Monkey, beer me strength.
Daddy, I want one.
Oh and how great is the Brit commentary? I LOVE the sarcasm.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Monthly Archives: October 2008
youtube clip of today: monkey waiters.
kristina and karissa…the new olsens?
Move on over Mary-Kate and Ashley…there are new twins in town and they’re really…orange. And they want to be Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends. Yes, girlfriends is plural. Errr…weird?
Tragically, Hef’s relationship with primary gf Holly Madison is over. She wanted marriage and babies, but he lacked the sperm count. I’m not making that up. He is, after all, older than John McCain. He’s 82. Wowie.
So, obviously heartbroken that Holly has moved on to more fertile pastures, Hef has been babysitting hanging out with the 19-year-old twins. I mean, maybe he just wants to be a grandfatherly figure in their lives? No. How does he feel about them? Does he, ya know, like LIKE them? Like passing-notes-check-yes-or-no like them?
“They very much want to be girlfriends and now under the present circumstance, they probably will become my girlfriends.”
Ahh, true love.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under babies, celebrities, definitely not politics, humor, news, pop culture, random, sex, TV
the 2001 internets hate sarah palin.
In honor of its 10th birthday, Google has put up a new link where you can go back and search their oldest available index, from January 2001. You’ll have no problem guessing what I first Googled. These were my results:
Your search – “sarah palin” – did not match any documents.
Suggestions:
- Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
- Try different keywords.
- Try more general keywords.
- Try fewer keywords.
Just saying.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under humor, news, politics, random, technology
roundup of rando ny times stories.
I’ve been neglecting the blog for a few days, but there have been several NY Times articles that I’ve wanted to post about. Let’s just do a roundup of the best ones:
- It’s insulting — and unhealthy — to call elderly people by demeaning terms like “sweetie” and “dear.” Stick to the traditional, factual labels like “John McCain.” [NY Times]
- An a cappella group from Indiana University has been reunited after ten years to sign a five-album record deal with Atlantic Records. Craig Killman, the chairman and chief executive of Atlantic, discovered the group on YouTube and smelled potential. The group, called Straight No Chaser, will be coming out with a holiday album at the end of October, and they may be touring with headliners like Josh Groban and Michael Bublé. Not too shabby for a group of guys who thought they’d never sing again. I’m not one of those ex-coeds who is obsessed with a cappella, I swear, but this story is worth reading. [NY Times]
- Seriously, WHY ON EARTH would it be a bad thing for our president to be “elite”? I want my president to be about a million times smarter than me. I tend to have mixed feelings about Maureen Dowd, but she had a great column a few days ago. This paragraph alone is pure snarky genius: “Darn right. And that, doggone it, brings us to a shout-out for the latest virtuoso of Frontier Baroque, bless her heart, the governor of the Last Frontier. Her reward’s in heaven.” You betcha. [NY Times]
- And a few days ago, this was the “On This Day in History” thinger at the end of my daily headlines: “On October 5, 1947, in the first televised White House address, President Truman asked Americans to refrain from eating meat on Tuesdays and poultry on Thursdays to help stockpile grain for starving people in Europe.” I’m not going to pretend to know a lot about anything, really, but there are still lots of starving people in the world, and still a lot of livestock in America that eat shit tons of grain each day. Basically, people around the world starve because we think it’s more of a priority to feed animals that we can slaughter and eat. Yes, I know it’s not quite that simple, but it’s worth thinking about. (And no, I’m not a vegetarian, but I’ve cut back my meat-eating by about 75% in the past month.) Just take a look at this fact from the 2004 book The New Consumers, by Norman Myers and Jennifer Kent: “If each American cut his or her meat consumption by just 5% (roughly the same as eating one less meat dish a week), that would save enough grain to make up the diets of 150 million malnourished people.” Chew on that one.
[Posted by Mallory]
buy me a ticket to europe.
Here is what I have been doing for the past few hours: eating my weight in goat cheese, bread, and pizza; watching trashy TV shows like America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway (totally digging Kenley again, by the way); drinking red wine with my girlfriends; and realizing as I do every day that DC is a pretty baller place to live. Randomly, I just ran into my friend Camille and her new gentleman friend on my street corner, which was wonderful and serendipitous, and in a mere three hours my favorite Asian in the world will be arriving on my doorstep like a gift from God. Basically, I’m pretty damn happy right now.
Here is what I have been doing for the past three weeks: ignoring the Hump Day Cry Face. See, I started to think that people didn’t really care anymore. And maybe most of you are saying, “Um what is the Hump Day Cry Face and why should we care?” And that’s fine. But two of you — Kathleen and my dear friend Jed — truly care about the good ol’ CF, and I cannot just let it go. (It’s like this voicemail message my family has had for over a decade: it’s me singing a little ditty I made up all by myself when I was like twelve, and most of our friends are so over the message and want us to change it, but every so often someone will call and tell us that the voicemail made their day. So we kept it, because making someone’s day every few months is totally worth it. Cry Face is worth it too.)
Ahem. Without further ado (or babbling), and in honor of Camille, Walsh, and Western Europe…
And yes, in that third photo, we ARE on top of the Eiffel Tower, thank you for asking.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under adventures, cry face, drinks, family, fashion, food, humor, post-college depression
mccain sneers “that one”, misquotes TR.
Man, that was boring. Awkward and uncomfortable jokes by McCain all went flat. Insulting Tom Brokaw, jokes about hair plugs and balding (was that a swipe at Joe?). The zingers were mediocre. Then John McCain has the audacity to call B “that one”. OH NO HE DIDN’T. I’m sorry, but I prefer audacity to come in the form beautifully bound hardcover book called “The Audacity of Hope”. Ahem. Here is the video:
What did he mean by “that one”? What a demeaning term. On top of flawed policies and rampant lies, John McCain lacks the manners and professionalism required to be the President of the United States. Just picture him at the table with leaders from around the world. Is he going to call someone he disagrees with “that one”? Or perhaps he’d like to use another one of his favorite words, cunt. He makes me so mad.
And he messed up a TR quote. Again, OH NO HE DIDN’T.
“My hero is a guy named Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy Roosevelt used to say walk softly, talk softly, but carry a big stick. Senator Obama likes to talk loudly.”
Ugh. Get it straight.
And for the love of all things good and pure in this world, Johnny, please stop calling me your friend. I am NOT your friend. I wouldn’t even be your Facebook friend.
The majority of pundits and polls show that Obama won this debate. I agree. He holds the American agenda, and I will be so proud to call him our president.
Also, this is totally unrelated to the debate, but I find it to be an important fact since the candidates’ personalities seem to be on a pedestal in this election. Today, while Joe Biden was at the funeral of his mother-in-law, Sarah Palin was criticizing him on the campaign trail. She’s a jerk.
Twenty-seven days until this election is ovvvvvah.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, news, politics, pop culture, random, TV, YouTube
some introspective music for autumn days.
This song is one of the main reasons why I wuv The Shins.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under crushes, music, pop culture, random, YouTube
blog: yes we can (hold babies)
Say it ain’t so Joe, here I go again blogging about other people’s blogs. (Hardy har har) As if Saint Barack could not get any more perfect, now you can look at sickeningly adorable pictures of him with non-voters. That means babies and other mini humans. Yes, you can. Yes, you want to. Yes we can (hold babies). Love love love.
Make this man president. DO IT.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under babies, blogging, celebrities, crushes, politics, pop culture, random
bird pulls a “gotcha” on reporter.
Evil Sarah Palin commanded her one of her bird minions to drop some shiz in the mouth of a liberal “gotcha” mainstream media reporter. Hilarity ensues.
Sarah and her birdie friend:
If I can make a Disney reference, I’m going to…alright?
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under animals, blogging, celebrities, humor, news, politics, pop culture, random, YouTube
listen up dudes: coca-cola kills sperm.
No, this is not something I overheard at a table of 8th graders. (Do I even know any 8th graders?) This is legitimate, scientific fact. Deborah Anderson of Boston University Medical Center and her colleagues discovered that Coca-Cola makes the defenseless little spermies explode. Seriously.
In honor of their epic discovery, Anderson and her colleagues were awarded an Ig Nobel prize. Not to be confused with the Nobel prize, the Ig Nobel prizes reward research with some snark and humor. So naturally, SWTCTW is impressed.
Because the Reuters news story describes some of the other winners better, here are the best parts:
The Ig Nobel committee made up a “nutrition prize” to go to Massimiliano Zampini of the University of Trento, Italy and Charles Spence of Britain’s Oxford University, who tricked people into thinking they were eating fresh potato chips by playing them loud, crunching sounds when they bit one.
The biology prize goes to a French team that found dog fleas can jump higher than cat fleas, while the medicine prize was awarded to a team at Duke University in North Carolina who showed that high-priced placebos work better than cheap fake medicine.
Dorian Raymer of the Scripps Institution in San Diego and a colleague won the physics prize for demonstrating mathematically why hair or a ball of string will inevitably tangle itself in knots.
How smart do you feel, knowing that dog fleas can jump higher than cat fleas? I’m feeling good. I also learned from this year’s economics winner that professional lap dancers make more when they’re most fertile. So ladies, take note. More useless knowledge that people spent lots of money on to study:
Past winners include the creator of the plastic pink flamingo, a researcher who recorded a mallard duck sodomizing a dead drake and a doctor who cured hiccups by applying digital rectal massage.
Haha.
I guarantee you that when the big time Nobel prizes are announced, they won’t be nearly as entertaining as the Ig Nobels.
And guys, Coca-Cola has been proven ineffectual as a method of birth control. Don’t get any weird ideas.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under blogging, crushes, definitely not politics, history, humor, news, pop culture, random, technology
six words to change the world. 