Category Archives: random

by | August 4, 2008 · 2:36 pm

happy birthday future president barack obama!

Happy birthday Barack! Our presumptive Democratic nominee is 47 years old today. And he’s on the campaign trail, doing his thing. I bet I know what his birthday wish will be when he blows out the candles on his cake tonight.

A new grill for the backyard, duh.

But instead of taking today off, Obama is actually giving voters a present. At 11 a.m. today, he will unveil his new energy plan. So look for livestreaming online or flip on your teeevee. Hooray!

A lot of people are taking this opportunity to juxtapose B’s youth with John’s lack of youth. The WSJ has a semi-interactive graphic about the age gap. I’ll admit, I take a few cheap shots about McCain’s age. But the truth is, if my party’s nominee was that age and I felt he was the right person to do the job then it wouldn’t matter. Age has nothing to do with why I think Barack is ready to lead–it’s his positions on the issues. So take that.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BARACK! YOU’LL BE A GREAT PRESIDENT.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | August 2, 2008 · 1:26 pm

youtube clip of today: mr. personality.

Oh Alan Gillett. This is pretty painful, dude–yet scarily entertaining. It’s like looking at something terrible. You want to look away, but you just can’t. Because that’s human nature.

My favorite part is literally the first few seconds before the music starts. You can just feel that something good is coming, and Mr. Personality himself does not disappoint! Sure, the looks from the crowd are entertaining, but Alan manages to keep himself the star of this clip. In a way, he brings me back to my childhood: his singing voice sounds like Ernie of the infamous hetero-lifemates Bert and Ernie, and he dances like a three year old at a Raffi concert rocking out to Baby Beluga. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. I bet he won this talent show.

Alan, I appreciate you. And we need more people with your kind of personality to shake things up. And put more good videos on YouTube.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | August 1, 2008 · 8:40 pm

high heeled crocs? my eyes bleed.

At SWTCTW we reserve the right to rant about things have no real relevance other than just being fugly or annoying. So here’s a little rant. And before I start, let me be the first to admit that I own a pair of Crocs. They’re baby blue (I know that doesn’t make it better, perhaps even worse? Haha) and perfect for what I used them for– getting from my dorm room to the hall bathroom or laundry room. They were never a fashion statement. And they shouldn’t be. But what the Crocs company has done now, however, is unforgivable. They have just gone too far this time and I won’t stand for it anymore! Are you ready? Feast your eager eyes on these!

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! There are no excuses. How can you possibly justify wearing these? Oh, I need to be comfortable at my best friend’s wedding, so let me just slip on some foam monstrosities with a heel because a heel makes it dressy? Puhlease. Suck it up like the rest of the world. Even the high heels for babies were more attractive than these crimes against humanity. If ever you are given the choice between Crocs high heels or going barefoot, do yourself and everyone else a favor. GO BAREFOOT.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | August 1, 2008 · 4:28 pm

some random news stories you’ll like.

Being that this is my first post of the day, I was going to say good morning, but it’s lunch time now. So I hope you had a good morning and a yummy lunch.

  • You’ve probs heard about the Montauk Monster by now (not to be confused with the Montag Monster, which is obviously Heidi from “The Hills”). Honestly, this thing looks like Satan’s deformed lap dog and would totally beat out any Chinese Crested Hairless for the world’s ugliest dog competition. Perhaps it can be entered next year posthumously? Anyway, this creature is quite the beast. I’ve been like the freaking Nancy Drew of the internet stalking this thing. Here’s the best news source I can come up with: an interview with the three girls that found it. First aliens, now this? I’m never leaving my bed again. For reallllls.
  • Surprise, surprise! The jobless rate (“Jobless”, by the way is a nickname a friend of mine gave me. He’s a meanie.) is now up to 5.7% for the month of July–which is a four-year high. But wait…we couldn’t possibly be in any sort of recession, right? Remember what McCain’s buddy said? It’s all in our heads. Now, I don’t have the numbers on this, but I’m going to go out on a limb and make a bold statement. As the unemployment rate rises, so does the number of bloggers. Yeah, I’d put some money on that.
  • OMFG, the grown ups don’t like Gossip Girl. There’s sex, drugs and drinking in it. In high school! GASP. Without going to school for millions of years and having a Ph.D, let me clear this up for anyone that is confused. GG is to teenagers what soap operas is to 50 year old women who have time to watch the teevee all morning and afternoon. People live vicariously through this stuff, and you’re a dumb-dumb if you don’t recognize that. Trust me, not all high schoolers are having good sex. You know you love me. Xoxo, Gossip girl.
  • Bon Jovi kind of saved Bill Clinton. Oh man, I don’t want to quote Bon Jovi songs and make bad jokes, so I’m going to spare myself the humiliation. Read the story if you care.
  • Watch out Segway, Toyota now has the Winglet. And it looks cooler. Oh man, if you’re in DC look out for the Segway tours. Those people look ridiculous. Hmm…I wonder if Bush can fall off of this too? Most likely. And, because it’s a Toyota, it probably gets better gas mileage. Question, is there enough space to put a tree-hugging, granola eating democratic bumper sticker on it? And does it have an iPod adapter built in?
  • First, people try and deprive the poor of the social services they so desperately need. Now, they’re trying to deprive the less fortunate of a cheeseburger from Mickey D’s. IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD?! Read this article and let me know what you think. No, that’s not fast food I smell, it’s racism. Or rather, as blog God Christian Lander (My hero! Sigh) put it so delicately, white people knowing what’s best for poor people.

Okay, that’s all I got…for now. Stay busy at work, fools! I will continue to blog.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 30, 2008 · 5:41 am

kerry’s not just a democratic partier.

Our former Democratic presidential nominee, Sen. John Kerry is also a real partier. Or so these pictures, dug up by TMZ, would suggest. But here’s the thing–I don’t believe what the pictures suggest.

Because let’s face it, if you’re black out drunk and you run into anyone, and I mean ANYONE you know, you’re going to make them take pictures with you. And they, by default, will appear plastered as well. If you don’t believe me, please refer to Mallory’s cry face photos. I don’t know how to put this delicately, but John Kerry also has a permanent case of the drunk eyes. It’s not his fault. So basically, I believe the statement from his office:

“As Sen. Kerry and two friends left dinner at the Straight Warf restaurant on Nantucket and walked down the dock, a large group on a boat recognized Senator Kerry and asked if they could have a photo taken. The group came off the boat and onto the dock, took a photo with Sen. Kerry and his friends, and then Sen. Kerry and his two friends immediately walked away. End of story.”

These biddies, according to TMZ, are sophomores and juniors in college. But they’re also constituents! And, it has been reported, one of them was drinking out of a (gasp!) penis straw. Sophomores and juniors, you say? Yeah, that sounds about right.

So here are some of the pictures. What do you think?

The girl in the green dress has made a spectacular collegiate showing in these photos. I’d personally like to extend my congratulations and sheer appreciation that she wisely chose to wear underwear that night. I’d also like to send my condolences to you, dear girl, because now everybody that goes on the internet knows you’re a sloppy drunk/the annoying girl that makes dumb faces in EVERY FREAKING PHOTO. (You all know the kind of girl I’m talking about.)

So despite thinking the photos aren’t that big of a deal, please, make all the jokes you want, because John Kerry looks like real Democratic, um, donkey. (Read: he looks like a huge ass.) These pict-chas are hysterical. If this was me and my girrrrrrls, helllllz yeah, I wouldn’t just Facebook ’em, I’d tag ’em too! Which means I’m serious.

And here is my final thought. Even if he is partying with a bunch of college sluts like a huge douche, whatever. At least he’s partying. Because we all know the Republican party is neither a republic, nor a party. Discuss amongst yourselves.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 29, 2008 · 8:09 pm

just six words and a picture.

The Katie Jane Tracy 22nd birthday edition!

You’re worth more than 1,000 words.

Happy birthday, KTray. One more thing:

[Posted with love from Kathleen and Mallory]

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by | July 29, 2008 · 7:33 pm

a random roundup of recent news.

Hello, faithful readers! Let’s take a look at what’s going on in the world in brief, easy-to-digest tidbits. In no particular order…

  • Bono has been named the godfather of Brangelina’s new babies. Which is exciting, except that godparents don’t really do anything. [Rediff]
  • Wikipedia will soon be obsolete because Google just introduced their own, more legit online encyclopedia thinger: Google Knol. (I must say, they really dropped the ball on the name.) Now, when you want to avoid sifting though microfiches or — gasp! — books, you can get info about Joseph Stalin from an actual historian, instead of from that stoned kid in Oregon who got bored and decided to add facts like “He was a phenomenal dancer” to Stalin’s Wikipedia page. [ZDNet]
  • According to the folks over at book publisher Hachette, the cassette tape is officially dead. (They had a funeral for the tape. Seriously.) But how can it be dead when I still have a humongous radio in my room with not one but TWO cassette decks so that I can get all fancy and record from one to the other? HUH?! I will never give up my Ace of Base tapes. Never. [New York Times]
  • LifeStyles Condoms reportedly offered Miley Cyrus $1 million to be their rep. Poor Miley just can’t get a break. [AOL News]
  • Senator Ted Stevens was indicted today on “seven counts of failing to disclose thousands of dollars in services he received from a company that helped renovate his home.” Sometimes a guy just needs a wraparound deck and a new grill. [MSNBC]
  • Barack Obama and potential veep Governor Tim Kaine, of Virginia, are getting all hot and heavy, but in a secret way. [CNN]
  • Online game Scrabulous has been shut down “in the face of a lawsuit contending the game infringed on Hasbro’s copyrighted Scrabble game.” Uh oh. I never played Scrabulous, but I know a bunch of people who were obsessed and will be quite upset by this news. Back to Minesweeper, I guess. [The Mercury News]

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | July 29, 2008 · 6:26 pm

wonkette says pop, so i win.

You know the age-old debate of pop vs. soda vs. coke? Well, it’s over, because Wonkette says “pop.” See for yourself in this article on the interesting antics of Chuck Stepanek, a former Republican candidate for the Nebraska state legislature:

“According to court records, police say Stepanek drove under the influence of marijuana in Lincoln on May 29, 2007. Police said he was seen naked at a convenience store near South 27th Street buying a pop, then later at the Sid Dillon car lot, before getting into his car again and driving it into a light pole.”

Okay. I maybe just realized that the “pop” comment was actually from a quote from the local Lincoln paper, which makes sense, because Midwesterners and Coloradans like me (who are NOT Midwesterners, thankyouverymuch) tend to say “pop,” you nutty East Coasters tend to say “soda,” and the truly crazy Southerners say “coke” (which must really anger those Pepsi people). So actually this whole post is a big lie.

Still, this debate gets me fired up. I was ecstatic one time when I got to see Joyce Carol Oates read from High Lonesome and she said “pop” instead of “soda” in the excerpt. I was so excited, in fact, that when I went to get my book signed by Oates, I told her that I was thrilled that she said “pop,” and she was all, “Well, yeah, I was trying to make it seemed old-fashioned.” Which does not help my case.

You know what does help my case? This super-scholarly Web site that breaks down the geographic distribution of pop vs. soda vs. coke vs. other. (What could “other” be? Carbonated beverage? Soft drink?) The site’s impressive conclusion at the end of all this is the following:

People who say “Pop” are much, much cooler.

Ha ha! I WIN!

Also, can we talk about how Stepanek got high and then wandered naked into a convenience store? I’m no stranger to spending time in convenience stores (read: 7-Eleven) in an, er, altered state, but naked? I guess I’ll have to work up to that.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | July 29, 2008 · 5:54 pm

have a nice, cold pickle pop.

You know how there was always that weird kid that drank the pickle juice? Maybe it was you, maybe it was me, I don’t know (I was homeschooled, OKAY?!). But God knows I love pickles. Probably as much as pregnant women. No, I’m not prego.

So here’s a theory: if you take something you really love, and turn it into something else you really love, like a popsicle, it’s sure to be a success right? I mean, the beer pops sure are. So watch out eager world, here comes the treat we’ve been waiting for–Bob’s Pickle Pops. Gut reaction? Bleh. That’s right, frozen pickle juice that comes in packaging like pop-ice (the pesky little plastic ones that are so freaking hard to open). Imagine having pickle pops thrown into a cooler of pop-ices. “Oooh! Oooh! I want the green one!” Seconds later, gagging and vomiting ensue. Check out the Web site for the frozen pickle juice–it’s quite tacky and entertaining. Mal, the font on the Web site might beat out Comic Sans for the worst font of all time. Plus, I think it was once the font for my AIM when I was like 13.

And here’s something kind of funny. These were originally named Pickle Sickles (GROSS), and the mascot (is that what you would call it? Animated spokesman?) was named Pickle Sickle Tex. Now, my selective dyslexia (essentially, I read what I want to read) read that as Pickle Tickle Sex. Hmm. Interesting. I have a sick mind, get over it. And don’t act like you weren’t thinking the same things.

If you try these pickle treats, which are currently being promoted at public schools everywhere, let me know. Because the weird kid that drinks pickle juice that is still in there deep down is dying to know.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 29, 2008 · 12:38 am

hippity hoppity happy birthday beatrix potter.

Birthday shout out to my girrrrrrl, Beatrix Potter! She would be a rocking 142 years old today. Besides having a really cool name, she wrote some of the best children’s literature out there. Most notably, The Tale of Peter Rabbit. An epic story that, in my mind, rivals Homer’s “The Odyssey”.

Read it here.

And today is also Jackie O’s birthday. She would be 79. Here are some stunning pictures of her, as if you didn’t already know she was a knock-out:


Rawr.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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