving her in “excruciating pain,” and in need of a dose of topical steroids. (By the way, the case was filed a full year after the incident occurred.)
 
Now, this story is funny enough as it is, but watching Meredith try to make a legitimate interview out of it was pure hilarity. And watching Ms. Patterson’s lawyer, Jason Buccat, trying to maintain some dignity while discussing the case was even better. (The defendant herself also seemed to be having a hard time keeping a straight face.) One of my favorite lines: When Meredith asked Macrida if this was the first time she’d worn the thong, Macrida replied with something along the lines of, “No, it was the second or third time I’d worn it. I have a lot of underwear from Victoria’s Secret so I don’t need to wear any of them too frequently.” The line that takes the cake, though, was from the mouth of proud lawyer Jason Buccat: “Victoria’s Secret does have its angels, but the devil is in the details.” How long do you think he spent working on that one?
 
I think the real lesson here is that rhinestone hearts do not belong on thongs (or on anything else, for that matter). If you’re rocking that kind of “undergarment,” you’re just asking for a corneal abrasion.

[Posted by Mallory]

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