Monthly Archives: October 2008

by | October 16, 2008 · 1:52 pm

ernie chambers sues god, gets smited.

According to the AP, Ernie Chambers,  a state senator from Nebraska, filed a permanent injunction against God. Why in all of God’s great goodness would he do a thing like that?

He said God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”

And what do you think happened to him?  Locusts, struck down by lightening, etc.  The usual.  Okay so God didn’t smite him, but Ernie C’s lawsuit against God was thrown out by the judge.  Why?  Because God doesn’t have an address, duh.  Judge Marlon Park said, “Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice”

But Ernie the heretic went to law school.  (But never took the bar exam.) So he had a response to that too– “Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit.”  Well played, Ernie.

Apparently Ernie is a rebel in the state senate.  He doesn’t go to morning prayer.  If Ernie was a Catholic school girl, he’d totally be the slut that rolled her skirt.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | October 16, 2008 · 12:56 pm

milk: a quest for everybody’s rights.

I cannot wait to see Milk.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | October 16, 2008 · 2:08 am

really, bravo? finale during the debate?

Project Runway Spoiler Alert…

Okay, so I am a bad American and was switching back and forth between Project Runway and the debate tonight (John shut up about Joe the Plumber…Joe the Plumber doesn’t make $250k per year). Now, I thought Kenley had the best collection tonight, which isn’t to say that I didn’t love Korto and Leanne’s collections. I have loved all three of them from the beginning, personal style included. But JESUS CHRIST Leanne, could you have WASHED YOUR HAIR for the finale? YOUR FIRST RUNWAY SHOW EVER? I get it, Leanne. I have hair like you. Hair that needs to be washed every day. And here’s what I do to combat that: I wash my hair every day. Consider it.

And while we’re chatting, Leanne, please know that you had a lovely (if monotonous) collection, and that I cried more than you did when you won.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | October 15, 2008 · 10:55 pm

come on colin, help barack out.

Colin Powell, everyone’s favorite good guy who worked for the bad guys, might endorse Santo Barack O.  Like Tony the Tiger would say, that’s grrrrrrrrrreat!  Everyone and their mother is speculating as to when (but if I had to guess, I’d say tomorrow and he says that Barack’s performance in tonight’s debates compelled him to endorse) and looking for clues.  But Fox News’ America’s Election HQ (why would you go anywhere else for news?!) has the clue to end all clues.  Here is their headline and sub-headline, I shiz you not.

Hip-Hop-Dancing Colin Powell Fuels Speculation He’ll Endorse Obama
Colin Powell showed off his hip-hop moves at an ‘Africa Rising’ celebration in London Tuesday, fueling speculation that the former secretary of state is about to endorse Barack Obama for president.

He hip-hop danced! That means he’s black!  Which means he’s definitely endorsing Obama!

Along with the sure to be Pulitzer winning investigative journalism, Fox also provided pictures of Gen. Powell engaging in practices that surely indicate his intentions to endorse Barry.

Look at him. LOOK AT HIM.  He’s been tainted by HOPE.

Posessed by CHANGE:

Colin, welcome into the loving arms of the Democrats.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | October 15, 2008 · 3:27 pm

just cold cry-facin’ at my boyfriend.

It’s Hump Day Cry Face time! So yesterday, my “friend,” we’ll call him “Joe,” tried to tell me that the Cry Face was really a laughing face. And I was all, “Dude, have you ever seen a human laugh? That ain’t a laughing face.” Then he tried to argue with me and I told him that I would KNOW because I am the CREATOR of Cry Face. He then continued to say mean things to me and now I hate him.

(I’m mostly kidding. I mean Joe IS one of our regular readers, and I don’t want to alienate any regular readers. )

But speaking of Cry Face, let me tell you about my friend Selia. I’m using the term friend loosely here, mostly to mean “someone that I have a creepy Cry Face-related connection with even though I’ve never actually met her.” Weird, right? We’re like secret cyberspace heterosexual Cry Face girlfriends. Anyway. Selia is one of the proudest and best Cry Face ambassadors, and she has been dutifully spreading the CF all over the world. She’s here on the right:

Here’s to you, Selia. You deserve one million whore diamonds.

Now I’ll get back to “work,” or checking my email while staring across the room at my Library Boyfriend.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | October 15, 2008 · 1:33 pm

some humor for your hump day.

Okay, okay.  So it’s no Hump Day Cry Face.  But this video should make you feel a leeeeeeetle better.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

It gets better each time.  I love the “Oh God. NO NO NO!”  Thanks, Collegehumor.com.  Even though I’m no longer in college, my humor has not matured.

If that video didn’t help you out and you’re still Cranky McCrankster, have no fear.  Just tell people that you are participating in National Grouch Day.  Which, according to Sesame Street Magazine, today is.

“A Grouch’s mission in life is to be as miserable and grouchy as possible, and pass that feeling on to everyone else. Only then will a Grouch feel in touch with his or her world and be happy.”

This post is done, OKAY?  GO AWAY.  NOW LEAVE ME ALONE.

I jest.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | October 14, 2008 · 2:32 pm

talk to your parents about mccain.

Get it?  It’s like an anti-drug commercial?  Teehee.

And my obsession with Blake Lively thrives.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | October 13, 2008 · 9:32 pm

quote of the day: charles schulz.

Did you know his last name was spelled without a ‘t,’ by the way? Crazy, man. Anyway:

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

Or cold leftover chicken parm eaten while standing in your kitchen. Whatever works.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | October 12, 2008 · 1:08 am

tell me are you that somebody?

Things that are not normal: eating a bean burrito and drinking a margarita by yourself while watching The Princess Diaries, by way of a pregame. Is this what being an adult is? Being forced to drink alone if your roommate is out of town and you happen to want to have a drink before you go out? (And your sister teased you with the idea of a margarita and you gave in?) I just choked on my margarita, by the way. 

I guess for the beginning of the night, it’s just me, my marg, and The Kooks. I don’t like this very much. My goal was to be UBER productive this weekend and not go out much at all. Except I already went out last night, and now, after being in the library all day, I am desperate for human contact. Plus, my friends organized a bar crawl. My life is so hard. 

Other random thoughts brought on by three sips of a strong drink on an empty-ish stomach: 

  • I love the bus.
  • I love Georgetown even more. It may be the greatest place on earth. It’s beautiful, has a cool history, and feels neighborhood-y, but it’s right in a really big, wonderful city.
  • The most attractive people in the world are part Asian.
  • Today I walked by what appeared to be a Fraturday, with shirtless dudes getting hammered and singing “Heyyyy, hey baby (hoo, ha!) I wanna knooooow will you be my girl” and I nearly cried because I’m not exactly allowed to do stuff like that anymore.
  • You can’t buy the Aaliyah song “Are You That Somebody?” on iTunes! (I think I still know EVERY word to that song.)
  • I am babysitting two birds this weekend. Isn’t that strange?
Now just watch the Aaliyah video and stop judging me. Take a shot of tequila or something. And try to figure out why someone thought it was a good idea to put the sound of a baby crying in the background of this song.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | October 10, 2008 · 4:41 am

oh jesus, i am andy bernard.

So, what did you do late Thursday night? Put your passed out little Asian friend to bed at 8:30 p.m. and then stay up watching a cappella videos on YouTube? Oh and was your YouTube somehow in Spanish? That is so weird, because ME TOO!

Um, yeah. Maybe I’m becoming one of those creepy a cappella fanatics. Whatever, I just wrote a cover letter and writing a cover letter will drive a person to extremes like a cappella. My Upper East Side correspondent recommended that I listen to Straight No Chaser’s “Insomniac,” so obviously I listened to it on repeat for like a half hour. I will post a “video” that is really just audio with a TERRIBLE comic sans font title across the screen. Forgive me for that, but the audio is better than in other videos, and please know that I. HATE. COMIC. SANS.

Here’s another video of SNC (yeah, I’m using a cappella acronyms, OKAY?) singing Toto’s “Africa”:

I’ve added a new requirement for my future husband. Gentlemen: if any of you are tall and bearded and can cook, play the guitar, and sing, please email sixwordstochangetheworld@gmail.com, care of Mallory.

Finally, here’s Carrie Underwood singing the only other song I’ve ever truly loved in a cappella version. I couldn’t find an a cappella version on YouTube.

And yes, I know that 75% of you probably didn’t watch those videos, but posting them was more fun than editing my cover letter.

[Posted by Mallory]

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