Category Archives: babies

peace is not a side dish.

Here’s the thing. I feel like I am drunk, but really, I have just been writing papers for too many hours and days and days and hours. I got so wacky that I almost wrote “peace is not a side dish” in my paper before realizing that it was not even a remotely academic thing to say. Now I’m done writing for tonight, but I have to wait for my friend Jill because I don’t want to walk home alone in the cold. 

So how about I tell you some random shit?

First, this is a weird video that Kathleen nerded over from South America:

I find it both cute and really, really sad. I hate when the hamster is left on his back like that! 

Junior year of college, my friends Katie and Annie got two gerbils, and named them Stella and Jager. We played fun games like Blackout Gerbil Out and Gerbilvision, but that got old after like two weeks. Now Katie’s little sister takes care of the herby gerbs.

Speaking of animals, did you hear about the woman who “hid a sedated monkey under her blouse on a flight from Thailand“? This crazy lady, whose name is obviously Gypsy, tried to hide the monkey under a loose-fitting blouse, and now she’s in big trouble for smuggling. Apparently it just looked like she was pregnant. I mean, I wear a lot of loose-fitting blouses, but usually it’s to hide a belly full of Smartfood and breakfast sandwiches, not a monkey.

Speaking of monkeys, I LOVE Pandora. Like a lot. It is so great. Another thing that I love is video chat. I love that video chat turns quasi-adults into four-year-olds making funny faces in the mirror. It’s hysterical. My friend Jill and I video-chatted our friend Tamar today, and we essentially spent the whole time seeing who could make the ugliest face. Mature? No. Entertaining? YES. 

Aaand continuing with the stream-of-consciousness, have you guys tried the fancy new things on Gmail? There are SO many cool new things, which I obviously spent way too long playing with today. You can make task lists on your Gmail (hellooo, Type A); take “breaks” where your Gmail basically forces you to not be glued to your computer for 15 minutes (hellooo, lack of self control); and you can customize your label colors (hellooo, NERD). The best one, though, is the attachment reminder. If you write in your email that you are attaching something and then you forget to attach it, Gmail will REMIND YOU TO ATTACH IT. 

This is all awesome, but it also freaks me out a little. I mean, Gmail has been around for a few years and it is already basically thinking for us. I can’t even fathom what they’ll come up with next. If it’s a feature that blow dries my hair and makes me breakfast while I check my morning email, though, I’ll be okay with it.

Final Bonus Confession: I get both Economist updates and Self Fit Move of the Week updates emailed to me, and I always delete them before I even open them. But I won’t unsubscribe, because that would prove that I’m un-intellectual and lazy. Logical, right?

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under adventures, animals, babies, food, humor, music, news, post-college depression, thoughts, YouTube

a fun game for your friday.

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz had a beautiful, healthy baby boy. And they named him Bronx Mowgli. Yeah, that Mowgli. I’m all for creative names, but I think parents should consider the mockery factor. Ashlee and Pete didn’t seem to do that. Maybe Ashlee is displacing her anger about the misspelling of her own name onto her infant son. 

Our Southern belle correspondent tipped us off to this wonderful story, and with the help of Marie Claire UK, we came up with a fun game. You know how you can make up your own porn name or soap opera star name? Well, now you can also make up your own Ashlee Simpson baby name. Here’s the formula:

[One slightly shitty U.S. city + One cartoon animal name]

Here are some examples:

Harlem Tarzan

Compton Simba

Watts Baloo

Scranton Shrek

Our fun new game will sweep the nation. Tell us your favorites in the jump.

UPDATE: FINE, due to some complaints from our favorite readers, let’s change this up a bit:

[One location in the U.S. + One cartoon animal name]

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under babies, celebrities, family, humor, music, news, pop culture

newest boomers have obama to thank.

Oh boy. Or, girl.  This week’s Newsweek explores the possibility of an Obama Baby Boom and the opportunity for “that’s what she said” jokes alone makes the article HI-larious.  Let’s start with the lede:

The theory is almost too perfect to be true. Barack Obama the son of politically progressive parents, was born Aug. 4, 1961—almost nine months to the day after John F. Kennedy was elected to the White House. Is it possible Obama was conceived on that historic night?

Um. Ew?  I freely admit to being borderline obsessed with the President-elect and his family (What? No puppy until the Spring? Nooo!) but there are some things that I really just don’t need to know.  While Newsweek offers little (okay, nothing) in the way of statistical proof and only anecdotal evidence for the possible Obama Baby Boom, the term “Obama Baby” has already been defined by UrbanDictionary.com as “a child conceived after Obama was proclaimed President by way of celebratory sex.”  Want to hear it used in a sentence? 

“On election night, my husband had managed to down a bottle and a half of wine in celebration and he was all about making an ‘Obama election baby’,” Abbi Whitaker, 32, of Reno, Nev., told NEWSWEEK. “He thought it would be the coolest thing.”

Mr. Whitaker, I assure you that you will be the only one to consistently consider that “the coolest thing.”  I’ve had the unfortunate experience, not once but twice, to hear about the conception of close friends from the conceivers themselves.  BELIEVE ME, there is nothing cool about it, no matter how crazy (ew) the story may be.  Your friends will not think so, your child will not think so, and his or her friends REALLY will not think so. 

Speaking of things that are not cool, Eric Davis of Minneapolis told Newsweek that during one of their election night celebrations, “my wife accidentally said, ‘Oh, Obama!'”  Awkward . . . Feel free to put post-election euphoria to good use and get busy but it’s still important to say the right name. 

Is the Obama Baby Boom a real phenomenon?  Although demographic experts and physicians expect “a healthy increase” in births we won’t know for sure for another nine months. 

[Posted by Madeline]

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in an old house in paris.

that was covered with vines
lived an adorable little girl
who I want to call mine.

I bet you didn’t know you were getting a guest blogger and a poet did you?  Clearly, you’re not.  Not really.  However you are getting the opportunity to hear the most adorable little french child tell the most adorable little french story (subtitles included).  

This video is so painfully cute that you will want to hop on the next plane to Paris and sit in a park filled with French children.  Just don’t forget to send your favorite guest blogger a ticket too. 

[Posted by Madeline]

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Filed under babies, random, travel

the pregnant man is pregnant. again!

Thomas Beatie, the transgendered man who made headlines earlier this year by simply being a pregnant man, has got a bun in the oven!  Congrats to Thomas, his wife, Nancy, and their baby girl, Susan!  Susan, the competition starts now, kid.  You have to be the perfect oldest child, just like the rest of us first borns!

There’s nothing snarky to say about this, nor should there be.  Everyone is entitled to happiness.  Read the story and watch Thomas’ interview with Barbara Walters here.

And here are some pictures:

It’s really quite remarkable, isn’t it?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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kristina and karissa…the new olsens?

Move on over Mary-Kate and Ashley…there are new twins in town and they’re really…orange.  And they want to be Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends.  Yes, girlfriends is plural. Errr…weird?

Tragically, Hef’s relationship with primary gf Holly Madison is over.  She wanted marriage and babies, but he lacked the sperm count.  I’m not making that up.  He is, after all, older than John McCain.  He’s 82. Wowie.

So, obviously heartbroken that Holly has moved on to more fertile pastures, Hef has been babysitting hanging out with the 19-year-old twins.  I mean, maybe he just wants to be a grandfatherly figure in their lives?  No.  How does he feel about them?  Does he, ya know, like LIKE them? Like passing-notes-check-yes-or-no like them?

“They very much want to be girlfriends and now under the present circumstance, they probably will become my girlfriends.”

Ahh, true love.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under babies, celebrities, definitely not politics, humor, news, pop culture, random, sex, TV

blog: yes we can (hold babies)

Say it ain’t so Joe, here I go again blogging about other people’s blogs.  (Hardy har har)  As if Saint Barack could not get any more perfect, now you can look at sickeningly adorable pictures of him with non-voters.  That means babies and other mini humans.  Yes, you can.  Yes, you want to.  Yes we can (hold babies).  Love love love.

Make this man president. DO IT.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under babies, blogging, celebrities, crushes, politics, pop culture, random

youtube clip of today: palin kids.

Piper, girrrrrrrrrrrl I know how you feel.  I play with hair when I’m listening to boring speeches too.  But I typically do not use spit.  Whatev.

Watching this video, you kind of have to say “awwww”.  It’s really not those poor Palin children’s fault that their mother is an embarrassment to politics.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under babies, family, news, politics, random, Uncategorized, YouTube

maybe mccain will be the godfather.

In the past few days there have been rumors that Sarah Palin’s youngest son, Trig, was actually her grandson, and liberal bloggers like yours truly were loving it. But now the truth is out. According to the latest news from the New York Times, it looks like Trig really is Palin’s son, but that Palin’s 17-year-old daughter, Bristol, is knocked up:

Bristol Palin, one of Alaska Gov. Palin’s five children with her husband, Todd, is about five months pregnant and is going to keep the child and marry the father, the Palins said in a statement released by the campaign of Republican presidential candidate John McCain.

Bristol Palin made the decision on her own to keep the baby, McCain aides said.

According to the McCain campaign, McCain knew about the pregnancy when he selected Palin as his VP but he had “decid[ed] that it did not disqualify the 44-year-old governor in any way.” I find it hard to believe that McCain knew about this situation and still picked Palin. Sure, it doesn’t “disqualify” her, but it sure as hell complicates things. For a hardcore Christian, morals-focused politician to have a 17-year-old pregnant daughter who clearly dallied in premarital sex — the horror! — is so not good for McCain. Which makes me think he really didn’t research this decision much, and instead just made a last-minute decision to choose Palin so that he could shake things up and look like the maverick he claims to be.

Things are looking better and better for our boy B.

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under babies, blogging, family, news, politics, sex, Uncategorized, weddings

gwen birthed zuma nesta rock rossdale.

Another celebrity baby is born, another crazy name. Yawn. Kidddddddding. Kind of. Another boy for Gwen Stefani! World, get ready for Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. Interesting choice. But I do have to say that Gwen and Gavin sure know how to ensure their kids are badass. Rock as your middle name? Rock on.

UPDATE:  Read about how the name was chosen here.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under babies, celebrities, news, pop culture