Category Archives: blogging

larry david reads my mind, etc.

Helloooo everyone! It’s been a while. I don’t have time to post a lot right now, but I wanted to get a few quick thoughts out since I’ve been MIA the past few days.

I’ve been MIA partly because my computer is still broken ($755 later it should be fixed in a few days…awesome) and I feel sort of awkward blogging in public. Except I just found a secret computer dungeon filled exclusively with nerds, so I don’t feel as embarrassed anymore. The other reason I haven’t been blogging is that I went back to my beloved undergrad university for Homecoming this weekend. (Sadly Kathleeny could not attend.) I may post more about it later, but for now let’s just say it was wonderful, and that a lot of Bloody Mary’s were consumed.

In other news, I’m totally digging the fall weather. It means I get to wear long coats and riding boots, and, even more importantly, that I’m no longer drenched in sweat 99% of the day. See, DC was pretty hot, weather-wise, for a while there, which meant that every time I walked more than three blocks I looked as if I had just run a marathon. I spent a lot of time complaining about how pants are like prisons for your legs and that if it was socially acceptable I would no longer wear them. Ever. (Unfortunately it isn’t socially acceptable, yet, which also means that you ladies out there should not be wearing leggings as pants. BECAUSE LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS. It’s okay if you’ve been working out, or if you are wearing a shirt that more than covers your ass-thigh junction, but other than that leave those leggings at home. Otherwise I will not-so-silently mock you to everyone I see.)

So the point is, I’m loving the crisp fall weather.

My final random thought of the day is that I love Larry David. I feel like I’ve been straight plagiarizing my friend Caroline’s blog, but I simply must post some of Mr. David’s article about waiting for the election:

The one concession I’ve made to maintain some form of sanity is that I’ve taken to censoring my news, just like the old Soviet Union. The citizenry (me) only gets to read and listen to what I deem appropriate for its health and well-being. Sure, there are times when the system breaks down. Michele Bachmann got through my radar this week, right before bedtime. That’s not supposed to happen. That was a lapse in security, and I’ve had to make some adjustments. The debates were particularly challenging for me to monitor. First I tried running in and out of the room so I would only hear my guy. This worked until I knocked over a tray of hors d’oeuvres. “Sit down or get out!” my host demanded. “Okay,” I said, and took a seat, but I was more fidgety than a ten-year-old at temple. I just couldn’t watch without saying anything, and my running commentary, which mostly consisted of “Shut up, you prick!” or “You’re a fucking liar!!!” or “Go to hell, you cocksucker!” was way too distracting for the attendees, and finally I was asked to leave.

It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one screaming “Go to hell, you cocksucker!” at the television on the occasional weeknight.

[Posted by Mallory]

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youtube clip of today: electric stimulus.

This is some of the craziest shit I have ever seen on the internet.  So it’s slow in the beginning, but hold on because things get wild after the one minute mark.  I am speechless.  Is this madness or genius?  Is it noise or music?  AHHHHH.  My brain is fried.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under blogging, definitely not politics, music, pop culture, random, technology, the arts, Uncategorized, YouTube

i’m legit terrified of spiders now.

So my friends all know that I’m nature girl–yeah, it’s weird.  My envrionmentally friendly mom put me in a lot of nature classes growing up.  What of it? NATUUUUUUUUUURE!  GOULET!

Knowing that I LOVE nature, imagine my reaction when I saw this headline, and this picture:

Giant spider snapped eating bird in backyard near Cairns

Yup.  I freaked the eff out.  This will no doubt appear in my nightmares.

Despite my fear of spiders, I went to a school where the mascot was a spider.  SPIDERS EVERYWHERE ON EVERYTHING.  AHHH.  Yes, I am a proud Richmond Spider.  And devastated that I will not be able to make it to Homecoming this weekend.  Miss me.  GO SPIDERS!  (But only the nice ones.  That go to Richmond.)

[Posted by Kathleen]

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palin pals around with democratic donkeys.

And by pals around, I mean wears them around her neck.  I can’t help but wonder if this was part of the $150,000 the RNC (AKA those who donated to the RNC–don’t you feel hoodwinked?) paid for.

The main point of this post was to point out how clueless Palin is.  I mean, the woman is legit wearing a scarf that screams vote Democratic.  (Where can I get me one of those?!)  Buuuut since I have your attention, let’s talk about that $150,000.

So much for being a small town hockey mom, eh?  That’s probably twice as much, if not more, than Joe the fake plumber makes in a year.  That’s more than a college education.  That’s health care for a small business.  That’s a ton of money to spend on clothes.

So I think the argument of Republicans being fiscally conservative is now thrown out the window.  Because, oh girl, some of those clothes…I could have gotten at Forever21 for twenty bucks.  And if I wanted to go “upscale”, I could still find them at Macy’s.  On sale.  Those clothes are pretty basic.  So we all know what the Republicans and Sarah Palin choose to do with their money.  They are not bargain shoppers.  I mean, look at the national debt.

What would you do with $150,000?  Where do your priorities lie?

How dare she talk about relating to Americans struggling to pay their bills and get their kids through school.  How dare she?  Oh doggone it, you betcha that Joe Six Pack doesn’t go on shopping sprees with the RNC’s plastic.

UPDATED:  From Politico, here is Johnny’s defense of the $150,000.

“She needed clothes at the time,” McCain told a group of Florida reporters.

And now, to add on to tragedy that is Sarah Palin, let me just attach a supposed copy of her report card and SAT scores, compliments of one of our DC correspondents.

OUCH.  Baby girl didn’t even break a thousand.

Sorry for ranting a bit.  I’m all fired up.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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change your pumpkin, change your world.

So it’s been daysssss since I’ve written.  Sowwy.  Things are reeeeeal busy. TWO WEEKS UNTIL ELECTION DAY!  But I’d like to take some time to spread some Halloween cheer–in a political way, because let’s face it, I am incapable of thinking about anything else until November 5.  And even then…I don’t know.

So here is Yes We Carve, the blog that gives you stencils for your Barack O’ Lantern and other Baracky treats.

Was posting a link to another blog a weak post on my part?  Yes.  But cut me some slack, I’m busy trying to save the Constitution.  I’ll do my best to keep posting.

PS- Woooohooooo Colin Powell!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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ernie chambers sues god, gets smited.

According to the AP, Ernie Chambers,  a state senator from Nebraska, filed a permanent injunction against God. Why in all of God’s great goodness would he do a thing like that?

He said God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”

And what do you think happened to him?  Locusts, struck down by lightening, etc.  The usual.  Okay so God didn’t smite him, but Ernie C’s lawsuit against God was thrown out by the judge.  Why?  Because God doesn’t have an address, duh.  Judge Marlon Park said, “Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice”

But Ernie the heretic went to law school.  (But never took the bar exam.) So he had a response to that too– “Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit.”  Well played, Ernie.

Apparently Ernie is a rebel in the state senate.  He doesn’t go to morning prayer.  If Ernie was a Catholic school girl, he’d totally be the slut that rolled her skirt.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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tell me are you that somebody?

Things that are not normal: eating a bean burrito and drinking a margarita by yourself while watching The Princess Diaries, by way of a pregame. Is this what being an adult is? Being forced to drink alone if your roommate is out of town and you happen to want to have a drink before you go out? (And your sister teased you with the idea of a margarita and you gave in?) I just choked on my margarita, by the way. 

I guess for the beginning of the night, it’s just me, my marg, and The Kooks. I don’t like this very much. My goal was to be UBER productive this weekend and not go out much at all. Except I already went out last night, and now, after being in the library all day, I am desperate for human contact. Plus, my friends organized a bar crawl. My life is so hard. 

Other random thoughts brought on by three sips of a strong drink on an empty-ish stomach: 

  • I love the bus.
  • I love Georgetown even more. It may be the greatest place on earth. It’s beautiful, has a cool history, and feels neighborhood-y, but it’s right in a really big, wonderful city.
  • The most attractive people in the world are part Asian.
  • Today I walked by what appeared to be a Fraturday, with shirtless dudes getting hammered and singing “Heyyyy, hey baby (hoo, ha!) I wanna knooooow will you be my girl” and I nearly cried because I’m not exactly allowed to do stuff like that anymore.
  • You can’t buy the Aaliyah song “Are You That Somebody?” on iTunes! (I think I still know EVERY word to that song.)
  • I am babysitting two birds this weekend. Isn’t that strange?
Now just watch the Aaliyah video and stop judging me. Take a shot of tequila or something. And try to figure out why someone thought it was a good idea to put the sound of a baby crying in the background of this song.

[Posted by Mallory]

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blog: yes we can (hold babies)

Say it ain’t so Joe, here I go again blogging about other people’s blogs.  (Hardy har har)  As if Saint Barack could not get any more perfect, now you can look at sickeningly adorable pictures of him with non-voters.  That means babies and other mini humans.  Yes, you can.  Yes, you want to.  Yes we can (hold babies).  Love love love.

Make this man president. DO IT.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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bird pulls a “gotcha” on reporter.

Evil Sarah Palin commanded her one of her bird minions to drop some shiz in the mouth of a liberal “gotcha” mainstream media reporter.  Hilarity ensues.

Sarah and her birdie friend:

If I can make a Disney reference, I’m going to…alright?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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listen up dudes: coca-cola kills sperm.

No, this is not something I overheard at a table of 8th graders. (Do I even know any 8th graders?)  This is legitimate, scientific fact.  Deborah Anderson of Boston University Medical Center and her colleagues discovered that Coca-Cola makes the defenseless little spermies explode.  Seriously.

In honor of their epic discovery, Anderson and her colleagues were awarded an Ig Nobel prize.  Not to be confused with the Nobel prize, the Ig Nobel prizes reward research with some snark and humor.  So naturally, SWTCTW is impressed.

Because the Reuters news story describes some of the other winners better, here are the best parts:

The Ig Nobel committee made up a “nutrition prize” to go to Massimiliano Zampini of the University of Trento, Italy and Charles Spence of Britain’s Oxford University, who tricked people into thinking they were eating fresh potato chips by playing them loud, crunching sounds when they bit one.

The biology prize goes to a French team that found dog fleas can jump higher than cat fleas, while the medicine prize was awarded to a team at Duke University in North Carolina who showed that high-priced placebos work better than cheap fake medicine.

Dorian Raymer of the Scripps Institution in San Diego and a colleague won the physics prize for demonstrating mathematically why hair or a ball of string will inevitably tangle itself in knots.

How smart do you feel, knowing that dog fleas can jump higher than cat fleas?  I’m feeling good.  I also learned from this year’s economics winner that professional lap dancers make more when they’re most fertile.  So ladies, take note.  More useless knowledge that people spent lots of money on to study:

Past winners include the creator of the plastic pink flamingo, a researcher who recorded a mallard duck sodomizing a dead drake and a doctor who cured hiccups by applying digital rectal massage.

Haha.

I guarantee you that when the big time Nobel prizes are announced, they won’t be nearly as entertaining as the Ig Nobels.

And guys, Coca-Cola has been proven ineffectual as a method of birth control.  Don’t get any weird ideas.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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