Piper, girrrrrrrrrrrl I know how you feel. I play with hair when I’m listening to boring speeches too. But I typically do not use spit. Whatev.
Watching this video, you kind of have to say “awwww”. It’s really not those poor Palin children’s fault that their mother is an embarrassment to politics.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Since Kathleen is off doing actually important things, you’re stuck with me for liveblogging. You can expect me to have an extremely unsophisticated analysis. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
10:00 — Football is still on. NBC doesn’t care about the Republicans.
10:01 — Ah, there we go. Shot of Palin and Cindy. They’re both wearing shiny suits. Today I had several anxiety attacks thinking about what would happen if John McCain was elected president and then died.
10:05 — Here we go with the video. Ha ha he’s a momma’s boy.
10:06 — Everyone is John McCain’s family was in a war. Had you heard that McCain fought in Vietnam? And he almost died? But he was DESTINED TO BE PRESIDENT. Oh also, he was tortured.
10:07 — Okay, sure, John McCain was once sort of attractive. He spent years in HELL…nice dramatic rhetoric, there.
10:09 — Cindy really does look like an alien. Ha, he’s not in this to support any political party…then why didn’t he act like a real maverick and pick Lieberman?
10:10 — Pictures of babies and old women. He has seven children? I did not know that. Oh wait, I do remember that blonde girl who writes the terrible blog.
10:11 — “The stars are aligned…”? Really? He’s stealing Barry’s “change” word.
10:11 — Wait, did they MENTION that McCain was tortured? In Vietnam? He lived in a BOX, PEOPLE. Ha ha, box. He will keep other people from enduring that box. Sexist!
10:13 — Here he comes. They set aside seven minutes for applause. Hmm. He is wearing a gold tie, which means he hates America.
10:14 — It’s sort of sad that Barry filled Invesco and what ever small St. Paul place this speech is in isn’t even full.
10:14 — Weird, someone in the crowd has a disposable camera.
10:15 — Ha, three minutes and he’s already talking. GREEN SCREEN ALERT. Or wait, is that a lawn?
10:16 — “USA! USA! USA!”
10:16 — Surprise surprise, he accepts the nomination.
10:16 — Reference to Bush, but he quickly ties it to 9/11. Good save, Johnny.
10:17 — His signs so aren’t as cool as Barry’s.
10:18 — “I’m indebted to my robot wife Cindy, whom I selected once my other wife got crippled.”
10:18 — Cindy ALMOST looks like she might cry. She has really thin lips.
10:19 — McCain’s mom is sort of adorable. I like her big blue earrings.
10:21 — Says some nice things about Barry. Can they PLEASE stop chanting USA?
10:22 — McCain holds his shoulders awkwardly as he promises to win the election.
10:23 — AH A CRAZY WOMAN JUST RUSHED THE STAGE! No one knows what to do! This is amazing! Wait is that a Code Pinker? McCain calms them down with his creepy laugh. I think there are two crazy women. One in a suit, one in a weird pink satin shirt with writing on it. Hmm.
10:24 — He seems to be annoyed that they keep chanting “USA.” He could use some Crest White Strips. They’re only like $17 now.
10:25 — Everyone loves Sarah Palin. Did he just pronounce her name wrong?
10:25 — “I want to thank everyone in American for ignoring Sarah’s lack of experience and instead focusing on the fact that she’s sort of hot.”
10:26 — Shot of the Palin kids. Ah, there’s Bristol. Where’s hot hot baby daddy Levi?
10:27 — He can’t wait to introduce Palin to Washington because SHE’S BASICALLY NEVER BEEN THERE BEFORE.
10:27 — “Change is coming.” Seriously dude, that’s basically plagarism.
10:29 — “Heh heh. Did I mention I’ve been called a maverick?” Ha, someone’s McCain-Palin sign is upside-down.
10:31 — I still get email updates about concerts coming to Denver, and I get really angry when there are good people coming when I’m not there. Anyone want to fly me out to Denver on October 16 to see Conor Oberst?
10:32 — THE Georgetown bar is “hoppin,” according to my roommate. I wish I was liveblogging this from a bar.
10:33 — Okay, so he talked about Iraq for a while, but so far this speech seems kind of fluffy.
10:33 — Ooh here come the personal sob stories. Aw, a dad is crying.
10:34 — McCain wears a bracelet of a young man who died in Iraq. The kid’s parents look so sad.
10:36 — He promises to get back to basics. Shot of a kid with a phallic elephant hat on his head.
10:36 — American Dream rhetoric. “We’re all God’s children, and we’re all Americans.”
10:37 — Rattles off the romantic reasons that people like my dad are Republicans. Too bad that’s quite far from reality.
10:38 — He’ll give us a government that doesn’t make our choices for us, but rather lets us make more choices for ourselves. They’re booing Obama. WATCH IT PEOPLE WE LOVE BARRY.
10:39 — I wonder who all those people in the straw hats are.
10:41 — Do I want to go watch this speech at my roommate’s boyfriend’s house and eat ice cream? Hmmm.
10:42 — “Something related to education is the civil rights movement of this century.” Interesting analogy. I might have said that the GLBT movement is the most important civil rights issue right now. Not that education’s not important, but you know…
10:44 — People are yawning. I am too.
10:45 — Did Palin get new glasses?
10:45 — “We will drill off-shore and we will drill NOW!” Someone is holding up an “Environmentalists for McCain” sign. Really? Did they notice that Palin doesn’t believe humans are responsible for global warming?
10:46 — Stop making fun of Barry; we all know off-shore drilling isn’t a long-term option.
10:47 — “We must see the threats to peace and liberty in our time clearly.” True, let’s do that.
10:48 — “Iran is evil. So is Russia.” But I don’t understand…I have a REALLY adorable teacher from Iran. He wears bow ties.
10:49 — “I’m not afraid; I’m prepared. I know how the military works…yada yada.”
10:50 — My roommate just left. She took the ice cream. Now I’m bored and lonely again with no one but McCain to keep me company.
10:51 — Okay, he spoke sort of eloquently there about war and peace and keeping us safe.
10:52 — I don’t think I’m very good at liveblogging. I’m exceptionally bored and don’t have anything insightful to say. I wish I had something delicious to snack on. Let’s see what Wonkette just liveblogged: “He’s like, I will not send Young People To Die for no good reason. And yet… just… and yet.” Dear Wonkette, I love you.
10:53 — “I WAS IN A WAR, REMEMBER? THAT BLACK GUY WASN’T.”
10:54 — Girl with yellow eyeshadow cries.
10:55 — Ooh valuable life lesson time. Oh, shocker, it’s about how he was in the war. “Vietnam Vietnam…torture torture torture…I was a maverick…I was shot down…and remember, I was tortured!!!” Two other soldiers he was with took care of him and saved his life. That does make me feel sort of warm and fuzzy inside.
11:02 — “We’ve gotta fight for our right to party.” Okay he didn’t really say that. Now he’s talking like a robot through the cheers of the crowd. Ha, they, they worked in a shot of a guy wearing a yarmulke and a black woman right at the end. Republicans are so diverse!
11:05 — Phew, it’s over. What is that music at the end? Oh, it’s really bad, tacky country music, that’s what.
11:07 — The balloons just dropped, awkwardly late. What is this, THE PROM?! (Zing!)
Okay I’m finished with this. Hopefully Kathleen will be back tomorrow with some legitimate commentary.
[Posted by Mallory]
I’m not even sure how to analyze this New York Times article, but I think you should read it. It’s about a shrine that was recently built in Lebanon to honor terrorist suspect Imad Mugniyah. Here’s an excerpt:
Now, [Hezbollah] has opened an exhibit in this southern town in honor of Mr. Mugniyah, who is widely accused in the West of masterminding devastating bombings, kidnappings and hijackings in the 1980s and ’90s. His stern, bearded face towers over the transformed parking lot where the exhibit is taking place, along with banners exalting him as “the leader of the two victories” — the Israeli withdrawal from southern Lebanon in 2000 and the 2006 summer war with Israel.
The presentation, which opened Aug. 15, is Hezbollah’s most ambitious multimedia exhibit to date, meant to dramatize the group’s bitter conflict with Israel on the second anniversary of their latest war. Schoolchildren pour in throughout the day, absorbing the carefully honed message of heroic resistance. At night, light and laser shows illuminate the weaponry and tanks, and overflow crowds have been keeping it open until after 1 a.m.
At first glance, the exhibit could almost be taken for an outdoor children’s museum. The green entrance awning is a huge replica of Mr. Mugniyah’s signature cap, and visitors then cross a “victory bridge” made partly from artillery shells. But it soon takes on a more grisly cast.
A fake skeleton stands upright in a torn uniform and helmet beneath the legend, “The invincible Israeli soldier.” There are captured Israeli tanks jutting up from the ground at odd angles, their hatches burned and broken. As visitors crowd from one display to another, a soundtrack blares overhead, mixing the sounds of bombs and machine-gun fire with mournful operatic voices and warlike speeches.
Creepy, right?
[Posted by Mallory]
RIP Don LaFontaine, the man with a voice that made us want to see every movie…even if we didn’t know why. LaFontaine, who was 68, lent his voice to over 5,000 movie trailers and 750,000 teevee spots in a 33 year career. Damnnnnn. I think this is a nice picture.
Here’s Don working his magic in the Geico commerical:
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, movies, news, pop culture, random, RIP, YouTube
Well, not exactly. But even if they did, a poodle would have more experience than Sarah Palin. SNAP.
Here’s the real story. Barack and Michelle promised precious Malia and Sasha that after the election they would get a puppy. Aww! So the American Kennel Club held an election–42,000 people voted–to see what breed should be the presidential pup. And the poodle won. Apparently the Obamas have allergies (just like my family! Talk about identity politics…), so that helped narrow down the breeds to choose from. I’ve been following this story for awhile, because the Chinese Crested Hairless was one of the options. For those who know me or have read the blog before, I am the proud owner of a hairless dog. My baby boy, Dr. Seuss, is perfect. Look how cute Chinese Crested puppies are:
Yeah, you want one too. PUT BARACK OBAMA AND A CHINESE CRESTED IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
Oh, and they didn’t hold an election for a pet for old Johnny. This is because he and Cindy already have–I am not making this up–24 pets. So that’s 3.4285714 pets per house?
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under animals, news, politics, random, Uncategorized
In the past few days there have been rumors that Sarah Palin’s youngest son, Trig, was actually her grandson, and liberal bloggers like yours truly were loving it. But now the truth is out. According to the latest news from the New York Times, it looks like Trig really is Palin’s son, but that Palin’s 17-year-old daughter, Bristol, is knocked up:
Bristol Palin, one of Alaska Gov. Palin’s five children with her husband, Todd, is about five months pregnant and is going to keep the child and marry the father, the Palins said in a statement released by the campaign of Republican presidential candidate John McCain.
Bristol Palin made the decision on her own to keep the baby, McCain aides said.
According to the McCain campaign, McCain knew about the pregnancy when he selected Palin as his VP but he had “decid[ed] that it did not disqualify the 44-year-old governor in any way.” I find it hard to believe that McCain knew about this situation and still picked Palin. Sure, it doesn’t “disqualify” her, but it sure as hell complicates things. For a hardcore Christian, morals-focused politician to have a 17-year-old pregnant daughter who clearly dallied in premarital sex — the horror! — is so not good for McCain. Which makes me think he really didn’t research this decision much, and instead just made a last-minute decision to choose Palin so that he could shake things up and look like the maverick he claims to be.
Things are looking better and better for our boy B.
[Posted by Mallory]
Everyone has their own way of grieving after a loved one has passed away, but this walks the thin line between “do what you need to do to get by” and “that’s really weird”. I’m just going to say it the bluntest way possible, because I don’t know how else to explain it. You can turn dead people’s ashes into diamonds. Yup. They’re called remembrance diamonds. If this is something you think you might be interested in, a company in Switzerland, called Algordanza, will help you out. Imagine all the awkwardness that this could prompt!
Woman 1: Those diamond earrings you’re wearing are just GORGEOUS! Did your husband buy those for your anniversary?
Woman 2: Oh no! It’s my Great Uncle Walter! He just died a few months ago.
Woman 1: Ahh, I see. So the diamonds are a family heirloom?
Woman 2: No, the diamonds are literally my Great Uncle Walter.
Woman 1: Errr…did you get the sympathy card I sent you a few months back?
And this bling does not come cheap. Reuters gives us a figure around $7,488…sometimes less, sometimes more. Eeek.
So what are people doing with these diamonds? Obviously they turn them into jewelry or keep them in a box. But one widow had a touching idea–mount the diamond into the table where her hubby used to sit at the local pub. Of course! If I’m ever turned into a diamond, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE place me at The Cellar. (If you went to Richmond, you know what I’m talking about.)
So how popular are these things?
In its first year, 2004, the company sold one diamond. These days it is creating about 60 a month, which Brimer attributes to word-of-mouth recommendations and media coverage, as Algordanza does not advertise.
I was discussing this with my manly, bearded friend Neil. Neil, who is pursuing his Masters in Marketing or something weird like that, said he could come up with a good pitch for remembrance diamonds if given some time. The world is waiting, Neil. This should be a toughie. I encourage all readers to think of witty advertising for this and to post it as a comment. Maybe someone could convince Lindsay Lohan to wear one. Or Lil’ Jon can put them in his teeth or something. That’s sure to jumpstart the trend.
As if this couldn’t get creepier, the technology to make diamonds from ashes can also be applied to make synthetic diamonds from other materials…such as hair. SICK.
Bobby Thurman — of Nelson Funeral Service in Arkansas, which offers diamonds to both burial and cremation clients — decided to have LifeGem make a diamond from combined samples of his own and his family’s hair.
“My family will cherish this diamond for generations, and I expect other families will want to do the same,” Thurman said.
I’m expect most families DO NOT want to do the same, Bobby. But whatev.
I’m sorry for the morbid six word title/subject, but I couldn’t let this go by without sharing it. And the title is kind of clever, no?
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under news, pop culture, random, Uncategorized
As much as I want to, I can’t really hate Sarah Palin–oh don’t get me wrong–this has nothing to do with the bonds of sisterhood. I absolutely ABHOR her positions on, well, everything. And her early 90s mall girl bangs. But she is so much fun to write about and make fun of that I can’t help but be slightly appreciative of her very existence. And I’m not alone. It’s like John McCain took his happy pills and threw us all a softball. And leave it up to All-Star Jon Stewart to hit it out of the park. Jon Stewart, you are my hero.
So watch this clip with Jon and Samantha Bee, a self described “Vagina-American” (HAHA!), as she oh-so-sarcastically talks about why she’ll vote for McCain. You will for sure pick up some new anatomical terminology as well. (I’m talking about lady parts. Teehee.)
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Huzzah!
And here is some more Daily Show goodness, brought to my attention by Alicia, our South Korea correspondent. What a warm/appropriate welcome for the RNCers!
PS- I promise I’ll start writing about non-political stuff (aka NOT Sarah Palin) again…
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, crushes, news, politics, pop culture, random, TV, Uncategorized, YouTube
Take a look at this New York Times breakdown of the VP candidates’ positions on the issues. I think it says a lot about Sarah Palin that half of her positions aren’t even filled in. Guess being well-versed in the issues that a national leader deals with wasn’t something that McCain was looking for in his VP choice.
Also, Palin’s children are named Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig. Um, that’s just weird. The youngest son, Trig, has Down syndrome, a fact that Palin has used to bolster her pro-life beliefs. Of course it takes a strong and compassionate person to raise a child with Down’s, but one commenter on Timothy Egan’s opinion article about Palin made a good point: “She’s a woman governor with a newborn. How motherly is that? Who exactly is caring for her child?” And maybe that’s a little harsh, but if she’s going to be exploiting that fact to paint herself as a such a nurturing and relatable woman and mother, it’s worth thinking about. I can’t imagine she’d be doing a ton of hands-on parenting if she held the second-highest office in the country.
McCain’s going to need all the luck he can get.
[Posted by Mallory]
Michael Jackson turns 50 today. Out of sheer classiness, I am going to refrain from making jokes about young boys (but it’s difficult). But I will post his quote:
“I feel very wise and sage, but at the same time very young.”
Wise? Nah. Sage? For sure no. But he feels young? I believe him.
And just for kicks, here’s a slideshow of M.J. through the years. My my my, he’s changed:
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/CelebrityCafePhotos/popup?id=793259
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, news, pop culture, random
six words to change the world. 