Category Archives: blogging

okay, here’s something to talk about.

I know what you’re thinking: “Six words, you have failed me.”  It’s true, we have.  Not Kathleen though, she has an excuse.  Personally, I blame it on the fact that Gossip Girl was a repeat this week.  WHAT is up with that?  I missed you all terribly, internets, and I promise that this will not happen again. 

Yesterday, I was driving all around Monmouth County, NJ (relishing in the fact that it only cost me TWENTY TWO DOLLARS to fill up my gas tank) and I experienced one of those moments that will make me cringe with embarassment every time I recall it for the next 80 years (I’m optimistic.  And healthy).  Over the years, I’ve entertained many friends while driving.  Whether it be through new and creative ways of using boring old curse words or defying the laws of physics/the road, I think I’ve showed them a good time.  HOWEVER, none of them have had the opportunity to experience what I tend to do when I’m driving by myself immediately after drinking a lot of coffee. 

It is my firm belief that in another life I was a great performer and because in this life I suffer from both stage fright and being tone deaf, the only time I perform is in the car, alone.  I know you’ve all done it too.  However, unlike me you’re probably smart and reserve such performances for long drives on empty roads when few people will see you and not for WHEN YOU’RE STUCK IN TRAFFIC.  I couldn’t help it though, because a really fabulous song came on and, although I fought it, the rhythm got me (DAMN YOU, Gloria!).  I could lie and tell you that it was some really catchy new pop tune like Britneys “Womanizer” or that “Just Dance” song but we’re all about integrity here at SWTCTW so I’m going to come right out and say it:  I was listening to a light radio station.  I was listening to Bonnie Raitt. 

. . . and I was really getting into it.  Singing into my coffee cup, doing a little hair flip, making a fool out of myself and of course, I was busted.  Some dude in the car next to me totally caught me at a particularly croony moment and laughed and laughed and laughed.  I can’t say that I blame him, I looked like an idiot-but that was for my amusement only!  I had to spend the next ten miles driving twenty miles below the speed limit so that my car wouldn’t catch up to his again. 

It was terrible but you know what?  That song is awesome.  I wouldn’t lie to you, internets.  Enjoy.

[Posted by Madeline]

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Filed under adventures, blogging, dance, definitely not politics, music, random

backpacking south america, home before christmas.

happy-plane

So this is it.

I’m off to South America!

If you care, I’ll be posting my adventures (when I can get to a computer) at http://whereintheworldisksp.wordpress.com.  But keep reading Six Words!

Miss me!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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watch me do the humpty hump.

BAHAHA remember that song?

Before I post the (yet again belated) Hump Day Cry Face, let’s all welcome our wonderful new bloggerette, Madeline! Hooray! It’s like we elected a new president, except that old president’s still around, and doesn’t suck.

It is raining a lot today which means I hate my life. Every time it rains my brain switches into “mmm let’s lie under the covers and watch lots of bad television and eat carbohydrates from a bag” mode. But instead, I had a “business meeting” and “lunch with a colleague.” Which mean I hung out with my friend and my boss looking at pictures of Cry Face and then had lunch with a family friend. Do you SEE how important my life is?

Anyway, as I was showing my friend and my boss some Cry Face photos, I stumbled across this gem:

crnks

Featured above are the father and youngest daughter of one the greatest, wackiest families in the universe. Doesn’t Frank, on the left, look as though he belongs in a nursing home?

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under adventures, blogging, cry face, family, humor, post-college depression

’cause down the shore everything’s alright.

ring-dance-picture2

Greetings, readers! It’s your favorite Jersey Shore-correspondent-turned-guest-blogger here, Madeline!  I’ll be filling in for Kathleen while she’s gallivanting around South America, living life in the adventurous way expected from twenty-somethings.  Personally, I defy those expectations by spending most of my free time watching the teevee with my dog.  How exciting for all of us. 

Kathleen has left some pretty big flip-flops to fill but she assures me that I’m well prepared as I’m unemployed and still suffering from regular bouts of post-college depression.  Still, this is a big task so I’ll start off slowly and in the way most entertaining to me: by talking about myself!  So that we can all become better acquainted I’ll follow the SWTCTW tradition set by Mallory and Kathleen: 

About Madeline

pictured above, your favorite bloggers and guest blogger

(is it weird that we have this many pictures of us snuggling in beds together?)

 

People/things not to be trusted: curling irons, Tyra Banks, humidity, decaf coffee.

 Unhealthily obsessed with: all things French, high heels, Bruce Springsteen, Madeleine Albright, Ireland, cocktail dresses.

Favorite Sports: skiing, tailgating, group e-mailing.

Favorite Foods: champagne, brie, peanut butter.

Six word memoir: I’m Madeline! Nice to meet you!  (Okay so that’s a temporary one but it works!)

[Posted by Madeline]

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batman to sue batman. confusion ensues.

Holy identity theft, Batman!  The mayor of Batman, Turkey, Hüseyin Kalkan, is going to sue Christopher Nolan– director of The Dark Knight (Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeath! Wahhhh!).  The reason?  Over use of the name, Batman.  No, seriously?  Can someone please tell Mayor Kalkan that Batman has been around since the 1930s?  So suing the director of the most recent film…not that logical.  Thanks.  But whatever.  Could this story get any more absurd?

Kalkan also blames a series of unsolved murders and a high female suicide rate on the psychological impact suffered by the town after being placed under the spotlight by Nolan’s film. In addition, Batman expats living abroad have experienced legal issues when trying to use the name to set up businesses, he claims.

Yup. It just did.  You know, maybe the Turks should stop naming their cities after OUR superheroes.  Yes, I’m talking about you Wonderwoman, Turkey and Aquaman, Turkey.  I jest, I jest.

I think the real problem is that the city of Batman NEEDS a Batman to solve its problems.  Suing Batman is not the way to get on his good side, Mayor!  You’ll never get a Bat Signal.  Or, call me crazy here…but instead of suing a major movie studio that will probably win the case, you should put your city’s funds towards crime prevention…

What are your thoughts?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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tuesday afternoon’s snarky gossip girl analysis.

In just a few days, my dear partner Kathleen will be jetting off to South America to trek around the continent in ugly shoes. While she’s gone, we will have a surprise guest blogger take her place. (This probably isn’t a surprise to anyone who cares, but whatever; let us pretend we are important and have guest bloggers like Dooce does.)

This mystery guest blogger and I typically, um, BBM during Gossip Girl each Monday night. For those of you unfortunate souls who still have Razors, and those of you elitists who have iPhones, BBM stands for BlackBerry Messenger, which is Spanish for “The biggest time suck invented since G-Chat.” Unfortunately, last night this mystery guest blogger and I did not get to communicate during the episode, so she sent me an email with her thoughts. Yes, we are aware that we are both pathetic. And no, we don’t care. And yes, candy corn is only 13 cents a bag today at CVS.

Here are our mystery guest blogger’s insightful thoughts about last night’s episode of your favorite guilty pleasure:

I finally watched GG (fuck you, Verizon DVR) and thought I would share some of the thoughts I had with you since we couldn’t bbm: 
 
Aaron?  What’s your name?  Doesn’t matter: creepster.org  (that’s not real link–don’t click it)
 
Times Square?  Right, because downtown hipsters LOVE Times Square.
 
“Plenty of women have been both lover and muse, like Picasso.”  Serena, gramatically you just called Picasso a woman.  And you would use his name since it’s the only artist you’ve ever heard of.  En revanche, Blair’s writers hit it out of the park with their whole cubism line.
 
Dan–you suck at playing it cool.  Way to throw your dad under the bus, asshole.
 
Spotted: lame-o product placement.  Although I’m craving Vitamin Water already.  I hear it goes great with vomit . . .
 
“I’m 18 and it’s a grown-up party.”  PERFECT.  That is exactly what a 17-year-old would say.
 
Yeah, S.  You’re uncomfortable having your picture taken.  I totally believe it.
 
Dan–crack the story?  Kill the story?  Where did you pick up that lingo?
 
“You have a glow, like Chinese lanterns.”  Oh, Dorota. 
 
I heart Blair’s lip color.  And her skin is GLOWING!  How does she make it do that?
 
Um, that huge Construction Work Thug’s e-mail address is LoveLace?  I don’t think so.
 
I want to be on this show just so I can have all of this lingerie.  Because . . . it would look so good on me.
 
Aw, Blair.  Watching her introduce Dorota to Cindy Lauper brought a tear to my eye.  
 
5.19.91.  Dan would use such a lame title
 
HOLY SHIT.  Chuck Bass was born in 1991?!?!
 
“I don’t know how it works in High School . . .”  Excuse me, Aaron but you have three facial hairs.  Shut up.
 
Oh NO!  Rufus is singing!  . . . 3 words.
 
Jenny is wearing Rosary beads as a necklace.  NOT COOL.
 
Don’t die, Bart Bass.  Don’t die!
 
Serena always wanted to live in the 60s?  Right. 

And for more, check out this article by nymag.com.

Somehow, endlessly mocking Gossip Girl seems to make it more acceptable that I watch it. No?

[Posted by Mallory/MYSTERY BLOGGER PERSON]

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quirky news for a sunday afternoon.

I’m on a blogging rampage.  Here’s the weird stuff I’ve found on Al Gore’s invention today…

  • Let’s talk about squirrels.  Rats with fluffy tails.  True story: I was once attacked my squirrels by the Vietnam Memorial in DC.  They wanted our snack foods and opened our backpacks.  It was terrifying.  Anyway, the science wonder children at UC Davis have found the solution to their squirrel overpopulation problem– birth control for squirrels.  It’s true.

    “This new birth control method may potentially help control squirrels or other species, such as white tailed deer,” said Sara Krause, a doctoral student in ecology who designed the plan.

    “If we can test a birth control method and find it safe and effective, there’s a possibility of it being a breakthrough method in both urban and suburban areas,” she said.

    I’m sure the Christians would rather they train the squirrels about natural family planning.

  • On to the Big O.  Nope not that kind. (Geeeeeez.  Parents read this blog!)  No, not Obama. (Good guess though.) I’m actually talking about Oprah.  The lady’s got it going on.  There are talks that O might not renew her talk show in 2011!  THE HORROR.  That gives us just three short years left with her.  TiVO that shiz now, people.  Or don’t, because it will run more in syndication than the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.  Oprah’s getting her own TV network.  Boringly called the Oprah Winfrey Network, or hilariously and appropriately nicknamed, OWN.  Oprah owns your soul.  One might go so far as to say she PWNS you.
  • This is a good one!  There was a brawl in Jerusalem today.  Sadly, that alone means nothing.  But the devil is in the details.  IT WAS BETWEEN MONKS.  (Get it?  Devil in the details?  Monks? Religion?  Uhh…) Yes, monks.  Rival monks!  The Armenian monks and the Greek monks.  This is better than West Side Story. Snap, snap, snap.  The cops had to come break it up!  Apparently these fights happen a lot.  Oh, and when you go to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, make sure you wear your neutral gang colors.  FYI the Armenians wear pink and red and the Greeks wear black.  From the AP:

    The brawling began during a procession of Armenian clergymen commemorating the 4th-century discovery of the cross believed to have been used to crucify Jesus.

    The Greeks objected to the march without one of their monks present, fearing that otherwise, the procession would subvert their own claim to the Edicule — the ancient structure built on what is believed to be the tomb of Jesus — and give the Armenians a claim to the site.

    The Armenians refused, and when they tried to march the Greek Orthodox monks blocked their way, sparking the brawl.

  • Illinois is hoping for a tourism bump due to Barack’s win.  Really?  Well alright.  Walsh, I’ll see you soon.
  • Ohhh the Onion.  Always makes me chuckle.  I can totally picture this story on Fox though.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under animals, blogging, celebrities, humor, news, politics, pop culture, random, religion, sex, travel, TV, YouTube

vote vote vote for barack obama!

Dear readers,

It’s me, Kathleen.  Your long lost blogger.  I have not posted in a very long time and what I have posted in recent weeks has been fairly weak.  But that’s because I’ve been working to save the Constitution…no big deal.  Today, I hope you go vote for Barack Obama.  He’s a good man and he’ll make a wonderful president.  He is someone that understands our story.  He’s one of us. Please look at the pictures Mallory posted.  So vote.  And get your friends to vote.  It really does make the difference this time around.  And I’m going to ask you to take it a step further.  Don’t just vote for the captain, vote for the team.  This means electing the people that are going to help make B’s glorious vision a reality.  I’m talking about your House and Senate races here, people.

Today is going to be historic.  I cannot wait to wake up tomorrow and know that the world is a better place.

Catch you on the flip side.  I’m off to the polls.

xoxo,

Kathleen

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Filed under blogging, history, news, politics, pop culture, random, thoughts

mccain for president, says ken layne.

My friends, you must read this. Ken Layne is my favorite Wonkette boyfriend and he is a genius:

This first decade of the 21st Century has not been very good for America. We have been terrorized at home, humiliated in war, humbled by Asia, surpassed by Europe, invaded by Mexico and laughed at by Canada.

We are also so much sicker and sadder and poorer than we were eight years ago.

The question, on November 4, is this: Are we man enough, as a nation, to admit things are just going to keep getting worse? Can we finally grimace into our national mirror and admit that we need someone to finish the job? Then let’s make John McCain, and then Sarah Palin, our president(s). Let’s do this right!

Experts say the United States is like a bus full of enraged cows teetering on the edge of a sea cliff, with swarms of bloodthirsty sharks circling the waters below. Tragically, the frightened and confused livestock are unable to tilt the bus over the cliff by themselves.

We can’t afford to prolong the misery. We can’t afford to elect some pie-in-the-sky character who appeals to our better instincts. We can’t afford to put aside ignorance and poverty.

We need to be pushed over that ledge.

John McCain for pre — okay I can’t even type that line, but you get the point.

[Posted by Mallory]

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free tacos and stomach aches today!

A SWTCTW public service announcement:  Save the 89 cents!  It’s free Taco Day at Taco Bell until 6 p.m.! Despite the inevitable tummy ache, I’m all for some T-Bell.  I’m going to get mine now. Get yours.

Don’t say this blog never did anything for you.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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