Author Archives: K

This story was on CNN a few days ago, but it still fits the Six Words standard of newsworthiness. Because it’s just that ridiculous and good. CNN did a feature on kids with unusual names. And if you think your name qualifies for this because you use an “i” instead of a “y” or “ie” at the end of your name, you are quite mistaken.

For example, take the Jones family of Maryland. The Jones’ welcomed their daughter into this world and named her Indiana, after the state. Or so they say. A likely story.

Okay, naming your daughter Indiana Jones is okay I guess. Don’t get any ideas, Alicia. But what, no, rather HOW, they named their son is the kind of ludicrousness that I live to write about and share with the world.

As for Dow Joseph Jones, there was serious talk of naming him Jack Ryan Jones, to keep the Harrison Ford theme. (Jack Ryan is the character Ford played in a series of action movies.) Instead, her husband named their son Dow on a dare while Jennifer was asleep in the hospital bed after giving birth.

She said she cried when she found out and even thought about having Dow’s name changed.

The bolding, for the record was mine, just so you couldn’t miss the shining jewel of absurdity embedded in the quote. She THOUGHT about having Dow’s name changed? If that was me, I’d have a name change and divorce papers within an hour. That poor kid. Do you call him Dowie? Like Howie, but with D? Weird.

Indiana and Dow have tame names compared to some the story mentioned. Open Weaver Banks, I’m talking about you, girl. Her mother named her Open. Now I’m not an adolescent male and I can come up with 100 nicknames/reasons why I would not want to be named Open. I bet a teenage boy can come up with 1,000.

Or even worse, the 9 year old girl from New Zealand who recently won the right in court to get her name changed. Her name (are you ready for this?) was Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii. Ha! Her parents must have been stoned out of their minds. Former Talula, I hope you changed your name to Jane Smith, or something like that. Bless your little heart.

My friends and I have often wondered how much of an impact your name makes on your personality. Being a Kathleen and not having a nickname, I find that I tend to share my name with the 50+ crowd, rather than other 22 year olds. But it stands out, I suppose. Has it made me different? Do I act like an old woman? Nah, not really. Except for this past weekend, but that’s a different story.

I guess it would be easier to have a weird name if your last name was Jolie-Pitt or Kidman Urban (poor Sunday Rose–I said it before and I’ll say it again. That name sounds like a Yankee Candle scent.)? And celebrities are notorious for saddling their kids with bizarre names. But is it just me, or did Angelina give her twins fantastic names? Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline are really cool.

Anyway, I guess there is really no answering my questions. What do you think? But for the love of God, don’t name your child anything that lends itself to a nickname with a bad sexual innuendo. Yes, I’m talking about Open. Again.

[Posted by Kathleen]